When we got to Jessica’s apartment, I had given the kid her piece of chocolate for what she had done earlier, and I also gave her a hint to my little secret. The kid was so ecstatic in knowing the hint to my secret and she wouldn’t shut up about it. We had our dinner, just like Jessica had said, and Yuri joined us minutes later.

The kid was still as mischievous as ever and she would constantly be nice to Yuri because she knew her reward was adding up. Of course, Yuri was a er to the kid’s kindness and she couldn’t help but comply with the kids ‘kind’ deeds. I actually felt kind of sorry for Yuri, but she did say that she wanted the kid to warm up to her. So that feeling of being sorry vanished almost immediately into thin air when I really thought about it.

Jessica, on the other hand, kept on eye on me. She knew I was behind this change in Soojung’s ways, but I didn’t fess up. She had been quite annoyed with me and from the looks of it I could tell that the kid hasn’t told her anything either. I was actually glad that the kid could keep a secret for the benefit of Yuri; then again, it was more like for her own benefit.

The days had gone by very smooth; of course, I would still get nightmares every morning and wake up being as sweaty as ever. I guess some things just wouldn’t change.

I had taken the llama with me to work and placed it on my desk. Henry wouldn’t stop pestering me about it and he would tease me every once in a while, but I didn’t give a damn about it. The kid had worked hard to make it for me and I was grateful for it. I left it there for everyone to see. I wanted to show everyone, who would pass by, that marvelous piece of artwork. Honestly? The kid’s art deserved all of the praising that it would get.

Today was the big day and Soojung was just as excited as ever. We had driven my car to the place since I had known where exactly it was located. Yuri sat in the front with me and both Jessica and Soojung sat in the back of my car. I would sometimes steal glances from my rear view mirror and observe the two while they slept. Yuri had also fallen asleep next to me and the music was my only companion while I drove. I watched as Jessica would try and get comfortable in the back seat every once in a while. She looked as if she was having a hard time trying to get comfortable. I looked back at the road and looked at the signs up ahead. We still had quite a while until we arrived.

“Are we close to the place yet?” I heard Jessica’s voice from the back seat, “We’re closer than what we were about an hour ago.” Jessica let out a frustrated sigh, “I can’t sleep. Your car isn’t comfortable.” I let out a soft chuckle, “I think I have a pillow in the trunk. I’m about to stop to put some gas, so just wait a bit and you can get comfortable then.” I heard Jessica let out a whine and I smiled at her immatureness.

“I noticed that you haven’t been speaking with Nana lately. Is there a reason why?” I glanced at the rear view mirror to look at Jessica for a second. It is true, I haven’t been speaking with Nana ever since I found out about her having history with Henry, “ Henry and her have history together.” I glanced at the rear view mirror again and I saw Jessica giving me a confused look, “Henry went out with Nana?” You know I thought she would have caught on since Henry had made it pretty obvious that he still likes Nana, “Yeah, that’s why I’m not speaking with her at the moment since I don’t want to get caught up in a love triangle. It’s too much drama.” Jessica stayed quiet for quite a while and I glanced back at her and noticed that she was caught up in her own thought.

“Yuri…” I lifted up an eyebrow at the mention of her name. What does Yuri have to do with any of this? “What about Yuri?” I saw Jessica fidget a bit in her seat, “ I… well … Yuri and I talked about you not so long ago…” They talk about me? “And we had happened to come across a certain subject…” I felt my body tense up and I looked at Yuri from the corner of my eye. She was still asleep and so was Soojung, “ What about it?” I felt my stomach turn into knots and my grip on the steering wheel tightened, “She didn’t go into detail but… I’m sorry Amber.”  My jaw clenched together tightly and I found it hard to breathe a bit, but I kept myself stable. I’m not about to break down right now. No, not now, not while I’m in front of Jessica. I gathered up as much will as I could to at least sound normal, “ It’s not your fault Jessica. So don’t be sorry about it because I’m moving on, so don’t worry about me.” I tried my best to muster up a smile and it had seemed to work since Jessica smiled back. I saw a gas station, and in all my years that I have lived I have never been so happy to see one.

