For I am the Sinner and you are the Sin

“If you think that this is enough to call yourself worthy of anything, then your definition of being exceptional must be different from mine,” she says, her voice breezy and like static over the phone, probably examining her nails or painting them as she spoke, as though she was simply talking about the new dress she had bought and was considering returning. He grips the phone against his ear, nails digging into skin, gritting his teeth as he squirms on the seat.

“I’ll be better,” he forces himself to say, hardly believing his own words, “I can be better.I will be better.” This was his best. Had been his best and he knew he could do no better with nothing left in him to become what she wanted. He would never be able to stand up to her, and he would crumble, but he still had some strength left in him. Enough that he can stand and face the world with little protection. Whatever his armor was made of, it was enough with the voice of calm whispering in both ears, standing over his shoulders.

He straps his bag over his shoulder, and steps out of the airport, into the oncoming crowd, wishing he could lose himself in the mass of people but he knows that no matter how deeply he buried himself, there would be those who loved him enough to root him back out and stand in front of him to take the bullet.

He knew that he would. And he knew they would.

And Yixing was very rarely alone.

“Kai.”

He looks up in surprise, the once familiar voice ringing through his ears, and he takes a deep breath, taking in the wide eyed boy standing at the edge of the table, his hands wringing together in what seemed like remorse.

“Kyungsoo.”

“May I sit?” he asks, his voice quiet and sweet, gentle and kind, everything Jongin had wished for so many months ago.

“Of course.” He moves his long legs off the other chair, shifting his books stacked haphazardly to the side and offers him a small smile, neutral and careful.

Kyungsoo takes the offered chair and gets comfortable as he prepares himself.

“Kai,” he says, this time his voice hopeful and lilting, the way it was when they were just kids, when being with Kyungsoo was all Jongin had known. “Hello.”

“Hey,” he waves two fingers and waits for Kyungsoo to speak, his fingers drawing figures on a table.

“I am not going to apologize, simply because it would mean nothing. My apology won’t stop the hurt I caused you all those years. I can give you an explanation. Maybe, you’ll finally understand that it’s not you who's broken, its the world that surrounds you.” Kai blinks, unable to hide his surprise at the words and his smile is slow and genuine.

“I took you for granted. I was stressed and angry and just so plain jealous at the talent you seemed to have. You drew people to you, made them love you and you had enough space in your heart to love them all. You had talent, so much potential at dancing. You were one of the greats, are one of the greats and you are going to forever be remembered as one of the greats.” Kyungsoo looks up, and hesitantly reaches a hand to touch the taller boy’s face.

“You were there for me and I took advantage of the love you had for me. I didn’t know how else to love someone. I didn’t. And I never bothered to learn. And now, I’m here, sitting across from you, who are so precious to me, and I’m going to tell you something that will hurt me so much more than you.”

He takes his hand back, and though his eyes are pained, his smile is true, and he lets out a deep breath. “I want you to be happy. And your happiness doesn’t lie with me. It lies with that pretty princess and the stupid tree like human. And I hate that. I hate that in order for you to be happy, I have to let you go. I don’t want to but I will, because I want you to be happy. Even if it means letting you go. So you have to promise me that you’re going to be happy. Because if you’re going to be miserable, I’d rather you be miserable with me.”

He stands, stepping away from Kai, who looks stunned by the admission. “This is me, leaving for good. This is me, walking away. I just need you to promise me so that I can leave you easily.”

Kai smiles, his eyes glistening in the light, and he catches the glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes, a pang in his heart as he watches his oldest memory fade away. “I’ll be happy,” his voice is choked, a fierce whisper but it is enough and Kyungsoo’s face sags in relief and he nods.

“Good. If I do happen to find out you’re miserable, I’m coming back and taking you away. The only one who can make you miserable is me. And make sure that idiot Chanyeol knows it.” Kai nods, this time, his tears sliding down, and he hastily scrubs them away, blinking the remaining tears back into his eyes before turning to watch Kyungsoo walk away.

Though strangely, he does not seem to remember the pink ball of fluff that Kyungsoo has attached to him when speaking to Kai. He shrugs, smiles and turns back to his books, his heart lighter than in has been in years.

