chapter 34
#imissyouloveyouYou sit up straight on the single chair once u reach home, with all your thought pre-occupied with all the things that happened just now.. what happened 2 years back with key… you stare blankly on cold marble tile in the hall.
Clasping both of your hand together, bending your head to it.. you heave a deep sigh.
Everything is running through your mind.. just everything.. you don’t even know how to react now.
You feel a warm touch on your cold hand.. looking up you find leeteuk kneeling down in front of you…
“gwenchana?” his concern eyes looks up to yours.
You just look back at him, without knowing what to utter..
He pat your hands, smiling and sit just right beside you, his eye stare tells you that he believe you, he have faith in you.
“hubby… I..”
“if it is hard for you to tell me.. its okay.. you don’t have to tell me..” he said in a slow tone, patting your head before brings your head to lean to his shoulder.
You blow a breath, feel more relax and better.
“the first time I came to Seoul is 2 years back.. “ you start to tell him, holding his other hand tightly, with him continuily patting your head.
“I came by with intention of getting a mere getaway for myself.. I sound childish didn’t I?” you chuckles.
“yes.. you are my childish bubbly mocha..” he kiss your forehead.
“but the first person that I met here is key..” you stop and turns to Leeteuk as he stop patting your head. But he soon continue to pat your head back.
You loosen up and hug his waist.
“I make my way to Han river once I reached. Its 3 or 4 in the morning when I saw a guy trying to…” you breath in “jump into the river..” you blow hard, you can feel Leeteuk drapped his arm around you body and bring it close to his, giving you strength.
“and that is when I met Dujun too.. he’s Key’s hyung..”
“seriously? But what’s with the Yoon family’s name?” leeteuk ask
“yes, yoon is his mom’s family name.. dujun is mr.kim’s other wife..”
“other wife? But .. how…?”
“they separated.. divorce and they decide to change dujun’s family name to yoon instead afterwards.. but, dujun came in and live together with mr. kim after his mom passed away when he is 12. He get alongs well with them and he is a hyung that key once admire.both of us pulled him back up when he nearly jump off from the bridge. At those time, he’s unstable.. he’s in a deep dilemma.. some sort of fear of oneself, self destruction. Because he thought he is the reason why his girlfriend die.”
Leeteuk keep quiet and just listen to you.
His girlfriend, died in an accident, while waiting for him to pick her up for their date. But, saseng fans get to find out and they attacked her by the roadside. By the time he came, the situation get chaotic and due to all the chaos, he tried to led all the fans away and by that time, his girlfriend get pushed to the roadside and… accident happen.. and.. she died on the spot.”
“it has been a great trauma to him, he is exempted for the training and schedule for 6 months, thanks to uncle kim’s power. From there, I get to know kim’s family.. I stayed with them for almost 2 weeks.. uncle and aunty treat me as their daughter and key starts to get better.. I don’t know why but he listen to me after i once stop him from attempting suicide again..”
“you did?” leeteuk shocked
“yes, there’s time when he wont listen to anyone, he drinks all day long, throwing thing all over the places, getting involved with all the fights, he dint eat, he didn’t sleep.. and aunty has been crying a lot.. even uncle kim is speechless.”
“one night, he tried to cut his wrist off when uncle kim advice him…”
You soon reminisce the always fresh memories in your head since 2 years back.
~
“kim kibum you cant continue to be like this.. I push and drag things for you but its been 6 months for Godsake, compose yourself up and get your head straight back! Just for how long more are you going to live like a corpse like this?” Mr.kim get angry, his heart is painful to see his flesh and blood being drifted away from being normal in his own guilt trap.
“stop.. I don’t want to hear anything!’ key try to walks up when his mom hold his hand and try to talk to him..
“mom, not you too!” he push his mom’s hand way hard and she end up falling on the floor.
“aunty..” you run to her and help her up while she’s crying so hard.
“what have happen to my son… my son…” she kept crying.
“kim kibum! You hurt anything else but not MY MOM!” dujun yell and as he strode forward, he blow a punch to key’s face.
Key is stunned. Never before did dujun ever raise up his voice to him.. he’s the hyung that always be beside him for anything.. he got his back up.
“hyung you too? why no one can ever understand me? WHY?” key starts throwing things.
He grabs a vase and throw it onto the floor make it shatters into thousand pieces, he throws almost everything than he can hold..
“why cant you ing understand? The girls that I love died because of me!”
“she ing died because some stupid girls who called themselves my fan pushed her to the roadside and I cant even do anything to save her from it!”
“I see how her tiny body get crushed by the car!”
