Enjoy^^

With our recent promotions ending, I was allowed to go back to the States with my parents to visit my mom’s family. When the girls heard that they took me to get a cellphone.

“We should have done this like years ago-“

“Now we’re rushing to get this kid a phone!”

“If they had just let Yoochun op-“

“SUNBAENIM!!!!” I yelled because no one was alowed to call him 'oppa' when we weren't around him.

“Yoochun SUNBAENIM buy her a freaking phone we wouldn’t be rushing to get her a phone!!!”

“YAH! Park Ryejin shut the up okay?-“

“When YG makes you the leader of a group of girls THEN come to me with your unwanted opinion, okay? Until then sit the back and shut the up. I don’t want to hear your voice for the rest of this ride.”

“LEE SURI! You’re not my mom. Learn how to take advice from oth-“ A loud smack was heard and Jinju made sure to keep me facing forward so I wouldn’t look back.

“Yah, Suri you’re really too much. Keep your hands off the kid.” Joonmi said sounding exhausted.

“Leave me alone.” There was sniffling heard and before Jinju could get a good grip on me, I lunged over the back of my seat to get to the crying Renni.

Hands grabbed at me trying to pull me back but I kicked me legs out a couple of times before successfully crawling to Renni. I made sure to elbow my way past Suri who pushed me back. When I got to Renni I threw my arms around her.

“Unnie, don’t cry. You know Suri must have been dumped. We can put food coloring in her conditioner tonight.” I said whispering in her ear, leaning back to see the small smile on her face.

Buying a phone at the phone store was so overwhelming that I just let the others figure it out. There were so many plans, and gigabytes, and cases, and types of phones that I tried to pull my hair out.

“Yah just go get some food or something! You’re stressing is stressing me out!” Nari yelled pushing me out the store along with Tali, Renni, and Mel.

I vowed to never mess up my phone because I was traumatized with all the information being given to me. I became even MORE traumatized when Krystal and Suzy came by the dorm to lecture me on why I should make a Twitter, Instagram, Weibo. It got so bad the others kicked them out as I began to throw trinkets around the living room as that was headquarters for me packing.

Being back home was so surreal for me. Having vacation in Busan was so different to going back to the States where I left all of my friends and the relationships I had when I was younger. When Lana caught wind that I was back in home she kidnapped me and made me stay with her for the duration of my visit. I was probably lectured for a good two days at Lana’s apartment for not telling her I was coming back home and for not giving her my number. By week two in the States I had an Instagram and was texting my members and friends throughout the day trying to the get the time difference right. After those two days of hell I began to attend dance classes that Lana had been going to religiously. My first post on Instagram was by Lana who filmed me dancing with my partner in our dance class.

*Learning a new dance! The Bachata!*

I’d say in the next 3 hours I had so many comments, likes, and overall followers just from that video alone. Unaware of the controversy over the video Lena made another video after dance class.

"Ari!"

"Hmm?"

"Tell everyone how you feel about the Bachata!" I glanced at the her, then the phone before laughing.

"I like the Bachata! I want to go to a contest!"

"And dance?"

"Maybe." I said making a face and pulling her into the frame.

"Say everyone bye bye!" I said in Korean and she repeated it being super cute which was something I had not seen before, making me push her away from me.

During my vacation I captured my life with my friends and family as best as I could via my Instagram. People I had met at dance competitions when I was younger invited me and Lana to hang out with them and to say that we had all grown up well was an understatement. I was known to be very tomboyish as my dad raised me like a boy against my mom’s wishes so when my friends saw me they had a field day.

“You’d think this girl would have grown s and start showing some skin!”

“I know right! Arianna hy are you hiding that body we all know you have under all those baggy clothes!?!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about? Kenny, you grew s before me so tell me why don’t YOU show them off? Give me some tips on how to lift them as yours are so perky!” I yelled back which led everyone laughing at us.

“Still have that smart mouth of yours! I can see why you don’t have a boyfriend.”

“As if a boy could handle our precious Arie! She has a MAN.”

“YAH!”

“WHO?!?!!?”

“IS HE FAMOUS??”

“Arianna you know Tone would ing MURDER you if you were dating a man 10 years older than you!”

“Close enough.” I hit Lana and yelled at everyone to drop it.

While everyone’s attention got off of me Lana made a video on her Instagram and put me in it.

“Yah! Stop pulling me!” I said laughing almost falling off the chair we were both sitting in.

She held out her phone towards us and made sure it was ready to record. 

"I want to show you something."

