A week passes where I don’t go to my apartment, but just stay with Minhyuk. I don’t know if Ilhoon’s staying there and the only times I see him is when the band is all gathered at the café. There haven’t been any moments where I’m alone with him. He hasn’t asked to see me in private and I haven’t tried to talk to him either. It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just not sure what to say. ‘Sorry I didn’t do as you expected when you asked me to choose between my brother and boyfriend’ or ‘I almost lost the love of my life because of you!’ or maybe ‘I’m done doing what you say!’. None of those options are very appropriate but it’s all I could think about for the past week and even while Minhyuk was still in the hospital, that’s all I could feel towards my brother. Anger and disappointment. But being this distant from Ilhoon emotionally is such a foreign thing to me, and I don’t like it. I want to be on good terms with him and be able to be around him without it being weird. For all of my life he has been my most important and treasured person, and even though he isn’t anymore, I can’t deny that I want him in my life. I don’t want to be without him, and I need to tell him that. Before it’s too late to fix it.

The meeting with Luhan’s parents is only two days away and the tension hangs in the air around the band. Everyone’s really nervous as it’s drawing so close and they frantically practice their songs as if their lives depend on it. Minhyuk has gotten a lot better too, and isn’t bothered by his wounds anymore. They have healed up very nicely, and he’s back to normal. The café hasn’t been open as much lately so they have more time to practice, but they all look like they could need a break. Get their mind off of things for a few hours. So, when they decide to take a short break from practicing I suggest something.

“What do you all say, we go out for the rest of the day?” I ask and everyone looks at me confused. “Where would we go?” Eunkwang asks and I shrug. “Just out. We could go for a picnic, or go to an amusement park, heck I’ll even visit a temple if that’s what you want,” I say and now they look even more confused. “But we have to practice. We only have two days left,” Peniel reminds me and they all nod in agreement. “I know, but all practice and no fun will just tire you out and music is supposed to be fun. You don’t need to show them how perfect you can play, you need to show them that you can move them with your music. Playing every tune right won’t convince them that you should debut. Just have fun with it and they’ll know. So, put down your instruments and let's think about something else for the day. Just today.”

They all look at each other and think about it for a few seconds. Then smiles start spreading among them and they turn to me again. 

“I’m up for going to Lotte World, but I want to bring Taekwoon,” Changsub says and I immediately agree. They all show support of the idea and we agree to go there. After picking up Taekwoon, we make our way there in my car and the band van. Everyone appears really excited and I’m glad I suggested going out, because they all seem more relaxed now. Minhyuk takes my hand as we walk in and everyone else spreads out to try the ride they want. Everyone except Ilhoon who stays next to Minhyuk and I. I look up at Minhyuk, and it’s like he reads my mind because he gives my hand a gentle squeeze, before he lets go and walks ahead. After taking a deep shaky breath I turn to my brother who is already looking at me.

“We need to talk,” we say simultaneously and then find a bench nearby where we sit down. Even though we both wanted to talk, none of us say anything for the first minute or so. I still haven’t found the right words, and I also want to hear what he has to say. Finally he speaks. “I don’t like how it’s become between us. It feels wrong not to be able to talk to each other,” he says and turns towards me, “I know I did something stupid, and I’m really sorry it ended how it did. I had never imagined it could happen, or else I wouldn’t have done what I did. I’m sorry, okay?”

I look back at him and I can see the sincerity in his eyes. I didn’t know just how much I needed this apology, but now that I got it, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I reach out for his hand, and he flinches slightly at my touch. “I forgive you,” I say and he looks at me, “and I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have pulled away from you like I did, and shut you out. You mean way too much to me and I don’t want us to drift apart, or not be able to talk. I want us to be family, and this time in a healthy way.”

He nods and says that’s what he wants too. We hug and it feels really nice to be on good terms with him again. I just hope we can find a new and better dynamic between us that will do us both good. Minhyuk probably took our hug as a sign that it’s safe to approach because he comes over to us with a smile.

