“Welcome back sir” the lady greeted him at the door. He just nodded curtly and made his way inside. He swiftly made his way to the kitchen as he smelt something cooking and he knew his beloved mother is in the kitchen. He stood by the kitchen entrance and observed her. ‘When was the last time I met her? Gosh, I miss her so much.’ he thought. He went forward and gave her a back hug.

“Oh My God! Taeyeon? You’re here?” she screamed upon feeling a pair of hand wrapped around her waist.

“How were you able to guess that it’s me, mum? I didn’t even make a sound” he asked amazed by her.

“You’re my son Taeyeon. I know your smell very well and I know just by the touch of your skin!” she said as she turned around to hug him.

“I miss you son!” she said and cupped his face and kissed his face.

“I miss you too mum.. I’m sorry that I haven’t been around and have been a terrible son” he murmured against her shoulder as they embraced each other.

“Don’t say that my dear. I understand your position and I know you’re going through a hard time right now.” They pulled away from each other and she pulled him to the living room where they sat and talk.

“You look so skinny! Have you been eating well? Oh dear, I should’ve gone over to your place to cook you some meals.”

“It’s alright mum. I’m fine. You don’t have to trouble yourself.”

“It’s no trouble at all! You’re my son! It’s my responsibility to look after you”

“Where’s dad?”

“He’s out playing golf” he nodded at her reply and smile.

“You must be lonely at home.”

“You bet! I’m waiting for my children to get married and give me grandchild but I don’t think it’ll be any time soon” she pouted. Seeing the smile on his face, she knew he’s bothered. She knew he needed someone right now.

“How are you Taeyeon?” she asked as she took his hand in hers.

“I don’t know mum. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing at all.” He answered with misery. It pained her to see him like that. Her son is broken, so broken that he’s beyond repair. She hugged him and pulled him down to her lap.

“Taeyeon, what is love?” she asked. She sighed as he shook his head to her question.

“Love is about being honest with yourself at all times. It is about being honest with the other person at all times. It is about telling, listening and respecting the truth and never pretending. Love is the source of reality my dear”

“Why are you hurting yourself and lying to yourself? Why are you telling yourself that you’re unworthy of her? That someone else deserves her more than you do? Why are you pushing her away when all she wants is you? When you’re all that she needs?” she asked as she his hair. She could feel her skirt damping and at that instant, she knew that her dear son has crumbled. She just kept quiet and continued his hair and body.

“Cry it out dear. Just cry it out. Let it all out” she whispered. She knows that when a heart is broken, one turns into a ball of self-pity. They lie in bed, in a ball. They hug their knees and keeping them close to their chest, like a foetus because it’s human instinct to go back to the womb where they can feel safe.

He walked into the room and saw the lifeless figure lying on the bed. He moved nearer and saw that he’s crying in his sleep. The view was unbearable for him that he had to leave the room. He walked to the living room where he’s other half was seated. He sighed. “He’s crying in his sleep” he said.

“What can we do for him dear? I can’t bear to see my son like that”

“There’s nothing that we can do. Taeyeon is just confused about what he should do but he knows that he loves her. Taeyeon is afraid that he’ll break her and hurt her again if they get back together. Taeyeon’s just afraid.”

“Unless he decides to end his career, this issue will continue on. Taeyeon will not have the confidence in himself.”

“But, we can’t possibly tell him to just stop singing! You’ve seen how he is. You’ve seen the burning passion in him when he sings and how much the fans love him”

“I know. That’s why at this point, there’s nothing we can do unless Taeyeon is willing to take the risk which I think that he is considering.”

“I’ll talk to him later. Why don’t you go and prepare his favourites for dinner. Hopefully that’ll increase his appetite and mood. Don’t forget to call Seohyun to come home for dinner so that we can eat together.” He told his wife.

Dinner was great for the Kim family as they were finally able to have a family dinner together after so long. Everyone missed the atmosphere when all was present and they get to share stories together. Taeyeon volunteered to do the dishes after dinner and Seohyun joined him, wanting to make use of this precious time with her brother.

“It’s really nice to have you home oppa. We really miss your presence” They talked and Seohyun restrained herself from talking about how’s he doing or even Jessica. She knows that he’ll ask if he wants to.

“Why are you seating here all alone? Let’s go inside with your mum and sister.” The older guy said.

“In a while dad. I just want to enjoy the moment and view right now” he said as he took a sip of his drink.

“Mind if I join you then?” he asked and took a sit upon his gesture.

“I try to do the right thing that I know but everything seems wrong. What is right to me seems wrong to others. All I want to do is see one person happy, to see her smiling and free from pain, yet it’s so hard to do so because she’s attached to me just like how I’m to her and for every pain and hurt that she’s felt, I felt it too. So what am I supposed to do to?” he exhaled loudly.

He just sat there and stared at him. “You really love her, don’t you. ” He said.

“With all my heart”

“What is your heart telling you to do?”

“I don’t know”

“Maybe” he said gently, “you’re trying too hard to hear it”

“Taeyeon, ultimately, the whole point, the only point is to find the things that matter, and hold on to them, and refuse to let them go. And how I see it, you’ve found the things that matters way back when you first met her. You, son, has made your choice six years ago and you already knew back then, what and who matters but you’re only in this state because you’re afraid. You’re afraid of the outcome of your actions in the future.”

“One ought to hold on to one’s heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.” He said to him before leaving him alone to think it through. He believes that his son will make the right decision.

After breakfast, he left the house and drove away with no direction but he knew that he will ultimately head somewhere. In the end, he ended up the one place that comforts him more than anything. He sat on the bench, staring at the city from the top, with the sound of crowd so far away. “One love, One heart, One destiny” he whispered to himself. He sat there for the longest time and sorted out his thoughts.

Taeyeon was at one of the TV station for one of his schedule. He had just finished recording and was lazing around in his waiting room, when he’s most respected senior, Yoo Jaesuk came in.

“Taeyeon-ah”

“Ohh! Jaesuk hyung, come in please.”

“You were great during the recording Taeyeon-ah. Keep it up!”

“Ah, thank you hyung.” He bowed to him.

“I came by to talk to you actually.”

“About what hyung?”

“About you”

“About me? What about me?” he looked at his senior as he took a sit next to him.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. When you decided to join the industry, you already took a huge risk and when you made your way to the top, you also took a risk. You should know before you join that a celebrity life, isn’t easy, especially when you’re an idol. But despite all that, it doesn’t mean that you can’t love. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy. Regardless of what people may think, you deserve to be happy.”

“You said it yourself that it took a lot of hard work and compromise to make the relationship work and last that long. So are you really telling me that you’re prepared to let all your effort go to waste just because of your status?”

“At the end of the day it's about how much you can bear, how much you can endure. Being together, you harm nobody; being apart, you extinguish yourselves.” 

“Think it through Taeyeon. You’re a great guy, I don’t want you to throw away your happiness just because you feel undeserving. Everyone deserves all the happiness in life.” Those were his final words before he left the room. Yoo Jaesuk gave him a pat and left the room.

“He’s right Taeyeon. Don’t worry about what the world thinks. She is willing to go through all that with you and that already proves a lot. Nothing is holding you back except yourself and we all know that you’re very much still in love with her.” his manager added on.

“She won’t wait forever Taeyeon.” His stylist told him.