Luhan's Long Forgotten Dream

“Xiao Lu, slow down or you’ll choke.” Yifan’s voice is exasperated, and he watches his pint sized friend glare at him, his bulging cheeks comical as he tries to frown, shovelling food into his mouth.

“I do what I like, you giant sized cactus,” he mumbles, the mouthful of food obscuring his words, as he continues to swallow his rice at an alarming speed. “I have dance practise with Xing in five minutes. Can’t be late.” He scowls and swallows, Yifan’s worried eyes barely bothering him. He is used to the concerned tone that Yifan adopts, to coax him away from dance and relax, used to the pout that should look ridiculous on his manga like face but instead looks endearing and makes Luhan want to kiss him senseless, used to the worry in his eyes that makes Luhan’s black as night heart twinge just a little. He shakes them all off, a grin the size of the Grand Canyon adorning his face, as Yifan cleans his mouth, mumbling about his messiness.

He shakes his head, when Luhan shoves his backpack into his arms, slinging his dance bag over his shoulder, bolting the second his lunch is finished, calling a quick goodbye over shoulder. “See you later,” Yifan hollers back, carrying both his bag and Luhan’s, making his way to the dance hall, unbeknownst to Luhan, that he has been watching the two dance for a long time. There is a coil of anticipation in his stomach and he swallows as he watches the smooth glide of Luhan's body, the way he moves, his hips swinging and face smiling.

Wu Yifan is fourteen years old and is smitten when he sees the glow on Luhan’s face when he crashes into Yixing, smothering him in a hug, the loud laughter bouncing off the walls, the slightly deranged looks on their faces, the panicked looks on the faces of the students around them, calming into realization when they realize who the crazy people are. He smiles to himself, settling himself onto a bench as he watches the two get into place. The music starts, and everyone moves away to form a small loose,circle around them, waiting to see the completed routine.

They dance, the blood pounding in their ears, the joy on their faces, their movements so synced they could have been a single entity. They move with the delicate grace of flowers, combined with the lethal power of raging fire. They were intoxicating to watch and Yifan’s breath hitches in his throat, his heart rapidly fluttering. Their teacher watches them with a fond smile on her face, letting them do as they please and Yifan watches them with an affectionate expression and he leans over the railings, his smile spreading uncontrollably when he sees Luhan and Yixing so happy, laughter dominating their features as they slow down from the whir of movements.

The chattering returns to full volume when the song ends, with praise being thrown at them, the teacher finding flaws in the most minute of details, and Luhan and Yixing drink it all in, their eyes wide and eager as they nod. Yifan cannot make out the words but he contents himself with the proud expression on Luhan’s face as he turns to Yixing, their arms linking together as they lean against each other and there is slight burn of jealousy int he pit of Yifan’s belly as he watches Luhan press his mouth to Yixing’s ear, whispering something that has the younger boy giggling.

Wu Yifan is fourteen and he wishes he could confess his love to the bright, bubbly boy who has been his friend since the day he was born.

Luhan refuses to say a word to the kind psychologist, preferring to look out the window, watching as tiny people below scurry about, scrambling to be somewhere, in a hurry, rushing about. He wants to go back to the time when he could hurry, when he had somewhere to rush back to.

Dr. Kim sighs softly when Luhan stays silent, unwilling to let the boy go until he could heal him. He was a psychologist and this was his job. Helping people was why he became a doctor and he could only watch over the caramel haired boy who suffered in silence, helpless when he does not respond to anything he tries.

“You’re healthy now, so I am obligated to tell you that you are free to go. However, Luhan, I think you should stay here awhile, so that you can get better.” His voice is soft and gentle as he speaks, one hand covering Luhan’s, and Kai marches over to him, shouldering him out of the way, as he catches Luhan’s face in his hand, eyes searching the tired features for an answer.

“We’re leaving,” Kai’s answer is short and gruff, as he stands back, waiting for the doctor to pull out the many needles attached to Luhan’s skin. It is with a heavy heart that Dr. Kim sighs, instructing the nurse on duty to check Luhan out. He smiles wryly at Kai, who stands over Luhan like a guard dog, his face stiff with worry, as he takes the weak boy in his arms, steadying him as he stands.

