WITHOUT ME
(TaengSic)
OST: Orange Caramel - 아직... (Still...)

Taeyeon tosses and turns for the umpteenth time that night. She can’t sleep, no matter how hard she is trying. She sits up, running her fingers through her hair, and then she gets up before she changes into more appropriate clothes. Grabbing her coat, she slides her phone into her pocket and makes her way out of her room. Not wanting to wake Sunny and Tiffany up, she gently closes the door behind her. She almost screams when she catches sight of a figure on the couch. Tiffany stares at her and she stares back.

“It’s like…” Tiffany turns away to look at the clock on the ceiling. “Past midnight now?” She turns back to look at Taeyeon. “You’re going out?”

Taeyeon stares for a little longer, then, with a tired expression she replies, “Yeah, probably going out for a drive or something.”

Tiffany nods, maintaining a worried look. “Do you want me to go with—” She pauses for a moment. “Would you rather be alone now?”

Taeyeon smiles at her best friend. Of course Tiffany would be able to tell what she really needs with just one look. “Maybe?” She shrugs. She knows that Tiffany understands, but a part of her doesn’t want Tiffany to think that she appreciates her any less. “Maybe for tonight,” she reiterates.

Taeyeon drives, and as if her body has a mind of its own, she finds herself walking along the Han River not too long after. She has a lot on her mind, and of all those things, she suppresses that one thing, or perhaps, that one person. She feels empty, yet at the same time, she feels suffocated, like something is stuck in her windpipe. It’s difficult to breathe. She gently pumps her chest with the bottom of her palm, her face scrunching up a little from the congestion.

Only a few days ago, Girls’ Generation held their first concert at Tokyo Dome. It was something that the members had always dreamt about, but all of a sudden, she can’t quite feel the excitement or sense of accomplishment upon having fulfilled that dream. She figures that she is never going to get used to this. Girls’ Generation is only Girls’ Generation if all nine of them are there. She can almost feel her heart rejecting to still be a part of the group, because since that very day nine became eight, she hasn’t been able to see herself in the same light again.

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