May 2013

She became a huge part of me.

Slowly, but surely, she became a part of my mind I couldn’t forget; she became a part of my heart that was so precious to me; she became a part of my life that I revolved about.

Our schedules were both busy, but I couldn’t care less. Maybe, I thought then, this was love. I thought that love was this constant instinctive desire to meet her, to see her, to listen to her voice, and I was…simply intoxicated. Before I knew it, I was sending texts of sweet nothings at the magical hour of 3 am in the morning; I had called her number so much that those numbers felt deeply inscribed to my skull.

I did all of these beyond the point of rationality; I did all to feel that amazing rush of euphoria.

Unknowingly (and embarrassingly, now that I think about it), I became that guy. You know, that guy who’d talk about his girlfriend to anyone who would even bother to listen.

-

Afterall, there were many things I liked about her. I would think:

What was there not to love?

I liked how she’d cling onto my arms when we went out together. Her small hands would hug on to my elbow, leaving me with a little patch of lingering warmth. Sometimes, we’d be wearing sunglasses and ski masks, trying to avoid glances and stares from people. But she’d stand on her toes carefully, and slowly lean up against me, trying her best to say something over the loud noises of the city streets.

I thought that part of her was so cute.

In public, every time she leaned up against me so closely to whisper something, I’d feel this insane kind of heartbeat thumping in my chest. I remember being scared that she might be able to hear it, and I always did my best to maintain a poker face. Stay calm, Kwon Jiyong, stay calm. This phrase continued ringing in my head and I would have goosebumps all over the nape of my neck. Don’t let her hear it, don’t let her hear it! I would think in my head.

Afterall, I was young and stupid.

-

It was also around this time that I wrote the most love songs in my career. I felt like, through my songs, I was announcing our love to the world. I was writing our love story for people across the globe to read about. I thought that that was romantic, and I told her so.

She always smiled a little stiffly whenever I told her about my new compositions and lyrics. I always thought she did that because she was embarrassed and shy.

-

One day, just as I stepped into the studio, you spoke to me rather suddenly.

Oppa. I need to tell you something.

Hn, Chaerin, what is it?

Um. For the two compositions from 15^th May, the final draft is completed. Here.

Okay, cool.

I took them over from you and started going through them as I sipped on my black coffee by the desk. Feeling your shadow still towering over me, I looked up again, and there you stood, unmoving.

Chaerin-ah, is there anything else?

Uhh…um.

What is it?

Oppa... I’m going to tell you something that’s not going to be pretty.

What? Honestly, by this point you were starting to scare me. The Lee Chaerin I knew wasn’t this cautious or seemingly apprehensive. You looked almost sad to some extent and I almost didn’t want to hear it. Your eyes didn’t meet mine.

It’s about her.

I felt my left eyebrow rising up momentarily by itself. I didn’t say a word. I just continued staring at you. I continued staring at the eyes that refused to meet mine. In the distance, I could hear the clock ticking loudly. Each tick echoed in my ear, as if in anticipation or building suspension. But nothing could fully prepare me for what was coming.

-

She was lying to you. All this time, she had been lying to you to achieve other intentions. It was all just a ploy to boost her popularity. She was using your fame to create scandals that would give her a boost in the industry becaus-

DON’T LIE.

I cut you off in a fit of rage. Why would you even say such a thing?

It’s disgusting.

A gush of disappointment and rage filled the pit of my stomach. I honestly couldn’t believe you just said all of that. I was about to lash out on you but then I stopped. In that moment, I met your eyes. I paused, and took a breath.

Calm down, I say to myself. I can reason this out, no need to flare up.

She isn’t someone like that, I say, keeping the tone of my voice even. Look, Chaerin, I know I’ve been sort of neglecting my work and stuff because of her, but that doesn’t mean you have to lie-

I’m NOT lying.

My eyes blinked twice at the deafening sound of your voice.

I was taken aback. For the first time since I’ve known you, you raised your voice at me. Your eyes stared fiercely into mine, and I saw the defiance burning behind them.

All this time, she was using you! Can’t you see?! Why else would she ask you out to Myeongdong district in the middle of the day? When there will be the most number of people there?! Why else would she hire someone to take pictures of the both of you eating Hotteok in Insadong?

You paused, as if to allow what you just said to sink into my brain. Shifting your gaze to the floor, you spoke much softly:

Look, I don’t want to believe these things as much as you but why else would I know all of this? My friend who works for a tabloid sent me these pictures… you can see for yourself.

With that, you flung a stack of pictures onto the desk. The huge stack scattered out, revealing photographs that confirmed the previous dates and meetings I’ve had with her. They showed solid evidence of us holding hands… of us walking together in the streets…

…of her leaning up against me in one of her whispers…

-

A loud silence filled the entire room after you stopped talking.

-

I remember the ticking of the clock being really loud.

-

I couldn’t think.

-

You… I started.

My voice was shaky, but I couldn’t seem to will it to be normal again. I sounded weak, even to myself.

You are…a ing liar, Lee Chaerin. I swallowed, hard. My throat was dry, and all that remained was the bitter aftertaste from that sip of coffee.

Get… out. I muttered under my breath. GET THE OUT OF HERE. NOW!

-

A/N: Hello everyone ^^~ Is this another unexpected twist? hehehe.
Finally, a longer update is here~ Once again, thank you very much for reading. (and for those who subscribed!) You could leave me a comment and tell me your opinions about the story so far, if you like. I really do appreciate them :) 
On a side note, I hope you are not finding the format of the story confusing. Just know that words in italics are generally speech. Normal straight standing words are part of Jiyong's thoughts/observations. Cheers! :)