He watches the slight smile flit across Luhan’s face as he presses a nose to Kai’s chest, eye closed for a minute, as he breathes him in. He pulls back, a quick nod later, and stumbles into the bathroom alone, a change of clothes in hand. Kai sits, head in his hands, and he looks apologetically at Dr. Kim.

“I’m sorry,” he says, softly as he gestures to bathroom. “But he hates hospitals. And I just don’t want him to hurt…”

Dr. Kim nods, understanding in his eyes and he pulls out a card, scribbling his private number on it. “Call me anytime. And we can meet anywhere, anytime. I’m always free to help.” Kai takes the card and examines it carefully.

“Dr. Kim Jaejoong?” he sounds the name slowly and looks up to the soft smile on the doctor’s face. “How does Dr. Jung know you?” he asks bluntly, head tilted to the side. “He recommended you personally.”

Dr Kim smiles widely, “Let’s just say we have an interesting relationship,” he says, patting Kai on the knee, eyebrow raised when he sees Kai flinch at the contact, standing quickly as he nods in agreement.

Luhan exits the bathroom at that moment, looking pale in his black shirt and dark jeans, his bony frame hidden under the large clothes. Kai immediately fawns over him, adjusting his clothes, fingers lightly brushing over the slim body in reassurance. It is with a low voice that Dr. Kim hears Kai ask Luhan, “Are you sure you don’t want me to call anyone else? Baekhyun and Jongdae were worried,” and watches Luhan shakes his head, his finger tracing characters on Kai’s arm. “Minseok hyung is waiting downstairs. He says he’s going to fatten you up, since you’ve become nothing but bones.” Luhan shakes his head, with a small smile and leans into Kai who helps him out the door.

“Thank you, Dr.Kim,” Kai says as he walks out, and Luhan briefly touches his arm, while Kai picks up the bags and checks Luhan out. Dr. KIm can only shake his head as he watches them go, hoping that Kai does call him. He was sincere when he said he was willing to meet somewhere else if need be.

“You look like someone killed your cat,” a familiar voice says, as arms wrap around his waist. Jaejoong leans back, breathing in the comforting scent and sighs.

“I’m worried about Luhan, that’s all.”

“Funny, since I’m worried about Sehun,” Yunho smiles against Jaejoong’s ear. “He woke up an hour ago and went back to sleep.” Jaejoong spins around in shock, and Yunho grins. “I’m sure Luhan will find out soon and everything will be okay.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Where’s Luhan?” Yifan’s voice is gruff as he takes in the empty seat by Yixing, a slight frown adorning his face, as he muses about how Luhan is disappearing almost every lunch and declining invitations to hang out.

“One of his admirers finally asked him out in public. Luhan is probably with him now.” Yixing looks up, and grins at the scary expression on Yifan’s face. “This one was great looking and he’s part of the soccer team. Real smart too. They might be making out right now,” Yixing teases, and the frown deepens, scaring off the girls whispering about him. "Again," Yifan mumbles to himself, his hands gripping the flimsy lunch tray, before he sets it down, his lips a firm line as he regards Yixing. He simply raises an eyebrow, a pleasant smile on his face as he watches his older brother fume infront of him, before coming to a decision.

“Where?” he growls, impatience b in his words and he storms off in the direction that Yixing points, ignoring the boy who trails after him, holding back his fit of laughter that morphs into shock when the two stumble across Luhan.

Luhan who is twined around another boy, mouths pressed together in what appeared to be bliss, as hands grappled cloth. Luhan who is pressed against the wall in an inconspicuous corner. Luhan who looks well used to kissing the said boy, shivering when the boy’s hands slip under his clothes. In public.

Yixing chances a glance at Yifan, who looks downright murderous and thinks about holding his brother back but shrugs when he realizes that any effort to stop the bloodshed would be futile. He figures Luhan shound have already planned for this and smiles when Yifan growls, impressed when this does nothing to deter either boy.

It is only when Yifan’s voice rings out harshly, that they separate, the unknown boy looking terrified, while all Luhan does is flash a cheeky grin, and try to coerce the boy back to kissing. Yifan stomps forward, grabbing the boy by collar, ‘Henry,’ the boy’s name tag reads, and with one look sends him scampering away. Luhan simply sighs, and fixes his clothes, raising an eyebrow.

