The clock strikes 9.  We have been sitting on the couch aimlessly for about two hours now. 

“Should we speak about the past?” Kim Hyun Joong finally suggests.

“What about it?” I ask totally exhausted.  ‘I’m tired,’ I think to myself, ‘at this point, I am willing to tell the truth.  I can’t hide it anymore.’
“I’ve played it all too many times in my head you know,” he begins talking, “I’ve asked myself, ‘Why would she leave me? Did I do something wrong?’ over and over again.  It just didn’t make sense to me.  I would have hidden our relationship if that’s what you wanted.  I would have done anything to keep you.  But then you turned around and became famous as soon as you left me. ‘Was I a joke?  Was I not good enough?’  I had those thoughts.”  At this point, his voice became weaker and weaker.

I take a moment to think about what I am about to say.  “You did nothing wrong.  It was I who did all the wrongdoings.  I am going to be honest, more honest to myself than I have ever been before.  I couldn’t have you back then. I simply couldn’t.  I was a naïve person and because of my lack of self worth, I didn’t believe I deserved you,” I answer honestly.  He looks at me. Confused.  I expected that much before continuing, “When I left you, I promised myself that I would become someone worthy of you.  At first, becoming an entertainer was the last thing on my mind.  But then I met Yong Hwa oppa, he became my source of support and for that I am forever grateful.”  I could tell he did not like me mentioning Jung Yong Hwa’s name but I felt the need to do so anyways. “Oppa, you were always the main objective in the end.” I confess.

He takes a moment to collect his thoughts.  “So you left me because you didn’t think you were good enough? Does that even make sense?!” he begins to yell, “if that were the reason, why didn’t you tell me? I couldn’t have helped you fulfill your dreams.  You are all that I wanted.  I didn’t need you to be anything else.”

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.  I knew you’d be that way.  I had to do this for not only you, but for myself as well.  I couldn’t ask for your help,” I say in tears.