“All good?” he asks and looks at us. We both return his smile and nod. He reaches his hand out to me and I immediately take it. I look back at Ilhoon and then reach my hand out to him. He looks surprised, and at first doesn’t do anything. But something in my expression apparently convinces him that it’s okay and he finally takes my hand. With my boyfriend in one hand and my brother in the other, I can only look to the future brightly.

The day for the meeting has finally arrived and everyone is a big mess. Minhyuk couldn’t find anything this morning and I had to help him with literally everything. If I hadn’t been here, I don’t dare think how he would have gotten ready. He would probably have walked out the door without pants on and only realised when he felt a breeze outside. Eunkwang took the band van home yesterday, so he could pick the ones up that don’t have their own transportation. Minhyuk and I leave in my car and we pick Ilhoon up on the way. He too is a nervous wreck and it’s been years since I’ve seen him like this. I almost forgot that he too can get nervous and anxious, because he always seems so calm and composed. It’s kinda nice to see him more human like this and be reminded that he too can be faced. He’s quiet in the backseat while Minhyuk and I talk up front. I try to distract Minhyuk a little by talking about other things. It seems to be working because he appears more relaxed than when we left his apartment. But as soon as we pull up next to the building, all the tension returns. All three of us get out and see the other members waiting by the entrance. We all enter together and are taken aback by the large and luxurious lobby. Sehun said that Luhan’s parents don’t have any really successful singers signed, but apparently they have other successful businesses since they can afford a building and decor like this. Ilhoon walks up to the desk and says we have an appointment. The clerk confirms and tells us we are anticipated. He lets us in and tells us which floor to get off on and where we have to wait until they are ready to receive us. We do as he tells us and wait outside a set of double doors at the end of a hallway on the 15th floor. Some of the members pace back and forth while the rest fidget along the walls. Even though I’m nervous for them, I can’t even begin to imagine how they feel. This is what they’ve hoped for and dreamed of for a while now and there’s finally a real chance that they could succeed. The pressure is high and it feels like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any moment. Just then the doors are opened and a man in a suit invites us in. Ilhoon enters first and the members quickly follow him with me at the very back. We are greeted by a middle aged man, sitting behind a desk at the far end of the office. A middle aged woman, who I assume is the man’s wife, is standing next to the desk and she greets us with a smile. I have seen them before in a picture and recognise them as Luhan’s parents. There’s an arrangement of three couches and an armchair placed in a square around a big coffee table. The man motions for us all to take a seat and the members spread out on the couches. I take a seat between Ilhoon and Minhyuk on the couch on the right side of the armchair. The man comes over and sits down in the armchair, with his wife standing by his side again. He introduces himself as Lu Wei and his wife as Zhang Li. Then he asks his wife to get a folder from his desk and she quickly brings it over. He opens it up and puts it down on the table.

“I had my secretary write up a contract, but before we sign it I have a few questions,” he says and I think every member fidgets at the same time. “I’ve seen videos of you playing and I know you’re good, so I have no questions about your skills. I just want to know about you, the members.”

Everyone looks surprised hearing this and none of us expected it. We thought the meeting would be more on the business side, but from the start it already gets personal. And it sounds like they were ready to sign the band even before we arrived. I’m not sure what I think of this turn of events. Could something the members say, make him change his mind? Or is he just curious?

I look around and no one looks like they want to be the first one to speak up. Then Ilhoon clears his throat and asks: “Can anything we say ruin the deal for us?”

He apparently had the same thought and everyone holds their breath while they wait for an answer. All of the members have a past that could ruin any k-pop idol’s career if it got out. Would the company be willing to take a chance on the band if they knew?

Lu Wei thinks about it for a while and then smiles. “As long as you don’t talk about it in interviews, I don’t really care what you’ve done. I would just like to know about it, to get to know you as people. Since our experiences shape us as people,” he says and he seems genuine. The members look around amongst each other and then Changsub is the first to speak. “I have a son, whom I care about more than anything else. I’m the one taking care of him for the most part, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep him a secret.”

Lu Wei seems a bit surprised, and I guess he expected stories about school bullying or drugs, like the other stories taking down idols these days. An idol having a child is out of the question, unless they want to ruin their career. He doesn’t know what to say, and it’s like everyone decides they might as well bombard him with everything they have and get it over with. 

