It was Sunday, and Hana usually spent Sundays lounging in front of the TV, watching marathons of her favourite TV series with Chanyeol. But Chanyeol had to help his mom today, so Hana was hoping for some quality alone time with nothing but the TV. Except her twin was being a pain in the . She had been pacing in front of the TV since morning, trying to constantly contact someone. God knows who it was she was trying to call. Hana blew at her bangs in annoyance, and grabbed the nearest pillow. She aimed for Hani’s head, but hit her back instead. She half expected Hani to yell at her, but Hani merely continued pacing in front of the TV.

“Yah Hani! Get out of my sight will you?!” She finally exploded at her twin. “I want to watch TV!”

Hani turned to look at her twin, the startled look on her face capturing Hana by surprise. Maybe something was really up with her. “Is there something wrong?” Hana asked with concern. “Who’ve you been trying to call since morning?”

“Yixing.” Hani said quietly. “He hasn’t been answering my texts, my calls for like three days. I’m quite worried.”

“What? Did something happen?” Hana asked as she pulled her twin to the couch.

Hani rubbed her face wearily, and shook her head. “I don't know. After the show that day, I brought him back here. He was in my room when I went to take a shower and then when I came out, he just left. And I never heard from him since then.”

“Maybe... he had something urgent that came up?” Hana offered.

Hani moaned into her open palms and shook her head again. “No. He would’ve told me. I think he’s angry with me. I just don't know why.”

“Why don't you go see him then? Find out what’s the problem.” Hana suggested. “Chanyeol’s quite busy at the moment, but Luhan’s around right? I’m sure he’ll drive you to Yixing’s place.”

Hani’s eyes widened at the mention of Luhan. They still haven’t reconciled and she doubted that he, of all people, would drive her to Yixing’s place. It would be awkward to ask for his help, wouldn’t it?

“Luhan? No. Definitely not Luhan.” Hani replied firmly. “I’ll just take the bus.”

“Don't be silly. It’s freaking cold outside.” Hana reprimanded her. She picked up the phone before Hani could object, and immediately dialled Luhan’s number. When she heard Luhan’s voice on the other side, she handed the phone back to Hani, urging her to answer.

Hani narrowed her eyes at her twin. She hated this side of Hana. Why was she always doing things on impulse? She didn't want to talk to Luhan! Not yet at least. She didn't even know what to say to him!

“Err... Luhan?” She said nervously.

“Hey... is everything alright?” He asked. His voice sounded gentle and soft on the phone and Hani almost felt like crying. She missed him. She missed everything about him. Why did they have to fight anyway? They’ve never fought this long before.

“Luhan, I... I need to go somewhere.” Hani stuttered. She felt... all sorts of wrong. Here was a guy who confessed to her, and now she was asking him to drive her to her boyfriend’s place. There was something seriously wrong with the situation and even Hana. How could she think asking Luhan was a good idea? She was perfectly fine with taking the bus.

“Oh, where?”

“Uhh... umm... Yixing’s place.” She mumbled before quickly continuing. “He hasn’t been answering my phone calls and texts for three days. I’m worried. It’s ok if you don't want to take me there. I’ll take the bus.”

There was a short period of silence once she finished, and she could practically hear the wheels turning in his head. She already regretted asking for his help. How could she do this to him?

“Ok.”

Hani’s jaw dropped open in surprise. “O-ok?”

Luhan sighed. “I’ll be there in 5.”

When Luhan arrived 5 minutes later, Hana had already retreated to her room, leaving Hani to answer the door. She was nervous, but when she actually met his eyes, her lower lip trembled. She had forgotten how good looking he truly was. The memory of the kiss flooded her mind, and she inwardly groaned. Was this going to happen every time Luhan spent time with her?

“Hi.” She said, rubbing the back of her neck anxiously.

“Shall we go?”

Hani noticed as they drove off that he paid no attention to her greeting. Was he still angry with her? Or was he just upset that she had asked him to drive her to Yixing’s place?

They didn't say anything on the way and Hani was glad. Firstly because she had no idea what to say, and secondly anything she said would come out awkward anyway. They were awkward. Period. Would they ever return to being just Hani and Luhan?

“We’re here.” Luhan suddenly said.

Hani snapped out of her reverie and looked around. She didn't even realise the car had come to a halt in front of Yixing’s apartment. She took a deep breath before she turned to look at Luhan. She wanted to tell him he could leave, but he cut her off.

“I don't know what happened between you and Yixing, but I’ll wait right here.”

Not trusting to speak, Hani simply nodded her head. With shaky legs, she stepped out of the car and slowly made her way to the building, thinking of what to say. Why did she have the feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong?

