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{34}

I claimed that I would be busy with my residency right after I graduated, which was true, but I was mostly afraid of going to my family camping reunion because I knew they would ask questions about Tiffany. The reunion was set for July but seven months wasn’t enough time to heal so I didn’t want to risk it. I could barely tell my friends that Tiffany and I broke up, what could I say to my family? After so long, they adored her and loved her and expected so much from our relationship. No matter how much I wanted to never bring it up, I knew that one day I’d have to say that Tiffany wouldn’t join me for any more family functions.

“Are you sure you don’t want a longer break?” Xiumin leaned onto my desk and I hummed, finishing up some paperwork due to start my residency.

“No, I want to get back to work before I forget anything,” I shrugged, feeling somewhat content with the next couple weeks. “I want to get it over with and become a real physician as soon as possible.”

“But Seung just came back, we should spend some time with him.” Seunghyun was finally back, and even if it was only for the summer, it felt better to have someone else in the house. I understood that I wasn’t showing the gratitude I felt, after all I had made no progress since he left after Christmas, but I was glad he came back, even if I was working. “You just graduated too, let’s go out and get some drinks.”

“I’d rather just stay at home.” Xiumin tried to help, I should’ve been better at cooperating, but I couldn’t force myself. I wasn’t able to go out and drink and have a good time anymore. I wanted to just lay in my bed and try to heal the ache in my limbs. “Come on, Seunghyun’s probably done with dinner,” I tapped on his shoulder and we stepped out of the room, toward the already made table. “Thanks Seung.”

“No problem, but I’m not great at cooking, so this is a once in a while thing when you guys are lazy,” he chuckled.

“It’s fine, I’ve been practicing since Taeng is gonna work long hours and won’t cook as much food,” Xiumin smiled and I nodded, scooping up some rice.

“Right. So? How does it feel to graduate? Must be relieving after so many years.” I was done. There were no more career-based tests, no papers to write, nothing. I had pretty decent grades, pretty decent scores, a pretty decent residency already reserved for me. There wasn’t even any debt to my name. I was in a very good spot and my parents and grandparents were proud, my family and friends were proud. I should’ve been over the moon.

“It feels good.” But Tiffany was supposed to have visited me if we were still together, she was supposed to be at my graduation, but she never came. Not like I expected her to, but it put a damper on my excitement. I hoped that, in future moments, I wouldn’t be depressed if she wasn’t there, but I wanted her around me all the time. It was going to be difficult.

“I wanted to go out and have a drink but Taeng doesn’t wanna,” Xiumin whined and I smiled a little bit. Most of the time, the pair tried to keep things normal. Sometimes they went overboard, but I was grateful.

“Ooh, it’s been a long time since we went out.” Oh, it has. I couldn’t remember the last time the three of us went out to the bar together. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on them. My breakup with Tiffany affected them as well. I wasn’t sure how they thought of her anymore, but I knew that before everything, they liked her. We grew up together, it must’ve been hard letting her go, even as a friend. “I can even get you guys into the place near my office. High class .”

“Would I have to dress up?” I asked and the two lit up. They must’ve been waiting for me to go out with them. It was a big deal.

“Nope! It’s just that the clients are high profile, if you’ve got a name on the list, they don’t care if you show up in sweats,” he smirked and I sighed a little bit. It won’t hurt to go out, would it? I glanced at my tattoo.

“Let’s head there after dinner.”

Getting into a high profile bar with Seunghyun’s name still felt surreal. He was just a kid I knew in high school, a rowdy, dorky kid, but now he was a big shot banker. It made me proud, it made me swell with appreciation. “I heard Wooyoung got promoted in Florida.” It was nice hearing that the guy was still alive.

“Really? He deserves it, I’ve always said that he was an idiot, but he works hard,” Seunghyun sighed, sipping on his whiskey.

“Definitely, never thought anyone could discipline him,” I noted, making the other two laugh in agreement. “When’s our reunion?”

“Um, should be in a few years. Mm, it’ll be weird to go back to that place,” Xiumin sighed and I tapped my fingers on the bar top. I wonder if Tiffany will be there…

“Oh. Excuse me, guys, gotta take this,” Seunghyun mumbled, holding up his phone as he quickly walked out of the bar. I turned back around. When’s the next time I’ll see you?

“Taeng.” I looked at him. “I never told you this, but I’m sorry about what happened.” I played with my glass. Did my breakup become one of those topics where everyone was too scared to directly address it?

“It’s not your fault.”

“But at the same time it kind of is.” I shook my head. “I can’t help but feel I put those thoughts in your head. I never meant to make you feel insecure about Tiffany, I never wanted to do that, you guys were the couple I sincerely wanted to succeed. It shouldn’t have mattered whether you guys wanted the same things or not, you were so in love.” I gripped my glass a little tighter but controlled myself. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t, you love him and he loves you.

“But you were right. She’s not the family woman I want; she won’t give me the life I want. We’re too different and it took a while for us to figure that out. I’ll always be insecure, I think. It’s a problem that I have to fix before I can move on,” I muttered, drinking down another shot of alcohol. I groaned a little, trying to ease the burn. My heart started beating a little faster as my memory replayed that night. The quote on her wall, the lies I spewed, the way her kisses felt on my skin. It was seriously hitting me in the face. “Can I have another?”

