Chapter 20:

Seulmi's POV

"Seulmi... I am soooo sorry!" Joy begged for forgiveness as I sat on my usual lunch table.

She just told me of what she found out and what she told Luhan yesterday. I became more upset after that. But I forgive her. I knew that she didn't mean any of this go so far. She was only trying to help me.

I patted her shoulder with a small smile, "It's okay, Joy. I forgive you. It was a petty secret of mine. I guess this is how I pay for my mistake."

Joy pouted in guilt. "What do we do now?"

I looked down, "I have to talk to him, alone. I'm the only one who can fix this."

~

Last Night when Luhan got home.

Luhan's POV

*She never intended loving me. It was all for Kai. Did she even love me for real? Did she ever even think about how hurt I feel? Did she even plan on telling me? Was she planning on keeping this from me forever???*

I collapsed on top of my bed, but sat back up, finding my cheeks stained with water. I didn't hold it in. I wept. I threw pillows to the ground, screamed my lungs out. After the tantrum, I managed to sit back down on my bed, gripping the hair on my scalp, hoping that physical pain of the hair being pulled out of my head would hurt more than the emotional pain. Tears waterfalled from my eyes and to my lap endlessly.

"How could I be such a fool? How could I be so stupid?" I spoke to myself.

Gasping for air, I didn't know what to do next. How could I ever recover from this? I never looked at any other girl besides Seulmi. I never even thought about what would happen if we ever broke up. She was my life, my air, my strength. Without her, what am I? Who am I?

"She never even loved me..."

~

Thursday after school.

Seulmi's POV

Joy and Youngjae dropped me off at home again. Throwing myself onto my bed, I sighed, worried to death. What does Luhan think of me now? A lying, cold-hearted, back-stabbing witch? I definitely think I am. I couldn't forgive myself. All I thought about was him.

He doesn't know the truth. He doesn't know that I changed. He doesn't know that I'm here for him now, and only him. I'm here to care for him, love him, and defend him, just like what he did for me. Yes, it's true. My intentions were stupid and cold-hearted. I only thought about myself and for Jongjn to talk to me again. But I opened my eyes to seeing someone who really cared for me and protected me.

But Luhan doesn't know that I changed.

He needs to know.

He's everything to me. He is the reason why I keep going. He's the reason why I try my best, the reason why I wake up in the morning, motivated. He's the reason why I can love again. He's the reason why I can trust again. Without him, what can I do?

Without him? Those two words terrify me. Because now I can't even imagine life without at least seeing his face or hearing his voice at least once. Without him? I don't even know.

His smile is my definition of happiness. His hug is my definition for warmth. His soft "I-love-you"s are my signals that say that my day is complete. Yes, I love him. I love him more than even I could ever count. But he doesn't know that. Not now

I have to fix this.

~

Holding onto to only hope and faith, I knocked on the apartment door ever so slightly. No answer. I knocked again, harder. Nothing. I knocked harder and louder. Still nothing. Luhan’s aunt doesn’t get home until later, so Luhan is alone in there.

Just like how Luhan got into my house the day after my dad passed away, I used the spare key he gave me in exchange for mine. After unlocking the keyhole, the door slowly swung open. I quietly walked inside, closing the door behind me. It was silent and Luhan’s door was shut. Without knocking, I carefully opened his door, seeing an unexpected mess. Books, papers, pillows, and notebooks lay on the floor surrounding Luhan as he sat up on the floor, hugging his knees, and burying his face in his arms.

I was torn by the sight. My hart felt like it was being stabbed. I’m such a monster.

I made my way towards him, kneeling down beside him, laying my hand on his shoulder. Surprised by the sudden touch, he lifted his head, seeing me. He instantly threw my hand off of his shoulder and face the other direction, not making eye contact with me, but I could still see his red eyes.

“Don’t talk to me. Go home.” He demanded, coldly.

“Luhan… I’m sorr-“

“No! Get away from me, Seulmi! I don’t want you here!”

I was taken aback. He’s never acted this way before, and yet I couldn’t blame him.

“Han, please…” Tears streamed down my face as I stared at him in pain, “Han, just please listen to me.”

“I don’t want to hear any more from you.” He stood up and attempted to leave the room, but I stopped him from doing so, kneeling onto the floor, I grabbed his arm as if I was begging.

