Stepping Up
My Perfect Stranger
That Sunday morning I hopped out of bed to cook breakfast for my little angels. As I guessed it, it took forever for me to put those boys to bed, two hours to be exact. I believe the only reason they even fell asleep was because they'd burnt out all of their energy. Though it was a Saturday night, I still wanted my babies to get their beauty sleep.
As I cracked open an egg and poured it's yolk into a bowl, my phone buzzed signifying a notification. I washed my hands then checked to see that I had a new follower on Instagram.
"A new follower? Hm, more likes for me!"
I looked at the username and saw that it was jonghyun.948. I know plenty of people named Jonghyun so I wasn't really alarmed until I clicked on the profile.
Low and behold, it was of course Kim Jonghyun. How the hell did he even find my Instagram account? That's one strange man. I'm not really bothered though. I'm sure he'd just like to see pics of our kids since that's mainly what I upload. I could only hope that he wouldn't turn into a full fledged stalker.
I sat my phone down before going back to cooking breakfast. I cooked bacon, eggs, grits, pancakes, and Taemin's favorite, waffles. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I imagined his reaction.
When I finished, I ran upstairs to wake up the boys. They were literally knocked out, but I didn't cook this breakfast for nothing.
I ran in between Taemin and Jongin's bed, and gently shook their shoulders.
"Taeminnie, Jonginnie, get up. It's time to eat, sweetie." They didn't even budge so I shook them harder. "Honey, I cooked breakfast for the both of you. Please get up."
Taemin stirred and groaned complaining of not having enough sleep. Jongin slowly blinked his eyes open. He tried to close them, but I hopped up and lifted him out of bed.
"Oh, no you don't. I cooked breakfast for us to eat as a family. You're going to wakeup." I sat him down by the door before lifting Taemin out of bed and doing the same thing.
It was quite a battle getting them downstairs. Taemin almost tripped and Jongin even ran into a wall. I had to hold my snickers in so I wouldn't hurt their pride.
"This is why umma knows best," I nagged as we continued to walk downstairs. "The next time I say go to sleep, I mean it." They groaned as a response and that was good enough.
They took their seats at the dining room table as I went to the kitchen to prepare their plates. More likely than not, they're catching up on sleep at the table, but I decided not to mess with them. I was finished with their plates in about five minutes. I carried their plates first and set them down.
"I'm going back to get mine. Don't eat without me."
"But umma," said Taemin, "the food looks so good. I can't wait."
I chuckled. "You guys are extremely whiny in the morning. Just wait a sec, kiddo. It won't take long."
I hurried in the kitchen to grab my plate then sat at the dining room table. We said our daily prayer before diving in.
Jongin beamed, "Umma, this bacon is amazing!"
Taemin nodded. "And these waffles are out of this world! You're amazing, umma. Appa and Minho are two lucky guys."
I beamed. "Well, thanks. I only put so much love in it because I love you two so much. The more love, the better the food."
"Really?" Jongin seemed fascinated. "I want to learn how to cook with love! Where do you buy it?"
My heart was swelling at how cute he was being. "Aww, you don't buy it, silly. It's inside of you. Right here," I pointed to my heart.
"Here?" He pointed to his own heart.
"Yes, honey. All you need is heart. Even if food tastes bad, if it's prepared with love, it's that much better. As long as it came from the heart."
Taemin piped in. "Oh, I get it. Like how on Christmas you wasn't feeling good so your heart couldn't love as much. That's what made your lasagne taste so bad!"
My eyes widened. "Yah, I tried my best. I had a cold from the weather. I didn't want everyone getting sick so I couldn't put as much love into it. Plus, it wasn't that bad. Right, Jongin?"
I looked over to him and he scrunched up his face as he said, "Well~"
I gasped playfully. "You traitor! You're supposed to be on my side. How could you, Kim Jongin?"
He giggled. "You taught us to not tell lies, umma."
I narrowed my eyes. "True, but this is not over. I will get the both of you. So watch out."
They looked at each other and laughed before going back to eating. It would have been nice to have Minho over for breakfast as well, but he and his team were practicing hard for the World Cup, even though it's months away. I understand though because they're representing Korea and wouldn't want to disappoint. I'm just starting to get used to having him around, so when he's gone, I miss him. I miss him a lot. But it's only the morning, so I don't have much to complain about.
"Umma," Jongin got my attention. "Do you think you'll ever marry Minho?"
I stared off into space as I sighed. "That's grown people's business. Stay out of it."
"But...... I'm just curious. You said if we ever had questions, we could ask you anything."
