Leeteuk’s P.O.V.

We left the room after the conversation we had. After days of ignoring him and days of being stingy with him, I finally was able to talk to him. Kyuhyun. Our maknae.

I now was sitting beside him at the van. I could see that he’s just so happy that we finally talked again. I could feel his sheer happiness. Even if he didn’t say a word while he sat there beside me, I can see in his eyes that he was so thrilled. He didn’t even ask me why I was treating him sourly for the couple of days. No questions asked. No complaints. I felt guiltier. How could I be so mean to him when all he only hoped for was the best, the best for me the entire time?

I really was a jerk. Was I? I did go overboard. I mean I left him oblivious, perplexed, why I was mad at him like hell. But if I was to justify myself, I’d say I was confused. Where did this confusion started?

It was after he left without saying a word and just found him at home, three hours after him missing. I was so disappointed because he knew better. That night when he hadn’t showed up for dinner and I felt guilty. I decided to ask him to eat with us. As I reached their room I opened the door lightly, not knocking anymore.  I saw him, his back facing me. He seemed to be working on something. He was working on what seemed like a souvenir then there were boxes and laces. That image made me feel different. There was something about those things that made me feel suspicious. So instead on calling him for dinner, I left. Later, when the next day had just begun, I felt that someone was still awake. I went out finding that the living room still stayed dark as it was left before we slept. But I was right, someone was still awake. I saw a light from the terrace.  I snuck my way behind the curtain against the glass sliding doors. It just felt that there’s something that I should found out. I was right. I saw Kyuhyun working on those laces, boxes and souvenirs again. He was making a package, something more like a gift. I may be assuming but I knew right there and then that Kyuhyun was my secret admirer. Kyuhyun was my mystery gift-sender.

 I couldn’t understand what I felt so I left right away. I didn’t want to be sensed there too. Immersed emotions were zooming in me. Does Kyuhyun really like me? It was what I needed to verify. Then another question is Why Me?

Then we were about to go to our manager later day. I still wasn’t ready to interact with him. I was mad at him. I was mad that he made me feel uneasy. From what had happened, him missing and him being late to wake up, I had an excuse to ignore him.

I later on verified that it was indeed him. I crept on their room that day and checked on his closet the gift he was about to give me. Later that night I received the gift. Maybe it was for an attempt to lighten my mood, yet since I knew who it was from, it didn’t. However for the thought of respect and for his effort I took and silently went to my room.

But ignoring him was becoming harder and harder each day. He was persistent on settling our issue. He was unaware that I already knew about secret admirer though. He still believed that the cold treatment was a result of his missing-in-action incident. It was helpful however since I am not prepared to whatever confrontation we would ever have. But his overly effortful schemes made his way to made me talk to him back. His efforts like when he volunteered to buy the tea (which he was the one who sent all along) had resulted to me talking to him, but as soon as realization had stricken me, I become cold to him again, even hostile. The ill mannered behavior has been triggered once more when we were interviewed after a performance. I was asked about someone special. It took me into the realization that Kyuhyun had been that secret admirer all along; the secret admirer who had brought excitement to me. The secret admirer who made me expect that there was something to look forward to. The secret admirer who had made me feel special.

I don’t think Kyuhyun was just messing around. I was sure it wasn’t one of his pranks, but I believed that he was just confused. I believed that he was only deceived by his feelings. He didn’t really like me.  He only thought that he liked me. I hate that he feels such thing for me. I never imagined I would be a subject of his false affection. I wanted him to get turned off. I wanted him to hate me. I didn’t want our friendship be wrecked by a single misconception. I didn’t want our brotherly relationship be damned by his imagined feeling.

So I showed him how illogical, mad, bad, and impossible I can be. But it was difficult. How will I ever stay up in this front when instead of hating his feelings for me I begun hating myself for giving him a hard a time? I was hurting because I knew I hurt his feelings. But I also hated myself everytime my heart would soften, whenever I felt like I had been so rough at him. I hate it whenever I would think that I should stop being a jerk and consider his feelings. I needed to be bad so that he’d realize he didn’t like me. But it wasn’t the case. He had appeared annoyed with me but never did he went over that and hated me. He still had his efforts coming.  Even I went to totally hateful he still went on doing things for me. The time when I got so drunk because I was so troubled with our situation I shooed him away but still he helped me out. The next day he even prepared a breakfast for me when I was suffering a hangover.

It was because I heard that he believed that I was mad at him because he was ignoring the girl trainees that I was absent minded. I have been considering talking to him finally. These thoughts kept on going through my head that I left the composition at the van. And yes, like a knight in shining armour he had saved me again.  If Eunhyuk hadn’t told me who got the piece and took the blame for me though it was my fault after all I wouldn’t be able to realize that he once again put an effort for me.

“Hyung, I was so sure that Kyuhyun hadn’t borrowed your piece earlier. Why would he? You don’t even talk to each other. But he got it for you and took the blame for it. I guess you should now start talking to him. Well if it’s because of the girl trainees, he said he wouldn’t be mean with them anymore.”

What Eunhyuk said had pushed me to the edge of conscience. So then I decided to talk to him, finally. I hugged him because it felt like the right thing to do. I just thought I would just go with it. Sooner he’ll realize that I am not really the apple of his eyes or the one he admires romantically. The thing is that I would now talk to him. He’s my friend and my brother after all.

---

I didn’t realize that we finally arrived at the dorm. I snapped out of my thoughts when I felt Kyuhyun was slightly tugging my sleeve.

“Hyung we’re here.”

I smiled. Then we went inside. 

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