When I return to the café, Eunkwang has gotten back to work. The moment he sees me he suddenly becomes very busy and flees. But this time I’m glad he did. I need to process what I saw and heard at Two Moons Orphanage before I talk to him. I’m not ready to confront him yet, but at some point I will. I want to hear the story from his perspective, and if he decides to tell me what happened after he was taken away from Two Moons Orphanage, I will listen. Because apparently something awful happened that caused him pain. And if he still hasn’t gotten over that pain I want to help him with that as well.

A couple of hours later it’s closing time and the guys are getting ready for band practice. I’m alone in the café and in the middle of locking up. Suddenly I feel someone put their arms around me from behind. I look at the arms and judging from the y dark skin color and the hands that I love, I know exactly who it is.

“You’re late,” I say and act like my heart isn’t about to explode because of his embrace. “Traffic,” he says and kisses the back of my neck. A shiver runs through my entire body and I flinch. He chuckles and leans his mouth close to my ear.

“I think I just found a soft spot,” he whispers and I shiver again. “Shut up!” I say and push him away. He chuckles again and I hear his footsteps walk towards the stairs. I take a deep breath and then exhale. Lately he has been doing that a lot. Making me all excited. I know what he wants from me, but I also know he won’t force me. He’ll wait till I’m ready, but he’s not willing to wait forever. He’s teasing me like this but he would never cross the line before I say it’s okay. And I guess that it will happen when it happens.

After having calmed myself down I finish locking up and then walk down to the basement. The guys are already practicing and I just quietly sit down in my corner. As always my eyes naturally find Minhyuk. When practicing, Ilhoon is always too absorbed in playing that he doesn’t even notice me. So during band practice I can look at Minhyuk as much as I want without getting caught by my brother. And even though I always look at Minhyuk, something about today feels different. I look at my hands and frown. Something about my body’s reaction seems off. I feel funny all over and I can’t remember ever feeling like this. I can only describe it as an urge, though I’m not quite sure what it wants. A thought suddenly comes to mind and my eyes widen a little. Could it be that my body wants…

I look up at Minhyuk and I tremble. Minhyuk turns his head and meets my gaze. Then he smiles and my breathing stops. I get up and hurry out of the room. I lean against the wall outside the practice room and take a couple of deep breaths. I place my hand above my hectically beating heart. What’s happening to me?

“Heejin, are you okay?”

I turn my head and see my brother looking at me with concern. “I’m fine. I just feel a little dizzy that’s all,” I say and look away. “Do you want to lie down?” he asks and I shake my head. “I think I’m gonna go home. Go to bed early.”

“Do you want me to call a cab?” he asks and I shake my head again, “I can take you home if you want. I planned on staying at Eunkwang’s place tonight but if you want me to keep an eye on you…”

I interrupt him and say I’m gonna be fine by myself. He doesn’t look convinced but he doesn’t try to talk me out of it either.

“Call me if you need me okay?” he says and I smile. “I promise,” I say and kiss his cheek lightly before leaving the basement.

When I finally reach home I throw myself on the couch. I hear Hyungnim come out from my room and then he jumps up on the couch. He lies down next to me and I pet him absentmindedly. I don’t know what’s happening to me and I don’t want to think about it right now. What I need to focus on is Eunkwang and find out what exactly happened to him when he was a child. The scars on his body tell a story that I want him to tell me. Since he’s so desperate to hide them, it means that he could be ashamed or maybe it would be too painful to talk about. And it’s not because I want to force him to talk about it if he doesn’t want to. When it all comes down to it I have no right to know the truth either. It just seems like he hasn’t really gotten over what happened in the past. Like he’s denying it ever happened and that’s why he hides the scars. They’re a proof of the pain he went through and just wants to forget. Could that be it? No matter what the reason is, I just want to help him. Help him accept what happened so he can work out the pain. Or at least learn to live with it as a start. It’s better than denying it ever happened and suffer every time you’re reminded of it. The question is just if he’s willing to let me help him.

