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{Analysis}

This story took over a year to write and complete. To be honest, it was really hard to think about where I wanted this story to end and what I wanted to include in it. If things in Made were a little bit confusing or you want to see why I did the things I did, then continue reading in the analysis chapter! The relationships will be listed from least to most significance, so I don’t blame you if you want to skip to the end.

Taeyeon + Jieun:

I based Jieun off of a girl that I started developing a crush on. No, she’s not 10 years younger than me, she’s only one year younger. However, it felt like we were in two completely different generations from the way she behaved and the way I did. Jieun was mainly used to incorporate the fact that people sometimes start falling for someone who isn’t in their age group and it’s okay that they do. I try not to judge a couple for their age difference if it’s less than 15 years, but sometimes an age difference will ultimately end a couple, especially since in the end, Jieun realized that Taeyeon was too old for her to be in a relationship with. It’s also noted that Taeyeon saw herself in Jieun which is why she took such good care of the young girl.

I also wanted to say that it’s okay to find someone else attractive if you’re in a relationship. The only thing that matters is when the attraction becomes more than that. Taeyeon never understood that and always felt guilty for finding someone else attractive, as I tried to make obvious in the past. Because of that, she constantly got confused and anxious when she believed that Jieun was attractive and mistook that as something more.

To be honest, I was surprised that a lot of people were expecting Taeyeon to cheat on Tiffany with Jieun. She enjoyed the attention, but never thought about taking things further, as explained in the chapters following the breakup.

Taeyeon + Jessica:

Jessica is pretty much the only friend in Made who was Tiffany’s friend before Taeyeon’s. She was neutral when it came to their arguments – maybe favoring one side more, but who doesn’t – and their breakup. I think that having her around is a little hard on the relationship, especially if both Taeyeon and Tiffany come to her with their problems and thoughts. A friend like Jessica, who’s supposed to be neutral but can’t help but have some bias, gets a lot of pressure, which is also why she wasn’t physically with the couple (along with her job). It’s easier to talk about anything over text.

Some people really wanted Jessica to get together with someone or even seek psychiatric help. I can see the reasoning and concern, but I never thought of doing either of those things, even after the comments were made. I have a lot to say/explain about this part of the story and this may explain some of the elements from Crush.

Firstly, on the topic of Jessica healing and getting with someone else, I believe that people have heal at different paces. For example, I had an uncle who passed away a few years ago. I mourned, but me and my cousins have healed relatively quickly from his death. On the other hand, some of my relatives can’t even see his picture or go to our familial prayers for him because they’re too devastated. Jessica viewed Yuri as someone who was in love with, her first love that ended terribly While Jessica may have come to terms with Yuri’s death, that doesn’t mean she’s ready to start dating. She may never get in a relationship either, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean she’s still holding onto Yuri or anything like that, plenty of people plan to be single for the rest of their lives.

Secondly, Jessica’s actions from that time classify as involuntary manslaughter. I think a lot of people forget that Jessica was extremely intoxicated at the time and did not see the train or the tracks. Her original intention was to push Yuri to make her fall, not to push her in front of an oncoming train. This doesn’t make anything any less incriminating, though. Because of this, I would like to share a statistic: about half of all violent crimes committed in the United States go unreported. I was particularly shocked about this, but I used it to explain why Jessica’s actions aren’t punished and why it’s “normal” that she isn’t.

Thirdly, Taeyeon never yelled at Jessica for “killing” her cousin because it didn’t seem like something she’d do. I based Yuri off of my own cousin, including their own death. My cousin was missing for about a day, no one knew where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with. His remains were found on the train tracks and, due to the mutilation, was assumed to have been hit by the train. They suspected he was under the influence when it happened, but no one was around to witness the accident. My reaction? I didn’t scream, I didn’t wail, I didn’t explode in red hot fury. I cried though, a lot, and I let it sit inside for a long time. I’ve been over it for a while now, but I never felt the need to yell at the cops for not doing their job or at the conductor of God-knows-what train ran over my cousin and never reported it. I let it go and I think people need to realize that letting go isn’t disrespect, it’s freedom.

