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{12}

“Did you see my tattoo, Babe?” Tiffany wondered and I groaned a little into the phone.

“Xiumin got me an appointment for my own in a little bit,” I told her and she laughed. While promoting her group’s title song for a while, fans noticed that Tiffany got a small tattoo on her right wrist. That was also the first time I saw her tattoo. It was a simple pink circle with a Mickey Mouse silhouette inside. After my fellow med student showed me the pictures, he pushed for me to get my own to match with her. While I was still on the fence for it, he impatiently booked an appointment for me at a tattoo parlor. “Did it have to be on the wrist? There are so many veins and so little skin!”

“You always said you thought the wrist was the most vulnerable part of the body!” she scoffed and Xiumin busted his way into my room. I jumped up a little.

“Don’t you knock? What if I was ?” I asked him and he shrugged nonchalantly.

“You’re not, are you?” he retorted and I threw my empty water bottle at him. Ugh, the sarcasm.

“Is that Xiumin? Put me on speaker!” Tiffany told me and I set the phone down, pressing the button. “Xiumin!”

“Tiff!” he rolled over to my phone and I stood up, looking for some more water to drink. “I got Taeng to agree to the couple tattoo thing!”

“I was forced!” I corrected and the two of them laughed anyways.

“It’s not gonna hurt that bad, Baby, it’s literally a circle and a couple more circles in the middle. It’s not even filled in!” my girlfriend insisted and I sighed, shaking my head. “It’ll take twenty minutes tops.”

“Hun, what are you doing up so early, anyway? Xiumin and I are getting lunch; shouldn’t it be like 5 in the morning over there?” I wondered, taking the phone and holding it so both Xiumin and I could hear her voice.

“I’ve been up since 3, I’m pretty awake by now,” she sighed and I slipped on my shoes. “We’re driving to Jeonju so I have two more hours to talk to you with.”

“That’s great! You can chat with us at lunch!” Xiumin said and I followed him outside, tossing him keys to my Hummer. We agreed that since I was getting a tattoo on my wrist, it might’ve been better for him to drive. I definitely didn’t want to endure the fresh agony of driving it would lead to.

“Ugh, don’t talk about lunch, I haven’t eaten yet,” she groaned and I frowned, setting the phone in a cup holder.

“Eat as soon as you can, Hun. You can’t keep going on these schedules if you guys don’t eat,” I reminded and she hummed.

“Alright, put her off speaker, I’m gonna drive,” Xiumin waved and I picked up my phone, taking Tiffany off speaker.

“Why did you get a tattoo, anyway?” I asked her, genuinely curious. Tiffany’s wanted tattoos before, like when we were in high school, but she used to talk about getting angel wings on her back. I didn’t think that she was into the idea of getting another tattoo, let alone a couple tattoo!

“I remembered that sweater you got me, that couple sweater from Disneyland in high school. I just thought this would help me remember you when I’m feeling down. To be honest, you don’t have to get it if you don’t want to, I won’t force you,” she mumbled. Do I want it?

“I want it; I want to be closer to you. I’m getting it on my left wrist, a blue circle and Minnie Mouse,” I said softly and I heard a little huff from her, she smiled.

“No one will have a second thought, I promise. It’s simple and if you flash it, others might not even see,” she assured and I hummed. It’s not eye-catching; people might not even realize I have a tattoo. “Don’t forget to tip your artist.”

“I have to tip?” I raised an eyebrow and checked my wallet. Do I have money to spare? “How much did yours cost?”

“Like 20,000 won, I just tipped him another 5000,” Tiffany told me and I shut my wallet, figuring I had enough.

“Did you manage to get a look at your contract yet?” I asked, just to see since it had been on my mind.

“No, not yet. They told me they had to get a copy if I wanted to look at it and that by the time it gets to the building we’ll be on tour,” she sighed and I let out a deep breath. She’s going on tour for like six months; it’ll be so long before she can get back to me. “I’m sorry, Baby.”

“It’s okay, Hun. Just look at it when you can, no rush,” I whispered. It was true, we had plenty of time. I still needed to finish medical school and that wouldn’t be for a few years. On the other line, I heard people talking and moving around. There was some arguing and so I couldn’t understand the Korean well, but I could hear Tiffany’s groaning. “Everything okay?”

