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{22}

Moving into cardiology meant that I had to take a specified course a year before I graduated medical school. Dr. Huang advised that I take the specialized classes after the summer, but that I should start shadowing the resident cardiologists a little more often. It was an ongoing practice of medicine, it was better to understand some things now rather learning everything and more in the future. I brushed up on the basics from textbooks and read tons of documents from the hospital computers of patients that had cardiovascular issues, their diagnoses, and their decided treatments. So many things to remember! I was about to reach up and massage my temples but then a pair of hands that weren’t mine were already doing that. I would’ve started panicking if I wasn’t already familiar with the coarseness of the man’s hands from years of weapon’s training. “Xiumin, this is extremely odd and it’s kind of freaking me out.”

“I know you were gonna do it, how could I pass up the chance to read your mind?” he chuckled and sat down in the chair beside me. I turned to him and he leaned onto my shoulders. “What’s up?”

“Studying, what else?” I said with a groan and he patted my shoulders. “Cannot ing wait until the fall starts.”

“That’s weird, I haven’t heard many people say that before,” Xiumin frowned and I rolled my eyes. “This is also strange, you being on duty while I’m not.”

“Yeah, well, you wanted to take things slow,” I sighed and stood up with a clipboard of papers. “Don’t you have other friends?”

“No,” he deadpanned and followed me. “When you’ve been friends with someone for over ten years, you become kind of dependent on them.”

“I know, I’m dependent on you too,” I confessed and walked into Dr. Gong’s office, setting down some files on his desk before leaving. “I’m still attached to everyone from high school.”

“Funny, we’re both pretty dependent and yet we’re some of the only people who left the state,” he chuckled and I smiled. When we were still in Mr. An’s class, I remember watching Xiumin read a vignette he wrote about his grandparents who were probably an exact replica of mine: over-expectant and unforgiving. In high school everyone thought of him as a lively fighter, if that made sense. He was a weapon’s expert, still is, but back then people never really viewed him as something other than independent and strong. When he read his vignette his eyes watered, being compared to his cousins and never being enough for his family, and it hit me so much because that was the first time I’d ever seen him come close to anything like crying. I turned him away from the rest of the class and hugged him that day.

“We have dreams, Xiumin, the colleges at home wouldn’t have done anything for them,” I scribbled down some notes on a blank sheet of paper and felt my pager buzz. Why does the doctor need me to show around a volunteer? “Dr. Huang is paging; I need to show around a new volunteer. Wanna help?”

“Uh, let’s wait and see,” he chirped, walking after me.

“You’re an idiot,” I noted as we took the stairs to the lobby.

“Hey, I’m almost thirty and not in a relationship, I kind of need to get a move on,” he defended and I couldn’t help but agree.

“Go online, I know a lot of people that benefitted from it,” I suggested as we stepped out of the elevator, only to see him frowning. “What? Jonghyun’s doing it too you know.”

“I just want to try being real, online is a little too sketchy for me,” he shrugged and we both stopped when we saw the new volunteer talking with Dr. Huang.

“Taeyeon! Xiumin!” Jieun smiled and Xiumin pressed his hand to my back, urging me forward. I need to calm down, I just need to stay calm.

“You’re volunteering here? Are you looking into medicine?” I asked but the teen responded with a vague shrug. Oh my God why is she here then?!

“You guys love it, I wanted to try it,” she grinned more.

“Taeyeon, I hope you can show Jieun around the hospital. Xiumin can tag along, even though he’s on break,” Dr. Huang said and I nodded stiffly. “She will be volunteering in the ER so make sure that you’re thorough in there.”

“Sure thing, Doctor. Let’s go, Jieun.”

Xiumin and I both showed the teenager around the hospital, emphasizing patient wards, exam rooms, the ER, and ICU’s. I volunteered at a hospital when I was younger so I could assume that the volunteer work would be similar, interacting with patients, shadowing, communicating with visitors, etc. There wouldn’t be much hands-on stuff. “How long is your required week?”

“Only 5 hours, I’ll probably show up on the weekdays,” she responded.

“You’re in luck, Taeyeon’s one of the few students here over the summer,” Xiumin told her.

“Don’t you guys get a summer break?” she asked with eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m taking the accelerated program to graduate early, I have to work through my summer,” I said, holding the door open for the other two as we made our way to the cafeteria.

“So I’ll be spending some time around you then!” Jieun cheered and I laughed at her little burst of cheeriness. “That’s cool, I won’t be lonely then.”

“Yeah, but you still have responsibilities to fulfill, no matter how small,” I reminded. “You can’t go bouncing from department to department.”

“So then, what departments do you guys work in?” she wondered and Xiumin slung his arm around my neck.

“I’m in oncology while Taeng is working for cardiology, but I’ve seen her in the ER, she’s a diamond in there—.”

“Dude, it’s nothing,” I stopped him and he patted my shoulder with a grin. “They ask sometimes and I go in, it’s not a big deal.”