While thinking about this I suddenly start to feel sleepy. Maybe I should really go to bed early like I told Ilhoon I would. I close my eyes and quickly drift into unconsciousness.

The sound of the doorbell wakes me up and I open my eyes. Hyungnim, who’s still lying by my side, also wakes up. He sits up and looks at me. I get up and yawn. What time is it? I look at the clock on the wall. I’ve only slept for about two hours. The doorbell rings again and I sigh. I stretch while I walk out to the front door. I open the door and the sleepiness disappears immediately.

“What are you doing here?” I ask and Minhyuk looks at me with a smile. “I heard Ilhoon’s staying at Eunkwang’s place so I’m sleeping here tonight,” he says and enters the apartment. I close the door and hurry after him.

“You can’t tonight!” I say and he frowns. “Why not?” he asks and I hesitate. I can’t tell him that I’ve been feeling weird around him today. I don’t even know how to explain it. I just don’t know what I’ll do if he sleeps next to me tonight. I need to come up with an excuse to make him leave.

“I…um… I’m… I’m sick! Yes, I’m feeling sick and it’s contagious. I don’t want you to get sick as well when BTOB has a gig tomorrow night,” I say and Minhyuk frowns even more. “Is it bad? Do you have a fever?” he asks and puts his hand on my forehead. My body reacts weirdly again and I take a step away from him. “It’s not bad. I’m sure I’ll be fine after a good night’s sleep,” I say and look away. “Then I’ll keep an eye on you just in case it gets worse,” he says and I shake my head. “I need peace, so you can’t stay. It’s best if I’m alone,” I say and start pushing him towards the door. Touching his chest like this makes my entire body tremble and I fight to ignore it. What’s wrong with me today!?

Minhyuk is about to protest again but then the front door opens and we both freeze on the spot.
“Heejin are you awake?” I hear my brother’s voice and I look at Minhyuk with panic in my eyes. But luckily my brain still works and I come up with a solution.

“Quickly hide in the bathroom,” I whisper and he nods. He runs to the bathroom and enters. The door has just closed as Ilhoon enters the living room. He looks at me and snorts.

“What did you cam your hair with? A pillow?” he asks and pets Hyungnim. I frown and look in the mirror that hangs by the entrance. I gasp as I see my hair. It’s a big mess and I wonder how Minhyuk could look at me without laughing out loud. I try to fix it while I walk back to the living room. Ilhoon has entered the kitchen and is probably feeding Hyungnim.

“I thought you stayed at Eunkwang’s place tonight,” I say while look at the bathroom door. “I am. But the reason why I’m sleeping at his place is that Eunkwang’s brother isn’t home and Eunkwang hates being alone. When his brother is away that also means there’s no one to cook for Eunkwang,” Ilhoon says and I raise an eyebrow. “Let me guess. You want me to cook something for you,” I say and enter the kitchen. Ilhoon looks at me with an innocent smile. “It’s as if you can read my mind,” he says and I roll my eyes. “Fine I’ll do it,” I say and he smiles even wider. Then he sits on the counter and watches me while I cook.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks and I nod. “I got some sleep and it helped,” I say without looking at him. I hate lying to my brother. “So you’ll be fine for the gig tomorrow right?” he asks and I nod, “good. I don’t want to perform when my dear sister isn’t present.”

I scoff and point out that he did that for a year before coming back home. He clears his throat and doesn’t comment on that. Normally we never mention the fact that he left me behind and didn’t contact me for two years. He’s not proud of it and it’s the most painful time of my life. None of us wants to be reminded of it. And even though I love him to death, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for leaving back then.