“Cameras are going in the car, filming for some show. I have to go since they don’t want me to talk to you while I’m being filmed,” she said and I felt my bottom lip pulling out. I can’t be too sad, control your emotions and just go with it. This isn’t a surprise.

“It’s fine, Hun. Film well,” I told her.

“The tattoo won’t hurt too badly, take care of it. I love you, I’ll talk to you as soon as possible,” she mumbled.

“Thank you, I will. I love you too, I’ll text you a picture when I’m done,” I replied and she hung up. I put my phone in my pocket and let out a deep breath. Xiumin had already driven us to the burger joint we planned to go to but all of a sudden I wasn’t that hungry. Control your feelings, you have to eat. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get used to having short conversations that were ended abruptly and quietly. All the more reason to get a tattoo.

“Taeng, come on. Your appointment’s in two hours and you said eating will make it easier to keep staying still,” Xiumin patted my shoulder and I forced myself to get out.

Goddammit this thing still hurts, I’m going to kill Tiffany! I winced as I felt the blood underneath the skin in my left wrist pounding; the bits of skin penetrated by the needle were raw with pain and color. “Oh man, Xiumin, this hurts! Dammit, why couldn’t it be on her back or something?!” I grunted and punched my own thigh to distract myself. Yes, the actual tattooing didn’t hurt as badly as expected, but the aftermath was like venom sinking into my system.

“Yeah, the wrist is particularly weak, I think Tiff is just a little better at enduring pain than you,” he chuckled and patted my back. I gently blew on the tattoo and looked at it. Wow, that is perfectly shaped. How can she draw them that well? I smiled. Wow I have a matching couple tattoo with Tiffany now.

“Like it?”

“Yeah, it’s perfect, thank you,” I grinned and I glanced at the clock while walking to the cash register. Twenty minutes, nice. “How much?”

“It comes to $26.87,” the tattoo artist told me and I managed to pull out thirty-one dollars from my wallet and handed it to her.

“Keep the rest of it as a tip,” I handed Xiumin my wallet and he pushed it into my pocket for me.

“Thanks! Come by again sometime,” she smiled and I smiled back at her, leaving with a vulnerable wrist and a stupidly proud friend.

“It looks great, Taeng, Tiff’s gonna be so happy you got it done,” he chuckled and I smiled even more. “Does it still hurt?”

“Not as much, just raw, kind of like a wound,” I shrugged and smiled at it again. That old sweater, I think I still have it. I know Tiffany does, but her members steal it all the time. They probably got the meaning from her tattoo pretty easily. “Do you think people will connect the dots?”

“It’s not likely; you have the Minnie Mouse right? People can take that two ways: you’re the Minnie or you have one. Some might not even know Tiffany as an idol and just think you have a tattoo. Even if they know who she is, not a lot of people think that Tiffany bends, so you’ll be safe. And even if they connect your tattoos, you can pass it off as a friendship, which is true. You guys even have the backstory to solidify that fact,” he set his hand on my shoulder. “You’ll be okay, don’t worry about it.” I blew on the tattoo again. I couldn’t help being worried. “Let’s get you back to your dorm so you can rest.”

“Yeah, I need some rest, I feel a bit tired and I still have to go to the hospital,” I grumbled and we both got into my car. Damn, at least I don’t have any track practices today. I was feeling very tired, I wanted to sleep in the car but Xiumin urged me to go back to my room and lie down.

“Mind if I take a nap in your room too?” he asked when I let him in and I rolled onto my bed, keeping my tattoo off of any pressure.

“Go ahead, wake me up for our shift later,” I yawned and rested my left arm over my forehead, so my tattoo faced toward the ceiling.

“Hey Taeng, can I have your phone?” Xiumin asked and I hummed.

“What for?” I mumbled tiredly, not opening my eyes.

“Text Tiff a picture,” he said and I pulled out my phone, handing it to him.

“You know the passcode,” I muttered and turned my head to the side, falling asleep to the slight zing of my new ink.