“Han~ You don’t understand!” I explained with a shaky voice. “I don’t need Jongin anymore. I need you. Yes, I loved him, but that’s all gone! I moved on and my love for you was the reason.”

He finally met as he turned towards me.

“You lied to me, Seulmi~! You used me!!!” He shouted.

“Yes! I did! But only in order to forget Jongin!”

“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t need to…”

I hung my head, but still kept hold of his hand.

“I loved you with all the love I could give, Seul…” He told me, sensing falling from his eyes. “You were all I needed….. I didn’t know that whenever you told me that you loved me back, you were only lying.”

I shook my head rapidly in disagreement. “I loved you, Han. You’re everything to me! You’re my happiness, my heart, and soul. I lied to you not only because I wanted Jongin to talk to me again but also because I wanted to love you the way you love me.”

He was quiet, covering his eyes with his spare hand. Meanwhile, I pulled myself up beside him and held onto his shoulder. But by the time I looked at his water stained cheeks, I couldn’t help myself but to hug him tightly on the waist. Even though he didn’t hug me back, I didn’t care. It’s been too long. My embrace was tight and warm, but I felt empty inside.

“Han~ Please… please believe me. Forgive me. Because…” I gasped for air, “Y-you’re everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore.”

I could feel his breath cry for air.

“I- I understand… if you don’t love me anymore…” I told him, giving myself a stab in the heart. “I- I understand if you never want to see me again… I- If that’s what will make you forgive me… I’ll do what it takes, Han….”

I didn’t have the strength to let go of the hug again. I couldn’t find a way to unlock my arms from his waist. So I stood there, begging for a miracle to happen, begging for time to go back and rewind to the time I made my stupid decision so that I could undo it and that we wouldn’t be in so much pain.

Just when I was about to force myself to let go, I felt his arms wrap around slowly and gently. His embrace never changed from how I remembered it, but it made me feel relief but also guilt. He hugged me back just as tight as I did. I felt his tears fall onto the top of my head and unexpectedly, a soft kiss on the top of my head too. We stood there, crying our hearts out, letting ourselves know that this was love… pain and sadness, but also smiles and happiness.

Luhan let go soon and pulled me off of him. Staring into my teary, red eyes, he caressed my face with an understanding and slightly relaxed face. He showed a weak smile before saying that rest.

“I don’t wish for us to never see each other again. I also never stopped loving you, but…” He paused, sighing lightly.

I stayed silent, waiting for him to finish.

“I think… I think we need a break…”

His words shattered me to pieces.

I stuttered. “B- br- break?”

He wiped his teary eyes, not letting any more water fall. He gulped. “We need… some time alone. Some time to think and time to refresh.”

“But Han…”

“It’s the best for us…. The both of us…” He looked into my eyes in despair.

Luhan came closer to me and kissed me forehead as I held onto his arms.

He held my hands and stared into my eyes again.

“We’re not breaking up… we’re just taking a break for a while.”

“H- How long will it take?” I asked with a shaky, quiet voice.

He shook his head. “I don’t know…”

“When will we say goodbye?”

“It’s not goodbye… it’s see-you-later…”

A single tear escaped my eye and he noticed it. With that, he kissed me again, but this time on the lips, gently and softly. The he looked down.

“When I leave for Beijing soon, that will be the beginning of the wait.” He told me.

“When are you coming back?”

“When I’m ready to love again.”

“What if you find someone else? What if you fall in love over there? What if-“

“Shh… I won’t let that happen.”

He pulled me into another tight hug.

“I promise that I’ll come back and that I’ll come back only ready to love you again. And only you.”

Only you.

~

Friday.

Narrator’s POV

Jongin never figured out what happened to Jinah. She never came back to school after that day she found out that Jongin was moving. Luhan didn’t come back to school either, as expected. The classroom was quiet for once. No one gossiped about Seulmi or Jongin. No one questioned them because by just looking at the two, everyone knew that they weren’t meant to be questioned.

~

During Lunch, Joy sat with Seulmi and made that place her permanent lunch table from now on. Youngjae would sit with her as well, but he usually comes after buying lunch.

Much to Joy’s surprise, Seulmi wasn’t blank anymore. She could focus now and greet people just like how she used to. It sort of frightened Joy.

“Yah… Han Seulmi… Gwaenchana?” She asked in confusion.

After gulping her milk, Seulmi turned to her and nodded.

“Did you get to talk to Luhan yet? What happened?”

