Regardless of the circumstances, we always hope for the best, isn’t that true? We brace ourselves for the worst, but still, a part of us hopes. We dare to hope for the best. We hold that hope inside of us that things will be okay.

Some people say that it is this hope that keeps us alive.

-

And so there I lay, open on the operation table. I feel exposed, vulnerable. Suddenly, I feel so… helpless. I just lie here, unable to move, unable to twitch a single finger. For the first time in my life, my fate lies in the hand of someone else.

A stranger, even.

The binding light hurts my eyes but I don’t want to close them. I want to see everything.

No, it’s more like I need to see everything.

I need to see… all of this.

-

The first jab of anesthetic went down, and the stinging pain is slowly being drowned out.

Suddenly, I am scared.

Staring at the blinding light, all I can smell is the stench stale medical equipment and surgical gloves. I feel fear creeping up on me.

I am numbed - unable to feel anything, unable to move anything.

Cold fear eats into me and I desperately try to hold on to that little hope left. I clenched my eyes shut and hope…

I want things to be okay.

I want things to be okay, so very badly.

-

(Some others say… that it is because of this tiny stem of hope that kills us. )

-

“Because he is considered one of the first few patients who opted for this operation type, we will be quarantining him for now, for further observations. You can still see him through the glass panel, but for now, all contact with the patient is strictly disallowed. “

I am watching you through the glass panel and you are sleeping soundly. You look so peaceful right now. I watch your steady breathing as your chest rise and fall.

…And as much as I want this moment of peace to last, I desperately want you to wake up too.

They said that the operation was successful.

They told me that you wouldn’t regain consciousness so soon, but I don’t want to miss it.  I just… want to be there for you.

I press my fingers onto the glass and it looks like I’m touching your forehead.

Wake up soon, Kwon Ji yong.

-

My eyes feel so heavy and I can barely open them. Blurry images whirl around me and in my head as I try to steady myself.

Then, slowly, my focus came back to me and I could see again.

How much time has gone by?

My mind feels so numb and I can hardly think. All I can remember was that vivid streak of blinding light before blacking out. Was… the operation successful…?

A fury of thoughts burst out in my mind, invading me with fierce colors.

Have I… regained my hearing…?

In a frenzy, my eyes dart across the room, trying to find some kind of sign. Something. ANYTHING. But the walls were white and unfeeling, and I was alone in the room.

-

I must have dozed off somehow, from the waiting and the suspense. But when I came to, I realized that you were awake.

You were awake!

Oppa! I slapped against the glass panel, trying to get your attention somehow.

You looked so disarrayed and frightened… and I wanted to be there for you. Look at me, Oppa! I’m right here!

OPPA! I was yelling, desperate and scared, slamming hard on the glass.

Please see me…

Please.

I’m right here. I’m with you, Oppa.

-

Or did… the operation fail?

My throat is dry and suddenly, I am not sure of what to do.

There are machines and things around me but there… are…

no sounds…

Shouldn’t these things have sounds? Isn’t there supposed to be some kind of beeping? Or ringing?

Why is everything so… silent?

What… happens now? Is this it? Have I finally lost all of my hearing? I stare blankly ahead, not at anything in particular… not at anything at all.

I just feel this… uncontrollable wrath of unjust and anger and fear welling up in me.

This is hysterical.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHY

WHY

WHY?!

And before I knew it, I found myself screaming soundlessly in agony.

I thrash and flail my arms around only to notice that my left arm was firmly attached to some machine. There are tubes and tape surrounding me everywhere that prevented my movements.

It’s… all going to be over.

From the corner of my eye, I catch this flicker of motion.

Turning my head slightly to my right, I saw.

Standing behind the machine, behind some glass panel… you are shouting, slamming on the glass and… crying…

Chae

No…

By instinct, almost immediately, I stumble out of the bed, ripping through the attached tubes and machine. My knees buckle and I fall onto the floor.

But I didn’t care.

With what energy I had, I struggle to stand up and move to the glass window.

Chaerin…

You had stopped slamming against the glass. Instead, your fingers were spread open like a fan against the window.

Our eyes meet.

You are here; your teary eyes tell me that.

This strong, intense feeling wells up in me and it rages fiercely inside me.

Slowly, I join my hand against yours, against the glass and it almost feels like I’m touching your hand.

We’re crying.

But our hearts, they’re smiling.

Chaerin, I’m glad it’s you. Because it’s only you that can hear me when there’s no sound. Because from the start, it’s only you that can understand me.

…right?

My hand feels warm. Maybe it’s the warmth from you.

I want to tell you to smile. Chaerin, don’t cry, it doesn’t suit you, I want to say. But all the energy seemed to have left me. My knees are shaking and my fingers have turned wobbly.

But Chaerin, you can hear these words… right?

I’m falling.

I really hope you can hear all of this.

Everything is soundless.

Everything is… fading away.

-

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…]

-

A/N: *bows and bows and bows* Sorry guys.... T_T I honestly felt ty for leaving this here for so long... T_T
I hope you are still reading and that you like this chapter. but honestly, i had alot of trouble with this chapter (and the next) and i really hope you will like it ^^ it's raining alot here, i hope the sun shines where you are :) 

Thank you, sincerely, if you are still reading :))