I was sitting on a chair while turning the next page on the little book i currently read right now. Glances at the clock all the time for i dont have nothing to do, and it feels so boring as i feel like i was not alive anymore. Feeling being imprisoned here in a warm big house, all i could see was the big clock that was on the wall and its sounds that the only noise i could hear. Grabs the cup of tea gentle as i blew it slowly to ease its hotness. Feeling blue in this cold winter makes me feel that im trapped, trapped with the walls i made my own. Trapped with my own decisions i know its wrong, and trapped with the person i know i couldnt take and accept as my own.

 

Its nearly a month since i left him, and also for my relatives whose surely worried right now. But leaving was the best way for not to ruin anyone's dreams, and for not let someone do some dark mistakes just because of me. Sighing as i close my eyes berating myself for forgetting. Reads the book again with its meaningful words i couldnt take.

 

Goodbyes are the sad part of life, 

 

Holding my tears real hard as to not regret everything right now.. And as to not remember anything about him, for everything i did, was still so awful...

 

But its a sign when you'll see each other again, it makes things more precious

 

But reading this last sentence makes me feel lightened up. Is there any chance for us to meet again? Or am i afraid to the fact that i cant because i want him to have a new life with someone, whose better than me. More deserving than me and more prettier than me. 

 

When will i be able to move on? Especially i know who makes me sad the same thing as who makes me the happiest person in the world?

 

 

My thoughts had interrupted with the telephone rings on the table beside the vase with colorful flowers on it. I stand up while putting on the novel on the table as to answer it, and im hoping that the caller would be my cousin or anyone else i know, so i could say some regards to them.

 

"Allo?"

 

Jiyeon:"hello?"

"ou est eunjung?"

Jiyeon:"im sorry but i dont speak french" replying meekly in english, as to understand each other

"oh im sorry" he then replied "i was asking if Eunjung is there?" then starts to speak english, with his paris accent

Jiyeon:"he just then went out earlier, shopping maybe?"

"oh i see, okay okay i'll call back. Merci!"

Jiyeon:"your welcome"

 

I putted the telephone back on, then heads my way to the chair i always sat everyday. Decides to make some scarf made of big yarns, as to enjoy myself a bit. Making it with the emptiness i felt right now, and sometimes i think of dying instead, than living here suffocating leads me to death.

 

 

A death with full of sorrows

 

 

And a death without peace dugging in my heart.

 

 

Eunjung:"im home!" he speak up, opening the door slowly

 

I glimpse at him, with my straight expression. Hoping he could realize what he had just did, was all wrong. Hoping he could let me go, and just let me be. And i hope he could let me happy, like he was being with me.

 

Eunjung:"should i make some soup? its getting really cold"

Jiyeon:"okay" she stands up, helping him puts the ingredients he had bought from market "i should do it then"

Eunjung:"no, i want you to treat like a princess, everytime" he then smiles

Jiyeon:"no im not"

Eunjung:"honey"

 

Jiyeon lazily lifted her face to him, not even giving some pleasant look.

 

Jiyeon:"what?"

Eunjung:"will you smile please? " he asks, raising his eyebrows "at least this once"

Jiyeon:"im sorry" she refuses "i should just go and water some flowers" then continues

Eunjung:"okay.."

 

I went out never looking back, for i dont want to see him smiling like that. The fact that im hurt and the fact that he knows i am, is way too painful to bear it. I started to water the flowers outside of our house, slowly showered them with the warm water i got. I pauses, seeing a french guy standing in front of me. Giving me his wide smile as he looks at the flowers in front.

 

Man:"bonjour!" he started

Jiyeon:"bonjour"

Man:"you're new here right?" he asked, automatically in english

Jiyeon:"yes" she then responded

Man:"i am youre neighbor, and i dont often see you outside" he blurts out, furrowing his eyebrows a bit "would you want to tour Paris landmarks?"

Jiyeon:"no thanks" she directly refuses

Man:"but its great to go have a tour, i can accompany you" then smiles again

Jiyeon:"im sorry but im fine" she smiles back, but not that widely

Man:"okay okay" then slowly leaves

 

Jiyeon then sigh, as she looks at that guy walking away. She accidentaly slipts off the small watering can, right after she then squat down and grab it with the flower's petals fell on the ground.

 

She then pauses again as she saw a black man shoes, and its like he was standing in front of her waiting for her to get up. Jiyeon sigh as she thought it was that guy again, would he stop nagging her to tour Paris?

 

Jiyeon:"i told you i wont" then slowly stands up not even looking at that guy

 

He didn't respond, which made Jiyeon bewildered.

 

Jiyeon:"ya i--" she pauses, realizing who were the one whose standing in front of her

 

I widened my eyes seeing him looking at me. His appearance got change a bit, his hair growed long a little and with his small mustache on his face. By his look right now, i can tell he didnt even took care of his own self. He got look even more mature looking at him with his sad expression, and i can tell it by looking at his sincere and brown eyes. His dark jacket with his white scarf, making him look cooler the way he should be. Seeing his ears got red, with his pinkish cheeks makes me want to hug him, to give him some warm. His wet eyes makes me want to close my eyes, for i dont want to see him crying...