Taeyeon + Work

I think once we get older, a career and income suddenly become some of our top priorities. Part of the reason Tiffany and Taeyeon didn’t work out was because of both of their professions; neither was willing to cut down time for the other. It shows that both women are devoted to their jobs. The work was consuming and when she was depressed, Taeyeon drowned in it. It became her stress reliever which also shows just how much she doesn’t realize that her work is her stressor.

I think in a person’s 20’s, especially when you’re meeting new people, your career becomes who you are. This can explain why Taeyeon’s career was so important to her. She was a medical student and, in the end, a resident doctor. Her holidays and schedule reflected the work she did. Even if Taeyeon never wanted to become a doctor in the first place, she admits that it’s her passion to help others and that she’s destined to become a doctor. Some times in the end, something that you thought you wanted turns out not to be thing you wanted. Taeyeon had a passion for singing and a bit of an aggressive streak as a teen, however she realized that singing wouldn’t turn out well enough for her because she simply couldn’t live the kind of life Tiffany does.

Taeyeon + Friends (excluding Jessica):

My parents’ friends are pretty wild. I’ve seen them get drunk, gamble for money, cause a scene in a bowling alley, and act like they’re 20 years younger than what they really are. At first, I was kind of put off by their behavior. I continued thinking that these were adults yet they weren’t acting like adults, but a little while ago, I realized that they’re just having fun. My parents have known their friends ever since high school and some even earlier. They’re the greatest parents and the greatest family I could ever ask for, but when they get together, they can go a little wild. When you hang out with someone from the past, you start to remember the way you were. I think that’s why they constantly let loose every time I see them, and to be honest, when I grow up, I want my friends from high school to remember what it’s like to have fun now.

Taeyeon’s still friends with her percussion group and Xiumin, she even lives with them, and I think that having them constantly around her can affect the way she behaves. It can explain why she’s a little rash and emotional, citing back to her hormonal teenage years when she interacted with them on a more regular basis. But there was also another reason I decided to include her friends the way I did. I wanted to show that the most amazing things can happen to the ones you never expected from.

All of Taeyeon’s fellow percussionists have their own jobs and, when she was still in school, this affected Taeyeon exponentially. She was supposed to be the successful one, the smart one, but ended up being the last one in her group of friends to earn an income. While this is the same with Xiumin, I wanted to try and make their relationship a little less important in high school because he was never a part of the percussionist group, which defined Taeyeon in her teenage years. The percussionists are also incredibly generous and loving towards Taeyeon, which catches her off guard, but I wanted to show that even the most childish of us eventually grow up and show affection where it’s needed. One of the main purposes of the story was to ask the question “have you matured or have you always been this way” and, in the case of Taeyeon’s friends, they’ve matured and are better at expressing themselves.

Taeyeon + Family:

Growing up in an Asian household, I’ve noticed that family takes a different kind of role in terms of why they’re important. When Taeyeon was a teen, her family is pressuring and resented, but at the same time, she respected and loved them too much to fight back. Now, as a young adult, she wants to fit in and understands that her family has certain standards which she wants to meet, for example, getting married and having a family. It’s the norm in her family and, since she’s the most “abnormal” one being lesbian, Taeyeon wishes to have a normal family and has an incredibly strong desire for children of her own, specifically. Being in a large family of my own, there isn’t a year with no new births, but I’ve had the chance to spend a fair bit of time with some relatives and their babies. There’s something about babies that just melts me.

I wanted to convey that feeling in Taeyeon really badly. She isn’t ready to have kids, but she wants them and plans to have a child of her own someday, but when Tiffany and her start talking about their future together, the two have completely different ideas of what their future family will look like. This is a deal breaker in their relationship. Another thing that I wanted to express is that once you get older, dating isn’t only about you. It’s about your family as well.

