Mir stopped his car right in front of the red gate. As he stepped out of his car, familiar smell of fresh soil and grass mixed with a bit of dust hit his nose. He took in the sounds of children squealing and playing around, sounds of elderly working on their own land while chatting with unnecessarily loud voice. Sound of engines rumbling as they plowed into the land. How long had it been since sound other than the sound of GO's broken cries reached his hearing? He didn't know...

A group of grandmother walked past him, each were carrying a tray filled with freshly harvested fruits and vegetables. The three elderly women gave him friendly smile. How long had it been since he saw sincere smile that was light and wasn't forced other than the awkward smile filled with sadness that tugged on Seungho's lips? He didn't know...

"Oh... Who is this here? Isn't this our Jangsung star..." One of the grandmother teased the man. "Here, cheolyong. Eat this so you can get strength to keep going." She said and handed a freshly picked peach to Mir who took it with a small stiff smile. It had been too long since he smiled. He understood now why it was so awkward for Seungho to smile. They couldn't smile when their heart was crying. They just couldn't. Because smiling when he was supposed to cry in agony was like lying to everyone, including himself. And Mir was always a very bad liar.

It seemed that he couldn't deceived eyes that had seen a lots of things for long years. The grandmother's hand made way to Mir's cheek. Patting him gently. Her eyes soft and understanding.

"Eat this, eoh? And be strong. Life is never easy. And always know that we, all of us here are very proud of you. Our strong boy." And the grandmothers left after accepting Mir's polite bow.

Mir's eyes fall onto the fruit that was still in his hand. Slowly, he took it to his lips and finally bit on it. Juices and sweetness rolled on his tongue and around his palate. His eyes closed on reflex. "Sweet."

○○○○○

Mir looked up into the sky. Even when his eyes were shadowed by his straw hat, he still squinted at the bright light from the sun.

"Son! How much has you finished?" Mir turned when he heard his father called on him.

"About two squares. Just starting the third one." He replied. He was helping his grandmother and father planting the rice field since two days ago that he arrived in his hometown, gladly welcomed by his father and all the villagers. Jangsung was a place where everyone knew everyone and everyone was just one big, well, more like enormous family.

Mir pouted when his father's teasing chuckles reached him. He knew what was coming. "Your skill has rusted, son. How can this old man finished five squares and you only got to your third one? So much for being a farming idol."

"Hey! Give me a break. I haven't done this for a long time." Mir retorted back and started to continue his work again. Smile tugged on his lips when he heard his father chuckles turned into a hearty laughter. 

A laughter that was always able to entertain him and soothed him. A laughter that always acted as his black knight that protected him from the evil and made him felt safe and protected. A laughter that made him proud as a son. A laughter from a strong dependable father and one day, he hoped he could be as dependable as his father. As strong as his father.

○○○○○

All the while Mir was tracking back to his old self step by step, became one with nature and finding peace within himself, things were getting worse in Seoul for GO. Even for Seungho.

"Byunghee! Stop doing this to yourself!" Seungho snatched away the pizza from the main vocalist.

GO stood defiantly and grabbed back the box. He sent Seungho a glare before he kept stuffing his face with food. Until he couldn't take it anymore, and he ran to the bathroom, filling the quiet dorm with the sound of loud retching.

Heaving in a short shallow breath, GO leaned away from the toilet and rested his back on the cold wall of the bathroom.

"You need to stop." Seungho came, eyes glistened with unshed tears. He couldn't cry. Because he was the leader. GO was too fragile now and if he showed his tears, then, who would be the supporting pillar. If even he broke down, everything would collapse and crumble.

"I can't..." GO croaked out. "I can't taste." He voiced out.

Seungho frowned. "What are you trying to say?"

"The food. They are tasteless. I want to find that taste again." And that was why GO turned to food. Kept eating until he believed his stomach would burst. He just wanted to find those taste again. The food are tasteless...

○○○○○

Mir closed his eyes as he leaned back against the large tree bark, sitting on the ground. He remembered his conversation with Seungho last night when the leader made a video call to him.

"I miss you." The leader started.

Mir gave him a smile. A smile that had taken him days to find back. His smile. His light and sincere smile. It still wasn't as bright as in the past, but he was getting to it. Slowly and step by step. "I miss you too."

The leader smiled back but Mir recognized that smile. The same forced smile. Fake smile. "You look better."

"I feel better." There was silence as the only thing they did was staring at each other until Mir spoke again. "Hyung... Is everything okay?" He knew nothing was even close to okay since that fated day. But, it was a roundabout way for him to ask if everything had worsened after he left. And a small shook of head from Seungho confirmed everything.

"I think I need to bring Byunghee to psychiatrist." He said. "I need that too." 

"If that what you think the best." Seungho nodded. "Hyung..." Mir called and caught Seungho's weary eyes with his deep brown eyes. He let all out. He let his mountain worth of hope showed up through his eyes making Seungho gasped even before he said those words. "Come back to me." And both knew what he meant. 

Mir opened his eyes when he felt soft pat on his knees. His father was sitting next to him. He didn't know when did his father came. He was too deep in thought. "Still tired?" 

Mir shook his head. His father knew. His father always knew but he didn't expect for him to suddenly ask this. But, he was glad that his father knew even without him telling. Because he wouldn't have enough strength to let all his feelings out in form of words.

"Cheolyong-ah. Do you think you can smile now?" He asked. Mir blinked before he finally answered with hesitant small nod. His father responded with a wide smile. "Son. Don't lie."

"But, I'm not." Mir retorted.

"Son..." His father exhaled. "You did find your smile back here. But, you can't complete it as long as you're away from them. Because you know they still can't smile and probably are crying right now."

Those simple words had threw Mir into deep spiral of thoughts. Those words were simple but accurate. Explained everything. Explained why when he felt he had cured, but something was still incomplete. Something weighing his heart. His hyungs...

"Go back to them. Only if they can smile then you can." 

"How-"

"Because you're my son. The first day you came back here, I know everything. I might not fully understand what had happened, but I know you. It is enough to understand just you." His father hand cupped on the back of Mir's head. "And I also know my son is one strong boy. Stronger than I could ever be." He smiled his fatherly smile. "My son is a strong boy."

so, here I am posting another chapter. I was wondering if I should continue with this fic and my another still ongoing fic, 'prank'. Lots had been going through my mind these days. But, heck! I'm not the type to overthink. So, I'm posting this chapter to see if I should complete them or just well... delete my account...