“Flight 2787454 to Korea has landed. Passengers will be exiting from gate 32. Please stand behind the railing until all passengers clear.”

Fingers tap impatiently on the railings and Luhan peers over, with Sehun's wide hands steadying him as he clambers onto the steel pipes in order to get a proper look at the oncoming crowd, hopping up like a child on too much cotton candy. "Where is he?" Baekhyun murmurs, equally as impatient, with one arm slung protectively around Jongdae, making sure that none of those in crowd with them, waiting for their loved ones, was hurting him. Jongdae scowls at the babying, though he does not move, simply pressing closer to the short boy and makes faces at Joonmyeon who watches them, with a indecipherable look in his eyes.

"He'll be here," Sehun's voice is soft as silk and is a smooth murmur against Luhan's ear, and he curls back, wrapping himself in the citrus scent briefly while Baekhyun scowls at him, making to smack him but stops when a warning growl emits from Jongdae, who still has a superior hold over Baekhyun. He sheepishly pats Sehun in the head instead and turns a cheesy smile to Jongdae who huffs and shrugs his arm off, moving forward to steal Sehun from Luhan who seems more than happy to shove him aside and clamber over the railing. Baekhyun stands behind him, going up on his toes as he stands by Luhan, both of them almost toppling over the railing in their haste.

"Xingie! Where are you?!" He hollers over the crowd, eyes narrowed, trying to search for the black mop of hair that rested on his best friend's head. "Xin...oof!" He yelps when a decidedly not black haired male yanks him down, causing him to tumble in their arms.

"Xing!" He cries out, tossing his arms around the shorter male, grinning as he buries his head in the familiar shoulder. He hears the cry of similar joy, feels more arms clamp around the two of them, and the three of them laugh, the comfort of being together singing through the air. They cling to each other, as if simply holding each other would help rebuild the bridge that had been beginning to crumble.

"Welcome back," he whispers in the crook of the neck that he has clung to, and he hears the happy, "I'm back," from above his head.

"You wanted to talk. So talk." Luhan puts his legs up on the table, arms crossed against his chest, an openly hostile look on his face. Chanyeol squirms in the seat, swallowing his fright down and he silently pleads with Kai, who simply shrugs, a sweet smile on his face, leaning into Luhan's side. Luhan cards his fingers through Kai's hair, and watches Chanyeol through eyes of hatred. Luhan keeps Kai close, nestled under his arm and under his arm, against his shoulder, as though holding him tight against him will keep Kai safe from anything Chanyeol could even try.

"I was hoping to talk to Kai," he starts hesitantly and almost shrinks back when Luhan sits up straight, jostling Kai in the process, glaring at him.

"And here he is," he says, his voice harsh, though his smile is sweet. His tiny frame should not inspire this much fear in him, but Chanyeol cannot even look him straight in the eye, without the overwhelming feeling of guilt and shame washing through him. Chanyeol notices that his eyes are dark, and that Kai shrinks away from the sound of his voice. He feels regret spiking through him, shame at his actions, and he almost stops when Kai regards him with a mixture mirth and fear, his eyes questioning.

"Alone..." he says, voice trailing off when Kai stiffens, clutching to the smaller pink haired as if to keep him there, and he forces a smile and shakes his head, "but this is good too," he finishes and leans onto his knees, before standing and kneeling in front of Kai.

"Kai," he starts, his hand reaching out tentatively to touch the darker skinned male, hiding his reaction to the flich that Kai displays, smiling when he settles their hands together, and concealing his pained grimace when Luhan's hand comes into contact with the side of his head.

It is light, Kai's laughter but he holds Luhan's hand and sits up, letting Chanyeol take his hand.

"Kai," he continues, his half smile crooked as he looks at the tanned boy, "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."

He looks at the tanned male and he wonders how he could be so stupid to let him go. He thinks back to how their relationship used to be and he knows that the twisted state they are in, the position where Chanyeol needed to be begging for his life to right itself.

“Kai, there’s a fair in town!”

“A fair?”

“Yes. Remember the last time we went to a fair.”

“If you want a kiss all you have to do is ask.”

“I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy.”

“Okay. I want you to be happier.”

