It has been a few days since I discovered Eunkwang’s scars. The first two days I tried asking him about them but he just said it was nothing and ran away. Now he avoids me so I won’t have a chance to ask. I wonder what it could be he’s so desperate to hide from me. I’ve also noticed something lately. Twice this past week Eunkwang left right after we closed the café and then returned about two hours later. He wouldn’t tell where he went and just wanted to start practice. It started about two weeks ago but I only started to really notice a few days ago. I wonder where he goes and what he does. I know that if I ask, he will never tell me. So there’s only one way to find out. I have to follow him.

When I arrive at the café I sit by my usual table in the back. As soon as Eunkwang sees me, he acts like he’s really busy. Obviously he’s trying to avoid me but that’s nothing new by now. It’s Minhyuk’s day off today which means he’s not at the café right now. He comes by when it’s time for band practice. And I’ve noticed that when Minhyuk isn’t around I’m more comfortable around my brother. Speaking of the devil, he comes over and sits by my table.

“Was school okay?” he asks and I shrug. “The usual,” I say and he nods, “how about the café?”

“The usual,” he says and I nod. We’re silent for a couple of seconds and then our eyes meet. I start laughing and he raises an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

“Us,” I say and laugh again, “we sound so awkward. It’s not like us at all.”

Ilhoon smiles wryly and runs a hand through his hair so it becomes a mess. ”That’s true,” he mumbles and I chuckle. I reach over the table and fix his hair. “Heejin-ah,” Ilhoon says and looks at me, “can you promise me something?”

“Anything for you,” I say without hesitation and then lean back in my seat. Ilhoon hesitates for a while and then says: “Can you stay by my side forever?”

I’m a little taken aback by his question. “Where did that come from?” I ask and he shrugs. “Lately Sungjae has been asking for permission to date you,” Ilhoon says while looking at his hands, “of course I keep saying no because just the thought of one of my members dating my sister makes my blood boil.”

I bite my lower lip and also look down. “But it made me think about something,” he continues and then takes a deep breath, “it’s not like you’re going to be single forever. I mean at some point you’ll find someone and eventually get married and all that. And… I don’t know… I just suddenly thought about the possibility that I could lose you when you find a boyfriend. That I won’t be important anymore.”

I raise my gaze and he laughs awkwardly as if he finds himself funny. “I’m weird right?” he asks and keeps his eyes on his hands. I get up and walk around the table to his side. Then I put my arms around him from behind and hold him close.

“No matter what happens, you’ll always be important to me. You’re my brother and I love you more than anyone else. You know that. And know that I’ll stay by your side till the day I die, because I can’t live without you. Never forget that,” I whisper and kiss his cheek, “you’re my precious brother whom is like a part of me. I’ll never leave you alone. Ever.”

Ilhoon chuckles and my arm. “Arasseo. Now let go, people are watching,” he says but doesn’t actually seem like he really wants me to let him go. “Let them. They’re just jealous because I’m hugging the must good looking guy in the café,” I say and give his cheek another kiss. Then I let go and he gets up.

“You’re just calling me good looking because you’re my twin right?” Ilhoon says and I grin. “Are you saying I’m giving myself a compliment by calling you good looking?” I ask innocently and he nods, “how did you know?”

He laughs and ruffles my hair. “Who taught you those manners?” he asks and I point at him. “You of course,” I say and he smirks. “Then I taught you well.”

He lightly my cheek with his fingertips and then gets back to work. I watch him for a while with a smile and there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll be by my brother’s side forever. No matter what happens I won’t leave him and I won’t let him leave me behind again either. If he left me again I wouldn’t survive this time. I just can’t live without my brother by my side. It’s as simple as that.

Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted as something else catches my attention. Or rather someone. Eunkwang says something to Ilhoon and then rushes down the stairs to the basement. I look at the clock on the wall and frown. There’s still several hours till we close, but Eunkwang looked like someone who was about to leave. Where could he be going? Maybe the place he has been going to for the past two weeks. I’m really curious about where he goes and what he does. And today I plan on finding out what it’s all about. So I’m going to follow him.

I tell Ilhoon that I have to take care of a couple of things and will be back in about two hours. He doesn’t ask any questions and just tells me to drive carefully. Then I leave through the backdoor to the parking lot. I get into my car and wait for Eunkwang. A couple of minutes later he comes out from the café. He gets into the band’s van and drives out from the parking lot. I see that he turns left and then I start my car’s engine and follow him. I keep a safe distance but also make sure not to lose sight of the car. At one point we leave the big road and drive on smaller winding roads. After driving for about half an hour, Eunkwang turns and drives down a gravel road. At the end there’s a building that looks quite shabby and old. I wait until Eunkwang has entered the building before I park my car in the far end of the parking lot. I just hope he doesn’t recognize it and realizes I followed him. I wait in my car and fifteen minutes later Eunkwang comes out again. He gets in the van and drives away. I wait a couple of minutes, to make sure he really left, and then I get out of my car. I walk towards the building and when I get closer it looks even worse. I think it was a school at some point but it hasn’t been maintained and now it looks run down and abandoned. But it makes no sense why Eunkwang would come this far just to visit an abandoned building. There has to be something of importance inside. I suddenly notice an old wood sign that has suffered a lot from the weather of the four seasons. On the sign are three words that make my heart sink.

Two Moons Orphanage.

Eunkwang visits an orphanage? But why? Could this be the place where Eunkwang grew up? I know that Eunkwang’s an orphan and has lived at an orphanage till his real hyung took him in. Could this be where he lived all those years?

After some hesitation I start towards the main entrance. On the door is a sign with words on it. Once again my heart sinks.

Thank you for being born.

