You couldn’t sleep because you kept hearing your heart beating at an unusual speed. You were sure it could be heard in the room, like a background music. Onew left you outside the door of your apartment. He released your hand and said goodbye as if nothing (special) happened. Were you the only one who made a fuss about holding hands? He didn’t seem to be affected by that. Maybe it didn’t mean anything for him, just holding hands like two best friends would do. Were really you the only one who felt a strange but good feeling about holding hands?

You recalled the first time you held Onew hand. It was at Maldives when he introduced himself. You were surprised at the touch of his hand. It was soft and warm (you didn’t have a weird obsession with hands, it was just that Onew’s hand was so soft). When he grabbed your hand in the street it felt exactly the same. But the feelings were different. Why you were so nervous this time? And why your heart kept beating so fast? Could this mean that you…? No way.

You decided you won’t be able to sleep and it was useless to stay at bed doing nothing, so you went to the kitchen and prepared a cup of hot milk, maybe this would help you to sleep. You grabbed a book (you finished Kafka on the Shore few days ago), Tokyo Blues, also by Murakami, and you read until you felt asleep.

You woke up finding yourself sleeping on the couch. You slept well though. You went to take a shower and change your clothes. You wouldn’t say you had a bad fashion sense but you liked comfortable clothing, and sometimes Jonghyun would complain about that. But hey, you didn’t dress for men; you dressed for yourself, with clothes that you felt comfortable.

Jjong came into your apartment past noon.

“Are you ready? I’m so hungry. I can’t wait to arrive Onew’s and eat.”

“You’re going there just to eat?”

“Of course not.” He laughed.

“I’ll be ready in five.”

“I think you shouldn't go Selene.”

“Uh?”

“You shouldn't go and have dinner with Onew.”

“Why? I thought you were excited to go. Last night you said you would go. Two minutes ago you said you were hungry and couldn’t wait to arrive at Onew’s house and eat.”

“It's not a about me. It's about you.”

“What do you exactly mean?”

“Do you like Onew?”

“Yes, I like him.”

“I'm not talking about that. You know what I mean.”

“Honestly, I don't know what the point of asking me that is.”

“I think you've fallen for him if not already.”

“Don't say nonsense. He's my friend.”

“Really, Selene?”

“I try to not think of him that way,” you admitted.

“What way?”

“You know… that way.”

“You've already fallen for him!” He raised the tone of his voice.

“No! I mean he's smart, good looking and funny. He's my ideal type.”

“But?”

“But that's the problem. He is my ideal type.”

“What do you mean? If he's your ideal type wouldn't that be a good thing?”

“Oh, Jjong! I'm ing scared. I'm not ready for a relation. We are doing fine now. We are doing so fine that it seems unreal. Our friendship is good, awesome, cool, unique, fine, and incredible or any other synonym you can think of. We see each other, we hang out or watch movies.

>>I don't have to worry if he will hurt me. Or if I hurt him. He told me in the Maldives that he's not interested in a relation. I'm sure he hasn't overcome his past relation with Soojung. What if we date and it's not what he expected? He will leave me. And I will lose a boyfriend and a friend. I don't want that.

“And that's why you shouldn't go to his house.”

“It's not like he also likes me.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure? No, the question actually is are you blind? You do not have sense at all.”

“Look. If I still want to be friend with him I have to act like I always do. I'll try to keep some distance if it's necessary, but nothing has to change. I think you're exaggerating.”

He sighed –frustrated.

“I'll talk to him if that makes you feel better. Please, trust me.”

“I do. But I don't trust your feelings. Onew seems to be a nice guy, don't hurt his feelings, please. It will also hurt yours.”

“You sound like you know something that I don't. Did you talk to Onew before? Since you two are also good friends now.”

“I don't know. Who knows?”

“What do you mean I don't know, who knows?”

“Just think about what I said.”

You sighed. “I will. But I told you, it's not as complicated as you think it is.”

You did as you didn't care about your feelings for Onew and what Jjong said about him. But you did care. A lot, to the extent that you only had thoughts about Onew. To be honest, this wasn't the first time you had doubted about your feelings. Since weeks ago you began to blush and feel your heart race every time you were with Onew alone, but you ignored those unwanted feelings. And now you finally admitted you liked Onew. Honestly, for how long will you lie to yourself? But for both, Onew and you, sake, it was better to stay as friends.

“Will you go with me?”

He sighed again. “Okay. I trust you. You’re not a kid. You should make your own decisions.”

“Thank you.”

“I bought this bottle of wine yesterday. We can’t go to his house empty-handed, can we?”

“Oh, I totally forgot it. You saved me, Jjong. Thanks again.”

He smiled. “I don’t think Onew needs a gift from you. Your presence will be enough.”

“Jjong! Can you stop the tease? You are confusing me.”

You heard him chuckle. You ignored him.

“Have you gone to his house before?”

“No, I haven’t. This is the first time he has invited me. He sent me a map. I think we can follow the directions. We definitely won’t get lost.”