“We’re alright. We’re still together.”

“They why isn’t he at school?”

Seulmi sighed at the thought of his words yesterday. “We’re just taking a break right now. We decided on some time alone to refresh and think.”

“How long will it take?”

“That’s the problem… I don’t know.”

~

Saturday. The day that Jongin leaves for Ulsan.

Seulmi bid him a farewell and see-you-later after school on Friday. Jongin remembered what he promised her and vowed to keep it for it would be best for both of them. His five male friends visited the airport to see him off. Sehun was stuck to Jongin’s arm, begging him not to leave, until he had to be pried off of him using Baekhyun’s help.

“We’ll see you again soon, Kai.” Suho patted the younger guy’s shoulder.

“Make sure to keep in contact and let us know when you’re coming back.” Baekhyun reminded him.

“Stay safe and stay healthy. We’ll see each other again.” Kyungsoo told him.

“Make sure to brush your teeth and smile often!” Chanyeol cheered.

“Hyung~! Text me whenever you can! Make sure you never ever, never ever, ever, ever, ever forget me, hyung~!” Sehun attacked him with a hug.

They resulted into a warm, emotional group hug and Sehun started crying. Suho had to take care of him and make sure he doesn’t attract too much attention. Unfortunately, the loud speaker announced the upcoming flight, 12880_UL, Jongin’s flight number. They all did their handshakes and gave their last hugs to Jongin before another one and a half year.

“Bye Kai~!” All 5 of them waved as they were heading towards the exit.

“Bye guys. Keep in contact!” Jongin waved and yelled until they parted ways.

~

45 minutes before flight.

Jinah, who has suddenly disappeared from Jongin’s sight, was debating on whether to visit the airport or not. Her feelings never changed for him, yet she couldn’t find the courage to see him again, knowing that he will only disappear from her life.

Battle ensued in her mind while her conscience was confused on what to do as well. Then she came to her final decision.

~

Jinah ran through the automatic, glass doors and searched all around the airport, scanning flight after flight. Finally, she spotted the one that flew passengers to Ulsan. 12880_UL

Right at that moment, the loud speaker announced the number, saying that they were now boarding passengers onto the plane. She panicked and sprinted towards the crowded area. Luckily, she found a group of good-looking teenage guys from afar. She recognized their faces and made a run for it.

Her gaze soon fell upon Jongin who was walking towards the door, leading towards the plane. She was almost too late. He was already going inside. From the top of her lungs, she screamed.

“KAI~!”

Fortunately, it caught his attention and many others’ too. His eyes widened and she sprinted over to him. She soon attacked him with a hug on the waist, causing him to freeze and drop his bags.

“Kai, I’m so sorry for being so mean to you, so harsh to you. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?! To Ulsan too?! Why does it have to be so far? Why do you have to go?” Tears streamed down Jinah’s cheeks and Jongin noticed in shock.

He hugged her back and pulled her away, caressing her cheeks so that he could see her better.

“Sorry, I couldn’t tell you. I guess leaving without a proper goodbye is a bad habit of mine…” He sort of giggled, but she didn’t even smile one bit.

“What about us?? What about me?” Jinah asked him. “What am I going to do? Aren’t we still dating? Don’t we still need to be together?”

“Long distance relationships?”

Jinah whimpered. “Why can’t you stay? Stay here in Seoul.”

“Jinah, I can’t.”

“But I like you, Kai! What am I supposed to do when you’re not around?”

“Just wait for me.”

“But what if you find someone new? What if you begin to fall in love over there? What about me? I’ll be over here, waiting for you, who would already have someone else?”

Jongin shook his head. “I promise that I’ll come back and I’ll come back to see you again, fall in love with you.”

“But-“

“Do you trust me?” He interrupted her.

She slowly nodded.

“Do you believe that I’ll do what I say?”

She nodded again.

“Do you like me?”

She nodded, then suddenly he pulled her into a kiss on the lips, which he’s never done before. It lasted for a few seconds before he pulled away, slowly. Jinah stood there in shock.

“That means I like you too.” Kai told her, earning tears of happiness to flow down her cheeks again.

I’ll wait for you. No matter how long it takes.

~

Next Week. Saturday.

Luhan never told Seulmi the date for his departure and she didn’t know that it would be today.

She stopped by his apartment to ask him, not knowing that he was already gone.

Knock knock.