“What are you doing?” His tone is wane, barely concerned, as he buttons his shirt up, letting Yixing fiddle his tie.

“Who was he?” Yifan’s arms are crossed against his chest and he glares at Luhan who simply smiles and pats Yixing’s cheek, “why didn’t you warn me the big lug was coming?” he asks casually, disregarding Yifan who insistently persists in his questioning.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you and Henry were together?” Yixing’s tone is just as casual and he twists Luhan’s tie in his hands, pouting slightly.

“Because we’re not. We’re just...friends.” Luhan grins and Yixing nods in understanding, apparently forgiving Luhan for holding back the details, shrugging and they turn to Yifan who near explodes.

“What the hell?” And Yifan grabs Luhan’s arm, shaking him slightly as he demands answers. Luhan sighs and turns to Yixing, the expression on his face revealing his thoughts.

“Can you believe this guy?”

Yixing shrugs. “He’s my brother. The hell you expect?”

“Right…”

Luhan turns to Yifan, his smile soothing and calm as he pats the arm holding him.

“You see, FanFan, I am a man. And men have needs. Henry likes to help me satisfy my needs. That is how friendships works, FanFan.”

“That makes perfect sense, Han.”

“Why, thank you, Xing.”

“And he was good looking to boot.”

“Had great stamina too. Killer thighs.”

“How fascinating. Do you think he’d have a go with me?”

“He’ll probably be willing. I could ask, if you like.”

“Would the two of you please shut up!” Yifan loses his temper, and his eyes are red with rage, and Luhan has to grin and pat his cheek.

“This is why you have to have your needs met, FanFan. You wouldn't be so upset if you did get laid regularly.”

“Would you listen to me?” he all but growls and Yixing huffs, and steps away. ”I’m going to go see Henry,” he calls out, way too cheerfully and jogs off.

Luhan laughs and waves his hand, before turning his attention back to Yifan. “I’m listening,” he says, a mask of infinite patience on his face. Being this close to Yifan made it hard for him to breathe, and he bites his lip, taking a subtle step back. Apparently, subtle was not subtle enough, as Yifan steps into his space, crowding him, looming over him. Luhan has never cursed his smaller frame as much as he does today.

"What are you doing?” Yifan’s voice is soft, a contrast to the expression on his face and Luhan has to swallow. There is a reason he has specifically avoided Yifan like the plague the past few months and Luhan would not like to revisit the reason, now that he has gotten it to leave his mind for a few measly hours.

“Why are you doing this? With all these people?” Yifan feels his heart break into two as he meets Luhan’s blank eyes, feels unsure of himself at the seemingly casual smile that spreads across Luhan’s face. “Please tell me.”

Luhan swallows and steps back, internally screaming when he touches the cold wall, limiting his escape. “I’m just doing it because..you know…” He searches his mind for a plausible excuse, and come up blank, shrugging in bland response.

Yifan forces his head up, forcing Luhan to meet his eyes and he sees something in Luhan’s eyes, something he has never seen before. “Xiao Lu….”

Luhan’s eyes widen and he blinks rapidly, “you haven’t called me that since…” his voice trails off as he remembers Yifan standing with that pretty girl, Jessica, introducing her shyly to everyone as his girlfriend. He swallows and jerks his chin free, “I’m a sixteen year old. Leave me alone,” he says brusquely and attempts to walk away from the situation but Yifan grabs him back, pinning him down with his oversized body.

“Unhand me at once, you giant walnut.”

“I...what? What did you call me?” Yifan shakes his head, and presses a hand to the bridge of his nose as he leans down. “Never mind that. Will you explain it to me? Why are you avoiding me? Why are you making out with random people? What is going on?”

Luhan sinks his nails into Yifan’s arm and jerks away, his nose in the air. “You don’t need to know.” He is tired of Yifan grabbing him, so this time, he kicks out, relishing in the groan of pain that leaves Yifan’s mouth when his foot connects with his shin.

“Xiao Lu…”

“Shut up.”

