You’ve rested enough. Time to face your dragons and slay them.

Two days after our talk, I found myself at Incheon Airport. No, I wasn’t there to see Siwon, although God knows it took almost all of my will power not to hop into a taxi and go straight to the dorm.

I was back in Korea to see my father.

I went through customs quite quickly, but instead of looking for a taxi to take me to my destination, I decided to stay and look around for a bit. Delaying tactics, I know, but it seemed like such a shame for people to be rushing through this structure without ever appreciating its beauty.

I was sitting on a bench in front of a huge plate glass window, gazing distractedly at the planes outside when I heard a familiar voice call my name.

I turned around, and true enough, there he was. Blond hair falling softly over his forehead, large dark glasses, a black cape draped on his delicate shoulders.

My Seoul-mate.

Me: Heechul. So nice to see you.

Heechul: (~Dropping his bags and running towards me. Then, he did the unexpected and picked me up in his arms, giving me the fiercest hug~) Where have you been? I was so worried about you. Have you seen….?

Me: No, I haven’t. Wow, you look good. Blond hair suits you. You actually look like a nice man for once!

Heechul: (~putting me down and smoothing his hair back~) Aissssh, stop teasing me and answer my questions.

Me: I’ve been recuperating. I was at my friend’s house. No, I haven’t seen him yet, and I have no plans to do so. Not right now.

Heechul: But…

Me: Why are you at the airport?

Heechul: We just came in from Vietnam. We performed at a charity show.

Me: All of you? Does that mean he’s here?

Heechul: Yes. All of us. It was Siwon’s idea, a charity to raise funds for battered women. They all stopped for coffee but they’ll be along anytime now.

Me: Which means I better get going. Remember, Heechul, you didn’t see me, okay? Please?

Heechul: (~Reluctantly releasing me~) Oh, okay, but how do I find you again?

I picked up my bags and leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Me: I’ll find you someday. Don’t worry about me, Chul, I’m a big girl.

And with that, I hurried outside, my head bowed in case I run into one of the other guys, especially Siwon.

I hailed a taxi and gave the address for my father’s office. I have no appointment. For all I know, he could be out of town. But I did not want him to have a heads-up that I’ll be coming. I want him to answer my questions as honestly as he can.

It was a long way to that address, and I spent my time thinking about the circumstances that led me to this point. Unnie said: Face your dragon. But how can I if I haven’t armed myself?

I remember the last time I saw Dad, or Appa as he insisted I call him. I was twelve and they were arguing. The words were a mixture of English, Filipino and Korean, and my Appa was speaking so rapidly that I couldn’t really understand what he was saying. My Mom was crying hysterically, and I was clutched tightly to her chest like a baby.

My Appa was trying to get me away from Mom, and sor the first time, I heard her speak with such fierce hatred in her voice: “You cannot take her away from me, ever. She’s mine and she will never be yours!” I remember Appa looking at me sadly, I wanted to go with him, my eyes were begging him to take me, but he just picked up his bags and left.

I spent the next six years of my life caring for a severely depressed mother who told me every aspect of her relationship with the dashing Korean who swept her off her feet. Mom was a relatively unknown but talented model when she met this young photographer, they fell in love and she quit modelling to be with him. She gave him her life, bore him a child, and all she ever asked was that he love her back in return. Instead, he abandoned her to go back to his homeland, never once looking back to even check on the woman he made his vows to, or the child he has sired. It was the most difficult six years of my life, living on the small allowance that arrives at our bank account regularly, apparently Mom’s trust fund, while caring for a severely depressed and alcoholic mother. I could hardly wait for the day I turned eighteen and will be able to tell her that I’ve had enough.

Two days before my eighteenth birthday, she slipped on the bathroom floor, hit her head, and slipped into a coma.

I clearly remember her words to me as I was growing up: Never let someone into your heart, for they will trample on it. Don’t give them the opportunity to leave you, leave first. Was that her plan? Did she know I was going to leave, so she made sure to leave first and still have me tied to her?

I spent the next three years juggling school and caring for a comatose mother, hating my father more and more each day.

So now, I know why I tend to never let anyone into my heart, why I always leave first, or at least try to do so, and if I can’t, I end up destroying other people. I am now aware of my faults. Now I must face the man who made me this way and tell him that he has no power over me.

The taxi dropped me off outside a small but tastefully constructed building just outside of Seoul. I took a deep breath and braced myself before I went inside and spoke with the receptionist at the desk.

Me: Hello, I’m here to speak with Jang DongWook.

Receptionist: Miss, you can’t just drop by without an appointment. Mr.Jang is a very busy and important man, don’t you know?

Me: Yes. Call him and tell him Rain Jang is here.

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, but dialled a number, spoke briefly and then looked back at me with surprise.

Receptionist: Please come with me. He has agreed to see you.

I followed the receptionist up a flight of stairs to a door, knowing inside is Jang DongWook, world-class photographer.

My father.

Okay, friends. Sorry it has taken me a looooong time to update on this. I had a lot of distractions and, frankly, this one is about to end, which is sort of making me sad because it is closest to my heart. 

I hope you're all still there to support me, though, and yes, there will be a follow-up to this story.

Take care!