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{5}

“Taeng, come on! Let’s go have some fun and party for once! Jessica said she’d meet us there and we can’t keep her waiting!” Xiumin whined, pulling on my arm as I tried to focus on my work. I sighed deeply and swiveled my chair to look at his horrid pouting face.

“You know I don’t party,” I said.

“Dude! Jess is meeting us there! Let’s just go, even if you don’t want to have fun, it’s been like two years since she came here!” Jessica was taking a break from work and visiting California for a little while. It had been many, many months since Xiumin and I last saw the girl and I was excited to see her again but at the same time I really didn’t like parties. “I know you hate crowded places, but you like concerts and they’re very similar! Music, dancing, alcohol, come on! You’ll get hyped!”

“Are you going to keep bothering me until I go with you?” I asked with distaste and he nodded firmly.

“I’ll even call Jess and then you’ll have both of us on your case,” he nodded appreciatively and I groaned.

“Alright, I’ll go. Give me three minutes to change,” I finally agreed and he whooped, running out of the room to wait by the door. Aish, are these guys even worth going out for? But, I had to admit it to myself, I wanted to let go somehow, but a party was not my ideal way. After putting on appropriate clothes, Xiumin dragged me to a nearby house. The place itself looked like it was on acid. There were bright, flashing neon lights and people pouring out of all of the sides. Red cups were bouncing in the air and everyone was screaming. The pavement shook with the bass and feet and yells. Holy mother of God this looks freaking crazy. “Xiumin—!”

“Let’s go find Jessica!” he cut me off and dragged me inside before I could protest further. Immediately, my ears thumped against my head and the heat gripped my skin and refused to let go. Oh my God the inside of this place looks like a damn rave!

“Let me get a drink! I’m gonna need one!” I shouted for him to hear and he nodded, pointing to the kitchen. I slipped my way past the dancing bodies before going for the cooler, knowing it was safe to drink an unopened beer. I grabbed a cold one and used the nearby opener to pop the cap off. As I took a drink, I was shoved into the counter and sputtered out my beverage, coughing.

“Taeng! You actually came!” Jessica screamed, hugging me and I hugged her back instinctively.

“Goddammit, woman! Half of my beer’s gone!” I frowned and took another swig as she laughed. She was still the same woman I met in high school: fun, wistful, blonde.

“Xiumin’s busy dancing like a drunk, you wanna talk outside?” she asked and I nodded. The blonde then pulled out three more beers from the cooler and we walked to the backyard. The patio was empty for some odd reason, the wind blew just right out there. “We have a lot to talk about, but first, is it okay if I bring up Tiffany?” she asked and I gave her a light smile, nodding. We took two lawn chairs and laid down, looking at each other while drinking beers. “Tiff’s been filling me in, how are you feeling? You guys haven’t really gone to talk about your future as a couple and then…it kind of backfired.”

“To be honest it was awful. I want to get married so badly, I want to marry her so badly, but then she shot me down and is sticking by her guns. It reminded me of high school, when she refused to be with me,” I confessed with a heavy heart.

“Tiffany doesn’t want to get married but she’s still madly in love with you, marriage doesn’t matter when it comes to being together for a long time,” Jessica said and I shook my head. I looked toward the dark blue sky and tuned out the EDM.

“I talked to Wooyoung and Xiumin, they both say that we’re not right together,” I told her and Jessica leaned in closer, furrowing her eyebrows. I gripped my beer a little tighter and took another long drink. Oh my God just say it, say what’s on your mind. “I’m afraid that they’re right.”

“You guys have had a relationship for over a decade, romantic or not, you’re just getting cold feet,” she soothed and touched my arm. Tears welled up in my eyes. She’s not a family woman. I’m not in the state to be long distance dating. Are the things they said right? Are they getting in my head?

“I’m so bad at this. I feel like I don’t even know her anymore,” I exhaled and brought my hand to my forehead. “I thought we were perfect, then the flaws are pointed out and I can’t concentrate on anything.”

“Taeng, whatever Wooyoung and Xiumin said are observations. No one, and I really mean it when I say no one, knows Tiffany better than you do. You need to relax, I think your argument knocked you off your game a little bit,” she rubbed my arm and I controlled my emotions, reigning in my tears. I will not cry. I will not cry over Tiffany again. I’m supposed to be passed that stage.

“I just want to be with her,” I mumbled.

“And she wants to be with you, look. She wouldn’t like me showing you this, but I think you really need to see this. She texted me this yesterday,” the wedding organizer pulled out her bedazzled phone and tapped it a few times before showing me a snippet of her conversation with Tiffany.

Sent at 11:15 a.m.

Fany: ur going to cali tomorrow rite?

Sent at 11:17 a.m.

Sica: yes isn’t it 3 in the morning over there

Sent at 11:28 a.m.

Fany: plz talk to tae for me

Fany: i’m so busy and i can’t even text her and she’s at school or work plz talk to her

Fany: i can’t i repeat CANT lose her and what we have and i know i hurt her so badly

Fany: jess i’m freaking out plz let her know that she’s everything

Sent at 11:32 a.m.

Sica: holy are we still in high school

Sica: calm the down I was gonna talk to her without you drama queen-ing the out of it

Sent at 11:46 a.m.

Fany: stfu

I couldn’t help but snort at the end. That’s Tiffany alright. I handed Jessica her phone and found myself slightly smiling. You’re my everything too, Fany-ah. I leaned back in the chair and grinned up at the stars. “Do you feel better?” I looked at my beer and nearly giggled as I peeled away the label.

“Yeah, yeah I feel better,” I nodded and she patted my shoulder. I heard her sigh deeply. I sighed after she did. A party isn’t the right atmosphere to be talking about such sad things. Let’s change the subject. “How’s work?”