“Luhan...I’m trying to understand.” Yifan is helpless under the glare that Luhan throws out.

“Why don't you go back to Jessica?” he sneers.

“I told you, Jessica wanted me to help her make her boyfriend jealous. That’s all.”

“But you liked her. She was your ideal type.”

“She was a good friend.” Yifan is confused at the turn of the conversation.

“Was kissing her part of the deal? Because that seems like a little more than friends would do?”

“I thought you said friends help each other out."

“Yes, well, you should understand that. Since you slept with her.”

“Han…” He huffs, beaten by the logic in Luhan’s words.

“Oh, what? No more Xiao Lu? Sorry if I brought up bad memories.”

“I only did that so that I could figure out if I was interested in girls.”

“And?”

“She wasn’t my style.”

“You pretentious cactus.”

“Xiao Lu, please.” Yifan comes to a sudden realization and this time when he pulls Luhan back, it is with a big smile on his face.

“Xiao Lu, were you jealous?” he asks, half hopeful, half scared.

Luhan scoffs and shakes his head, protesting loudly, a little too hard and Yifan feels a weight lift.

“You like me,” he says, wonder in his voice, pointing to himself as he watches Luhan with wide eyes. “Oh dear Lord, you like me.” He squats down, head in his hands and laughs. “You like me.”

“Stop deluding yourself,” Luhan bursts out, the panic in his voice making Yifan laugh harder. “Stop laughing,” Luhan demands, his face turning red, as he smacks Yifan repeatedly, squealing when he grabs the smaller boy, and pushes him against the wall.

“I like you too,” Yifan says with a smirk, widening as Luhan processes the words and turns even redder. He keeps smiling when Luhan smashes their mouths together, hands firm against his back, and he kisses Luhan until his lungs are screaming for oxygen.

They break apart and Luhan pulls out his phone, calling someone excitedly. Yifan touches his hand to his lips, and watches as Luhan screams into the phone, repeating the words “you were right!” repeatedly. His curiosity sparking, Yifan moves to see that Luhan is on his phone with...Jessica? He stares, open mouthed in horror, his brain muddled.

Yixing’s quiet voice has him starting and he turns to see his brother with a giant smile on his face. “Jessica told him that making you jealous would make you admit you had feelings for him. They had a grand time planning this.”

“Then all the time that Luhan has been spending avoiding me…”

“Him and Jessica went shopping or were discussing how you were an idiot. It was Luhan who suggested that Jessica ask you to pretend to be her boyfriend to make Donghae jealous. He wanted you to stop ‘conflicting’ about how liking boys was wrong and he figured the fastest way was to make you realize you didn’t like girls. He told me that today was the day you were going to finally go after him, so that's why he called Henry,” Yixing nods, and high fives the happy Luhan who bounces around the hallway, crowing about what happened to Jessica.

“And you knew…”

“Of course I knew," Yixing laughs and waves his hand in front of Yifan's face. "I was there when he bought those jeans. Makes his look amazing doesn’t it?”

“But He ry…”

“Oh, he’s in love with Luhan and would probably dress up in a maid outfit and prance the hallways if he asked...Hey Lu!” Yifan shakes his head immediately, and slaps a hand over Yixing’s mouth.

He smiles at Luhan and sighs. “I suppose him being jealous was a far stretch.” Yifan pouts, and suddenly has a handful of a blonde Luhan who is giggling uncontrollably, cuddling close to him.

“We should get to class,” Yixing says mournfully. Luhan agrees, standing and brushing himself off, offering a hand to Yifan. He grins and reaches up, kissing him lightly before they separate for class.

Luhan feels his heart stop when he hears what he thinks is Sehun’s voice when he walks to the exit. He turns and runs, leaving Kai yelping behind him and skids to a stop in front of Sehun’s room, watching the rise and fall of his chest as Sehun lays there, unconscious to the world. His hands scratch the glass uselessly and he feels disappointment sit on his shoulders as he turns away from the glass, his footsteps heavy as he walks into Kai’s waiting arms. Kai who whispers condolences and reassurances in his ear, as he rubs hands up and down his back in comfort. Kai who feels the same pain that ccrushes Luhan's will to live and still walks forward all while holding Luhan's weight.