“The ER physicians love her, she’s so good under pressure,” he praised. It wasn’t like I hated praise, but I always got embarrassed, especially around people I didn’t know too well. I didn’t want anyone thinking that I was capable of something I wasn’t even qualified for.

“Maybe I’ll see you in the ER then,” Jieun said with a smile and I shrugged, although it was most likely going to happen. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Jieun interrupting my work/study space, it happened before, but that was when she was a patient and a visitor. She was a volunteer now; I considered that about a step lower than me, now she was pretty close to me in terms of status. It felt a little odd, but I couldn’t lie and actually liked inspiring her to try out hospital work.

“Uh, you should get going now that we finished showing you around. Head back down to the ER now, in case they need you to do something,” I told Jieun and she nodded, waving on her way out. Once she was out of our sight, I elbowed Xiumin in the ribs.

“Ow!” he hissed and took his arm off of me.

“Don’t be so sugary next time, it’s embarrassing,” I scolded him, walking back to the student area. I heard him following me as I set my things down for lunch.

“What do you do when Tiffany gushes about you all the time?” Xiumin teased and I pushed his shoulder.

“I it up and act cute because she loves it,” I poked him and he burst out laughing. My phone buzzed against my thigh and I looked at it with a smile. Speaking of the devil.

Sent at 12:00 p.m.

Fany: babe r u up yet?

Fany: wait oops it’s like the afternoon over there LOL

“She’s so stupid,” Xiumin clicked his tongue after reading her messages and I chuckled with a nod. “Walk and text, my parents sent me money, let’s go spend it.”

Sent at 12:02 p.m.

Tae: What’s up, Hun? You don’t really text me first.

I stared at the text I just sent. I realized that it was very true, when we talked, a majority of times, it was me reaching out to her. My heart felt a little heavier. I wished we talked more with her starting a conversation. Since it was up to me to keep our connection, I felt uncomfortable a lot. I didn’t want to bother her, but I wanted to talk to her. I missed the days where we talked every day for hours.

Sent at 12:05 p.m.

Fany: i’m on the road for a while…usually i’d be sleeping or going over schedules but i’m awake and my manager’s passed out haha

“Taeng, usual burger?” Xiumin asked and I started typing my reply to Tiffany. I hummed. “And we’ll also take a cheeseburger with tomatoes, lettuce, onions, and mushrooms, no condiments please, with a large side of steak fries.”

“What about drink?” I looked up.

“We’ll share,” he shrugged when he already paid for our meal.

Sent at 12:07 p.m.

Tae: Well, I don’t know if I should tell you where I am…but I will. I’m at Fatburger’s with Xiumin HAHA

Sent at 12:08 p.m.

Fany: dude that sounds so good right now omf i miss my american food ;~; 

Sent at 12:10 p.m.

Tae: I’ll treat you when you come back to me, Hun <3

“Taeng, you eating or nah?” Xiumin snapped his fingers in front of me and I realized that our food had already arrived. I held up my phone and switched to camera.

“Look up, man, I’m gonna show Tiffany,” I told him and he glanced up, taking a menacing bite out of his burger which I took and chuckled at before sending.

Sent at 12:15 p.m.

Fany: you and xiumin can it screw you both

I nearly choked on my burger reading her message, handing it to my college mate while downing his soda. He threw his head back in laughter, clapping his hands until we both calmed down. “Look now your Hun’s pissed at us, calm her down,” he slid my phone back and I wiped off my hands.

Sent at 12:22 p.m.

Tae: Baby, I promise the next time I see you I’ll give you as many kisses as it takes for you to forgive me.

Sent at 12:24 p.m.

Fany: omg that is so tempting how do you know me so well

Sent at 12:24 p.m.

Tae: We’ve known each other for over 12 years it would be a shame if I didn’t know you all that well. We’re also kind of dating, so, that’s something lol

“Let’s start heading back, lunch is almost over,” he told me and I hummed, wrapping up the remains of my burger and following his shadow as I stayed glued to my phone.

Sent at 12:26 p.m.

Fany: “that’s something”?? wow good to know our relationship is only “something” to u

Sent at 12:26 p.m.

Tae: Don’t twist my words around woman. And don’t forget who chased after you into our twenties.

Sent at 12:29 p.m.

Fany: oh yeah it was this really weird, really crazy goody-two-shoes of a best friend i had she just wouldn’t give up

“Taeng, say goodbye to Tiff, you’re back on duty in five minutes and you should finish your burger and clean up,” Xiumin waved his hand over my eyes and I frowned. But I want to talk to Tiffany more. But the doctor would get upset if I pulled out my phone while on the clock and I sighed.

“Go home or visit your parents or something, stop sticking around me like a leech,” I pushed him and he smiled before leaving me to my phone and half eaten burger.

Sent at 12:31 p.m.

Tae: Don’t call me weird or crazy, I gotta get back to things now at the hospital. I’ll talk to you soon Hun, love you <3

Sent at 12:32 p.m.

Fany: ok baby work hard! <3

I tried not to think about it too much but I found myself frowning as I was assigned more paperwork. She didn’t tell me she loved me back…