When I wake up, my body feels heavy and I’m sore places I’ve never been before. But it’s a nice kind of soreness. The kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I turn my head to the side and see Minhyuk lying by my side. A smile spreads across my face and I gently his cheek. He sighs heavily in his sleep and I decide to let him rest. I sit up and get out of bed. My legs are the sorest part of my body and they lose some of their strength as I get up. After regaining my balance, I put on one of Minhyuk’s t-shirts and walk out to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I expect to see some kind of change. As if the fact that I’m not a anymore has changed me noticeably. Because somehow I feel different. And while thinking about last night I can’t help but smile to myself. Definitely one of the best nights of my life. I can almost still feel Minhyuk’s touch on my skin. I remember all the places he caressed me and all the places he kissed me. And I treasure every single one of his touches. I don’t ever want to forget.

I hear footsteps behind me and then Minhyuk appears in the mirror. He smiles when he sees me and comes closer. He puts his arms around me from behind and lightly kisses my neck.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers and I giggle. “Even with messy hair and no make-up?” I ask, even though it’s not the first time he sees me when I just got out of bed. “You know you’re always beautiful in my eyes,” he says and I turn around to face him. “I know,” I say and give him a peck on the lips. He smiles even wider. “Let’s go back to bed. I wanna be lazy for a bit longer,” he says and I nod. We walk back to the bedroom and lie down on the bed again. Minhyuk puts his arms around me and holds me tightly. I tug in to him and rest my head on his chest. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of his beating heart. We don’t say anything for a couple of minutes and just enjoy each other’s presence. But then Minhyuk breaks the silence.

“Heejin-ah,” he says and I push myself a bit away from him so I can see his face. “What is it?”

He rests his head on top of mine and sighs heavily.

“I often ask myself where you came from,” he says in a subdued voice and I raise an eyebrow. “I was born in Ilsan,” I say and he snorts. “Pabo. I imagined it more like you were an angel sent here to save me.”

I sit up and look down at him. “Save you from what?” I ask and he shrugs. “Myself I guess,” he says and sits up as well. He cups my face and looks me straight in the eye.

“Are you sent from heaven as my guardian angel?”

Minhyuk has gotten so romantic and cheesy lately. Or maybe he was from the beginning of our relationship and it has just gotten worse. But I don’t really mind. Romance has never really been my thing, but I love it when he makes my heart flutter. Even over silly things like this. So I smile and kiss him.

“It’s a secret,” I whisper against his lips and I can feel him smile. We pull a bit away from each other and Minhyuk caresses my cheek.

“Whether you’re an angel or not, it doesn’t matter. I just know that you changed me. Changed me for the better,” he says and then puts his arms around me, “you’re like a light that only shines for me. And my existence is a shadow to your light.”

I blush and hide my face by his shoulder. “Shut up,” I mumble and Minhyuk chuckles. I feel a little flustered by his words and I don’t know what to say. I just play a little with his plectrum necklace while I try to calm down my hectically beating heart.

“Did my words make you uncomfortable?” Minhyuk asks but I shake my head. “I just don’t know how to respond to it… you’re so good at describing your feelings for me, but I can’t do that,” I mumble while I continue to hold on to his plectrum, “I can say I love you, but I can’t explain why or how much.”

Minhyuk chuckles and pulls a bit away so he can see my face. He smiles widely and a strand of hair behind my ear.

“You don’t need to explain to me. I understand from your actions how you feel. When you said you loved me yesterday and what we did, that explains everything. I know how much you love me even though you don’t say it with words,” he says and kisses my forehead, “the reason why I tell you about how I feel, is because you need to know just how much you changed me. How much better things have gotten after I met you, and that I don’t ever wanna lose you.”

A tear runs down my cheek as I lean forward and put my arms around his neck.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper into his ear and I hold onto him for a few seconds before I pull away, “even though I don’t want to ruin the mood, I’m afraid we need to get out of bed. I don’t know when Ilhoon will be back, and he never calls first, so it’s best if you leave as quickly as possible.”