“Thank you Chanyeol.”

“I love you.”

“Th..Thank you?”

“You’re supposed to say it back.”

“I….”

“You don’t have to say it." Chanyeol laughs, and he can imagine the pink staining the tanned skin. " I just want you to know. I love you.”

“Chanyeol. Chanyeol. Sehun. Sehun’s in the hospital. Oh god, Chanyeol, please, we have to go… we have to go to the hospital.”

“I’ll meet you there. Jongin, don’t panic. He’ll be fine.

“Luhan is what I’m worried about now. He won’t be okay. How is he going to be without Sehun? He’ll be a wreck. And he’ll be alone, and Jesus Chanyeol, Kris died in a car accident. , what if Sehun dies too?”

“He’ll have you. He’ll be able to go on. Sehun won’t die.” Kai can feel the smile on Chanyeol’s face as Kai splutters his worries, nearly tearing up as he shrugs on one of Chanyeol’s smaller jackets that end up looking like a coat on him, the warmth making him feel better.

“What about you?”

“I know how to share.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you.”

“I...me too.”

“Chanyeol, I have to cancel again. I know I promised I would be there for the presentation but I need to pick Luhan up. I’m sorry.”

“Fine. I’ll see you at dinner?”

“I’m sorry. I know how important this is to you.”

“I’ll have another presentation that will be just as important.”

“I’m so sorry,” Kai sighs as he says. Chanyeol can feel the frustration roll off of him, hearing the sounds of the road around him as he makes his way to wherever Luhan has decided to stash himself to drown in his misery.

“So, dinner?”

“I’ll do my best to make it.”

“Love you.”

“I...I love you too.” Chanyeol can practically feel the blush emitting from Kai’s face as his tongue stumbles over the unfamiliar words, and the happiness in his heart outweighs the dread that he tries so hard to ignore.

“Chanyeol…”

“Again? Jongin, this is important to me. Please. You need to be here.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“Chanyeol…”

“Whatever you say, Kai. I know how important Luhan is. More important than me anymore. Do what you have to.”

“I love you.” His voice is quiet and hesitant, the words a tremble.

“Yeah.”

“Get out of my house!” His scream echoes throughout the apartment when Chanyeol comes home to find Luhan curled up against Kai, both of them snuggled up on the couch. He yanks Luhan up, his words hard and cold. “You’ve taken everything away from and now you want to take my home too? Get out!”

“Chanyeol, stop! Please,” Kai pleads, eyes frightened as he tries to move the harsh grip the taller has on pixie like boy. “Chanyeol!”

He growls and glares at Kai who flinches back and steps back, and Chanyeol pulls Luhan  up until their noses are almost touching. “Get. Out.” Luhan staggers back and his eyes are wide in shock before the first expression in the months that Sehun has slept away crosses his face, a dark glare that makes even Chanyeol take a step back.

He steps forward and Chanyeol steps back, and his hands wrap around Chanyeol’s neck, squeezing tightly, a look of extreme glee on his face. With a strangled sound, Kai rips them apart, holding Luhan by the shoulder, his eyes searching the crazed face.

“Let’s go,” he mumbles, taking Luhan by hand and leading them outside.

“If you leave with him, then don’t ever come back!” he roars at the walking duo, and Kai pauses.

“If that’s what you want.”

“I do.”

:I love you.”

“Get out.”

“Goodbye.”

Chanyeol ignores the way the choked words make his heart clench, ignores the regret that races through the moment he says the next words. But above that regret, and above that pang, Chanyeol is angry and the words that tumble over, fueled with rage and jealousy, ruined the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

“Just go.”

His voice is sincere, and the grip on Kai's hand tightens, as Kai looks at him curiously. "I was upset. I was angry. I was jealous that you were spending all your time with Luhan. I knew he was going through a hard time. I knew that he needed you but I just...I needed you too. And I just couldn't handle it. But that was my problem. It wasn't yours. I knew how you were going into this relationship, how you were with Luhan, what your relationship was. I just convinced myself that I could be okay with having to share you because when Sehun was around to love Luhan, it was okay but when he wasn’t and it was just the two of you in your wo little word...I just.. I couldn't. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have kicked you out. I shouldn't have said those things to you. Doing that made me no better than...than that vile creature that you used to date. I am nothing like him. But you can’t give a man a slice of Heaven and not expect to want the whole thing." He takes a deep breath and takes in the tears that glisten in the dark eyes, reaching out a hand to wipe away the wet trails, smiling when Kai leans slightly into his touch.

