Wait,am I having a nightmare? As far as I know, Seoul is one of the safest cities in Asia, and I have been assured by Mr.Han himself that the apartment is secure! What on earth is happening!?

Struggling with the dead weight on me, and trust me, it’s VERY heavy, I can hear at least half a dozen people moving about the apartment. And then, mercifully, somebody the lights.

“Hyung, get up, you lazybones! It’s your birthday, let’s have a party!!” I heard a slightly husky voice say. It was vaguely familiar.

Then, I felt somebody touching my ! What the!?!?

“Hyung, dammit, you’ve gained weight! You should go to the gym with Siwon!” I heard a voice close to my ear say.

Me: Okay! That’s it! GET OFF ME, ALL OF YOU!!!

And suddenly, all the dead weight was gone…but not before a bony elbow hit me square on my left eye. I squinted my eyes open to what’s that…one, two, three, four, five…no, SIX pairs of startled eyes, and I stifled the laugh that was threatening to erupt.

This was what I saw:

Heechul , on the floor beside my bed, sitting right on top of Leeteuk, who had a foot across Eunhyuk’s neck. Ryeowook was near the door, trying to hide behind KyuHyun, who was holding on for dear life at Sungmin’s arm. Darn, they looked so frightened, you’d think I was the one who barged into their room!

Then of course, totally clueless to the entire event, in pops Yesung with a cake: “Happy birthday to you------whoa!!” he trips over Eunhyuk’s arm and the cake goes DOWN ON HEECHUL’S FACE!!!

And I just can’t help myself!

Me: Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!! Oh, my God! Somebody get my camera!!!

 Heechul:  Aiiissshhh!!! Yesung! You are sooo dead!!

Leeteuk: (~wiping off some of the icing that splattered on him~) Wait, who the hell are you,lady?

Me: Who? Me?

Eunhyuk: Yeah, you! What are you doing in Hyung’s bed? He’s a married man!

Me: Really, aren’t you guys too much? I should be asking who YOU are!

Leeteuk: Of course, (~flips his hair and raises his arm~)  we are Super Juni….wait, why should we introduce ourselves? We know who lives here, and it’s not you!

Ryeowook: Hyung, careful! She looks like she’s mad!

Me: Of course I’m mad, I didn’t expect to be assaulted by a bunch of overgrown boys! And by the way, who touched my ?!?!

Eunhyuk: (~blushing like crazy~) I thought you were manager hyung!!!!

Heechul: Yah,all of you! This icing is hardening on my face!

Me: Okay, okay, why don’t you get cleaned up in there? The rest of you, go outside to the living room, I’ll be there in a few minutes and we’ll sort this out.

Yesung, KyuHyun and Sungmin: (~startled by Ryeowook, who was pulling on them frantically~) What?

Me: I said OUT! All of you! Now!

And quicker than lightning, one almost falling over the other, they all left the room. Heechul for the bathroom, everyone else for the living room. Ah, geez…is this what’s in store for me for the next two years?

I quickly tidied up the room, bundling the ruined cake with the bedsheet , and made sure I was decent enough before I went outside. I didn’t dare change clothes, since Heechul might come out of the bathroom anytime, thankfully, I was so tired I didn’t bother changing from my shirt and shorts to a pajama set.

In the living room, I found the men seated on the couch and on the floor, Leeteuk was on his cellular phone talking in a hushed voice. I suspect he called someone for an explanation of my presence there. Good, I have no energy left to explain.

Me: So, I believe introductions are on the agenda. My name is Rain Jang. For the next few months, if we work this out well, for the next two years, I’ll be in charge of your publicity.

Leeteuk: (~closing his phone~) Yeah, I gathered that from Kibum Hyung, but what are you doing here in the apartment? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re all males here. Aren’t you afraid or something?

EunHyuk: Why should she be afraid? It’s not like we’re maniacs or something!

KyuHyun: Yeah, just you, Hyung!

EunHyuk: Aiisshh! You’re asking for it, Kyuhyun!

Me: Alright, enough of that. No blood on my carpet, please! I’m here because SM Entertainment felt it best for me to be here. I am not afraid of you guys, I am perfectly capable of defending myself, and besides, I don’t really have a choice. SME is in charge of my accommodations in Korea, and they put me here.

Leeteuk: No, I didn’t mean afraid of US. I mean afraid of what people will say.

Sungmin: And what do you mean accommodations in Korea?

Me: Well, to answer both questions, I live in a separate apartment, what can people say about that? And I come from the Philippines, where it’s not such big a deal.

Ryeowook: Really? But your name is Korean!

Heechul: (~coming out of the room wearing my pink pajama top~) Ah, so, that’s why you have a weird accent!

Yesung: Her accent isn’t weird…and why are you wearing a pink flowered top?

Heechul: That’s rich, coming from you, you also have a weird accent, Yesung. And I’m wearing this coz you soiled my shirt.

Me: Well, it’s my favorite pajama top, so make sure you return it to me after washing it. You guys don’t need to introduce yourselves. I already know who you are. But just so we’re clear, I think we need to establish some ground rules. By the way…where are Shindong, Donghae and Siwon?

Kyuhyun: Shindong hyung has a date with his girlfriend…and Siwon hyung is at his family home.

Eunhyuk: Donghae has a filming in Thailand, he won’t be back until tomorrow.

Me: Okay, that’s good. Ground rules: I’m not really one for honorifics, since I didn’t grow up here…but yes, Ryeowook, my name is Korean, because my father was Korean. But still, since you guys are used to honorifics, I’m 28 years old..that’s Western age, so I’m older than all of you. You may call me Noona , or simply Rain if you want.

Leeteuk : I’ll call you Rain.

Me: Good. Another thing, I don’t mind having you guys here, but please…can you perhaps come in at a decent hour? I need sleep too, sometimes. And lastly, I need to know where you will be the entire day, and where you will be if you’re not spending the night at your apartment.

Heechul: What, you’re our mother now, Rain?

Me: No. I don’t even want you to ask for my permission, but I have to know where to reach you. I am, as I said, responsible for your publicity, and being public figures, that’s like, your entire time. Are we clear?

Sungmin: Clear, noona.

Kyuhyun, Yesung, Eunhyuk & Ryeowook: (~nod~)

Leeteuk: Fine by me.

Heechul: Okay.

Yesung: Does that mean we’re forgiven?

Me: Forgiven? For what?

Ryeowook: For what happened a while ago.

Me: Oh, that’s fine. I haven’t laughed that hard in ages.  Okay, time for you guys to get back to your place. I’ll see you tomorrow. I believe you don’t have a schedule.

Eunhyuk: Great!

And they all start to leave…

Me: Oh, and Eunhyuk…

Eunhyuk: Yes?

Me: (~giving him my sweetest smile~) If you ever touch my again, I’ll poison you.

And I went back to bed thinking: Lord, I’m gonna age twenty years in the next two years!