“Coming up.” I pressed my forehead against the glass and let out a deep breath as Xiumin patted my back. It’s been six months since our breakup and I was still missing her, wanting her like nothing was wrong.

“I hope you know your limit. It’s been a while,” Xiumin reminded me and I nodded a little, trading my empty glass for a full one from the bartender.

“It’s okay, plus we ate, I’ll be better,” I insisted and he held my shoulder a little tighter.

“Time will heal, I promise.” Please keep that promise. I felt a body sit down in the seat beside me and turned to find Seunghyun back.

“Sorry, it was…nothing.” I raised an eyebrow. He paused. That was weird.

“What are you hiding?” I asked and he looked away, drinking the last drop of his whiskey. “Seunghyun. Seriously.” He bit his lip and finally turned around.

“It was my girlfriend.”

“What? Since when were you dating?” Xiumin asked and the banker sighed a little.

“I wanted to wait until it got serious, but since…I wanted to wait a while.” Ah.

“How long?” I asked him and he smiled a little bit. It kind of hurt to be honest, but he deserved to be happy. I had no right to kill that mood.

“A little over a year,” he told me and I patted his back. It’s still a baby relationship. He must’ve started feeling odd about things during Christmas.

“I’m happy for you. I hope you guys know that just because I’m not in the best state, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you. I have to breathe a little easier anyway, it’s nice that someone’s putting up with you.”

“Psh, I thought that was gonna be all inspirational. You’re just full of ,” Seunghyun clicked his tongue and I chuckled.

“Damn, I gotta catch up. I want a love life. Meanwhile, Taeng has been getting all the looks around here!” Really? I would be lying if I didn’t feel a little good, but it also made me a little uncomfortable. Usually, Tiffany was the only one I noticed staring at me.

“That’s probably my fault. My coworkers were making fun of me for living with the opposite , so I said that Taeng was into girls so she was another one of the guys. It’s probably spread around pretty far by now,” Seunghyun hummed.

“That’s fine, I don’t care,” I sipped my drink, throwing my head back once I was comfortable with the sting. “Another?” I called

“Yup.” I set the empty cup down and sighed.

“But I hope no one gets near me tonight. I’m definitely not ready,” I added, glancing at Seunghyun, giving him a silent warning. He knew nearly everyone in this place, it wouldn’t be hard to coax someone into coming up to me, but I didn’t want that. At least, not for a while.

“Sure, sure, we get it,” Xiumin hummed, still nursing his drink. “Ugh, just because this place is for the elite doesn’t mean their DJ has to . I’m going to request a song and you have to dance!”

After a little while, I wasn’t feeling it anymore. A lull in the hype caused everything to crash. My limbs were bone tired and my heart was going to stop. I had to take everything in and I didn’t like it. The music started getting louder and the people started getting too close. I couldn’t do anything when I saw Tiffany’s face on every girl. My mind wasn’t with me. “I think I’m done for tonight. I’m gonna go home.”

“You sure? I can drive you back,” Xiumin insisted, completely ignoring the drunk girl clinging to his chest. I shook my head, biting back a smile. Don’t spoil his fun.

“You’re busy, I’ll take a cab,” I insisted and stepped up to him, pulling his collar down. “Remember, I didn’t grow up with a man who took advantage of women. Sober her up a little.”

“You act like I’m gonna her,” Xiumin scoffed and I shrugged. He hit my arm. “I’ll take care of her, just focus on getting home safe.”

“I will, don’t forget to tell Seunghyun what I said,” I pointed and he pointed back at me. I turned around and handed the bartender a tip before walking out of the bar, letting crisp twilight air prick my skin. My brain started to clear up and my ears felt like they were stretched out from the bass. I looked up to the sky and sighed, watching my breath disappear. Going out was fine for the moment, but eventually it became too much. I just wanted to go to sleep in my warm, comfortable bed.

I changed into sweats the minute I got home and poured myself a little bit of wine, wanting the warmth to comfort me while I was alone. I sat on the couch and read through some more safety procedures for the hospital, even though I’d been studying there for years, I wanted to be prepared. A resident physician was steps beyond a medical student. With my grades and with my recommendation, I had to impress. Oh my God, I’m getting drunk looking over protocol. I blinked and I couldn’t understand what I was reading anymore. “Oh my God,” I groaned and threw the packet on the coffee table. I sighed and draped my arm over my eyes. Too lazy for bed.

The doorbell rang and I jumped, my heart slowly waking up. “Mm? What?” I yawned and checked my phone: 1:23 AM. if it’s Seunghyun or Xiumin and they forgot their key. I was going to kill them. “Coming!” I yawned, drowsily stumbling, and rubbed my eyes as I opened the door.

“Why do you have to look so cute when I see you?” I blinked as a body ran into me, kissing me until all I could feel was mush. I sighed, trembling and lagging as my tired mind struggled to keep up. Tiffany?

“What are you doing here…?” I leaned away, but she pulled me back in, pushing my shirt off.

“You taste like alcohol…” she hummed and I found my fingers grazing her bare waist. “Tae.”

“Why?” I groaned, knocked to and fro by the woman. Am I dreaming?

“Just shut up,” she shoved me into a dark room – my bedroom – and the door closed.