As I walked towards Han River, I enjoyed the fresh night air. There was no sign of rain so I could easily see the stars in the sky. I saw how beautiful the scenery in Seoul is during the night. I realized how much I love living. I’m thankful that I had chosen the right decision. Why did I even think about committing suicide because I was rejected by some guy? He’s just a jerk anyway. As I was thinking about Sunggyu, I saw his silhouette in the dark, staring at the stars in the night sky. He had a sad expression. I couldn’t help but soften my heart at the sight of him. No, I shouldn’t be doing this. He’s a mean guy who doesn’t deserve my heart. I repeated this to myself as I prepared to meet him.

“Oppa?” He turned around as soon as I called out to him. He was wearing a hat and also a mask to hide his identity.

“Oh, you’re here.” I walked towards him. “How about we go for a walk while talking?”

“Okay.” We started walking slowly without going in any specific direction.

“So what should we talk about?”

“Up to you.” To be honest, I didn’t really know what to talk about.

“Last time we talked about me, so how about you this time?” I’m not sure why he’s curious about me. I started talking about my past work, how my clients had high standards and expectations that it was kind of hard. “Fashion design sounds like really hard work. Does your boss get mad at you a lot?”

“Well, it depends on my client. If my clients were satisfied, then my boss would praise me. If my clients were disappointed, then my boss would get mad. So I have to do my best.”

“Ah, so it’s like that. Then it’s kind of similar with being an idol. Everything depends on our fans. If our fans are satisfied in what we do, then we get praise. But if we do something wrong, then people will bash us.” Sunggyu confessed.

“It sounds tough being an idol. It must be tiring for you to smile all day long and pretend everything is okay.” I feel sympathetic towards him. It must have been hard to have everyone always looking at one person’s every step.

“Yes, it’s really tough. Especially if we hurt someone dear to us and we still have to keep on smiling everywhere..” He sighed. I looked at him, I wasn’t really sure what he meant.

“What do you mean by that?”

“No, it’s nothing. It’s all in the past anyway.” He sounded sad, but he tried to shrug it off. We didn’t talk for a while after that. I can see that Sunggyu is deep in his thoughts. I let his mind wander for a while.

“Oppa, what’s your favourite song?” I broke the silence, trying to take his mind off things.

“saranghanda mianhada”

He started to sing with the vocals I had missed.

“geurae deoneun andoegesseo

nan dagagal jagyeok jocha eobseo

nal saranghaji ma

naegen maeumeul naeeojul yeoyudo eobseo

maeireul himgyeopge salgo

haruga beogeowo ulgo

o nan.. nege jul su inneunge eobseo

missing U

ttatteutan maldo motae

I missing U

gamhi baral sudo eobseo

I missing U

ireohge mireonae

naegen gajingeon simjangppun motnan nomira” *

As he finished singing, I couldn’t help but bring out my inner INSPIRIT and clap for him. His voice didn’t change since 3 years ago. It was still that sweet yet sharp voice I loved. But I realised that the lyrics of the song were pretty sad.

“Oppa’s voice is cool, but why the sad lyrics?”

“I don’t really know. Maybe the lyrics really fit my situation?” He tried to laugh, but I knew it was just fake. I couldn’t help but think that it might have something to do with me. As I tried to think of a red thread, Sunggyu’s phone rang. It was Dongwoo.

“Hyung, where are you? All the members are worried!” Dongwoo was worried about his leader.

“I’m taking a walk right now. Why? Do you miss me?” He said. He could hear that the other members were disgusted by Sunggyu’s question.

“No, it’s not that. Manager hyung is looking for you right now.”

“Just tell him that I’m with Minjung. We’re working for my album right now.” The members were surprised. Dongwoo probably turned the speaker on.

“Hyung, are you working or are you on a date?” Sungjong asked.

“Why didn’t you ask us to come along? We could play something together.” Sungyeol said.

“Are you lying? Put Minjung-ssi on to prove it.” Woohyun challenged Sunggyu. Sunggyu gave me his phone and I held it near my ears.

“Hello?” I asked, not quite sure what the situation is.

“Hi Minjung-ssi.” It was L’s voice. “We are just making sure whether Sunggyu hyung is really with you or dating around.” It seems that Sunggyu often goes outside to date.

“Oh I see, we’re just working on his album’s fashion concept.”

“You’re not doing anything else right?” This time Hoya asked. Sunggyu probably heard the conversation because it was pretty loud so he took the phone back.

“Of course not. What else would we be doing?” Sunggyu talked back to Hoya and the other members. “I’ll be back soon, don’t worry. I’m hanging up.” Sunggyu ended the phone call. “Mian, they’re always like that. I hope you don’t feel offended.” At least he was polite.

“No, I don’t feel offended. They seem like a fun bunch.” Sunggyu looked relieved. “I think I should be heading back now.”

“Yeah, me too.” I was about to leave when Sunggyu grabbed my wrist. “Wait. How about we meet every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday at the same time?”

“If you really want to, I guess that should be fine.” We bid our farewells and part ways.

Since then, every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday was the day we held our meetings. There wasn’t always much to talk about. But we talk about anything that comes to our minds. These meetings became a habit and more of a routine which made me closer with Sunggyu. I also became closer with the other INFINITE members. What I didn’t realize was that I was falling in love with Sunggyu all over again.

* Credits to: https://colorcodedlyrics.com/2012/05/infinite_inpiniteu_-_only_tears_nunmulman [English lyrics also available]

Hope you guys enjoyed this update! There's still about 10 more chapters to go so please be patient guys! I'm currently writing Chapter 22 lol but I haven't update any of it because well, I love delaying stuff. And I found a way to write longer than I've been writing (which is to use Google Docs on my phone). It motivates me to write longer chapters. HAHA Thanks for bearing with me all this time guys! Love yous~ INFINITE FIGHTING!