Luhan shakes his head, and leans into Kai as they walk into Minseok’s waiting car, and Luhan smiles slowly at the concerned glance that Minseok shows him, leaning in to touch his elbow, to tell him that Luhan is fine, that Luhan will always be fine.

Minseok does not believe anything that Luhan shows him and drives off, stopping in front of the apartment. They stop in front of Jongdae’s apartment and Luhan lets himself in, signalling that he wanted a shower, and he steps in, smiling as he listens to Minseok singing as he stands under the heated water, burning himself of the desperation that surged his veins.

Luhan wonders if he would ever be able to look at Sehun the same, when he knows that it is his fault that the man he loved was in so much pain. Luhan shakes his head, and sets his walls firmly in place, blocking any emotion that plagued him. Luhan’s heart may be beating but he was a dead man walking.

He leaves the bathroom and tugs on Minseok’s sleeve, and shoves his sketchbook in his face, making MInseok smile slightly. “Are you sure?” he asks. Luhan nods.

“You would look great in pink.”

Baekhyun shrieks bloody murder when he sees Yifan, screaming at the poor boy, who stares at him in shock in the middle of the classroom, looking woefully lost.

“I...what?” Yifan is flabbergasted until he sees Luhan tugging at Baekhyun’s arm.

“Han…” he says softly, regretting it the moment he sees the hollow eyes that Luhan raises to meet his, the broken smile the only remnant of the forgotten relationship.

He swallows and walks to the shivering boy, who tries to hide himself behind Baekhyun.

“Get out, Wu Yi, before I kill you with my bare hands.”

“I have this class.”

“Take another,” Baekhyun demands, uncaring that most of his classmates are staring at him, half terrified.

“No,” is Yifan’s only response as he seats himself opposite Luhan.

“Hey,” Luhan starts, sitting up in his chair, as he pretends not to care.

“Hey,” he smiles, “how have you been?” Yifan asks, taking in the features he has not seen in the expanse of the summer.

“I’ve been good. And you?”

“Nobody cares how he’s been.” Baekhyun waves his response away, and points to the door. “Now get out,” Baekhyun repeats.

“I’m sorry,” the words come out in a rush and in a whisper, Luhan smiling when he hears them.

“You should be.”

Yifan nods, “can we talk, please?”

Luhan tilts his head to the side, “Haven’t we talked enough?”

Yifan flinches, “I want to fix this. Fix us.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Why? Because there’s some jackass that’s better?”

“Oh yes, someone much better.”

Yifan stares at Luhan in shock, his mouth parted in shock.

“His name is Minho, and he’s great at sports.” With that, Luhan stands and pulls Baekhyun to the other side of the classroom, where they settle in a corner, leaning together and whispering. Yifan does not know if the sound of his heart breaking all over again.

Luhan stares at the mirror, reflecting himself and he wonders if he will ever learn to stop loving people. He shakes as he takes in the hollow eyes and the sunken cheeks, and his head thuds against the glass in despair. He absent mindedly twirls a strand of his freshly dyed pink hair in his hand and forces himself to smile.

Baekhyun stands at the door, hand spreading warmth over Luhan’s back, as he curls the taller boy against himself.

“Oh, Luhan. Why do you do this to yourself?” he asks, as Luhan cries on his shoulder, his own eyes tearing.

“At least I’m here right? And Xing is coming back in a few months. You won’t ever be alone, my Luhan.”

Jongin clings to Luhan, clutching his arm in fear as Kyungsoo stands before them, smirking as he feels adrenaline rising in his bloodstream.

“Kyung...Kyungsoo hyung...What are you doing here?” Jongin stammers out, pressing his shivering body to Luhan’s. The move does not go unnoticed by Kyungsoo, whose displeasure grows and his anger turns into something far more dangerous.

“You’re coming back to the apartment.” The statement has Jongin near collapsing, until Luhan lays a hand on his waist, kissing the side of his face, to the line of his jaw. He turns into Luhan, pressing closer and he nuzzles down.

“Kai,” Luhan calls softly. “Kai, come on out,” he encourages, hand through Jongin’s hair. Kai blinks his eyes sleepily and takes over, always eager to make Luhan happy.

