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{10}

Due to her schedule, Tiffany had to get back to South Korea on the 29^th, which meant that she actually had to leave Oregon on the 27^th due to the time difference and flight time. I was bummed about her leaving so soon, but I kept it inside. She agreed to look at her contract and was for adopting a child together. I would do anything for her at this point. “Thank you for letting us stay at your house, Auntie,” Tiffany thanked and hugged the shorter woman tightly. I smiled, knowing how much my aunt loved Tiffany.

“You two can stay here any time, it’s no problem,” she insisted and I lifted Tiffany’s suitcase while my duffle bag was slung over my shoulder. “Taeyeon.” I looked back and she held out two hundred dollars, despite giving me one hundred as a Christmas gift the other night. That’s a lot of money.

“Oh my gosh, I-I can’t—.”

“Shut up and take it,” she scoffed and Tiffany grinned as I sheepishly accepted the money, bowing like crazy.

“Thank you so much, Auntie. I’ll see you soon,” I hugged her briefly and started down the staircase, making sure not to trip over the wood. The sun wasn’t even out yet. Not like I expected it to, it was 4:30 in the morning. I popped into the driver’s seat and groaned a little bit. Wow it’s early.

“Baby, do you want me to drive? I know you’re still not used to being up at ungodly hours,” Tiffany offered, rubbing my arm comfortingly. I shook my head.

“No, no I’m okay. I promise, just give me a bit of your coffee,” I reached over but she covered it.

“Your body rejects caffeine; you get sick when you have it. Stop drinking it, seriously, you’re gonna die in your stupid dorm room studying late at night,” she berated me and I frowned, starting the car after buckling up. I eased out onto the road and felt Tiffany holding my hand. “I’ll ask to look at my contract, just to see something. I’m sure they won’t mind,” she told me and I hummed. “I’ll tell you what I find as soon as I can.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to rush it, I know it might take a while to get a meeting and look at your contract,” I assured and patted her hand. I yawned occasionally throughout the half hour drive, it felt a lot longer than it usually felt, and then Tiffany squeezed my wrist.

“Can you pull over for a minute?” she asked. “Into the rest stop over here,” she pointed and I quickly exited, stopping in the rest stop right next to the airport.

“Hun, we don’t have time,” I said but she got out and motioned for me to follow her. I sighed and stepped out of the car, following her to the grassy area. “Fany?”

“TaeTae, I’m not going to be back for a while,” she told me and I stood beside her, taking her hand because she looked like she needed it.

“It’s okay, I’m used to it,” I said and she pulled me closer, hugging me.

“My group is going to be promoting a mini album and then afterward we’re going on an Asian tour. They told me that I won’t be able to visit you for another year and a half or so,” she mumbled and I exhaled deeply. A year? When was the last time we’ve been apart for more than a year? When Tiffany was a trainee, she was confined to South Korea for two years and only came back for two days right before her debut. Since then, she’s come back every 6-8 months, sometimes sooner if hype was low.

“That’s a long time, I haven’t been apart from you for that long in a while,” I sighed and she nodded.

“I know, I didn’t want this trip to be filled with us arguing, so I said yes to adopting a child, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be a mom,” she confessed and I held her cheeks, making her look at me. Her eyes watered but I kept in mind that we were still in public. “I’m not going to be good enough.”

“You don’t need to worry about it, seriously, if you love them the way you love me, everything will be fine—.”

“But what if I don’t love them, Tae? What if they’re annoying or bothersome to me?” she whimpered and I hugged her tighter, trying to calm her down. “What if I don’t love our kid?”

“Tiffany, you will. Stop talking nonsense, okay? We’ll talk this over and we’ll choose a child together. I promise that you will love them just as much as you love me,” I encouraged and her hair. She looked up at me and smiled a little. I smiled back.

“I can never love anyone as much as I love you,” she whispered and I shook my head.

“It’ll change,” I said firmly and she eased up, feeling better. “Now let’s go, your flight is at 7.”

“Can you give me a kiss for the road?” she pouted and I breathed deeply. Don’t kiss her.

“We’re in public, Tiffany,” I reminded and she squeezed my hand.

“A year and a half, Taeyeon, just give me one kiss. It’s 5 in the morning and no one is here,” she insisted and I glanced around. There was one other car but the driver was inside sleeping. It was still dark out and even if someone saw us, they wouldn’t recognize her when we were kissing. I gave in and kissed her lips, making her gasp and her fingers curled against my back. My toes squirmed in my shoes and everything felt light. I loved her so much. I love you so much, but we have to get going or else you’re staying here and never leaving.

“Fany-ah, let’s go,” I breathed but she only pulled me closer, still kissing me. My fingers dug into her hair and I was suddenly awake. “Fany, your flight,” I sighed and she finally pulled away, pressing her forehead on mine. “Hold on, I can’t breathe,” I rested my head on her shoulder and she laughed, hugging me.

“The sun’s coming up,” Tiffany mumbled and I looked up, seeing the sky turn into a purple, orangey shade with a ball of red surfacing.

“It’s a little late then, we better get going,” I mumbled and took her hand, guiding her back to the car and opening the door for her.

