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{8}

Tiffany used to be easy to wake up when we were in high school. If you just called her out she’d sit up and get out of bed. Ever since she started training it was harder to get her up and even more so after she became an idol. I liked seeing her in a new, sleepy light. She became even cuter that way. By the time I came back to my aunt’s house my parking spot was stolen and I was forced to park my car a few houses down. I glanced at Tiffany, who still slept with my hand in hers. She had already prepped in the plane, I could tell, since she had on makeup and fixed her hair. She always hoped to make a good impression on them. I brushed her jawline with my thumb and she furrowed her eyebrows a little, like a rabbit. God you’re too cute for words. I slipped my hand out of her grip and went around the car, opening her door and unbuckling her seatbelt. “Hun, we’re here. Wake up, Baby,” I encouraged but she whined. “Fany-ah, they’re expecting you. We can stay in here for a little bit but we have to go in some time soon.”

“Babe, I can barely think,” she groaned, rubbing her eyes and I chuckled. She lazily felt around her bag with closed eyes before pulling out a bottle of mist and she gave it to me. “Don’t tell me when you’re spraying it, but please wake me up.”

“You can’t be serious,” I laughed and she tiredly swatted her hand around for my face.

“Just do it—.” I took the chance and sprayed the mist in her face, making her scream and flail around. I laughed again as she wiped down her cheeks and she frowned at me.

“Hey, you told me to do it,” I smiled and she sighed as I helped her out of the car. “Ready?”

“I never am ready for your guys’ ,” she confessed and I kissed her cheek, taking her hand in mine.

“I love you,” I said and she kissed my cheek.

“I love you too, now, let’s get in there,” she sighed and I helped her walk to the house. I brought her closer to me as we walked up the stairs.

“We’ll talk when things get quieter,” I added and she hummed while I opened up the door to shouts and playful arguing.

“Aunt Taeng! Auntie Tiff!” one of my younger nephews jumped into my arms and I laughed, twirling him around by his arms.

“Gosh, Jae you’re so cute!” I grinned and rubbed his hair, causing him to giggle. I looked up and saw Tiffany had already run to greet the elders and cousins, leaving me behind. She already knows her way around my family. I stood up straighter and bowed every time I saw an elder, occasionally answering questions about medical school and whether money was an issue or not. Eventually, I saw Tiffany talking to Sunny as they grabbed food from the granite island in the kitchen, set up buffet style. I walked over to them, when suddenly Eunkyu rushed in front of me.

“Hold Min for a second, will you?” she handed me the baby and before I could blink she was gone.

“Yah! Eunkyu!” I shouted and gently bobbed my knees, patting her baby’s back. I leaned away and looked at her face. Aw, you’re a newborn, how can your mother just throw you at me? I then had to leave the dining area, since it was too loud, and settled for a corner in the living room. I supported Min’s neck with one hand and held her little bum with the other. “You’re so cute, and you have so much hair! How adorable,” I cooed, gently kissing her forehead and the little girl giggled, making my heart flutter. “You’re too cute,” I smiled, carefully propping my niece on my shoulder. I looked around and admired the stuffy, crazed atmosphere. My family never changed. I grew older and my relatives grew older, but there were always new babies, children, and teens replacing us. That was the greatest thing about a big family: we were always growing.

“Thanks Taeng, had to find her dad for a second,” Eunkyu sighed and I handed the infant back. “I can find you again when Tiffany’s around.”

“Thanks, Eunkyu,” I nodded and walked over to where Tiffany, Sunny, and Hyoyeon were eating. My girlfriend gently my cousin’s baby bump as I took her plate and spooned in a mouthful of ham and potatoes.

“Yah!” Tiffany smacked my arm and I chewed happily. “Gosh, you didn’t tell me Hyo was pregnant.”

“Mm, how long is it? Second trimester?” I asked and Hyoyeon nodded.

“Yup, this little punk’s been growing for 5 months now,” she reported and Tiffany smiled a little, feeling around Hyoyeon’s stomach.

“How is being pregnant?” Tiffany wondered.

“It’s not bad, really, I don’t get many cravings or morning sickness, that is, as long as I drink lemon water,” she raised her glass and my girlfriend awed. “And I’m not sore or anything, my back hurts a little, but it’s a given.”

“Wow, you’re pretty lucky,” Tiff commented and Hyoyeon grinned.

“Yeah, this guy’s a piece of cake,” she poked her stomach and Sunny scoffed.

“Dude, why are you poking your son?” Sunny frowned and Hyo shrugged.

“Why not?” I sat down and looked at Tiffany, still staring at the upcoming mother. Is she actually intrigued now? I gently wrapped my arms around her and she patted my hand.

“She hasn’t changed even with a child growing inside of her,” Tiffany giggled and I smiled.

“Yeah, I think that’s the best kind of mother, though,” I confessed and kissed her head. You’d be the best kind of mother.