 

But why is he here, standing right in front of me?

 

Hyomin:"glad i found you" he starts, with his low tone

 

I took a deep breath as to let myself have some replies to him. As to make myself look stronger in front of him, not showing him im weak right now.

 

Jiyeon:"what are you doing here?" she finally asks after a couple seconds of silence

Hyomin:"i should be the one to ask that.."

 

Jiyeon:"you should go" then picks up the watering can "and back to where you belong"

 

 

 

 

Hyomin:"where do i belong?" bitting his lips as to not let himself cry "and where do you belong?"

Jiyeon:"please, you shouldnt be here"

Hyomin:"what exactly do you want?" he asked again, putting his shivering hands on his jacket's pocket

 

 

I want you...and i really want you. I want to be with you right now, i want you to take my hand while hugging at you. I want to remind you how much i love you but i cant, i cant because i know it may hurt a lot. I want to say this things all to you, and wanted to say how much i miss you.. How much my heart aches a lot whenever i remember you.. How much i wanted to hug you, especially now youre in front of me.

 

But, i dont know why i cant..

 

Im too weak right now

 

Jiyeon:"please leave, im begging you" then starts to walk away

 

Hyomin:"Park Jiyeon!" he shouted making her stop 

 

Park?

 

Hyomin:"because i badly wanted to hug you, and feel your warm interlocking your hands on mine" he blurts out

 

I turned my face to him, then saw his eyes got prickled, and its way too painful.

 

Hyomin:"i badly want to kiss you and say how much i miss you, but i cant because it hurted my pride a lot knowing youre hurting yourself" he then took a deep breath then continues "and it insults me"

 

Seeing him trying hard not to cry, makes my heart breaks to a million of pieces. I dont want him to see like that, because i know im the reason for it.

 

Hyomin:"is this what you want?" he asked again "then do what you want"

 

In the end, im still the Jiyeon who i were before. Got even more weaker to his words.

 

Hyomin:"but one thing i assure you" he starts again "i wont let you go"

 

I lifted my face to him, right then i saw his crystal tears flowing from his eyes. Seeing him crying, makes me want to run away..

 

 

Run away with him..

 

Hyomin:"i want you to open your eyes and see the truth on your own" then sigh as he wipes his tears "right then i'll be waiting, where im good at"

 

I was speechless in front of his words. As i witness him strolling away, makes me suffocates and made my tears came out from my eyes. He gets far from my sight as i was trying my best, swallowing my pride to take some steps and run to him. But then i realize he fades away from my sight, right then my tears flows endlessly.

 

Jiyeon:"oppa..." she then murmurs "im scared"

 

Why wont you take me then?

 

"Jiyeon!"

 

She then wipes her tears hearing her husband calling her. Slowly turning her face to him while heading her way towards the door.

 

Eunjung:"let's eat" then smiles

 

I followed him inside, eating lunch together with him. He was still the one who starts the conversation, and i was always nodding as to give him some replies. He did what he told me before, treating me like a princess. Serves me the meals he had prepared, leading me to sit on the chair with his gentleman gesture. But i dont need all of this things, i just wanted a simple life with my oppa. Harvesting some apples and making kimchis together like what we were before. Having some picnics under the big tree while singing some lovely songs. I want that kind of life, while i was smiling back to him, not faking it. I want real happiness, like what i felt together with my oppa.

 

Eunjung went his way to the couch as he opens his laptop. Tracking some information for his jobs, while i has nothing to do just wanted to sleep and think of what Hyomin told me recently. About the thing he said, opening my eyes and see the truth, on my own? What does that mean?

 

Eunjung:"someone called you recently?" he asked, typing some documents on the laptop

Jiyeon:"yes"

Eunjung:"hmm" he then stands up "i need to go out now, some important matter had happened" then grabs his jacket then took it in

 

He then took some steps towards me then kisses my cheeks. Waving his hands as he was saying his goodbyes. Once he had closed the door i decided to just continue the scarf i made. I glances at his laptop that was still on, and i pause when i realize that.

 

I didn't even get a chance to open my emails, or use my phone either. Eunjung threw it away, and never let me use my social media accounts as to avoid contacting them. But now my mind is so messed up, and it makes me want to use his laptop as to read some unread messages on my email. Right then i sit on, typing my account and many messages pops on on the notification bar corner. I clicked it, scrolling down and saw some business emails, and my cousin's email. I did first click Soyeon unnie's message, for i miss her so much.

 

But as i read the content...

 

 

I scoff reading it knowing i should have knew this things before..

 

 

The truth that i, i felt horrible.

 

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new update! sorry for making this story sooo soo dramatic lol. Thanks for reading ^O^v