She was so lost in thought she ended up bumping into someone. She quickly apologized before her eyes searched the face of the stranger. Except it wasn’t a stranger. It was Yixing.

“Yixing!” She blurted before she wrapped her arms around him. “Thank God you’re ok! What happened? Why haven’t you answered any of my calls or texts?”

Yixing wanted to wrap his arms around her so badly, but his eyes had already caught sight of the man that was the cause of everything, and he stepped out of  her embrace, his face hard and his voice cold.

“What are you doing here?”

Hani looked up at him, her brow furrowed.  “What do you mean what am I doing here? I came here looking for you. Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?”

Yixing run his fingers through his hair in frustration. How could she not know what she did wrong? “When were you going to tell me?”

“T-tell you what?” Hani stammered. She was shaking with fear. Was this about the kiss? How did he find out about it?

Yixing looked straight into her eyes. “When were you going to tell me you kissed him?”

“What... How...”

“And when were you going to tell me you have feelings for him Hani? How could you like me when you’ve loved him all your life?”

“Yixing, what are you talking about?” Hani asked with a frown. “Listen, I’m sorry I didn't tell you about the kiss. We were just... practicing for the show and...”

“If you were practicing Hani, you would’ve told me. I know you.” Yixing pointed out. “The fact of the matter is that the kiss meant something to you, which is why you wanted to hide it from me.”

“Yixing please... don't do this to me. I love you. I really do.” Hani pleaded. Tears were already falling down her cheeks and she grabbed his hand tightly. He wouldn’t leave her would he?

Yixing scoffed and shook his head. “When you find out what love really means, and when you find out who you really love, then you come to me. But for now, let’s just call it quits ok?”

“Yixing no! I don't want to!” Hani cried desperately. “I don't love Luhan. I love you!”

He looked at her sadly. Taking a step closer to her, he planted a quick kiss on her lips. “I want to believe you so badly, but I don't think you believe that yourself. Goodbye Hani.”

He walked away before his dam broke, never once turning back. He couldn't. He wanted to be with her, but how could he be with someone who loved someone else? And when will she realise that she loved Luhan?

Luhan watched the whole scene unfold before his very eyes up until the point of Yixing walking away. When Hani crumbled to the ground, he hurriedly made his way over to her. He cradled her in his arms as she cried, figuring that Yixing had either said something hurtful or had broken up with her entirely. It must’ve been the latter. Hani was practically bawling her eyes out. But why did he break up with her in the first place?

He carried her to the car when it started getting cold, and drove her back to the apartment. He helped her into her room where Hana was waiting impatiently. She rushed over to her twin when she saw how bad she looked and helped Luhan placed her on the bed. When Hani finally settled in, Hana turned to Luhan.

“Do you mind leaving us alone for a minute? I need to talk to her for a bit.”

“Can’t it wait? I think Yixing broke up with her.” Luhan replied. He saw a shoe box on the bedside table, and briefly wondered of its contents. The pair of shoes that came in the box was outside by the door and as far as he knew, Hani was not a shoe box collector.

Hana frowned as comprehension dawned on her. She knew exactly why Yixing had broken up with her. Which was why she really needed to talk to her twin as soon as possible. She grabbed Luhan’s arm and pushed him out the door, shutting it in the process. Except she never did lock it, and she had forgotten the latch on Hani’s door broke a few days ago, giving Luhan the chance to peek and eavesdrop.

“Hani, when were you going to tell me?” Hana asked quietly.

Hani rubbed her wet cheeks. “Tell you what?”

“That there was more to that kiss with Luhan.” Hana said as she picked up the diary. “I think Yixing found this box.”

“It doesn’t matter. He already broke up with me.” Hani croaked out.

“Yeah but Hani, don't you see why? All these love letters are addressed to Luhan. You’ve never sent any of them. Why didn't you tell me you have feelings for Luhan?” Hana questioned as she picked up a letter with the earliest date. “Since you were 7 Hani.”

Luhan clasped his hands over his mouth and leaned against the wall. Hani loved him since they were 7 years old? She never told him! There was not one moment that showed she had feelings for him whatsoever. It never even crossed his mind that Hani might have a crush on him. His head was reeling with questions but he knew now was not the right time. Quietly, he made his way out. He was... quite speechless. And he couldn't even put what he was feeling into words.

Sitting on a bench near Han River, Yixing placed his head in his open palms, his heart laden with sadness. The words on the diary flashed through his mind once again, and he heaved yet another deep sigh. Did he do the right thing by walking away?

We kissed, diary. Luhan and I kissed. And I think... I think all those feelings I buried inside are resurfacing. Oh God diary, what am I going to do? I think I’m falling in love with him again. 

Chapter posted on: 30 Jun. 2015