Getaway
It hurtsSome words later might be familiar cuz this I got inspiration for this fic from the news (which some are not true. Pfft~ Reporters *roll eyes* always exaggerated celebrities' words. But thanks to that I got all angsty and all) and also from the lyric in both songs by mblaq 'Mirror' and 'tree'
Mir woke up first. He found Seungho was making breakfast and GO was nowhere in sight. He pulled the chair on the kitchen counter quietly.
"Morning, hyung." He greeted. He knew his greet wasn't accompanied with his bright sunshine smile. Instead of morning greeting, he knew it sounded more like a mournful greeting, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't change it. This was him now. So bitter...
"Morning." Seungho greeted back. Just as empty as Mir sounded. These were they now. Bitter... Empty...
Mir took a glance at the forced smile on Seungho's lips. He knew, even smiling felt awkward to the older. Sometimes, he wished Seungho would stop doing that. Stop faking a smile and just let it out. Let his innermost feeling out. But, having GO like that and he, himself like this, maybe that fake smile still was needed anyhow. Because they would burnt into ashes if all of them submit under the depression.
"Should I wake Byunghee hyung up?" Mir asked. Though the conversation seemed normal, but whoever heard them could tell the darkness enveloping their voices. The pain that adorned their features. They were only pretending to be normal. They were only pretending to be okay. Pretention... That was the only thing they could do to keep going. And until another meaningless day passed, they would keep pretending. This life was like a big stages with them as actors.
At least those pretensious were the thing that still linked them with the outside world. If one day they decided to stop pretending, they would cut off all the strings connecting them with the realities and finally, giving into the darkness. Because, it seemed easier that way.
"It was a long night." Seungho said and put a plate of breakfast in front of Mir before he pulled a chair facing the youngest. Mir nodded in understanding and they ate in silence. Silence that had chained them down since that heartbreaking news of Joon and Sanghyun leaving. Silence that slowly the light out of their eyes one by one, sending them into a dark hole of depression.
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Mir opened the door to his room when he heard restless shuffles in the living room. Peeking his head from behind the door, he saw GO pacing back and forth in front of the long couch while biting his nails. Mir kept watching until his second oldest hyung disappeared into the kitchen.
Mir released a heavy sighed. He slowly trailed after his hyung into the kitchen and saw GO was stuffing his mouth with ice cream Seungho bought yesterday all the while, couldn't stop shifting and twisting in his seat. The main vocalist just couldn't calm down.
GO had too. He needed distraction. He was anxious. His heart kept beating fast when no one by his side that he thought he was about to have a heart attack. His palms were clammy and sweaty. He kept feeling panic rushed through his vein. His stomach twisted in sick feeling. He feared of everything. His fear was unreasonable. But, fear was a feeling. And feeling was almost always unreasonable.
He kept stuffing the cold desert in his mouth, wincing when he felt his temple hurt by the freezing coldness of the ice cream. He kept eating until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and saw Mir looking down on him.A pair of eyes that somehow was too similar with his own. A pair of eyes that was weary and dull.
"Hyung. Game?"
GO swallowed the spoon of the ice cream that he just shoved into his mouth. He blinked at Mir's sudden request. When there was no answer coming out of his mouth, the maknae forced a smile to his lips and repeated.
"Please?" Mir pleaded while unnoticedly pulled the container of ice cream away from GO's grasp. He didn't want to see GO overeating and ended up bending in the toilet, throwing it all out again. Yes, again. GO had did that too many times before. And GO needed to stop. If the older couldn't stop by himself, he would try. At least this much, he could do.
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And after that request from Mir, GO found his getaway. Virtual life. A game. He indulged himself unhealtily into games. Kept playing days and night, losing his sleep sometimes. Dark circles even started forming under the ring of his eyes. But, it made him felt better. He didn't feel suffocated like the walls in the room were closing into him and trying to crush him until what was left of him was nothing.
And he felt better. Yes... He felt better. But that didn't mean he was doing better. But, Mir, as a loyal dongsaeng, stayed with GO. Just like GO, he drowned himself in the games. He accompanied GO in the secluded nest they had built for themselves. More like Mir had started to built for the sake of GO but it wasn't right. They strayed away from reality.
These games were a nest for them. A safety fort for them where only two of them were the only ones living in it. And two wasn't so bad. Better than alone. And GO found himself couldn't stop. He didn't want to get out from the illusion. It was better than reality and even better that Mir was here with him. Because he knew Mir won't leave him. It was like dying, but knowing someone was there too and would even die with him if it was needed, dying didn't seem so bad now, did it?
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