I was sweating when sitting with the children, passing out presents and helping the toddlers open theirs. My cousins called me the “family friend”, since I often jumped from the kids to people my age to the elders. I liked being relatable and having fun with everyone in my family; I just loved the idea of being with all of them. However, because of that instance, I was also bullied by the children. “Yah, yah! P.Q! Get off of me!” I shouted, my three year old niece sitting on my back and giggling adorably as I kicked for freedom.

“Dog pile on Aunt Taeng!” Hyoyeon shouted from nearby. Oh my God I’m going to kill her, maybe after she has the baby. At that jest, I felt multiple babies and children jump and crawl and punch me. I was absolutely trapped underneath their little bodies and I couldn’t even protest. They were children. The more I struggled the more fun they had.

“I can’t see!” I yelled, causing another nephew of mine to laugh and lie down in front of me. I groaned, listening to others who laughed and felt my face starting to get a rug burn.

“Aunt Taeng! Aunt Taeng!” they chanted, bouncing on my back and I groaned even more. Goddammit okay, it hurts and I can’t breathe. I tapped the floor with my hand, signaling that I was done, and eventually all of the children were gone and went to giggle elsewhere. I rolled over on my back and coughed. I closed my eyes, from the discomfort, and opened them up to see Tiffany laughing in my face.

“Oh yeah, laugh at the baby punching bag,” I muttered and she helped me sit up, taking away the button up shirt I had on. The two of us walked away from the present opening area and collapsed on the stairs nearby.

“What? Is Taeyeon upset she got beat up by a bunch of babies?” Tiffany pretended to pout and I frowned, shaking my head. The brunette grinned and kissed my nose. “You’re so cute when you play with them.”

“Really? I’m glad I’m not pitiful,” I noted and rolled up scraps of wrapping paper into balls, stuffing them into my growing bag. Should I start a bag for Tiffany? My heart thumped at the thought of it.

“What’s up with this anyway? Adults always have a giant bag and take the wrapping paper, they basically fight for it,” my girlfriend noticed and I beamed at her.

“It’s a family tradition. When you turn 21 in the family your presents sort of decline if it’s not money, since we still have lots of children who expect presents, the adults roll up the wrapping paper into balls and put them in their own designated bags. We get up early on Christmas day and if it snowed then we head out to the school’s yard nearby and have a wrapping paper ball fight, along with snowballs,” I nodded with a smile and looked back at Tiffany. “Wanna get a bag?”

“Would that be okay? I mean it sounds hella fun but I don’t want to intrude,” she insisted, interlocking our fingers. I smiled even more.

“I’m sure they won’t mind,” I mumbled and kissed her head. No, I just lied, dammit. My family was into traditions, a lot. Since snow on Christmas day was rare in Oregon, there weren’t many instances where we could actually go out and fight each other. It was a strict idea that only family members would go out and do this, unless the relative was married and had a spouse that was cool enough to agree. Usually they were or else my family would’ve never married them. My cousins and older nephews and nieces would probably throw a fit since Tiffany and I weren’t married, but I wanted her in my family really badly. “We can share mine this year.”

“What if it doesn’t snow?” she questioned, looking inside of my bag and pressing the balls of paper tighter together.

“Then we move on, recycle the paper, and start again next year,” I said simply and kissed her cheek. “Wanna gamble?” she laughed out loud at my words, but nodded nonetheless. She’s so perfect.

I was a good kid all my life. I obeyed the rules of my parents and grandparents, I valued family and education above everything else, and I never expressed myself in a negative way. Then, I met Tiffany. I can easily say that she rocked my world, but she didn’t change me. I think there was always a part of me that wanted to rebel a little bit. There was a part of me that wanted to talk back at least once, that wanted to love someone other than a relative or grade, that wanted to taste the freer life. In a way, Tiffany enhanced me and who I was. She exposed my secrets so easily and comfortably. I think that’s why I fell in love with her in the first place, I really do. So, as I was at the dinner table with my aunts, uncles, and cousins and got pissed off over bingo, I was sitting on Tiffany’s lap as she cackled, clapped, and coached me throughout the entire game. Her arms were on my waist and her chin was in my shoulder. She filled up my shot glass whenever I downed one. Tiffany was just right there, behind me. It might’ve been alcohol, but I felt like she was literally meant for me. “Hey Taeng, are you too drunk to hold a baby?” Eunkyu asked, gesturing for me to take Min and I smiled at her.

“Of course not, hand her over,” I insisted and carefully took the baby, softly hushing her when she cried. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, Love. Mom’s coming back,” I whispered, while Tiffany placed another marker over a slot on my board. I felt her lean over my shoulder as Min softened her cries and her arms held my waist tighter. Babies are so precious. “There we go, Minnie.”

“She’s small,” Tiffany commented and I hummed with a soft smile.

“She’s a good kid, I can tell. Stays quiet when I ask her to,” I sighed and brought her onto my shoulder, so my niece stared at Tiffany. They were both quiet but I felt the woman caressing the baby’s cheeks and lightly brushing her fingers over her head. “B2!” I jumped up, holding Min with one arm, and cheered when I got a bingo. “Yeah! Hand me the cash!”