"Okay!" She had got on her iPad and pulled up Facebook.

"The Book!" “Yeah yeah.” She then went to a certain page and had me read some of the posts before I looked at her.

"Are these your friends?"

"Kind of, here say something to them! They like Kpop!" For some reason I got nervous and tried to make sure my hair was in place.

"Ready?" I nodded at her.

"Okay!!"

"Hello everyone! Thank you for supporting KPop and continue to support." I said waving at the camera.

"They support POWER, too, Goof!" I elbowed her and tried to laugh off my embarrassment.

"Thank you for supporting POWER, continue to follow us with open hearts!" I say and waved again.

She posted the video to Facebook before we all left or the beach with our friends. I had not worn shorts out in public so for me to be in a bathing suit had Lena laughing.

“This is probably the most skin you’ve ever shown in public!”

“It is! I can’t show skin in Korea!” After hearing that Lana made sure for me to take a picture for my Instagram in my bathing suit.

“Isn’t this teasing my fans? What if my president sees this!”

“Oh hush! Just take the picture!” After the million of pictures that Lana took I uploaded a picture of me laying beside a heart I drew that said ‘I love POWER’ in hangul.

Although Lana tried to get me to post a picture with my bathing suit only I had an oversized see through shirt on in that particular picture.

“Ugh, you’re no fun! How are you going to get Park Yoochun to see you as a woman if you’re covered up?!?!”

“I came here to have fun, Lana! Not to seduce a man that is a bajillion miles away.”

“Yeah yeah yeah, back to fun and happy times!”

But my happiness ended a few days later as I wouldn't get out of bed. I felt all my energy gone from my body and cried. It seemed like all the hardships I had went through crossed my mind while I was back home. I questioned myself daily if it was all worth singing and dancing in front of fans. Friends and family came over and checked on me once Lana told them that my attitude did a complete 180. I lost my appetite and couldn’t keep down food so Lana had to force feed me soup.  I became trapped in my head and didn't know how to get out. I felt so burdensome to Lena and my group members for causing them so many hardships when we debuted and realized my group still went through things others didn’t because of me. Lana did everything she could think of to get me to open up about my feelings before calling my parents who scheduled me an appointment to see a therapist. Having so many emotions, feelings, and past experiences build up without talking about them was not good for my health. My generalized anxiety became worse so I was given some antidepressants to help me. By the time I went to Korea my therapist had weaned me off of my antidepressants and made it a priority to talk about the things that were bothering me. Without me knowing Lena made sure to talk to my member to let them know what happened to me.

“Yah, Marlana Thomas, it’s 3:21 n the morning. I love you like a sister but I will curse you out.”

“Wake the up before I curse YOU out Min Eunli, don’t forget I am YOUR unnie.”

“Lana unnie I’m so sorry!!!”

“Yeah whatever kid, I need you to let your other members kn-“

“Is Dain-ah okay? Did she get hurt? Unnie we told you to watch after her!!!”

“MEL SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK OR I’LL CALL JOONMI.”

“No no no! I’ll be good!”

“I don’t see how your members deal with you. Anyways, Dain kind of fell into depression-or well she had some problems.”

“Okay…”

“She stopped eating, drinking, and only slept and cried. I’m sure you know Dain is not one to complain too much so she had held a lot of things inside her. I guess it all came to the fore front of her mind and she just lost herself inside of her head. Her mom made her talk to a therapist and she was prescribed medicine for her depression but she’s been talking less of it.”

“…unnie?”

“She’s fine Mel, but you, as her sister and your members, need to check in on her. She can’t hold thigns inside of her until she bursts. She did that when she was younger and she was really destrictive. You have to be there for her. You girls think she’s being weird talk to her. PLEASE. I know what she’s capable of. You have to protect her from herself, okay?”

“Y-ye-“

“Don’t cry sweets, she’s better.”

“I don’t want Dain to die.”

“Oh Mel-“

“I always make sure to look out for her and the other younger ones and I didn’t do a good job.”

“No you did and are doing a great job. Don’t let it stress you out to much okay? Dain would be extremely upset if she found out you blamed yourself.”

“You’re right, I’ll tell the other right now.”

“Okay and don’t stress your pretty face too much. I’ll call you if I have anything else to tell.”

“Okay, goodbye Lana unnie.”

Hi Hi everyone! I'm finally updating! This will be in two parts because this si longer than I expeted it. Usually the titles of each story have something to do with the chapter but because I have my iTunes on shuffle I decided to name it from Hamiliton Park's Clock Stops as that is the song I am currently listening to!