"I can apologize as many times as I want, but that's nothing. I can buy you everything in the world but it would not be enough, compared to what I did to you. This house, this apartment, it was my safe place but I forgot, it’s yours too. It’s as much yours as it is mine and I drove you away. I practically served you to Luhan on a silver platter and I blamed you. You tried so hard, so hard to be with me and I just shoved it in your face because things got hard for me,” he chuckles wryly and his lips, his eyes solely focused on Kai, nothing in the world mattering to him anymore. “I can promise you though, that I'll never hurt you again like this. Not in a million years. My words can hurt you, in ways I can probably never imagine and I will try so hard to curb. So please, please forgive me this once, Jongin. Please." He whispers the words, pressing the callused hand to his lips and looks up at the shockingly blank face, and is surprised when Luhan's hand appears in front of his face.

"Wha...?" He blinks, having completely forgotten the presence of the pixie like boy until that moment and sits there slack jawed as Luhan hauls Kai up, looking more like an angry kitten picking up a sleepy tiger, tugging it away. Kai smiles and pulls back, holding Luhan in place. "I'm sorry I can't say I forgive you right now," his voice is lilting and soft, "because you've been angry for the past three months, and I've been sorry for them. We'll need to find that balance again. The balance where we can both be happy because I can forgive you now, but I’ll still remember that you pushed me away when I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be and you’ll be jealous of Luhan until you realize that it’s you I love. So give me some time. ANd take some time for yourself. I'll get there. Just..I need time. I need to find myself, outside of you, outside of Luhan, outside of Kyungsoo. I just need to be me, and I just need to figure out how to do that." He traces the planes of Chanyeol's face, and his smile is gentle, and there is hope rising in Chanyeol's chest. He turns, kissing the hand on his face and nods.

"Take all the time you need. I'll be here. Waiting for you."

With that, Luhan takes Kai by the hand and walks out but not before Chanyeol catches the approving look on his face, and the slow curl of Kai’s lip as they leave the apartment. Chanyeol slumps back on the couch, sagging against it in relief, the darkness that had clouded his mind dispelling ever so slightly.

He was always so patient.

“What are you doing, returning to Korea like a rejected little puppy? Do you honestly think that anything will change?” Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard and the low blow that she deals makes him feel worthless again, the same way he had felt in his dorm room when he had picked up the phone for the first time and cried for nights after, hating that he had to lie to Baekhyun and pretend that everything was alright, eventually simply skipping the calls, and resorting tosimple emails that he knew would never be enough.

Yixing takes a deep breath and listens to the scathing words that hit him like a ton of bricks, making him want to curl up, and the blow is softened when he feels Luhan’s arms around his waist, his soft breath fanning against his cheek, with Baekhyun stuck awkwardly beside, their hands linked together and heads leaning against each other. Suddenly, the power she held over him disspatates and he feels a sort of vigor grow in him, the words bouncing off of him, like water sliding off of the creek. He smiles softly and tries to sit up, but Luhan is heavy on his chest, and Baekhyun is sleeping on his arm. Instead he opts to stay in his position, comfortable in his discomfort, the light hair on Luhan’s head.

Words continue to spill, and for some reason, as he lay there, the words barely stung as they had when he had been alone in his room in New Zealand. He is startled, however, when the tirade of words against his ear is interrupted, the phone taken away from by a wide eyed Baekhyun, and Luhan growling softly, his pink hair a mess a top of his head, eyes angry and he lightly hits the younger boy. “Why didn’t you wake us up, idiot?”

He smiles softly, and shrugs in response and Luhan rests his head on Yixing’s shoulder, arms wrapped tight around his waist, ignoring how uncomfortable they are, stuck in odd angles together..

“And who are you?” Baekhyun asks loftily, sitting up the bed, and getting comfortable, ready to rip some stupid old lady apart, the rasp of the voice of someone who was in her forties and was probably a heavy smoker and how dare she speak to Yixing that way.