Dating should be serious once you’re in your 20’s, especially there’ll be a future between the two. I don’t understand the stories of horrendous mother-in-law’s or fighting with cousins. If you don’t like a person’s family, then you shouldn’t marry them because it’s a package deal now. I would never want to marry someone if I didn’t get along with their relatives and I would never want to marry someone if they didn’t get along with mine. Marriage is a bond for life, even if the majority of those in multiple countries can say otherwise, I believe marriage is for life. If you can’t stand the family and if they can’t stand you, the relationship can never be serious.

On a slightly off-topic note, I was surprised that a lot of people were opposed to the idea of TaeNy getting help from others for when they tried to think about adoption. My parents never had to raise me on their own, my aunts, uncles, and grandparents helped them out, and I don’t think I’ve been neglected nor do I feel like my parents are strangers to me. Just because they had a helping hand in their time of need doesn’t mean that they weren’t responsible or capable of raising me and my siblings. It just means that their loved ones were kind enough to help out. 

Taeyeon + Tiffany:

Taeyeon and Tiffany were dating for about 7 years (including the time in Made) until they broke up, but their entire relationship had been around 16 years old. When thinking about the ending for Made, I was incredibly torn apart from leaving the two together or breaking them apart. This series is specifically close to my heart because of the fact that I try to incorporate my own thoughts and actions into the story. As some of you can probably guess, things between me and my own “Tiffany” aren’t ideal. It took a while for me to think, but I eventually decided that splitting up Taeyeon and Tiffany was the ending I would strive for.

While the point of Crush was that opposites attract, the point of Made was that if your beliefs are too different, the relationship won’t work. You can be different, but at the end of it, you have to want the same things. I tried to explain that the two had expected different outcomes and wanted different things to come from their relationship. They never really talked about their future because they both expected the other to conform to their needs instead of compromise. Why I didn’t make them compromise in the end was because both girls are extremely independent in their own ways. Tiffany became a famous South Korean idol, moving thousands of miles away from any friend and any family member. Taeyeon separated herself from her family and her high school classmates, choosing to study and live states away. They’re independent and successful, thus being used to doing things the way they’d like to. Taeyeon and Tiffany were both aware of the other’s dreams for the future as well but never talked about it which ended up blowing in their faces.

Another factor that contributed to their downfall was the insecurity, mostly within Taeyeon. It was also related to the overall immaturity of their relationship. Earlier I said that when you see someone you haven’t seen in a while, you can feel like how you felt with them when you were younger. Taeyeon and Tiffany see each other once a year, a few times at the most. I tried to make it like their relationship hadn’t progressed much, even if they dated for 7 years. They’re still jealous and petty and immature like couples in their late-teens and early-20’s. However, they still aged, even if their feelings didn’t, which was why the two had to tackle situations outside of their emotional range and left them more drained than an average 30 year-old dealing with similar problems. The situations they were put in were too much for the couple and they couldn’t approach them logically.

While you may love someone, love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going, especially if you have goals for your romantic life. A long distance relationship is tiring and, for Taeyeon and Tiffany, where both of their lives outside of their relationship are draining, they had to give up. In the end, when Tiffany believed they could try and make it work, it was the love talking. Love is blind and it knows no dilemma, no conflict. However, Taeyeon tried hard to clear her head, and managed to push Tiffany away. After being separated for so long, Taeyeon felt physical exhaustion and fell. No relationship, no matter how strong or how lengthy, should ever feel like that.

Obviously, the young adult life hasn’t gone as planned for the two of them. As I get closer and closer to becoming an adult, I’ve realized that nearly nothing has gone the way I expected it to. I’m learning to understand that and I hope that others can understand and grow from my stories as well. However, their lives are still moving. After all, the average human life lasts 71 years.