Wow, they're really good at flipping my words around. "Baby, it's not easy to explain."
Taemin joined in. "You can try though. We just really like Minho, and I don't feel comfortable just calling him Minho because he acts like Appa. So I want to call him Minho-appa."
"I know, honey. It's just that marriage is a big commitment."
"But both of our grandparents have been together forever."
"Yeah, but they got together when times weren't so hard. Plus, me and Minho are two busy people. A wedding would just get in the way right now."
Jongin said sadly, "So does that mean that I'll never get to call Minho appa? You'll never get married?"
And then I could see it in those sad little eyes. They fell in love with Minho just like I had. They needed a father in their lives. I mean, they have Jonghyun, but not everyday. It must be hard for them because they need a dad to teach them about guy things. Though I am a guy, I'm very feminine, which is why I'm one of few men who are able to have kids. I don't know much about manly things like fixing a car or playing sports like baseball or soccer. They need a full time dad.
I reached over and caressed Jongin's face. "Don't be sad, baby. Just give it time. I can't guarantee it, but there's a possibility that we will get married in the future. We just have to wait for the right timing, ok? Don't stress yourself out."
He nodded. "Ok, umma."
I sat back in my seat. "That goes for the both of you. I know you guys really like Minho and that's great, but you can't stick your nose in places where it doesn't belong. Just stick to being kids, ok?"
They both nodded and we went back to eating. I love how honest I can be with them and how they aren't afraid to ask me things. We have a special bond that can't be broken.
We finished up breakfast and they headed upstairs to their room. I stayed downstairs to clean up the dining room and the kitchen. As I was washing dishes, I began to think about my past when times were much simpler.
For some reason, I can never get those happy thoughts of me and Jonghyun out of my head. Before he went crazy, we would have a blast. He introduced me to a lot of things, including illegal things. Oh, those were the days.
I smirked to myself as I thought about the time Jonghyun influenced me to try ecstasy. I knew it was wrong to do, but we were in love and that was around the time I rebelled against my parents, so I didn't care. Unfortunately, those good times have ended.
It just saddens me to know that we have such an unstable relationship now. Not just for the sake of us, but for our boys. I never want then to feel like it's normal for us to fight the way we do. The least the both of us can do is show them how an adult is supposed to act by getting along. I know it's possible if Jonghyun just has a clear understanding of where I'm coming from. That thought influenced me to do what's coming up next.
I pulled my hands out of the dishwater and dried them off with a nearby towel. I grabbed my phone and hesitantly dialed Jonghyun's number.
I sighed heavily. "Here goes nothing."
The phone rang two times before he picked up. "Well, this is a surprise," said Jonghyun in an entertained voice.
"Look, I'm calling so we can have a clear understanding."
"About what?"
"Our kids. Now, I know we don't have the best relationship, but I think it'll only be fair to our sons that we try to get along better than we have been."
"Oh? I think we're getting along just fine."
"Really, Jonghyun? The last time I saw you, I left with a sore wrist. What do you call that?"
"Expressing my love?"
"That's the problem. You express things the wrong way. You've become so violent lately. I'm surprised you haven't put your hands on me."
"I would never even dream of damaging your pretty little body. It's too perfect."
"Ummm, yeah. We've gone off topic. Anyway, my point is, we need to have better communication. Do you want to know what the boys told me? They said they're used to us fighting so it's no big deal. That's not something I want them to get used to. That really embarrassing to me. I don't want our kids to be raised in a broken home."
I heard him sigh before he turned serious. "I understand, Kibum. Me and you have the same worries. Do you know how hard it is for me to try to be the best dad in the world from afar? It's ing ." I was quite shocked at how serious he was being because he usually wasn't. "It eats me up everyday that I don't get to see them, hug them, kiss them."
"I understand-"
"No you don't, Key. You get to see them every damn day while I only get to see them a few times a month. That's not the life I want to live."
I scoffed. "Well, what do you expect? You have anger problems and you won't get help. The judge would never let the boys live with you because of the concern of their safety."
"I would never ever hurt them-"
"I know, Jonghyun, I know. It's just to be safe. The only way you would be able to see them more is if our relationship gets better, and that's exactly why I called."
"Of course I want to get along better with you. I still love you so much, but one thing I will never be able to accept is you being with someone else. You can only be with me."
I grimaced. "So you want me to be alone forever?"
"If you're not with me, then yeah."
"You know what? You're so ing selfish and I can't stand that."
"Selfish? I'm selfish? Says that man forcing his children around another man."
