02.06.2015

I thought I saw Squishy in the streets today, but that guy who looked like him was holding hands with a woman. I wanted to chase after him, but the couple disappeared in the crowd of people.

What if it really was Squishy? Does this mean that he had gotten over me?

Now I feel stupid. Why did I even bother chasing after that person if I would only break my heart by knowing the truth?

Now that I cleared my thoughts, I realised I never exactly considered Squishy getting a new girlfriend and forgetting all about me. It could happen, seeing what sprouted between dimple boy and me, even though it only lasted for a while.

It has been nine months since our breakup, it is no wonder if he found someone else.

Maybe I should just forget about him and start afresh.

09.06.2015

Easier said than done, Squishy is not someone you forget overnight. Well, at least there’s Deerface there to distract me and for once, I was actually grateful. However, I have to state this very clear, we will never go past the “creeper and target” stage to be friends, because he frightens me way too much.

I have this feeling that Squishy and I have been brushing shoulders with each other, only that we didn't know about one other's presence. I think I haven’t been trying hard enough, I need to spend more effort in finding him. Saying I miss him again will be repetitive, but I can't help it, I really miss him. I wish I had more control over my heart.

Also, I get the feeling I'm being stalked recently. But maybe it's just me being paranoid as usual. I just wish it isn't Deerface doing the stalking. I made Kai ask Deerface if he was the one who left the umbrellas at our doorstep, but said annoying guy would not reveal anything.

16.06.2015

Kai got a week off from practice, but he insisted on staying so he can continue to improve himself. He’s so hardworking nowadays, I’m really proud of him. However, I can’t say the same for Hwajae because she’s complaining on how they never get to spend time together nowadays. I didn't even realise how much I miss their cute fights until Kai came home for a day. They bickered, but went on to snuggle while watching a bit of television. I left them alone, going into my room to complete my homework. I can’t help but think about how they’re going to sustain their relationship once Kai debuts. He’s definitely going to be much busier than he is now, which means they won’t even have the chance to meet each other often. I’m worried now.

I pestered Baekhyun continuously for the identity of the lucky girl, but no matter how much I pleaded, he was determined not to breathe a single word about her. Honestly, why is he being so secretive? Now I’m wondering if she’s some kind of criminal so he must not reveal her identity at all costs… Or is she a celebrity? Are they even dating in the first place? Aish, this gets me so frustrated! My mind is spiralling off to weird ideas again…

23.06.2015

University is taking a toll on me, I have to admit. The number of reports the professors assign to us are insane! I have to stay up until the wee hours of night before I can complete them, and me writing in this diary is not helping me in managing my time at all.

I wonder if Squishy also had this many projects and homework to handle when he attended this school. If so, I would very much like to ask him how he managed to juggle between his school life and social life so effortlessly. Too bad I don't know where he is now.

Recently, because we end lessons later than usual, I will have to walk home after the sun sets, and it does not help me with my paranoia. I get startled over every little noise and turn my head back to check if anyone is following me every minute. I seriously think that someone has been stalking me because I could just hear the footsteps echoing behind me. I got so frightened that I took a cab instead of public transport for the next few days.

Now I’m hoping that the one stalking me is Deerface because that provides me with a certain level of relief. Why? He’s a trainee idol like Kai, if he does anything weird, someone will have to know because of his restricted freedom. This is a pretty weird logic, but it works in calming me down.

30.06.2015

I received word that Ji ae, Hyori and Kris are coming to Seoul to set up their new bakery soon! But Soojoon is staying in our hometown for university… Can you imagine Kris baking though? I think he’ll decorate all the cakes weirdly. Maybe he’s doing the miscellaneous stuff in the shop. I think the shop is funded by the three of their savings, with Ji ae’s and Hyori’s parents chipping in a large sum as well. I don't think it’s a big deal since Hyori’s parents are rich and they were willing to pay the bills for a while before business becomes stable.

Ji ae sent me photos of some of the products they were going to sell, and honestly speaking, I think they can seriously make it big in time to come. Though there were a few weird cupcakes in the batch. I only got to know that all of the strange-looking ones were done up by Kris later when Ji ae told me. He even gave each of them names and demanded for them to be sold as an actual product. Who knows, maybe people will like his designs for their exotic looks?

I can’t wait for them to arrive, and I definitely cannot wait to try their desserts and pastries!

Guise, I have been good friends with this guy for a year now, and my friends have literally created a fan club for our ship, even when we have specified that we have no interest in each other. Even my brothers are in on this. And they’re planning to write a fanfiction about us. It’s getting out of hand and it’s scary.

-vihyun