The scared, shivering Jongin is gone, and when Kai detaches his body, his gaze is confident and needy, making Luhan smile and whisper promises in his ears. Kyungsoo watches the scene, shock in his face when sees Jongin change into someone he does not know.

“Jongin?”

“Oh, shut up, you big eyed midget.” Kai’s drawl is lazy and this time when he clings to Luhan, it is simply out of pure want, hands touching him inappropriately, as he kisses all the bare skin he can reach. He eyes Kyungsoo, who is watching them in a state of shock, and sighs, “could you go away? He’s promised to do something very interesting to me if I can get you to go the hell away.”

“Watch how you speak to me, you insipid…” Kai pads over to Kyungsoo, his feet silent against the wooden floor, and grabs Kyungsoo’s face in one hand. Luhan giggles from the corner, cheering him on, as he shoves Kyungsoo into the wall.

“You can off to hell for all I care. Get out of our life and leave us the hell alone,” Kai growls, and Kyungsoo’s eyes bulge in fear as he turns to looks at Luhan for help. Luhan smiles, looking like a maniac as his legs swing out from under him, before he chuckles.

“Kai, come here.”

With a huff, he releases Kyungsoo’s face and scurries over to Luhan, a completely different person who was threatening Kyungsoo a few seconds ago. If Kyungsoo had to describe him, it was that Kai was Luhan’s puppy. His guess was further proven when Kai purrs as Luhan scratches his head, happily burying his face in Luhan’s shoulder.

“Kyungsoo ah,” Luhan smiles pleasantly. “If you come near me or Kai again, I won’t be responsible for what happens to you, or anyone you give a about.” His voice is all too cheerful and Kyungsoo feels a small shiver climb through his spine as he watches Luhan nuzzle his nose along Kai’s cheek.

Kyungsoo swears that this won’t be the last of it, that this is not the end. He will get Jongin back, and Luhan will be buried in a grave six feet under.

He stalks out the room, watching as the pleasant smile never leaves Luhan’s face.

Luhan blinks as he watches Kyungsoo and Kai staring at each other, loathing in their eyes. The air is thick and stifled but that does not mean that Minseok is deterred from belting out his favourite songs. Luhan smiles, and walks over, resting his chin on Kai’s head as he smirks at Kyungsoo. Baekhyun trails behind him, ignoring Kyungsoo’s presence.

He raises an eyebrow, his lips as he makes a gesture at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo huffs, “how are you feeling?” surreptitiously eyeing his bubble gum hair with trepidition.

“What do you care?” Kai sneers, anger radiating off him.

“I care because he’s far more interesting than you. I would hate to lose someone on my level, who can actually match me and occasionally beat me.”

Luhan makes another gesture and mimes a laugh.

“Alright, you may have won every battle, but there are more to come.”

Another gesture, a laugh courtesy of Kyungsoo. Baekhyun cracks a grin as he settles in his chair.

“Well I only came because you called. Nothing else. I don't even care about Sehun.  Although…” His eyes slide to Kai who bristles in resentment.

Luhan catches his attention, his hands flapping about and Kyungsoo frowns, his thick heart shaped lips, pulling down in a scowl that deepens the more Luhan gestures.

“That giant did? Well well...what nerve.”

Kyungsoo looks at Luhan, and matching smiles bloom.

“I do believe that is a great idea. We should totally do it. I’m willing to work with you. Just this once.”

Luhan smiles and nods, yanking his sketchbook out, handing Kyungsoo a marker, and their heads bent over the blank page as they work together on something. Kai stares at the sudden camaraderie in shock, mystified by the turn of events. Baekhyun barks a laugh and joins them, helping fine tune certain details.

Minseok grins and starts ladling food out, interrupting the two plotting deviants, and hands them out before he heads to Jongdae’s bedroom. He drags the semi coherent man out of his room, ignoring the protests and shouts, avoiding the flailing limbs and dumps him in a chair, shoving a spoonful of food in his mouth. Luhan smiles, and waves, Jongdae pouts over his rice, and Kai shovels in it his mouth, grumbling about ty people and the ty things they do. Kyungsoo mumbles to Luhan in between bites of his food, ideas that Luhan agrees enthusiastically to. Curious, Jongdae wanders over, and he heaves a giant sigh as he realizes what they are up to.