Minhyuk sighs and nods. “I often wish you didn’t live with your brother,” he mumbles as he gets out of bed. “You know how precious he is to me,” I say and he nods. “I know and it’s good that you love him… I just wish he wasn’t your entire life,” he says and opens the drawer in my closet that contains his clothes. I don’t comment on that. I’m aware that Minhyuk wants me to let go of my brother, and it’s not that I don’t want to. I just feel like I’ll lose a part of myself if I distance myself from my brother. Even if it’s just a little bit.

Minhyuk finds the clothes he wants to wear and leaves the room to change. I listen to him entering the bathroom and then I lie down on the bed. I look up at the ceiling and sigh heavily. Even though Minhyuk knows Ilhoon is precious to me, he doesn’t know just how precious. For so many years my brother was all I had and I just can’t forget that. I want to spend the rest of my life repaying him for what he did for me back then. Because he saved my life. My brother is the reason I’m alive. That’s why I can’t let him go.

I listen to the sound of the shower and close my eyes. I can’t tell Minhyuk about what happened back then. Not yet. But when I decide to tell him, he will understand. He will understand why my brother is my entire life. He will understand…

Later that day the band arrives to get ready before their gig. The twins arrived a little while ago, with all their equipment, and they’re almost finished getting everything in place. I pull a chair over and start applying Changsub’s make-up. He talks a lot about Taekwoon and I’m glad to hear that everything’s going well. He’s behaving in daycare and he gets along with the other kids. He’s got a close friend named Hakyeon that he spends a lot of time with. Changsub seems happy that his child is thriving and that makes sense. As a parent, you wish for your child to grow up as healthily and happily as possible. And from what I’ve seen, Taekwoon is both happy and healthy. Changsub’s doing a great job as a father.

When I’ve finished Changsub’s make-up, I move on to the next one. I grimace when I see a big smile that I recognize all too well.

“Make me handsome,” Minhyuk says as he leans back in his chair. “Then I wouldn’t have to do anything. You’re already handsome,” I say and Minhyuk’s smile widens. Then he suddenly grabs my arm and pulls me closer. He pulls me down until my face is leveled with his. He’s so close that I can feel his warm breath on my skin.

“Don’t flatter me, because then I won’t be able to leave you alone,” he says in a subdued voice and smirks. I swallow and hesitate for a few seconds before I pull back. Then I back away and flee to the other end of the room. I step inside my bedroom and take a deep breath. I swear that boy is gonna make me go insane some day. He keeps tempting me and testing my limits in front of everyone. He’s always like this. When we’re alone he’s sweet and loving, but when the others are around he presses my buttons like this. Pushing me towards the edge. I would just prefer that he left me alone or looked at me from a distance. The next time he does something like that, I'll either kiss him or punch him in the face. And I don't know which is worse. 
Suddenly my thoughts are interrupted, as I get the feeling, that I'm not alone in the room. I look up and see Eunkwang standing in the opposite end of the room. It looks like he hasn't noticed me, which seems odd. But then I realize that he's completely emerged in looking at his bare chest. He's not wearing a shirt and I think he's looking at his scars. I slowly close the door and turn the key as silently as possible. Then I hide the key away in my pocket and move closer. When I'm standing right behind him, he still hasn't noticed me. I take a closer look at the scars on his back, that I've never been able to see up close. They look really bad and something very painful must have caused them. I can't even begin to imagine what.