I was getting worked up. "Forcing? I didn't force anything. Just so you know, the boys actually like him, love him even! They've even called him appa!" , I shouldn't have let that slip.
"What the did you just say?" He said slowly.
"Jonghyun, please-"
"Appa?! Yeah right. He will never be able to be their ing appa! We made those two together, we are their parents, we raised them! So for this to come randomly into their lives and for them to start calling him appa it ing hurts!"
"Jonghyun, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Can you please just try to give him a chance? At least have respect for him."
"Respect?! Is this a joke?! him! I will never support you two. Ever! You're mine and that will never change!" Then he hung up the phone.
I gripped my phone tightly before letting out a roar of frustration and throwing my phone across the kitchen. It hit a wall hard before flopping to the floor. I leaned my elbows on the counter and gripped my hair out of pent up anger and frustration.
I was frustrated because it seemed like no matter what I did, Jonghyun always wanted to be difficult. I understand that we have a deep past and share something so special, but for him to think he runs my life, that really pisses me off. I swear if it wasn't for my kids, I would've probably did something illegal to Jonghyun and his personal items by now.
I breathed heavily in and out as I tried to calm myself. I guess I can never win with this man. You'd think that he would want to comply with me more at least to see his children more often. But no. He's a stubborn as can be. He really needs to get help.
I grunted before standing up straight and looking for my phone that may be broken. I went to the other side of the kitchen and saw it lying on the floor. I picked it up and revealed a horribly cracked screen.
I sighed longingly. "At least it still works. I'll just buy another one later."
I heard little footsteps scurry into the kitchen before hearing Taemin's worried voice. "What's wrong, umma? We heard you scream and something hit something."
I looked down to see two sets of worried eyes staring up at me. The only two guys I dedicate my whole life to. I don't want to worry them anymore. They're just kids who need to remain kids for as long as possible.
I put a smile on. "I'm ok, babies. I just got scared then dropped my phone." I showed the phone to them.
Jongins eyes widened. "Whoa, and you say we're clumsy."
I rolled my eyes as I chuckled. "Whatever, smarty."
"Umma," said Taemin, "is Minho coming to see us today?"
"No. honey. He has to work today."
"Well, can we go see him?"
"I don't want to cause a distraction. He's training really hard for the World Cup."
Jongin joined, "But we miss him, though we just saw him yesterday. He's awesome and actually likes to play with us, unlike you."
I raised my eyebrow. "Yah, I work half the time and am a single parent. Give me a break. And I'm still not sure about disrupting his practice."
They both begged, "Please, umma? Pretty please? We'll be as quiet as possible. You won't even hear a peep!"
"I said no, ok?! Now don't question me again." I was already frustrated about Jonghyun. I really didn't want to take my frustration out on them.
Their heads dropped at the same time before they turned around to go back upstairs. I felt horrible. I don't like being the reason as to why my children are sad, but I just couldn't let them distract Minho. Shouldn't hanging out with him all day yesterday be good enough?
Back to Jonghyun. I guess I'm too nice. I've let him run over me for too long and I've reached my breaking point. It's time for me to put my foot down. I called his phone once again.
He picked up hastily. "Bummie, I'm sorry-"
"As of this day, your restraining order is coming into play. No more breaks nor exceptions. I don't want you anywhere near me or our children unless it's the designated days you're supposed to have them. That means no more surprise pop ups or stalking sessions. Oh yeah, and I'm blocking you on Instagram. I have no idea how you found mine in the first place, but it doesn't matter. My patience is wearing thin, Jonghyun, and you're to blame."
"Key, you can't be serious. So you're telling me you're going to take me away from my kids?"
"No, you'll just have to see them less. You've brought this upon yourself."
"So what am I supposed to tell them when they beg to see me? Huh?!"
"Oh, I don't know. Somewhere along the lines of 'I've been acting like a to your mom. Sorry if I never see you again. It's my fault. Love ya!' How about that?"
He scoffed. "You're being ridiculous. There is no way you're taking me away from them. If I have to get a lawyer, I will and you know it. So why complicate things?"
"You don't run my life anymore. I'm not on your time. You have two options. Either you straighten up your behavior, or you can kiss you visitation rights goodbye."
It was silent for a couple of seconds before I heard him chuckle. "You know what? I'll play along with this just for awhile. But when those boys start asking why daddy's not around as often, I hope you tell them it's your fault."
"Yah, don't blame me. All of this is your doing."
"I'll let you believe that. Anyway, when will I get to see them again?"
"Well according to the restraining order, twice a month, or every two weeks. You saw them a couple of days ago, so you have some weeks to see them again."