The sun dips into the sea, creating fractals of pinks, oranges and reds, which fades all too quickly. Luhan stares into the darkness of the waves, watching as they crash against the rocks, the sound a painful symphony that echoes the hollowness that seems to encompass him. Sehun sighs and brings a hand to Luhan’s shoulder, hoping to pull him from his reverie. Luhan starts, the veins in his eyes standing out in the fading daylight, and he forces a smile at Sehun. He gets to his feet, and continues watching the waves swallowing the sand.

He stands there, wind in his hair, sea at his feet, a shattered image of the man he used to be. He stares into the distance, watching demons Sehun does not see. Sehun mourns for him, feeling the pain Luhan refuses to feel. Turning, Luhan sees the sadness in the lines of Sehun’s face and moves over to where he stood. Luhan knew what Sehun wanted. Sehun still feels those pesky feelings that had grown in their previous months. The problem was Luhan. He is numb to the world, and all the feelings he had once held, vanished in the wind. There was no room for Sehun yet, not with his lover buried in a grave.

Striding over, he clasps his hand over Sehun’s arm and urges him forward. He grins, a rare smile that brightens his whole face. How long has it been, since Sehun has seen that smile? A smile that promised mischief and laughter, a smile that lit a spark in both of them and sent them on adventures they know not where. It seems like a millennia ago but in reality, only four months have passed. Sehun lets Luhan lead him, let him bring Sehun to where he stood and watch him point at the demons Sehun may never see.

His bright eyes have dimmed and his smile is once again forced. He is desperate, trying to hide his inevitable breakdown- even though Sehun has seen it all. He has sat through Luhan’s rage, watched him break everything that whispered stories of his lover. He had sat through Luhan’s tears, those that streamed down his face when his anger lost its edge and the grief set in. He has watched over him, while Luhan looked out the window, numb to the world, cared for the man he considered his... Well, he had no idea what he should consider Luhan as.

Sehun has watched him for too long not to know what he wants, watched him too long to know what he needs right now. He needs Sehun’s promise that he would be here, standing next to him as Luhan convinces the world that he is fine. And Sehun would be there, of that he have no doubt. He would stand towering over his tiny friend, who had learnt to fake a smile and put him back together every time he broke. Not many could see the cracks in him but Sehun could trace them as if they were his own. He did not need the heart that Sehun offered. He would not be able to receive it. Maybe, in a different time and a different place, but not today.

With a smile on Sehun’s face, he pretends to be able to see what Luhan shows him and Sehun can tell Luhan knows that he is lying. He was never very good at lying. Luhan was the one who came up with quick tales, that spun a mile long, with a charm that would convince anyone of his innocence. It was hidden now, behind baggy jeans and oversized hoodies, dark eye bags and unkempt hair. Sehun made a mental note to shove Luhan under the showerhead when they reached their dorm. Sometimes, though, it peeked through, when he had to speak to someone he cared not for, he would smile, and would push them to Sehun and Sehun would dispense of them with a word or two.

It breaks Sehun’s heart to see him falter, to see his lips tremble, to see his eyes water. Sehun wondered if Luhan would be okay with the cracks in heart, if he would see Sehun’s heart as resilient rather than beyond repair.

And the cracks deepen, when Luhan sobs in his arms, as he does now, and the only thing he could do is pat Luhan on the head and promise that he would always be here. He curses the injustice of the cruel world as Luhan sobs and sobs and sobs. The cracks delve deeper when he sees Luhan this way, unable to put his mask of bravado, unable to bring his devil may care attitude to shore. The cracks go deeper when he sees Luhan broken. It is not until dawn has turned to dusk that he releases Sehun from his hold, but even then Sehun is not more than an arm’s length away.