I parked next to one of the gas pumps and opened the trunk to the car. I looked for the pillow and found it. Yuri got out of the car, and I saw her stretch, “Hey do me a favor and pump gas into the car? I really have to go.” Yuri looked at me and then extended her arm, and I smirked at her. Not even because I’m helping her with Soojung and invited her to come along with us will she pay for the gas. I mentally rolled my eyes at her and took out my wallet and gave her my card, “Oh and give this to Jessica.” I closed the trunk and gave her the pillow. Yuri muttered an okay and took the items from me. I could tell that she was still half asleep from the nap she just took.

I walked away and went to one of the restrooms. As if luck were to be on my side, the restroom had both of the genders sign on it; so now people won’t think I’m some kind of ert trying to get into the women’s restroom. I quickly entered and closed the door behind me, not forgetting to lock the door, and I walked over to the sink. I was still tense and my stomach was still in a knot. Memories of her flooded my mind and I tried my best to block them out. I opened the cold water and splashed myself so that it could at least help me out, but luck just wasn’t on my side.

All my life I’ve felt like a burden Amber, and that’s why I was never able to open up to people. When I tell people about how I’ve actually tried to suicide myself, they end up treating me differently.

I remember when I was in high school and people found out about me trying to suicide myself. They would all end up pitying me, and just when I thought I made friends it would back lash at me. When the parents found out about my past, they had told their kids that they should stay away from me. You don’t know how I felt when I found out the truth. None of them told me why they would stay away from me, but I ended up finding out.

I looked at myself in the mirror as her words rang through my head. I remember how hurt she looked when she had talked to me about some of her past. From that moment on I promised myself to try and stop her from hurting.

Yuri had been my best friend since childhood. God was she stubborn as hell! You know, I found out about her mother telling her to stay away from me, but that girl just wouldn’t listen. She went against her mom’s demands and still stuck around me even though I had pushed her away. She had told me that she wasn’t going to give up on me that easily since I had helped her out before. She kept on saying something about best friends stick together until the end.

I didn’t meet Yuri until months later when she had introduced us. It had been awkward between the two of us and I had a hard time opening up to her, but because of my ex I tried my best even though I had felt a bit uncomfortable.

Hey Amber… don’t panic okay?

I felt it starting to become hard to breathe again.

I um… I’m at the hospital right now actually….

My hands trembled and I gripped the sides of the sink harder. I saw as my hands turned white from gripping on too hard and I let out ragged breaths from trying to get some oxygen into my system. It was starting to get really difficult for me to breathe. I looked at myself in the mirror, and my eyes were dilated and I looked scared as .

I um… I’m sorry Amber… I just couldn’t do it anymore and before I knew what had happened… I… I…

“Amber!” I heard Yuri ‘s voice from the other side of the door. She was knocking on the door pretty hard, but that didn’t stop myself from feeling like a fish out of water. I started to breathe even harder and I clutched my chest as a dull pain started to form and I tried to get some oxygen into my lungs. “Amber open the door! You’ve been in there for quite a while now.” I looked at the door and slowly walked towards it, “Amber!” Yuri was now pounding on the door. I unlocked the door and I fell to the floor as I tried to control my breathing. “ing Amber. You’re having another panic attack aren’t you?” Yuri had opened the door and she made her way towards me. She held me up and put me against the wall. “Amber look at me. Look at me.” Flashes of her kept on coming into my mind. Yuri cupped my cheeks and I saw her calm eyes, “It’s okay. Alright? I’m here now. Just breathe…. Come on just do as I do, big steady breaths.” I listened to her and inhaled and exhaled at a slower pace. I closed my eyes and listened to her voice as she tried to calm me down, “Good, you’re doing great Am.”

The next few minutes I spent trying to calm down. Yuri had been with me through out the entire time as I did, “What happened?” Yuri asked when she noticed that I had calmed down, “You told Jessica about her didn’t you?” Yuri looked at me and nodded, “I told her about my best friend and how you had been her girlfriend. That’s all I told her and the fact that she’s… well you know…” I nodded and I felt my body relax, “Thanks Yul.” Yuri smiled at me, “What are friends for right?” I found myself smiling back, “Let’s get back to the car. I’m feeling much better now. Thanks.” Yuri stood up and helped me stand on my own two feet.

I felt my legs shake a bit and I shrugged it off a bit, “Still feeling a bit shaky?” Yuri asked as she saw me shaking a bit, “Yeah just give me a minute.” Yuri held open the door as she watched me, “Alright let’s go.”

“What took you so long?” Jessica asked as both Yuri and I got into the car, “Sorry there was a line and the girl before me was taking forever.” I lied through my teeth because I