06.10.2014-10.10.2014

Ugh what’s the point of even writing diary entries anymore? I started this whole thing because of Squishy. Now that he’s gone, I don't see the purpose.

I shouldn't even have wasted my money to buy another new one to write in.

I realised this has become a habit. I have to write something or I’ll feel uncomfortable for the whole day. I tried to stay away from my diary but I keep coming back in the end. It’s sad, because the more I write, the more it hurts, and I can’t stop this feeling of hurt because whatever keeps it going is too addictive.

I’m putting in my all in the finals. I’m going to BASK, I’m going to Seoul.

I won’t deny that one of the reasons is because I want to look for Squishy and going there will increase my chances of finding him.

If I can go back in time, I will definitely try to make things work, instead of breaking up with him.

I found myself taking the long route home today, passing by Squishy’s small apartment. Well of course, he wasn't staying in there anymore – a couple moved in after his leave.

Hwajae commented that I was sulkier than usual, but I only shrugged it off, saying that I was just tired and it’ll pass. I highly doubt that though.

I visit the shop less often now, since Squishy wasn't there anymore. But I still linger around there, since I promised Lay that I’ll go there at least once a week. He seemed more daring than Squishy, not that I’m complaining.

Also, Lay turned twenty-three on Tuesday. I felt bad for not being able to wish him a happy birthday, maybe I should compensate him some time soon.

And I realised, I don't need Squishy. He was the one who pushed me away in our final week together, so why will I want to continue the relationship? Why am I moping around, playing that scene over and over again in my head? I should forget him, starting now.