Luhan begins to move, his body tuned to a familiar rhythm that rang throughout their childhood, the crooning voice of DBSK, mixed with a jazzy tone that told stories of those lost and forgotten. Sehun imagines they are back in the studio, in their university, watching Luhan dance for first time since he has known him. Sehun had not been able to convince Luhan to dance, no matter how hard he tried when Yixing had told him of the time that would spend in the dance room, of the passion that had once burned through Luhan. Luhan had been more preoccupied with his lover’s grave, visiting it every day, enduring the grueling hour ride in the train after all his classes ended.

It was Yifan who finally made him dance. His birthday had dawned and as per custom, Luhan choreographed a dance just for him. Sehun had watched Luhan trek back into his room, trembling beneath his layers, as the need to fulfill the birthday present of years burns through him. Luhan had come to dance practice the next day.

The grassy floor gives way to the wood that covered the studio and the dark night turns into mirrors that reflect every move. Luhan, who used to dance with vibrance and passion, now dances with despair, his choreography forcing you to stop and stare. Gone is the power, the high energy, the enigmatic smile as he figured out a step to his favorite song of the week. In its place, there are somber notes that fill the air, the muted movements of subtlety that sweeps across the room, as the tears pour from his dark eyes. He mourns his lover, every time he pliés, with every pirouette, ending with every curtsy.

Sehun lets him bask in his silence, let him tell me his story in his own way. And Luhan tells his story. He does not stop dancing until his limbs have protested and his muscles scream. And even then, it is not until his legs refuse to move the way he wishes to, when it trembles beneath him before collapsing, that he stops, the tears still spilling from his eyes. Sehun feels his heart shatter to smaller fragments as Luhan pushes him away when Sehun tries to pick him up him, as he forces himself to dance and dance again.

He is smirking now, his tears gone but even then it is only a shadow of the sarcastic tilt of the lips that Sehun has known, ever the showman. He waits for Sehun’s reaction, waits as because only Sehun’s reaction matters, because Sehun has become felt his grief. And Sehun hits him on the upside of his head, a smile big enough for the both of them plastered on his face. He swings an arms around Luhan, and mumbles, “I want to dance Beyoncé next time.”

He pulls Sehun into a hug. It is awkward since he is bigger than Luhan and yet somehow, he engulfs Sehun. He hugs him back, just as tightly as Luhan hugs him and Sehun hears him whisper, “not even if I died.”

Sehun is content. Luhan is finally reaching happy. This time, his smiles reaches his eyes, lighting them up.

Sehun will not let him break, not again. He would do whatever it takes to keep him safe, from the world, from himself even but he will never let Luhan break again. After all, Luhan was the man he loved.

And if Luhan did break, Sehun knows how to fix him, to gently superglue the pieces of Luhan that have shaken loose, and make him whole again. And Sehun would wait. Wait until Luhan was willing to receive his heart, battered and bruised as it was.

Sehun has matured with him, has fought with him, has laughed with him, has cried with him.

Luhan will grow old with him, will fight with him, will laugh with him, will cry with him.

Of this, Luhan is sure.

Sehun steps into his apartment, the hub of bustling sound stilling as eyes settle on him. He has eyes for no one but for the pink haired boy, frozen in the middle of the room.

“Xiao Lu,” he whispers, and his eyes roll to the back of his head, thudding to the floor.

The screams that follow on lost to Sehun’s unconscious body.

Author's Note: Thank you for voting and commenting! Now the endgame has not been decided (the pairing have been decided, the way they come about are not....) and will only be finalized on the 23rd, after the vote has ended. This chapter as well as the next will simply be to bridge the time gap between endgame and the emotional trauma that I put my babies through.

TrollUnicorn: Thank your for your comment. I will write that scene for you in the next chapter. The only reason I didn't do it in this one is because I had already written it *blush* Anyways, Baekhyun was really mean, wasn't he? Yixing won;t stand for that. When he comes back, things go down!

Lulu123: Hunhan will be together! I promise you that!

Kellypot: Was that the only thing you liked? :P I'll try to write lots of little anecdotes for you then!

mickey6272: Hehe thank you!

On one note: Have you vote? If you have, don't forget to leave me a scenario to write for you as my way of saying thank you!

On another  note: Wow! 74 subscribers! That makes me so happy! Now if only yall would talk to me! 

Happy readings! Enjoy the chapter!

Comment below and Subscribe above!