You looked at the map but you weren’t sure how to get there. It was a little confusing.

“Let me see the map.”

You handed him your phone. He looked at it once and then smiled.

“This is easy. I know where it is.”

“Really?”

“Let’s go!”

You laughed at how excited he was. Or how hungry he was. Actually you also were hungry. And you were thankful to him that he decided to let you solve your problems by your own.

***

When you arrived at Onew's house you were welcomed with a beautiful and imposing front yard. The front of his house was all green. There were trees, grass, shrubbery, and every type of green plants that you could imagine, but there was no other color, only shades of green. You couldn't spot a single flower. It looked stunning though. Like if you were in a secret garden. It was incredible well maintained. You could imagine Onew as old man taking care of his plants and his kids playing around. Your kids. You suddenly thought. 

What?

Onew was in his pajama when he welcomed you. You chuckled, and sent away those sudden thoughts about kids.

“I fell asleep.” He apologized.

“We came earlier actually,” Jjong said checking his wrist clock.

“Still, it's not time to be sleeping. It's almost 1 pm.”

“I wasn't sleeping; I was cooking. I woke up late and didn't have time to change clothes. Oh, come in first.”

As soon as you entered you could smell the delicious food that came from a big table for six persons. His house was big to be living only one person in it. Did perhaps he buy this house to live with Soojung? Suddenly a weird thought bothered you. You ignored it and two big shelves caught your attention from the living room. One of them was full of books and the other one with framed pictures. You spotted a baby picture. Probably it was him.

“Are you hungry? Because I do. Don't you mind if I don't change my clothes?”

You chuckled. “You look cute.”

Jjong shook his head. “I’m used to see Selene in pajamas all day.”

“Yah!”

They laughed.

Onew guided you to the dinner table where there were displayed many dishes. But...

“Why there's only chicken?”

He touched the back of his neck –shy.

“Because I love chicken.”

You and Jjong laughed. You also saw he made kimbap, but that was the only dish that wasn’t made of chicken. You remembered it was you who told him you wanted to eat again the kimpab he made. You couldn't help it but smiled.

“You cooked all of these by yourself?”

Onew nodded shyly.

“Really?” Jjong said surprised.

“I told you he's a good cook.”

You thought he was really cute that he got shy when you complimented him. As you expected, the food he made was delicious. It brought out few more compliments from Jjong.

You stopped to eat because you were afraid you won't be able to walk. Onew said he wanted to take a walk in a park near his house after lunch and you ate way too much.

Onew excused himself and went to change his clothes. You and Jjong decided to help cleaning the kitchen while he went to take a shower. After that, you went to rest on the sofa of the living room. Jjong went to bathroom, leaving you alone in the big but cozy living room. Jjong came back few minutes later.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“It’s the first door.”

“Okay.”

The first door? That wasn’t a good explanation since there were two doors in each side of the corridor. You decided to try with the door on the left side.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Wrong door. It was Onew’s dorm. He was wearing a t-shirt just when you opened the damn door. You couldn’t see anything though but still you blushed hard.

“It’s okay. Come in.”

With trembling hands you opened the door. Onew was all well-dressed. He was wearing a dark blue hoodie over the black t-shirt you saw him wore before and blue jeans. You thought he was handsome. And he smelled like freshly showered. Now that you admitted to Jjong that you liked him, you felt shy in front of him.

“Now I look better, don’t I?”

You nodded.

“Your cheeks are blushed, Selene.” He approached you.

“It’s because today’s weather is hot.” You fanned yourself with both hands. “I was looking for the bathroom. I guess is the door in front of this.”

He laughed. “You did not entered the wrong door. But yes, the bathroom is in front of this room.”

You didn’t understand what he said before but you left before your heartbeats could be heard like it did last night in your dorm.

Onew hadn’t come out yet when you went back to the living room. You decided to look around. You were curious about the framed pictures, especially the baby one. There were so many pictures you didn't know where to look first.

“Don't you want to see the pictures? There are many babies Onew.”

“I can't move.” Jjong patted his full belly.

You chuckled.

“Oh, look, there's a picture of Maia.”

“Maia? Are you sure?”

“Yes, I'm completely sure is her. I didn't know they knew each other.”

“She never mentioned Onew before…”

Onew finally came to the living room. He looked at you and gave you a smile. You gave him back a shy smile.

“Onew, you know Maia? Selene wanted to introduce her to you but it seems you already know each other.”

“Maia? Who's Maia?”

“Her.” You showed him the picture where she appeared with Onew.

“She's not Maia. She's Soojung.”

“Soo… Soojung?”

“Who's Soojung?” Jjong asked.

That couldn’t be possible. She was dead. Onew told you she died in a car accident.

“Maybe you mistook her with someone else.”

You shook her head. “Are you sure she is not Maia? Soojung didn't have a sister? A twin?”

“No, she didn't.”

. You thought.

“Isn't Soojung Onew's...?” Jjong asked. “And Maia...”

You exchanged looks with him and nodded.

Double . What was happening in here?