Okay, I know it’s probably wrong…no, let me rephrase that, I know it’s totally wrong to be acting flirty with Donghae for two reasons. First, as much as I’m totally confused about my feelings, I am in a relationship with Siwon. And second, Siwon or not, Donghae is someone I work with, it’s totally bad enough that I’m actually doing it with Siwon..but I just can’t help myself..to get into something with Hae, no matter how light and harmless, would be totally unethical.

So, when he playfully asked for a kiss, I used my judo moves and swiftly gave him a motherly peck on the forehead, then quickly snuck inside my apartment before he can even move.

Hae: (~Knocking on the door~) Not fair!!!

Me: (~Speaking against the door so he can hear~) Go away or I send you to Manila alone next week.

Hae: Aisshhh!! One of these days….fine!

I leaned against the door and gave a sigh of relief…then almost screamed in terror and died of a heart attack.

A large man was standing in the dark, not one foot away from me.

Siwon: (~His voice very low and monotonous~) So, when I said I’ll wait, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

Me: (~Giving a sigh of relief and pushing him on the shoulder to move back~) Aisshh…you almost gave me a heart attack. What the heck are you doing in the dark?

Siwon: (~Leaning one hand on the door behind me to block my way~) I was about to go out there looking for you. For all I know, you could be in an accident. Do you realize what time it is?

Me: (~my temper starting to flare at the tone of his voice~) Even my own mother never gave me a curfew. Don’t you start. And get out of my way, I need to rest.

Siwon: Why? Did he tire you out?

Me: No. But you’re starting to. What makes you think you have the right to talk to me this way? You’re on your way out, right? Why don’t you go ahead?

Siwon: Because we’re not finished yet.

Me: What?!? What exactly do you want from me? I never asked for any of this…things are totally getting out of hand. You’re starting to act like you OWN me. I have news for you, Choi Siwon: NOBODY owns me, least of all, you!

And I pushed him so hard he was forced to stumble back. I quickly tried to move past him to get away but he grabbed my arm.

Siwon: (~leaning forward and speaking against my ear~) I totally disagree. I can make you mine. (~And he starts kissing my neck and groping under my blouse~)

Me: (~Standing passively~) Yeah, you probably can make my body yours, I grant you that much. But that’s all you’re getting. You want it now? Go on…have me, you bastard. Have me then go!

Siwon: (~Kisses me roughly and pulls my top off, buttons went flying everywhere~) Is this what you want, huh? Is it? Is it what you had with him today?

Me: What do you care? I’m here now, right? Isn’t that what you want? Me sticking like glue beside you? Go on…just get on with it!!

He started to lift me in his arms to take me to the bedroom..

Me: (~Pushing hard against his chest~) What are you..put me down! Why be so stiff and formal? Do it here, you bastard! Have me where you can get me, or you won’t have me at all!

Siwon put me down and slammed me against the wall, then he angrily tore off all my clothes and started kissing me all over. He bit my shoulder and I bit back. He didn’t even bother to take off his clothes, just unbuckled his belt, ped his fly and lowered his pants. Then he was inside me again, and his mood suddenly changed.

Siwon: (~Tenderly brushing my hair off my face~) Rain..I’m so…

Me: Don’t talk to me, Siwon. Do what you came here to do.

Siwon: Fine…(~and he kissed me tenderly, then lifted me in his arms. My legs automatically went around his waist as he sat down on the couch and continued to make love to me while I was on his lap~)..you’re in control. Do what you want.

And so I did.

Afterwards, I was so exhausted that I just fell forward on the couch, not caring about anything. Siwon kissed my shoulder and tried to lift me up, but I shook him off.

Me: Leave. Now.

Siwon: Rain, I’m…

Me: NOW. (~And I buried my face against the couch~)

I felt him stand up, then after a while, I felt a blanket covering me and then heard the outer door closing behind him.

That’s when the tears started to fall.