“I ran away from home when I was 16 to create this band and I’m on bad terms with my family at the moment. Except for my sister of course,” Ilhoon says and winks at me. “I’m an orphan who was abused by an adoptive family before I was saved by my older brother,” Eunkwang says and Lu Wei’s face gets paler by the second. “I’ve been abused several times by middle aged women at my mother’s nightclub without her doing anything to stop it,” Sungjae says and tries to shrug it off, but I can tell it wasn’t easy for him to say out loud to strangers. “My father was a mob boss before he was killed by a rival. I grew up in that environment and a lot of people in that world know me because of my father. Oh, and I’ve been to prison too,” Minhyuk says and by now Lu Wei looks like he’s about to throw up. “I used to be a drug addict,” Peniel says and all of a sudden that doesn’t sound so bad compared to the others. Lu Wei swallows and his breathing is labored. 

“I must admit, I did not expect this,” he mumbles, perhaps mostly to himself. He looks at his wife, who is also at a loss for words. “I think…” he begins but has to swallow before he can continue, “I think we’ll have to think things over again. The situation is more… complicated and delicate than we thought.”

He can’t look anyone in the eye and slowly gets up from his chair. “I’ll take a couple of days to reevaluate the situation and then I’ll get back to you,” he says and as he walks over to his desk his legs look like they can barely carry his weight. He presses a button on a speaker and calls for his secretary. “I’ll get back to you,” he says as he looks at me and I nod. The doors open and the same man from before gestures for us to leave the room. We all get up and walk out in a line. 

When we get outside we turn and look up at the building, then at each other. “Well, I don’t think that was a success on our part,” Eunkwang comments and they all burst out laughing. I look at them confused because I don’t understand their reaction. Lu Wei’s reaction indicates that he might not sign the band, even though he seemed ready to do so at first. How can they react to the situation like this, when their dream was within grasp, but now might not happen. I look to Minhyuk for answers and he chuckles at my expresion.

“What’s going on?” I ask and they all shrug simultaneously. “I guess we’re all just really relieved, that’s all,” Sungjae says and all of the members nod in agreement. “What do you mean relieved? There’s a big chance he might not sign you after your little stunt in there. By the way, what the hell was that all about? Are you trying to sabotage yourselves?” I ask flabbergasted and they all laugh again, “Do you not want to debut or something?” 

They all look at each other for a moment and I look to Minhyuk again for answers. “To be honest, no. At least not with this company,” he says and I can’t hide the shock I feel. I look at the others and they all seem like they feel the same way. “But you were so excited. You were so nervous and wanted to do so well. What happened?” I ask and this time look to Ilhoon as the leader of the band. He glances at s and then back to me. “We were really excited when you first told us and we really thought we might finally make it as a band. But the pressure to be perfect for a company to approve of us and the pressure we would feel to continue to prove ourselves to a big corporation just didn’t sit well with us at all. We also thought about how we would have to fit a certain image to be in the public eye and honestly,” he looks around at s again with a raised skeptic eyebrow, “we don’t really fit the bill on that one.” The members all nod and I’m shocked to find out that this was how they felt, but they never told me. “So, did you go in there having decided that you wouldn’t sign a deal if it was offered?” I ask and they all look a little guilty while nodding, “why didn’t you just tell me?”

“We didn’t want to disappoint you,” Peniel says and fidgets with his shirt. “Yeah, you worked so hard getting us this meeting and setting everything up for us. We would feel bad if we turned it down before even meeting them after all you did,” Eunkwang says and the others nod. Even though I’m a little hurt that they would keep such a big decision hidden from me, it warms my heart to know that they did it to spare my feelings. Though I still wish they had told me so I didn’t go in there blind.

“Okay, so either way BTOB are not signing with Lu Wei’s company, though I seriously doubt he’ll want to after the bomb you dropped on him in there,” I say and they all smile sheepishly. I look at all of them one by one and end on my brother.

“So, what now?” I ask and his expression turns mischievous. He walks up to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. “Now my dear sister, we’re gonna become our own label.”