“Who is this? Can’t that simpering boy answer me himself?” Her voice is titillating, amused at the haughty tone that Baekhyun adopts.

“He’s too polite to tell you that you’re a piece of whose interrupting his sleep.” He scowls at the laughter that comes out from the phone, the condescending tone grating on his frayed nerves.

“My, my you have some fire in you, don’t you? And who are you, young man?”

“Why should I tell you who I am if you don’t even introduce yourself?”

“You must be Luhan. Or no, Baekhyun. Joonmyeon did tell me about you three in detail.: Baekhyun can just imagine her waving her hand carelessly as she spoke, smoking a cigarette. “Which is it, dear?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

“Why don’t you ask Yixing? I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to tell you. Of course, the fact that he hasn’t told you already should bother you. I’m getting more and more worried about that boy by the day. If he has what it takes to stand by Joonmyeon. We can’t have any embarrassment or mishaps, even if it is by accident from a commoner. Joonmyeon’s record is spotless, and I will not allow that boy to ruin his future.”

“So you’re Joonmyeon’s mother? News flash, you old hag, there’s only room for one ofmother in law and I’ve already taken that title. You’ll have to find something new.” He scoffs and taps impatient fingers on the headboard before hanging up the phone in the middle of her next sentence.

Yixing stares at him in shock while Luhan raises a hand up for a high-five. Baekhyun taps his hand and grins before squishing Yixing’s face between his hands.

“And you. How dare you not tell us about his mother. I am the y mother in law and Joonmyeon has to take my crap, not the other way around. You have to get the mother in law who loves you and feeds you until you become fat.”

“That wasn’t his mother.” Yixing colors red, his hand rubbing his neck sheepishly while Luhan pats his head in comfort.

“What?” Baekhyun looks stunned. “Well, who was she?” he demands, sulking.

“The...ummm...the dumped fiance?”

“What?”

“The fiance that he refused to marry two years ago?”

“What?”

“His mother wanted him to marry this girl, but he refused, and he went ahead and told them he was gay and his parents were okay with it. But the girl, the girl wasn’t okay with it. I think she’s ruined every relationship he’s ever had. I wasn’t going to let her ruin this. What I had with Joonmyeon.”

“Why didn’t you tell us? Or him?”

“If I had called Joonmyeon, he would have known something was wrong and I didn’t want him to know.” Yixing bites his lip, voice soft and unsure. “I’ve caused him a lot of worry, haven’t I?”

“You are a certified idiot.” Baekhyun glares at him and pokes him in the forehead.

“Maybe I am.”

“You know you have to tell. Because if you don’t Jongdae will figure it out and then he’ll run to tell Joonmyeon, who will not be very happy.”

‘Can’t you control Jongdae?”

“He’s still playing hard to get.” Baekhyun sniffs and taps something on his phone.

“Or maybe you’re the certified idiot.”

“I’m the certified .”

“Well, then what am I?” Luhan jumps in, his eyes bright and eager, as he leans against them.

“The certified .”

“I’m smart,” he says indignantly, sitting up straight.

“You’re dating Sehun.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot.”

“Like I said, .”

It was a soft, soothing melody and he shifted slightly, pressing his nose into the taut shoulder, breathing in the scent of lavender soap and a waft of clean air, as the other boy had been walking outside all day.

“It’s good to have you back, baby.” His voice is a murmur against his ear, soothing and calm, like a balm on his nervous energy.

“It’s good to be back,” he smiles and presses closer, tucking himself into the niche he had built for himself. “I’ve missed you so much, Joonmyeon.”

Joonmyeon, wanting to keep the peace between them, does not mention the months of missed calls and waiting voicemails. But the words come before he can stop them. “Have you?”

Yixing looks up, a pained expression on his face and nods.

“I’ve just been busy. With dancing is all. I’m sorry I didn’t keep in contact much. I know I should’ve kept in contact more, called more, something more. I should have tried harder. I just... I’m sorry.”

“Dancing? Is that all you were focused on?”

“That was all.”