"Weeks?! I can't stay away from my boys for that long!"
"Well you should have thought about that before becoming reckless."
He calmed down before saying, "Interesting. I don't know how long this act will last. Just know that I will go to all measures to get what I want."
"Oh really? And what is that?"
"You, me, and the kids. One big happy family!"
"More like sappy family."
He chuckled. "Oh, you're full of wits today."
"I'm not playing, Jonghyun. I want you to stay away on the days you're supposed to be away. If you come anywhere near my house, I'll have no choice but to call the cops."
"What about your job?"
"Only if I have to work with you. If I don't, then you shouldn't be around."
"You're so cute."
"Can you take me serious for at least once?!" I was done with games. "Listen, don't call me unless I call you or it involves our kids. Don't text me unless I text you or it involves our kids. I'm done, Jonghyun, with you and your shenanigans."
"Sure, whatever you say. Later, Bummie." Then he hung up.
I didn't even both arguing about the name because I planned on not talking to him for a long time. To be honest, I felt ten times lighter after that discussion. I've been Jonghyun's puppet long enough.
The rest of the day went by stressfully. I had to come up with new outfits for a girl group, prepare the boys' lunches for tomorrow, stress about Jonghyun, and deal with attitudes.
Yes I said it. Attitudes from my two boys. They were giving me the cold shoulder the whole day because they couldn't see Minho. They were starting to make me feel bad. After such a stressful day, it's nice talking with them. However, when they ignore me, it hurts me.
I decided to walk upstairs to their room. When I opened the door, they instantly turned their heads to ignore me. I smiled slyly at their obvious attempt to shun me. I crept up to them slowly as they played a video game on the floor.
"Hey, babies. Watcha up to?"
They mumbled an incoherent answer as they continued their video game. I sat on Taemin's bed next to the TV.
"Soooo, what are you guys playing?"
Jongin answered without taking his eyes off the screen. "Assassin's Creed."
"Assassin's Creed? Isn't that the violent game I told you two not to ask for?"
"Minho got it for me because he's actually cool." Was that a shot at me?
"Ok, look." My serious voice got their attention. They paused the game and both looked at me. "I didn't mean any harm when I told you we couldn't see Minho. I just didn't want to interrupt his practice."
Taemin spoke. "We understand that, umma. That's not what we're upset about."
I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? What's troubling you then?"
"It's just the way you say things. We know you're our umma and we owe our life to you, but sometimes you're too strict and you come off as mean."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Really? I thought I was one of the nicest ummas around. Listen, I don't mean to make you two feel like you're less than what you are when I'm being strict. It's just, when I do say things in a nice way, you don't listen to me all the time. Only when I get mean and threatening you listen to me. Trust me, I don't like getting that way, but sometimes I have to." It was silent before I said. "Will you forgive me?"
They both looked at each other before looking back and me and smiling. They nodded their heads and stood up to hug me. As previously stated, they always know how to make me feel better.
I hugged them back tightly. "Yah, don't ever ignore me like that again. You hurt my feelings." They giggled as a response. When we pulled away, I asked, "Is there anything else you two would like to talk about?"
Jongin spoke. "Well, I've been feeling sad lately."
"Aww, why baby?"
He looked down. "Because of you"
"Me?"
"Yeah, but it's because you're not happy. "
I gave a sympathetic smile. "What do you mean, sweetie? Of course I'm happy."
He shook his head. "No you're not, umma. You may not think we know, but sometimes me and Taemin can hear you crying at night."
I gasped. "Honey, please don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's just a part of being an adult."
Taemin spoke. "We worry about you, umma. That's one of the reasons why we love Minho so much. He makes you happy. He watches out for you. That's all we really want for you. You take care of us all the time, umma. Now it's time for you to take care of yourself."
I took a deep breath and smiled. Wow, these boys are something else. I was feeling so many emotions at once that I didn't even know I let a single tear stream down my cheek.
"See what you've done," said Jongin to Taemin.
"Me? You're the one that brought it up. Now umma's even more sad."
I shook my head before smiling widely. "These are happy tears. I'm blessed to have such loving children. I swear I am. Even if I end up alone for the rest of my life, it wouldn't be so bad since I'm with you two. I love you guys." I engulfed the both of them into a big hug. They told me they loved me too and hugged back.
I love these little boys to death. Sometimes I can't even believe that me and Jonghyun were able to create something so beautiful from something so broken. I don't care how long it takes. I will dedicate my life to raising these boys to be real mean and nothing like their father.
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