As if having to endure the numbness of my left wrist wasn’t enough, Dr. Huang hit me with one of the most difficult tasks I’ve ever had to deal with. It was at night and our advisor was busy trying to revive a man who was in the ICU. I needed to look at his medical record and report back ASAP. Come on, come on, come on I don’t have the strength to do this ! I cursed at myself in my brain, forcing my eyes to scan all around the blaring computer screen. Has a history of ventricular fibrillation. “Oh my God.” I knew exactly what that was and I almost tripped running out of my chair, racing towards the ICU. Ventricular fibrillation was a disturbance in the rhythm of your heart, the electrical activity wasn’t functioning properly and caused the lower chambers to contract and not pump blood. It would cause cardiac arrest, or a heart attack, if left untreated. “Give him defibrillation! He has a history of v-fib!” I shouted and another doctor grabbed a defibrillator with electrodes, tore open the man’s patient gown to get to his skin, and slapped the electrodes onto his chest and over his ribs.

“Clear!” he called out and we all leaned back as he delivered the shock. His line is still flat. “Clear!” we repeated the procedure three more times before I dropped against the wall and the electrodes were ripped off by a very frustrated Dr. Huang.

“He’s dead, goddammit, stop!” the doctor barked and I was shaking as I pulled the blanket over the man’s body. Rest in peace, Sir. Since becoming an intern I’d never seen someone die. As surprising it may be, I’ve seen pretty nasty cases, but never a death. I’ve been to funerals, I’ve been to plenty of funerals, but I never saw a dead person when they weren’t in a coffin. “Taeyeon, relatives?”

“Wife, siblings, kids, grandkids, the whole deal,” I reported with a gulp and carefully placed one hand over the other.

“New task, you’re informing the family of Mr. Im’s passing.” I widened my eyes.

“Doctor?” I squeaked. I wasn’t prepared.

“Dr. Gong, please call his family over,” Dr. Huang continued and I stepped up to him.

“Doctor, I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can do that,” I said to him and he looked at me with crossed arms.

“You have to go through it sometime, Taeyeon. The sooner the better,” he sighed and patted my shoulder while somewhere in the back of my mind Dr. Gong said they were all on their way. .

In high school I was known for giving kick lectures and presentations, I never got nervous. However, I had to tell someone that their husband, brother, father, grandfather had just passed away because we couldn’t get his heart beating again. I was freaking out. I knew how that felt. There were going to be devastated grievers, paralyzed grievers, maybe even violent grievers. Perhaps a mixture of all three. I wasn’t prepared to tell a room full of people that someone they loved was dead. I brushed my left wrist and closed my eyes, letting out three deep breaths. Tiffany, give me strength to tell these people, give them strength to accept his fate. You helped me when I lost Yuri, help me now. I nodded and straightened myself out before walking into the still room. The tension could be cut with a knife. “Are all of you relatives with Mr. Im?” they all nodded. .

“Is he okay? Did he have another episode?” an older woman suddenly stood, holding my hand and I couldn’t breathe. She was already tearing up. Get it together goddammit.

“Are you his wife?” I asked and she nodded. . I exhaled once more. Do it, do it now. “I-I’m sorry, Mrs. Im. I’m afraid that during one of your husband’s cardiac arrests, we were not able to revive him. I’m so sorry, he passed away.” All of a sudden it was my duty to keep Mrs. Im from collapsing as she fell into my arms and everyone either burst into tears or ran to her. It was all happening so fast. I handed her off to a younger man whom I assumed was her son. I was forced to look around and see all of the tears and hear all of the cries for his name, for mercy from God. I stumbled onto the wall as men and women angrily confronted me, shouting incoherent words and calling me a liar. Oh my God. I forced down the pain of exerting my left wrist and pushed them back.

“You don’t even look like a doctor! You’re too young! I want to speak to someone who’s qualified!” I heard and turned around. I pushed down my emotions again, all of my irritation and depression. They’re in pain, you were once like that, remember Taeyeon? I held onto my professionalism as much as I could.

“Yes, I am not a doctor. Yes, I’m not old enough to become one yet. Mr. Im is genuinely dead; he passed away not a half hour ago. I am sorry for your loss, I really am, I’ve had my share of deaths and heart-breaking news you know. Despite knowing your anger and your grief, I refuse to be spoken to with disrespect. If you want to speak with my advisor, I will send him your way so he can explain the situation better.” A tear managed to escape and I knew it was time for me to leave. “Once again, I’m terribly sorry that we couldn’t save the life of your loved one.” I hurriedly left the room and found Dr. Huang, sending him to the family. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door, crying and cradling my left wrist until I was too tired for anything else.