“You know, I got these photos from someone, in my email, with you and some other guy, and the caption was, “be careful of who you let into your life,”” he says slowly and Yixing looks up, startled. “And my first thought was that you would never cheat on me. So what the hell was this? And then I realized that this was a good friend of yours. And you and him were very close. And I was jealous. Getting even more jealous when you didn’t pick up my calls. And I was about to fly to New Zealand to punch some er in the face and make sure you realize that no one would be as good for you as me.” Yixing looks up slowly, swallowing hard, his body turning stiff and he makes to pull away but Joonmyeon tugs him even closer. “Because I’m the best person for you and you know that. No one else will put up the psycho twins, no one else has enough connections to keep them out of jail, no one else who can love you like me and no one else who can make you as I can. There is no one else.”

“And then, I thought about as I was booking the tickets. Maybe I should let Baekhyun know. But then, Jongdae said something weird. About how Baekhyun was depressed and binge drinking because you weren’t picking up his calls and you weren’t calling back. In fact, the only way Baekhyun knew you were alive was through what’s-his-face, Luhan’s friend of a friend of something. I realized that you weren’t talking to Baekhyun or Luhan. Now Luhan, I understand. Pipsqueak couldn’t talk. But no emails. No worried love notes? Nothing for Baekhyun who worries more than your actual mother who gave birth to you? And I got to thinking. This isn’t about a boy. Well, another one at least. This has something else all over it. Something I didn’t like. SOmething I don’t want to think about. So I decided to wait. Wait until you could tell me. Or wait until you came back and then pin you down, have mind blowing and we all know how honest you are after a relaxing round of .”

“I...didn’t...didn’t know how to tell...I didn’t know how to tell you, Myeon. I’m sorry. I still can’t tell you. Because if I do, then I lose and I can’t lose this round.” Yixing stares at the hands held in Joonmyeon’s calloused one and wonders if he should keep them there. He wants them there, wants to hold on tight and hopes that he can, hopes that he will not lose the man he loves for the same reason he is trying to stay away.

“Then win. But win with me in the loop. I hate that I can’t help you. I hate the way you flinch every time your phone rings. I hate the way you look at me, like there’s secret in your eyes that begging to be told but you refuse to tell it because you’re an idiot who thinks I don’t need to know. Whatever it is, tell me, and we’ll work through this. Together. Because there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

Yixing looks up, the impassioned speech making his heart thudder and he leans forward, catching Joonmyeon’s mouth with his own, dragging the hands under his shirt and over his skin.

“You said it yourself. I’m more honest after .”

"That I did.” Joonmyeon laughs and wraps his arms around the toned body of the dancer, pushing lightly so that they fall back on the couch.

“Then make a honest man out of me.”

“As you wish.”

Baekhyun paces anxiously through the apartment, his hands wrung together while MInseok continues flipping pancakes on the stove, looking unruffled.

“Where is he?” Baekhyun’s voice is pitchy and Tao looks up from the couch.

“He’ll be back soon,” he says, trying the soothe the nervous energy flowing from Baekhyun.

“That’s what you said a minute ago,” Baekhyun snaps.

“Well, soon isn’t a minute, .”

“Don’t snap at Tao, brat!”

“I hope someone s the both of you up the with chilli peppers as lube!”

And the argument continues even when the door closes quietly, and Jongdae watches the scene with fondness in the lines of his face and sets the box down.

“I hope someone bends you over and s you with butter!”
“Yea well, I hope someone s you at all!”

“At least, Tao doesn’t have to resort to his hand to get screwed.”
“Excuse me! s are a choice. And they are just as good as anyone’s .”

“Well, then you can keep ing your hand,” Jongdae says, amusement in his tone as the three of them whirr around, shock in their faces when they see him. “I got it!” he says, a wide smile as he holds the box up.

“Why do I hang out with you, people?” Minseok grumbles as he goes over and takes the box, lifting the lid carefully before nodding and placing it in the fridge.

“Now, all you, get out of my kitchen.”

“You’re so bossy.”

“Shut up, byuntae and move your bony .”

Baekhyun sniggers and follows behind Jongdae, his smile fading slightly as he notices that him and Jongdae are left alone with Tao being allowed to stay in the kitchen to help Minseok.