“I don’t know why I ever told you to stop opening doors for me, I like it,” she admitted as I got back in and I smiled. “It made me feel like you were a slave, I think.”

“I don’t mind being your slave,” I grinned at her and she leaned over, pecking my lips with a cute little smile. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” she nodded and threw her hood on, slipping on her shades.

According to the company, I was never allowed to actually be with Tiffany past the terminal. They didn’t want me to be seen with her and Tiffany didn’t want me to be stalked. I wanted to wait with her but as I glanced inside I saw masses of fans looking around for her. . “I got your bags,” I said and got out, taking Tiffany’s suitcases and placing them on the curb. She rolled down the window and I leaned in.

“You can’t go inside with me,” she told me and I nodded, albeit sullenly. “There’s too many people and they’re gonna get a hold of your license plate. I see my manager; I’ll be fine, so leave as soon as I get out.”

“I love you,” I murmured and she brushed my cheek briefly. I’ll miss you so badly.

“I love you too, TaeTae. I’ll talk to you soon,” she promised and I opened up the door for her to leave. My girlfriend then grabbed her things and quickly walked into the airport. I watched her go in and become surrounded by fans. I was afraid of her walking into crowds like that. She needs space; she needs eyes away from her. I wasn’t sure if I could trust anyone else with her, what if she got hurt? I have to leave. I hurriedly started my car and drove out of the airport drop-off. I was still thinking of Tiffany when I was driving. I pulled over onto the shoulder of the road and stopped. God I miss her already. I groaned, running my hands through my hair as I thought back to the last couple of days. Baby, child, we want to adopt a child. I laughed to myself and pulled out my phone. We didn’t use our phones during our time together, so I was excited to tell people about our decision. I first called Jessica.

“Dude! Hurry up and tell me what happened with the babies!” she answered and I grinned even more.

“I got super drunk that night and told her that I planned to make her like kids, but she actually agreed,” I divulged and Jessica screamed before profusely apologizing to someone beside her. Sounds like she’s in the office.

“That’s great! You guys are going to adopt, right?” I hummed. “Well, the States allow same- couples to adopt kids, but you might have to get married.”  

“We’re figuring things out if that happens, she’s checking her contract,” I hummed and Jessica tapped something repeatedly, possibly a desk or chair.

“You guys are taking a big step, I’m proud of you,” she told me and I smiled.

“Sica, if we do adopt a child and move back, would you help us out…?” I asked and she hummed without a doubt.

“Yes! Wedding planning is hard, but I can work from anywhere. I can watch kids if I’m in your place,” she agreed and I smiled more.

“Because, you know, there is so much stuff going on in our future. We need help,” I sighed and leaned back in my seat.

“I know, you guys are going to be wildly busy in the next few years. You should talk more about things together, but I think you guys are seriously amazing right now. Just communicate more,” she advised and I nodded to myself. Communicate more. I never thought that I would hear that advice when it pertained to Tiffany and I, but after getting in a relationship with her, our feelings got in the way and everything felt more complicated…somehow.

“Thanks a lot, Sica. I’m gonna talk to some other people because we’re still on the fence about where to settle,” I told her and she hummed back.

“Go ahead, I’ll talk to you later,” she said and I hung up. Xiumin? I really wanted to call Xiumin and ask, but he was another medical student. He was going to be just as busy as I was. Just call him and say something; he’ll get mad if he doesn’t hear about it.

“Yo Taeng! You’re coming back soon, right? It’s so boring at the U without someone to hang out with,” he complained and I rolled my eyes. It’s only been a day since he’s been at the university alone.

“Xiumin! I’m having a child with Tiff,” I smirked when he screamed out loud.

“Is she pregnant?! Did she cheat on you?! How are you okay with that?! What the Hell?!” he yelled at me and I laughed.

“Man, she agreed to adopt a kid with me, how dare you think she cheated on me?” I scoffed and he gasped dramatically, taking deep breaths.

“Don’t do that, you scared the out of me,” he whistled and I chuckled. “Are you ready to take on a kid? You do know that you’ll have to be the fatherly figure to them, right?” he mentioned and I hummed a bit. Tiffany was definitely not going to take on the role, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure if my behavior would classify as being a father.

“I know, but I don’t know if it’ll work that way. Out of the two of us, Tiffany will be gone the most. Our child will be used to one person being both parents,” I realized and tapped the wheel. Suddenly my mood deflated and Tiffany’s worries became mine. “What if our child thinks of Tiffany as a stranger instead of a mother?”

“Tiffany has to make the time and effort to be with your child, if you guys truly adopt one together. If she wants to be in their life she has to be the one to make an effort, it’ll be her responsibility. She’ll pull through,” he told me and I sighed. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed, I was so happy just moments before, but everything was being thrown at me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “If you doubt her—.”

“I’m driving back to California now, would you help us if we decide to stay there to raise our child?” I cut him off and he clicked his tongue.

“Yes. I mean, it’ll be a little difficult, but I could help if you need it,” he agreed and a part of my chest became unwound.

“Thanks Xiumin, I’ll be back in 15 hours,” I told him and hung up. I used to think that the worst of our relationship was behind us, but responsibility was eating me up inside and I felt like I wasn’t prepared for anything again.