“It’s great! Oh my Gosh, Taeng, they’re not kidding when they saw summer is the wedding season, I have at least 6 weddings going on in those three months!” her eyes brightened and Jessica couldn’t stop talking. She was complaining a lot of the time was open, but I could tell that she was so passionate about her job. She liked it so much. “I mean, some of those weddings I’ve helped plan for months, but there are last minute couples who only asked this season! It’s winter and they want it down by like July! They think I’m some fairy!”

“If it makes you feel better, you have the attitude of a witch,” I brought up and she slapped me on the head. “Ow!”

“Watch your mouth you ,” Jessica hissed and I grinned at her. “What about you? How’s interning?”

“It’s okay, sometimes I work short hours, but lately it’s long. Xiumin and I were chosen to supervise a case of teenage patients so we stay back and answer their calls,” I yawned at the thought of staying back until the morning.

“Are they bratty?” she asked.

“No, they’re a bit whiny, but I’m sure we were like that too. They just want to make the best of being injured,” I shrugged a bit. Jessica opened up to say something, but suddenly a certain teenager’s voice came from her lips.

“Taeyeon?!” I looked up and nearly fell out of my seat when Jieun showed up in front of us. What is she doing here?! “Is this a college party?!”

“Yes! What the heck are you doing here?! There’s alcohol and God knows what else you can get into at this party!” I scolded, standing up. Jieun stared at her shoes and I sighed. “Are you alone?”

“I was going to grab Luna’s money because she lives near here but I just kinda…slipped in,” she mumbled and I crossed my arms. Good God she’s nuts.

“Is this one of them?” Jessica asked and I shrugged.

“She’s discharged but visits often,” I explained.

“You must visit a lot, you called Taeyeon by her first name,” Jess noted and Jieun gulped, leaning closer to me.

“Is this your girlfriend?” she asked softly and I laughed out loud, shaking my head. The ship between Jessica and I had long ago sailed, neither of us even thought about it anymore. I just had to brace myself with my knees for that one.

“No! Oh, no, this isn’t my girlfriend,” I said after calming down.

“Wow, you know about Tiffany?” my old high school friend stood up and Jieun nodded. The blonde gave me a look and I gave one back to her. Don’t look at me like that.

“Jieun, you’re a minor, you shouldn’t be here. Let me take you back home or to the hospital,” I offered and she nodded obediently. “Go grab money and avoid all of the partiers, I’ll meet you in front of the house in five minutes.”

“Sure thing, Taeyeon,” she ran off and I dropped back down to Jessica with a sigh. This supervising thing never ends.

“You sure you can drive? You had a couple of beers,” Jessica reminded and I hummed, rubbing my eyes for effect.

“I’ll be okay, I promise. I’m done drinking for tonight and the whole city’s here, there’s no one else on the road,” I joked and she smiled.

“Okay, drive safely. And by the way, you’re lucky Tiff wasn’t here to see that,” she noted while sipping her beer. I rolled my eyes.

“I love Tiffany to the bottom of my heart and Jieun’s a minor,” I said as a matter-of-factly and danced my way through the crowd to get to the front of the house. I waved Jieun over and brought her over to my car.

“Wow! This is your car?!” she exclaimed, running around and taking in long looks at my sparkling silver Hummer. My grandparents bought me the car of my dreams when I got into the university of my dreams on a scholarship.

“Yup, like it?” I smirked when she nodded, agape. “Get in, I’ll take you to the hospital,” I said and jumped into the driver’s seat. Before leaving I made sure Jieun had her seatbelt on and started up on the road.

“Seriously, this car does not look like you. It’s so badass and it takes in gas like nobody’s business!” the teen said and I shrugged, keeping my eyes on the road and my hands on the wheel.

“I’m badass,” I murmured and she snickered. “Shut up.”

“Was Doctor X there?” Jieun asked about Xiumin and I nodded.

“He was tearing up the dance floor,” I told her and she laughed, clapping her hands. It’s like Tiffany.

“Of course he would! Oh, Taeyeon, who was the girl you were with? She seems close to you,” she noted.

“Another high school friend, Jessica. She lives in another state and is a boss wedding coordinator, she’s like my cousin more than my friend,” I added.

“You have a lot of great relationships from high school,” Jieun said softly and I smiled with a nod.

“High school with all of the grades and social pressures and finding yourself stuck in , but my best relationships come from my high school experience. I would’ve never met Tiffany if it wasn’t for high school being a ,” I reminisced and Jieun gently tapped my dashboard. She’s thinking. “How is it for you?”

“It’s good, I try to be well-rounded, but…can I be honest? I feel like doing everything makes it hard to connect on a deeper level with my friends,” she said and I glanced at her, feeling sympathy and empathy pouring into my heart.

“I didn’t become close to my friends until I opened up to them about my uality,” I mentioned and she sighed.

“You embrace it really well, it’s hard for others,” she murmured and I blinked a little as I turned right, getting closer to the hospital. Was that an indirect coming out?

“Sometimes you have to be the first one to open up about something personal and let others know you’re willing to be in a more rewarding friendship with them. And as for embracing my uality, no one should be ashamed of it. But, it became too powerful to hold back when I fell in love with Tiffany,” I mumbled and finally, pulled up to the hospital. I set the car into park and got out of my seat, going around opening the door for Jieun. She blinked in surprise but I still helped her down nonetheless. I used to open the car door for Tiffany all the time until she told me not to anymore. I kind of missed it, for some odd reason. “Get up there quickly; I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

“Thanks Taeyeon,” she smiled and I waved as she walked into the hospital. I waited until she walked inside to get back into my car. I looked through my windshield at the stars and started my car. Is this what being a doctor to teenagers is like? Or am I worrying too much about her?