“Hey,” he says awkwardly, the duo not having really spoken since the knife fiasco.

Jongdae smiles and and nods, “how have you been?” and he waits for Baekhyun to become comfortable again.

“I’ve been okay. I’ve been missing you.” He looks up, his eyes bright and hopeful as he watches Jongdae. “A lot. More than normal.”

“Well, that’s your fault, isn’t it?” Jongdae winces the moment the words are out of his mouth and shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“You did.  And I deserved it. You should keep taking them. If it makes you feel better. I’ll be okay.” Baekhyun smiles, the conversation turning slightly sappy, and he would be damned if he admitted that he liked it.

“I’ve punished you enough as it is. And I think I’m ready to forgive you.” He smiles, his smile tightening his jawline, making him look even more attractive in the light. Baekhyun tries hard not to notice but he knows that Jongdae knows. And so he makes no effort to hide his want.

Jongdae seats himself on the couch, settling comfortably and patting the seat next to him. “Come sit, Baekhyun.” He nods and sits on the edge of the couch, barely there and its with a sigh that he yanks Baekhyun closer, and turns the smaller boy to face him.

“Tell me something.”

Baekhyun looks up immediately and nods, “anything you want.”

“Will you do this to me again? If Yixing leaves? If Luhan leaves?” His voice is searching for something, some sort of reasoning, something to hang on to, a sliver of hope.

“I can.”

Jongdae looks up, not expecting the promise and he searches for a trace of unsurety on Baekhyun’s face and it’s steady as a rock, with conviction that Jongdae has yet to see.

“I’m an . And what happened will not happen again. I am very sure of that. I can handle it.”

“Can you promise?” His voice trembles and Baekhyun cups his face, thumbing over the prominent cheekbones. “Can you promise me that you will never hurt me like this?”

“I promise you, with all my heart., that I will never ever hurt you like this again. Because I love you. And I can’t stop.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to stop.”

“I won’t.”

It is Jongdae who makes the first move, to press his his lips to Baekhyun in a sweet kiss, their mouth molding together in want, before they break apart, breathing hard and Jongdae laughs, tucking himself into Baekhyun’s lap, linking their arms together.

“Be with me again.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Tell me when you decide,” Baekhyun murmurs, pressing his mouth against the back of Jongdae’s head.

“You’ll know when I decide.”

“Pasta. No, spaghetti. No. meatball sandwiches. Or maybe ice cream?”

He tilts his head and peers at the menu, going through it again, trying to decide what he wanted to eat for lunch. He wiggles in his seat, and he looks up, a pout adorning his face.

“Sehunnie, decide for me?”

Sehun intertwines their fingers and nods, ordering a platter for them to split. “How are you feeling, Xiao Lu?”

“I should be asking you that.”

“I’m fine. Feeling as fit as a horse. Now how are you? Jongdae filled me in about your little escapades.”

“I’m okay. I’m better than I was when you were in that damn hospital.”

“I won’t ever put you in that position again.” Sehun smiles, his eyes dark, as he traces the lines across Luhan’s wrist.

“You can’t promise that.” His voice is quiet, and he sounds resigned as he plays with their intertwined hands.

“Watch me.” Sehun smiles, and he thumbs a hand over the pink lip, pressing a kiss to the top of the fluffy pink hair, wrapping an arm around the thin shoulders. “Watch me. I promised to protect you from the world. And I will.”

Luhan smiles and presses his face into the broad shoulder. “You have to eat a lot, since you lost a lot of weight sleeping in that stupidly uncomfortably bed.”

“It was shockingly one of the best sleeps of my life. Of course, a close second is when you’re tucked against me, after a very very satisfying…”

“Ahem,” a cough interrupts the hushed whisper and the two of them look up.

The waiter comes in, a neutral expression on his face as he  watches the two snuggle close, settling the drinks and the food down. “Enjoy,” he says stiffly and walks away, leaving the two giggling behind him.

“What a cute couple,” the matron says, smiling when the other boy shudders and walks away. “What a cute couple indeed,” she murmurs, watching Sehun press kisses to Luhan’s face, the two stealing food from the other’s plates and the other wise content smiles in their face.