Each day the sky had an unbroken expanse of blue as my own life of marriage had ever been as happy as anyone else…

Once I woke up to find her sitting by the window in the dawn light, reading what looked like a small piece of stationary.I held my breath as she folded it deliberately and put it away in a drawer, which she carefully locked. She sat very still for a long time, a thoughtful look on her face. When she came back to bed, I felt her kissing my shoulder as wrap her arms around me. I was lying in comfort with my eyes closed. I didn’t tell her what I’ve seen, and she never mentioned it.

Chaerin had told me that I could remember if I truly I wanted to..

I drove to reach out of the parking lot of our apartment and I could see Bom leaning and yelling out waving her hand back and forth. Mouthing the word 'S-T-O-P' but I froze on my seat and saw beautiful younger girl peddling a bicycle as she waved at Bommie. She must have thought it was some kind of a greeting..

I honked my horn to attract her attention, but receive no response and decided to pull up along side her when she suddenly tapped my window

I stopped and watch the cloud of dust across her

I opened my window   

Dara:"Minkki, Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

Minzy:"Not at all," she insisted, vigorously dusting herself

Dara:"I'm sorry"

Minzy:”Unnie. Its alright, I'm also preocupied" She said pointing at her large headphones. "What are you doing out here? Are you going somewhere Dara-unnie?”

Dara:”I don't know.. l"

Minzy:"“I’ll come with you… But we need to get to her” she said pointing to the girl with the red hair “she hates being left alone and worries like a real Omoni...” ”

Dara:”but I need to go alone"

Minzy:”I’m sure this bike can go on the roof rack.. or we could leave it here”

Dara:"I'm sorry... " I gripped the wheel in sudden convulsive movement..

I drove away.. And saw her threw the bike up and lashes it to a caution sight..Then I moved forcefully towards the gears, the car into reverse, and pulled sharply away and back onto the road. It took an hour to locate it.

Slowly along it I looked at the beaten track and my heart beating as I drew up in front of the door, left the car and stood gazing at the buildings.

My heart was beating when I left the car, and forced myself to take the next step.. The silence, broken only by the sound of my own foot steps, unnerving visit..

On the smooth stone his name written           

“Sandara..?”

 A few bars of sunlight peeked through the small spaces, giving enough light for me..I felt fear hearing his voice, i wanted to refuse what i am seeing.. Fear beginning to press into me and the air was a suffocating blanket. 

"My child"

I was trapped inside it.. 

"Appa"

Cold.. Its cold I trembled violently but he stood there and his hand passes through my heart.. It was prevented.. his action..

"I'm sorry"

Time has stopped greif he sobbed out loud in front of me but i wasn't crying only for him. I was also crying for her love a person who filled warmth  to a whole in my heart..

"Why don't you ever come to see me?"

I felt myself leaving my own body inch by inch..dematerializing from the floor up. I stood frozen between worlds

"I was afraid.."

"I'm really very tired" he said with hardness in his eyes and the features of his face has more marks...

I looked into his eyes  "You can rest now.. I forgive you"

 "Forgive yourself too.. We all fall in love..you just don't know how right you are.. "

Suddenly my eyes fell as I stood on his grave.. Older passage of years driven from his life of motionless breeze of cold air.. 

Thou knowest, Lord, the secret of our hearts...

The prayer came into an end. . as his soul detached firmly and walk over a light

He faded away quickly at the end.. He seemed strong as he smiled.. mouthing the words no longer a shadow of regrets.."

I love you...

---

I love you.. 

Its easier not to tell you.. Easier to leave now with a car behind the shouted chorus of a bigbang song and started the engine under cover of the noise. I'm on the road, and step on the gas .. I need to go and see him.. The road was unfimilliar in the night as I found myself coming to series of turns. I slowed, but not enough. A bend appered swiftly out of the darkness. I swung into it too late and heard the crunching sound as the wheels hit the shoulder. My car jump, and then it heading downward. In the glare of headlights I saw him in the far bank of the ditch rushing up.. I felt my head soreness.. The smell of my own blood collided with the steering wheel..

Separated life of two distict worlds. In one a leaving wife and a beloved wife in another.. so crazed, so deluded with all love 

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It took so long.. >_<