Without realizing, I reach out my hand and gently touch one of the scars. Eunkwang flinches and immediately pulls away. He turns around and looks at me with a shocked expression. He breathes heavily as if he’s been running a marathon and his eyes are frightened. He starts looking for his shirt but the panic seems to make it hard for him
"It's okay, Eunkwang, you don't have to hide from me," I say in a gentle soothing voice. But Eunkwang doesn't calm down. Instead he gives up on finding his shirt and makes a run for the door. He pulls violently in the door handle, but the door stays firmly in place. When he realizes he can't escape, he panics even more.
"Let me out!" he demands with a trembling voice. "I told you that you don't have to hide from me. And you have nothing to be scared of, so please, calm down."
"Yeah that's easy for you to say! You don't know anything about me!" he exclaims and I can see sweat appearing all over his torso. His reaction resembles an anxiety attack. Which might be exactly what it is. Maybe he's so scared of someone seeing his scars, that his body freaks out when he's exposed to someone. It's a possibility and I'm quite convinced that's what's happening to him right now.
I take a step closer to him and he flinches. 
"Don't come closer!" he says and curls up to make himself smaller, "don't look at me!"
"Why, Eunkwang? Why can't I look at you?" I ask and I can hear Eunkwang has started sobbing. "Because I'm hideous! I'm weak and unwanted! A monstrosity that shouldn't exist!" he cries and curls up even more, "DON'T LOOK AT ME!!"
I step closer again and my heart tightens. What happened to Eunkwang that made him this way? What did his adoptive family do to him? Did they brainwash him into believing he's a monster that's unwanted? Who would do such a thing to an innocent child!?
I take another step towards Eunkwang and I'm now standing right next to him. I crouch down and gently put my hand on his back. He trembles but fortunately he doesn't pull away from my touch. I start his back and try to ignore the fact that his skin is ice cold and sweaty.
"Eunkwang, I visited Two Moons Orphanage and talked to the staff," I say and his sobs stops for a moment, "they told me a bit about you, but they couldn't reveal what happened after you got adopted. They just said that something bad happened to you. I can see that, whatever happened, it left you with scars. Not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. Seeing you suffer like this and being in a lot of pain, I want to help you. Please, Eunkwang, let me help you."
Eunkwang's sobs have now almost stopped completely and he raises his head to look at me.
"Why would you do that?" he asks with a husky voice, "why would you help me?"
"Because I care about you," I say as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "But you can't," he says in a subdued voice, "nobody can. Because I'm a freak, nobody can love me."
"You're not a freak, Eunkwang," I say as I brush away his remaining tears, "you're a wonderful, talented, beautiful and amazing person whom a lot of people care about. I would be insane to not like you, because you're truly a precious human being."
Eunkwang stares at me with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth. I smile as I put my arms around his neck and hold him close.
"Thank you for being born, Seo Eunkwang."

He starts sobbing again and leans on my shoulder. Even though it's a small gesture, it makes my heart tighten with joy. For the first time, Eunkwang leans on me and accepts my support. I was finally able to take the first step towards breaking down his wall. I'll keep staying by his side and provide support whenever he needs someone to lean on. Whenever he needs a place to rest, I'll be there to soothe his tired heart and then encourage him to get up and continue forward. I'll never let him give up, or throw everything away. Whenever he needs a friend, I'll be there. 
"Heejin-ah," Eunkwang mumbles into my shoulder, "did you really mean what you said?"
I smile and gently his hair.
"Of course I did. You might not have noticed, but you are important to a lot of people. You deserve to be loved, just as much as anyone else and you need to know just how precious you are," I say and lean back a little so I can see his face, "your band members and your hyung all care a lot about you and worry about you. Even the children at the orphanage like you. You're not hideous and you're not weak! You're a beautiful and strong person, and I don't care how many times you need to hear it to believe it. I'll tell you every single day if I need to."
He gets teary-eyed but still doesn't look away from, my face. 
"You would do that for me?" he asks and I nod without hesitation, "but why? Why would you go to that extend for me?”

"Because I love you," I say and his eyes widen, "you have become like family to me. You all have, and I'll do whatever I need to for you guys. I'll protect you from any harm and I'll do whatever I can to help you. Because I care."
A tear runs down Eunkwang's cheek as he pulls me in for another hug.
"Thank you, Heejin," he whispers and I shake my head to tell him that it's nothing. Then he pushes me a little away and takes a deep breath.
"You wanted to hear what happened to me after I got adopted right?" he asks and I nod, "it's not a very nice story though."
I his cheekbone and look him in the eye.

"But I have a feeling that you still need to tell it, and I'm willing to listen."
He gazes at me in silence for a few seconds and then exhales through his nose. He looks at me with firm determination and starts telling his story.

I was finally able to finish this chapter so I hope you enjoy ^^