Half an hour later I’ve finished and packed the food for Ilhoon. He kisses my forehead and takes the bag that contains his and Eunkwang’s dinner.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says and quickly pets Hyungnim before he walks to the entrance. Then I hear the door open and close again. I wait a minute to make sure he really left and then I run to the bathroom door. I take a deep breath and open it. I look inside and can’t see Minhyuk anywhere. I look around the room but can’t find him. It’s not like he could leave through the window and since he can’t turn invisible he has to be here somewhere. Suddenly I hear a weird noise and I frown. It’s coming from the bathtub. I take a step closer and then smile slightly. Minhyuk is lying curled up in the bathtub, sleeping. His heavy breathing tells me that. While waiting for Ilhoon to leave, he ended up falling asleep in the bathtub. He really is one of a kind. I crouch down next to the tub and look at Minhyuk’s face. I smile to myself. At times I still can’t believe this boy is actually mine. I often have to remind myself that I’m actually dating this guy and every time I think about the fact that Minhyuk’s my boyfriend, my heart flutters. There’s no doubt that I love him. I love him very much. And while looking at his face I don’t want to change that. Actually I want to love him even more. I want my love for him to grow. I want to give him my everything. As I think that I get up and enter the tub. I lie down next to Minhyuk and continue to look at him. It’s as if everything else disappears when I look at him. That when he’s by my side, everything else loses importance. Sometimes to the point where there’s only him left in my world. I suddenly feel overwhelmed by my own feelings the moment I realize how much I actually love Minhyuk. My chest tightens and I find myself crying because of all these feelings.

“Why are you crying?”

I realize that Minhyuk’s awake and he’s looking at me. “I’m just overwhelmed,” I say with a husky voice and tries to wipe the tears away. “By what?” he asks and I look him in the eye. “By how much I love you,” I say in a subdued voice and his eyes widen a little. He sits up and I do the same. Then I put my arms around him and lean my cheek against his shoulder.
“I love you so much that it physically hurts. And all day my body has been acting weird when you’re close to me,” I say and sniffle, “I wondered what it could be but now I understand.”

I tighten my grip around him and swallow. “I want to become one with you Minhyuk. I’m ready.”

I can hear Minhyuk’s heart speed up and he doesn’t say a word. Then he removes my arms and pushes me back so he can see my face. He looks at me with a serious expression.

“Are you sure?” he asks and I nod without hesitation. “I’ve never been more sure.”

Then Minhyuk steps out of the tub and helps me out as well. He leads me to my bedroom and closes the door behind us. We sit down across from each other on my bed. He reaches out his hand and caresses my cheek.

“If you want me to stop then just say it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to please me,” he says and I nod. Then he lies me down on the bed and starts kissing me gently. Knowing what’s going to happen my body is already feeling hot. As the kiss gets deeper I lose more control over my body. But I want to continue. Just like that first time he kissed me, there’s a typhoon raging in my heart. And there’s no doubt in my mind. I want him.

His hands reach for mine and he laces his fingers with mine. He stops kissing me and instead lets his lips lightly touch my neck. I tighten my grip till our hands are entwined with no space left. It’s like every nerve in my body is reaching for him, hungry for his touch. It feels like my skin is on fire and can only be extinguish by his hands. I want to feel him. As if he hears my silent wish he lets go of my hands and opens the buttons on my shirt. He my skin as he starts kissing me again. And suddenly his lips are all over me. My lips, my shoulder, my collarbone, my neck and back to my lips. Then his one hand starts caressing my back while the other is my stomach. My back arches by itself and weird noises I’ve never made before escape my lips. But I don’t mind at all. All I can think about is how much I love Minhyuk. That I want to show him everything and give him everything. Let him have all of me and let him consume me. Like my love for him consumes me.

Minhyuk slides my shirt down over my shoulders. I take it off myself and throw it on the floor. Then he pulls his own t-shirt over his head and throws it in the corner. I look at him like I’m enchanted and I gently touch his chest with trembling fingertips. While looking at his body I have a desire to let him hold me and become one with him. As if I’m in a trance I start taking off Minhyuk’s pants and he lets me. Then he takes off my pants and throws both pairs on the floor. He kisses my forehead and then playfully touches the edge of my underwear. His smile becomes playful as well. My feelings and my body have completely taken over by now and even if I wanted to fight it, I wouldn’t be able to. I lean back against the pillows and close my eyes. A single tear runs down my face as I give in to him.