“Shut up, Taeyeon. This game is rigged, I swear to God!” Sunny groaned as I swept the pot of money to my spot, dumping out the bills and coins and putting the bowl back in the middle.

“TaeTae! You have a baby in your arms!” Tiffany hit my back and I looked behind to her with a weary smile. “Let me hold her.” I blinked. What?

“Really?” I clarified and she nodded. I wanted Tiffany to warm up to babies and children, but I didn’t expect her to want to hold a newborn so soon. She’s really going for it. I carefully stood up and handed Min to Tiffany. “One hand for the neck, the other on her back,” I advised and she followed my directions, holding the amazingly quiet baby. I watched as Tiffany’s face lit up and she smiled down at my niece.

“Aw, she’s looking at her auntie,” she cooed as Min continued looking at her and I smiled even more.

“Of course, she’s your niece too,” I mumbled and knelt down so I was eye level with Min, one hand brushed her hair and the other was on Tiffany’s thigh. Half of my mind was on bingo, as I mindlessly covered pieces as they were called out, and the other was still focused on Tiffany. My heart fluttered when I thought of Tiffany being another aunt to my nephews and nieces, another cousin to mine, another member of my outrageous family. She looks so good holding a baby.

“Thanks Tiff! Aw, looks like Min likes you,” Eunkyu noted and Tiffany grinned, handing the child back.

“She’s cute, she has the family’s smile,” she noted and I hopped back on my girlfriend’s lap, getting caught up in another round of bingo.

“Oh my God, time out, smoke break,” Eunhyuk said and stood up with a pack of cigarettes. I was surprised Hyoyeon married a smoker, but so many people in my family smoked, I should’ve seen it coming.

“Coming Taeng?” Dongwan asked, a cigarette already between his lips, and I stood up. Tiffany held my shirt and I looked at her.

“Don’t go outside, I don’t want you smoking,” she said firmly and I held her hand.

“It’s okay, I’m not smoking, I’m just going to get some air. It’s hot in here,” I kissed her head and saw her eyes becoming concerned. “I don’t smoke,” I told her and followed my cousins outside as they polluted the air with their cigarettes. I sat in the corner of the yard where it was clear and took a few deep breaths. It was incredibly hot inside, being out on a December night really helped. Ooh, hopefully I didn’t drink too much.

“No smokes?” Dongwan sat beside me and I held up my hands.

“Don’t want cancer,” I replied and he chuckled bitterly.

“Neither do I, but it’s a habit. I bet you’ll start,” he predicted and I scoffed.

“Just take you and your secondhand smoke over to the other side,” I pointed and kicked him away. He laughed a little bit before leaving me alone. I bit my lip when I saw Eunhyuk smoking. He has a kid on the way, doesn’t he care? I sighed deeply. I couldn’t understand the way some people could have an addiction. Smoking, drinking, doing drugs all had no long term benefits. You couldn’t benefit from having an addiction, but people did it anyway. Family died from smoking, from drinking. We all watched and attended funerals yet they couldn’t get it into their heads.  I would never jeopardize my future family for a simple addiction.

When the clock struck 1:30 AM the house was quiet and the party was over. I was a bit drunk but I still helped my aunt clean up the house and somehow managed to bring up Tiffany’s luggage without tripping over the stairs. “Baby, you work too hard for a drunk,” Tiffany kissed my cheek and I fell onto the bed, groaning into the pillow.

“I’m not a drunk, I’m just kinda drunk,” I replied and she laughed, spooning me easily. I hummed as she rubbed my back and she kissed my nape. “Did you have fun?”

“Of course I did, I always do. You’re so good with the kids, they all love you,” she mumbled and I smiled stupidly. Kids love me.

“You were great with Minnie too,” I added and turned to face her, opening my eyes so I could just barely make out her silhouette. I love you. “When we were playing bingo and I sat on your lap I felt…overwhelmed.”

“With what?” she wondered and I smacked my lips together, my head feeling lightheaded.

“I love you,” I muttered and she pecked my lips. “I love you a lot and…uh, to be honest with you I wanted my family to try and persuade you to have kids with me. But! But, Hun, there’s a . Ha, ha! .”

“Babe, you’re adorable, but continue,” she smiled and I racked my brains to find my train of thought. Where was I? Oh! But.

“But I really liked this Christmas; I really liked you being here with my family. And I realized that you’ve always been behind me. Even when you were in Korea you helped me ease into college and loneliness and—and I just love you so much. You…you’re always behind me. I cannot lose you. If you don’t want children, I’m willing to give that up.” I was more than kinda drunk, but in my heart I really meant it, at least for a moment. She stared at me with unreadable eyes – not because they were blurry – and she cupped my cheeks with two hands. I stopped breathing for a second.

“I want to be the mother of your children.”