Luhan’s aunt opened the door as she was fixing her scarf on her neck in a hurry.

“Oh? Seulmi? What are you doing here?” She asked.

“Luhan never told me when his flight was. Should I go in and ask him or do you already know?”

She paused and frowned. “He never told you?”

Seulmi shook her head. “Is he in there? Should I go in and ask him?”

“Uhh... Seul… I don’t know what to say… I thought he told you. I thought that you two would be together.”

“What are you saying, Eumoni?”

“Uhhh… Luhan already left for the airport. His flight leaves at 12:00. Mine leaves at 3 tonight. He leaves before me.”

Seulmi’s eyes widened and she snatched her phone out of her pocket, swiftly. She looked at the time. 11:20.

~

Airport traffic was the worst. Seulmi arrived at the main doors of the airport at exactly 11:55. Just like what Jinah did, she ran and ran until she found one that found the correct plane destination. 47712_BEI, flight to Beijing at 12:00.

“This must be it.” Seulmi thought to herself.

She sprinted towards the crowd of people surrounding the door to the hallway that led to the plane. She desperately tried to find him, just to say goodbye, just to say that she loves him one more time, just to see him before he leaves.

“Please… please…”

She found herself staring at only a crowd of eager passengers. Losing all hope in the crowd she shouted his name, just like how Jinah did.

“LUHAN~!!!” She screamed from the top of her lungs.

“LUHAN~!!!!!!”

Not a single response came.

“HAAAANNNN~!!!!”

Her hope was lost as the last twenty passengers went in. Her waterline started flooding and burned from all of the shouting.

“LUHAAANN~!!! Please….” She began losing her voice as she leaned forward, her body not giving up yet.

“Han….” She gasped for air and fell onto the cold floor in defeat.

The last passengers went inside and so did the flight attendants. With her knees to the floor, she buried her face into her cold palms and sobbed for she was too late. It was too late.

He’s gone.

~

Please listen as you read: Click Here! :D

Seulmi dragged herself home after the airport. was dry and her eyes were as well. Her mother didn’t question her, but still approached her, giving her a warm, comforting hug.

“It’s alright, Seul…” She rubbed her back in circles to help Seulmi relax.

Seulmi sniffed. “I couldn’t catch up to him. I didn’t see him before he left.”

Mrs. Han pulled out of the hug and looked Seulmi in the eyes. Saying in a tender voice, “Luhan stopped by while you were at school and left you a note, but he left right after.”

“A note?”

Mrs. Han nodded. “It’s in your room. On your desk.”

Seulmi immediately ran to her room, finding a neatly labeled envelope on her desk.

The front of the envelope reading:

To my beautiful Seulmi

She eagerly opened the envelope neatly and found a folded paper with his usual pretty handwriting.

It read:

Seulmi,

I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you in person before I left, but I had no courage to say it. I was afraid that if said these, I would never leave anymore. But again, we have no choice. I wrote all of this at night, the time when I can’t seem to get enough sleep because I keep thinking about you. Seul, know that I love you more than you can even imagine and that you’ll never leave my mind. I wish you and your mother the best. I wish you both health and safety. I promise you that I’ll be back before you know it. I promise that I’ll always love you even when I’m gone and love only you. I’ll never replace you. I’ll never forget about you. You’ll be the first person I think about in the morning and the last one I think about at night. Whenever I hear the word "love", I’ll think of you and whenever I see something beautiful, I’ll remember how much more beautiful you are. Please promise me that you won’t cry that I’m gone, but smile because you know I’m coming back. Please don’t cry anymore. I’ll be upset. Again, I love you. Wait for me. I’ll coming back soon.

I promise.

Yours forever, Luhan.

~

The end is near.

This chapter was soooo long for me. It took me forever to put together. This chapter was actually planned long before I even made the story. I planned everything out, I just couldn't find the right emotion... ugghh... I'm a rock when it comes to writing.

All you see in this chapter is tears EVERYWHERE. I bet crying is getting boring to you guys huh?

The next chapter will shock you. I promise you that.

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Thank you sooo much for reading this story and giving it a try. I hope that you're liking it. I hope that it will make you smile on the next chapter, the shocker. No one knows what they're up for. I hope you'll enjoy. Thank you for your presence. Please comment your opinion below, or even feels^^, and upvote if you like it! Saranghaeyoo, chingu~~!! :DDD