We sit at the table quietly.  The hotel lounge is filled with people but hardly anyone talking.  The only thing that can be heard is the low jazz music in the background. ‘It was him…I knew it was…those eyes…I know those eyes…did he notice me?’ I think to myself.  I look at Jung Yong Hwa oppa across the table.  ‘What should I do?’ He looks up and gives me a weak, awkward smile.  I return the weak, awkward smile.  He then continues to look at his menu. ‘Gosh, what should I do? This is so awkward.’

…

I finally decide to speak. “Um, so how is your drama going?” I ask.

“It is doing well,” he replies.  We fall silent again.

‘Ugh!!’

“Are you guys ready to order?” asks the waiter.

“Yes. Please give us the special?” he says and then looks at me, “and a side of dokki rolls.”

“Yes, sir,” he replies.  He walks away.

“You remember..” I said.

“Of course. How could I forget?...” he says to me.

We become silent again

…

“Oppa, it has been so long.” I finally say.

“I know…” he says.

…

‘The silence needs to stop’  “Oppa, we need to talk about the ball…” I start saying.

“No. I don’t want to talk about that,” he interrupts me.

“We got to talk about something then,” I say firmly.

“Then let’s talk about something else!” he blurts out.  He tries to recollect himself.

“Oppa. I don’t want you to avoid me anymore..” I confess.

He looks at me with a bewildered expression. “Do you think I want to?  Do you know how difficult it has been for me?  I…” he stops to recollect himself again.

“I know it has been hard on you but…” I start saying.

“I don’t want to talk about it here,” he interrupts me again.

“Then when will we be able to talk about this? You have been gone for so long. Every time I visit, you are either gone or in your room.  You avoid me even though we said that we would try to be friends…” I say before he could interrupt me again.

“I know we agreed that we would try… and at first I thought I could…but then I quickly realized that I can’t. I can’t Mor Ri. I love you too much.” He tells me.

I take a moment to take that in.  “I know you do.  But we both know that we can’t go on with not talking to each other.  We need to figure this out.” I say.

“I know…I just don’t know what to do,” he confesses.

….

We become silent again.

…

“I don’t want to lose you again,” I finally confess, “I know I am being selfish by saying this… it hurts.”

“We can’t be friends,” he blatantly says.

“Can we at least try?” I plead.

“I don’t know…,” he said, “…I’ll try harder to be able to be around you.  I realize now that even though it kills me, I can’t live without you, but I can’t promise you that we can ever be friends.”  That’s just too difficult right now.”

Tears start to fall from my face. “Thank you. Thank you.” I repeat to him.