“I saw how her body trembles out of the pain she’s bearing.. she’s ing crying, with her eyes looking at me and I cant even move because my knee grows too weak watching he blood get spilled on the road because of me!”
“ I don’t even deserve to live after her life ended that way! I don’t even ing deserved to!”
While key throwing all the things, you asked dujun to help mr and mrs kim to get to the second floor, dujun refused at first but seeing how much mrs kim trembling out of tears, he carry his mom up.
Now there’s only you and key left in d hall. You stride towards him and slap his face hard.
His eyes widened in rage..
“YOU! You!!! How dare you raise up your hand to slap me?! You ungrateful bastard!” he slaps you hard that you fall
“me? Ungrateful bastard?” you get up and stand in front of his face
“it is you the ungrateful bastard! How dare you push your mom down like that? The mom that cares for you, cried for the whole 6 months because of your ing sickening guilt trap and self-destruction!”
“don’t you say anything to me.. you are just no one! You are ing no one so don’t you dare to meddle in my affairs!” key shout back to you
“yes I am no one but I at least feel the need to be grateful to your family great care while I am here that I feel like it is my responsibility to screw up this sickening son of theirs that makes them suffer!”
“sickening? Who is sickening? You who don’t even know your place!”
“I am sickening? Then you are a trash! You are ing ungrateful disobedient son, selfish bastard with an inferior complex, causing a great pain on for your parents!”
“tchhh..” key is speechless
“so, I am just that bad right, so why do all of you bothers to even save me from before?? You should just let me die!” key pick up one of the glass shred and threatens to cut his wrist..
“kim kibum don’t!” dujun came from upstairs and panick.. he freaks out upon the situation, trying to stop key but key keeps on throwing fuss.
You pick up another piece of glass
“cut your wrist..” you said
Everyone turns to you and look at you like you are crazy.
“I said cut your wrist kim kibum!” you walks to him.
“you think I wont?” he hold the glass close to his wrist.
“no! kim kibum no!” dujun shout “yah! Are you crazy?!” dujun yell to you
“if you really want to cut your wrist, you better do it well or you will suffer if you cut your artery instead of your vein. Or maybe you have to cut both.. but I don’t think you will do that because you have hemophobia!”
“don’t you dare me”
“I DARE YOU!”
Key stunned for a bit
“if you were to cut your wrist, you should do it like this!” you slash your wrist with the glass and bloods start to drips out
“kim shin ah!” dujun yell and runs toward you, he then went out to get towel and calling their family doctor
Key steps backward, looking at you with fear in his eyes, he soona falls on his , trembling.
“get your head straight back kim kibum! Did you know how sad your parents are? How hard its is for your hyubg to take care of everything just because of your childish perception are! Eat the fact kim kibum! Death is not something that you can avoid or deny! It is not your fault! It is that fans of yours fault for pushing her to the roadside.. and yes it is your fault! Your fault for coming late that day! Your fault for not bravely take her hand and brings her away to save her from your fan! Your ing fault for dating her! Your fault for even asked her to wait for you there! Yes it is your fault!”
Key starts to cries, trembling, he bent his knee and hug them tightly to his chest by your every words..
You feel the cut on your wrist stings more.. but you held it in..
“so what? That is the fact! And you gotta live with it! Your mom who bears all your craps for 6 months long, did you know how heartbroken she is to see you in this state of situation?! What do you think your father feels? Your hyung?! All of them stay by your side, sticks to take care of you in your lowest point of life! And what did you do?? You called them all sorts of name, you pushed your mom down! You cursed your hyung! Tell me what sorts of person you are?! A human? I think you are lowest than a trash!” you starts to feel dizzy but ignore it.
“if you want to commit suicide, just take it at all once and ing die! Don’t you torture your family with your act of killing your ing self!”
“think kim kibum think! You are at the age of repaying all your debts to your family back so no matter how much you feel like dying, get hold of it and live it as your punishment and serve your family until you pay back all your debt” you said hard.
~
Tears fall down without you knowing. Leeteuk turns to you slowly.
“you did well..” he hug you and kiss you forehead, wiping your tears.
“there’s one more thing that I want to tell you..”
“what is it?”
“I’m doubting whether to tell you or not but I think you deserve to know..”
He tightened his hold on your hand.
“key tell me that…. He like me..” you look to him “more than just a dongsaeng to a noona..” tears rolling down.
He wipe your tears, kiss your forehead and hugs you tight, patting your back.
“for telling me this.. for not going to key when I hold you back before.. thank you..” you nod.. he kiss you lips sweetly.
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