-

Vrrrr. Vrrrr. Vrrrrrrrrrrr.

The sounds of my phone vibrating brought me back into reality. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting on the floor like that. Everything felt numb.

Standing up, I impassively picked up my phone that was on the table.

[Her] Calling….

Wow. What a great timing. But just as I was about to pick up, the called ended.

You have 5 missed call(s) and 2 messages.

I clicked.

4 missed call(s) from [her]; 1 missed call from [Young-Bae].

First message [From her]: Oppa, why aren’t you picking up my calls? Are you okay? We are still meeting later, right? I miss you baby. Call me soon <3

I read her message and reread it. In the past, I would have immediately clicked on her messages. Even before I read her message, I would be in this stupid, happy anticipation. I would have been smiling at the screen, like screens were the best things on earth. And after opening her message, my eyes would scan all the words and hastily start my reply. And the cycle would repeat itself.

Now I look at the screen, and I feel a sickening sense of revolt.

I clicked to see the next message.

Second message [From Young-Bae]: Dude. Have to tell you some serious . Call me back ASAP.

I guess he’d probably heard the news. Maybe, he was going to warn me. Young-Bae was one of those people in the world that I knew I could count on; someone I knew had my back always.

I called him back.

Young-Bae, it’s me. There were some fuzzy sounds in the background. I pressed my ear closer to the phone.

D…Dude, man. I have bad news for you.

As expected, he probably knew about it.

Is… it about her…?

…You know about it…?

Yeah. I pause. Chaerin told me about it.

I feel for you man…but what are you-bzzzzzzz-ar-bzzzz

The reception from the phone was like . I strained my ears, but still, I could barely make up what he was saying.

I can’t hear you! I say as loudly as I possibly can.

The press… and-bzzzzz in a few days bzzzzz-

Clearly, this wasn’t working out.

Look, I’ll call you back later.

The meeting…bzzz-her

Or maybe you can call me back at a better time.

You mustn’t…bzzzz-go…bzzz-ing

Bye, Young-bae.

Don’t…bzzz

Click.

-

I looked at my phone: 4 missed call(s) from [her]. Should I…call her back? Or should I not? A part of me really didn’t feel like talking to her at the moment. But yet, there’s still a part of me who wishes to know. All of a sudden, I wanted to know her side of the story. Maybe…she had her reasons…or something…? NO stop it Jiyong! You saw it. All those freaking pictures man. It’s too much to be a coincidence.

Alas, the truth is a bitter pill to swallow.

Even after all that have been confirmed, there’s still a part of me that didn’t want to believe it. Conflicting thoughts emerged in my head simultaneously. On one end, I knew that it was over. The love I had for her had died in my heart. The love I had for her has become this bitter and sour sunken feeling. I know that I can never look at her the same way again. Ever.

But somehow, there’s some kind of hope that remains. Maybe it’s out of the love I had for her. But I just want to believe this isn’t real. I don’t want to believe that all of this is only a lie. After all this time…how could everything be a lie?

I stare at my phone, at my wallpaper. It was a picture of her smiling. That day was exceptionally bright and sunny, and she shone beautifully under the sun. I press my thumb over her face.

I always told her that she had a beautiful smile. Her smile made me want to smile, I tell her. I tell her to smile often. I tell her to keep smiling.

So why does her smile make me want to cry?

I felt my eyes get watery. In that moment, it almost feels like I could forgive her. I even felt like I wanted to forgive her.

-

I can remember her clearly in my head.

-

She says, “I love you, Jiyong-Oppa.”

She smiles.

-

A thought occurs to me. If all of this was a lie, did she really love me?

-

I never knew that the sound of a heart breaking could be so infinitely silent.

-

I decided to call her. As a last chance to myself and a last chance for her, I decide that I would call her. Either way, she probably didn’t know that I knew the truth. I could just play-pretend with her and find out the truth.

Just act normal, just act like you normally would, I tell myself.

Determined, I clicked.

Calling [her]… … … (Click)

Hey baby. I managed in a cheery tone.

-

We decided to meet at a nearby steakhouse that day.

-

I was driving there, on my way.

Even though I looked calm on the outside, a frenzy of thoughts whirled in my head. Out of nowhere, the thought of Chaerin suddenly popped into my mind. Get the out of here! I had said. I winced mentally. Ouch. I remind myself to apologize for that furious outburst.

Just then, my phone started to vibrate.

I sneaked a glance at it. [Chaerin] Calling…

Talk about coincidence. I gave a half-smile despite myself.

Normally I wouldn’t answer calls when I was on the road. I had always thought that it was a stupid thing to do. But it was Chaerin. And I guess I was in the wrong afterall, and I should probably pick this up.

I adjusted and put on my headphones with speakers.

(Click)

Chaerin-ah, sorry abou-

Ji. It’s me.

I froze for a bit. Young-Bae?

Swiftly, I spun the wheel and pulled over at the side of the road. I checked the phone. It was clearly Chaerin’s number. For a second there, I thought I had seen wrongly.

Why are you using her phone? My voice sounds angry somehow.

Long story. Anyway, that’s not important.

Hn. I didn’t like what he was saying.

Look, she asked you out to meet her, right?

Yeah, I reply automatically. Wait. How did you know? I clearly remember that I haven’t told anyone about my meeting with her. My eyes narrowed. It could not be good.

Don’t go to the meeting. No matter what, don’t go to the meeting. He sounds desperate.

Why? What’s going on?

The place is rigged with the media and tabloids! There’s gonna be some kind of set up to catch you and her together…

My heart sank a little bit more with each word he said. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel. In that flash of a second, something in my head clicked. Determination set in at back of my mind. Solemnly, placing my phone back on the seat beside mine, I shifted gears and the right-signal to drive off.

…release and then- wait, Jiyong, are you even listening?

Yeah. I looked at the time. Thirteen minutes left. I was going to make it.

Just don’t go there, okay? I stepped on the accelerator.

…

Okay?

Young-bae ah. Just… thank you for telling me… about it.  

Well, I mean you’re welcome I gues-

Actually, no. Thank you for everything, I say. I truly meant all the words I said.

You’re sounding weird man… you okay?

But I have to go. With that, I reached to hang up the phone.

-

I sped off to the steakhouse.

-

I still needed to ask one last question.

-

A/N: Surprise update, lovely readers :) (But sort of an evil cliff hanger o:) And sorry about the lack of Chaerin > Still able to manage an update for you guys despite starting work ^^ I am getting a cold though /sigh. Stay healthy and safe guys, haha. c: Do leave me a comment if you could, it would really make my day. Cheers!