I have never in my life visited an orphanage before or imagined what kind of place it would be. Even though I grew up without affection from my parents, at least I have parents. And they didn’t abandon me or give me away to strangers. I can’t imagine what it would be like to grow up and wonder who my parents are and why they left me behind. It must be awful and lonely.

I feel my stomach tighten and swallow before I open the door. I step inside and the first thing that meets me is the sound of laughing children. That I didn’t expect. I follow the noise and reach a room. What I see in the room takes my breath away. The room is big and full of children of all ages. Children playing, children laughing, children having fun. Children enjoying themselves. They don’t look miserable, pitiful or lonely. They look like they’re happy and enjoying life. I’m baffled but also kind of relieved. If this is the kind of environment Eunkwang grew up in, then his childhood might not have been as bad as I feared.

“Excuse me, can I help you?” a voice asks and I turn around. A middle aged woman with grizzled hair and glasses is looking at me. “Are you looking for someone?” she asks and I shake my head. “I‘m a friend of Eunkwang’s,” I say and she immediately smiles when she hears that name, “I own the café where he works and I wondered where he went after work. That’s why I followed him and ended up here.”

She nods and looks at the children in the room. “If you’re a friend of Eunkwang’s, then you know he’s an orphan right?” she asks and I say yes, “then you’ve probably figured out that this is where he stayed most of his life.”

She turns her head again and looks at me with sad eyes. “That boy has been through so much pain. So much pain. But still he comes back here. He plays with the children and thanks us for nursing him. He was a good kid and grew up to be a wonderful young man. He deserved better,” she says and looks so apologetic. As if it’s her fault Eunkwang was in pain.

“You can’t tell me what happened to him even if I ask right?” I say and she shakes her head. “That’s his story to tell,” she says and sighs heavily, “and he doesn’t want anyone to know this, but I think it’s a shame to keep it a secret.”

She takes my hands and gently squeezes them. “You said you own the café where he works?” she asks and I nod, “even after he moved in with his hyung he kept visiting us here and he wanted to help us. But he only just had enough money to provide for himself and his hyung. Then one day he came here and told us he got the perfect job with a good wage. After that he started bringing us money to manage the orphanage. He said he wanted to give back to us for taking care of him,” she says and sighs again, “I just wish we had taken better care of him.”

“You keep saying that. What exactly happened that makes you say you didn’t take proper care of him?” I ask and the woman hesitates. Maybe she’s not allowed to tell me. And actually there’s no reason why she would tell me since it’s probably none of my business. But in the end she decides to tell me.

“The orphanage has always struggled financially and at some point we couldn’t take care of all the children that were living here. Some of them had to be moved to other orphanages. Eunkwang was one of the children that were moved. I can’t tell you exactly what happened since it’s a private matter. All I can say is that it didn’t work out and in the end we begged for permission to take him back in. But I wish we had never sent him away in the first place. I’ll never forgive myself for letting them take him away that day. Never.”

With those words she lets go of my hands and walks away. I stand there for a few moments without moving. Then a little girl runs over and grabs my hand.

“Unni are you here to visit someone?” she asks and I look at her. She must be around 7 years old. She’s really pretty with fair skin, big brown eyes and long black silky hair. What mother would leave such a pretty and innocent child? Maybe she had her reasons but still I’ll never be able to understand how a mother can abandon her own child.

I shake off the negative thoughts and put on a smile. Then I crouch down in front of the girl and say: “Unni just came to find Eunkwang but it looks like he already left.”

“Unni knows Eunkwang oppa?” she asks and her whole face lights up. I nod and she smiles widely. “Eunkwang oppa is funny and plays with us,” she says and her smile gets even wider, “are you his girlfriend?”

I chuckle and shake my head. “I’m just his friend,” I say and she looks a little disappointed. “Then won’t you come and visit again?” she asks and I gently her hair. “Do you want unni to come and visit again?” I ask and she nods hectically, “why?”

“Because unni is very pretty,” she says as if that explains everything. I chuckle again and say: “Then I’ll visit again with Eunkwang oppa.”

She looks really happy and tightens her grip around my hand. Just then I notice something. In her other hand she’s holding a dirty old doll that has definitely seen better days. Now that I look around the room, all the toys are old and most of them are broken as well. But the children still play with them. Because it’s all they’ve got. They know that they can’t get new toys and have to settle with what they have. That fact makes my heart tighten.

I look at the girl again and ask what her name is. “I’m Park Eun Hye,” she says and bows to show respect. “You have good manners Eun Hye,” I say and smile. “What is unni’s name?” she asks and I tell her, “Heejin unni do you promise to come back?”

“I promise,” I say and she lets go of my hand. Then she waves and returns to her friends. I stand up and leave the room. I find the woman from earlier near the entrance. I walk over to her and ask if she has pen and paper. She runs off and then comes back with a notebook and a pencil. I write down my phone number and my name before I give the notebook back to her.

“If anything happens and you need help, then call this number. And also…” I reach for my wallet and take out all the cash I have, “take this.”

“I can’t accept that,” she says and pushes my hand aside. “I’m not taking no for an answer,” I say and force the money into her hand, “use them to buy new toys for the children. And make sure to buy a pretty doll for Park Eun Hye.”

The woman looks very flustered and then starts bowing. “Thank you very much,” she says and I feel awkward because an older person bows so much to me. “Don’t mention it. Really. There’s a lot more where that came from,” I say and smile reassuring, “I’ll come back again and help. I promise.”

“I don’t know how to repay you,” she says apologetic and I look over my shoulder towards the room with the children. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. That’s the best way to repay me,” I say and then bows to her before I leave the orphanage and drive home.

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So now some of Eunkwang's past was revealed. What do you guys think? Please leave your thoughts in the comments because I can always use some feedback :)

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