Time and Fallen Leaves- Akdong Musician

This was it.

The students held their breaths, anxious as they logged into their accounts. 

Chorong took in a deep breath and pinched her thigh, it was judgment time. The students whispered and made quite a commotion in the mean time; however, the librarian was understanding of the noise for once since it was college rejection acceptance time.

Through the sounds of multiple clicks and scrolls of computer mouses, Chorong stared at the screen in front of her eyes.

Congratulations...

She blinked rapidly and quickly shook her head. Oh my gosh. 

While the others squealed in delight at their welcome news, Chorong curled her fingers in delight and pumped her arms in excitement.

"Seoul National University, just like your parents?" Suho smiled as he leaned into Chorong's computer station.

Eagerly, she nodded her head with such a fierceness that everybody glanced her way. Never had she been so...excited.

"YONSEI!"

"I'M GOING ABROAD ERS!"

"KAIST KAIST KAIST KAIST!"

As every student shouted out their intended colleges, a chord struck in Chorong's heart. It felt almost like an itch, bearable, yet, still unsettling.

"I guess, this is the end?" She looked around the computer lab in the library, capturing a glimpse of those in the room. 

"Hey, don't say it like that. It's just college, and we live in the twenty-first freaking century, it's not like we lack any means of communication." Kyungsoo spoke dryly.

"Then again, it just won't be the same anymore," Naeun pointed out, "we won't be together almost everyday anymore. Relationships only work with effort."

"Exactly, we naturally have to meet up because of school. We won't have this opportunity in a couple of months, it'd be best to not delude ourselves."

Although the mood had turned a bit sour, someone mindlessly began to speak.

"At least we'll still be together..." Suho blankly stared at his feet before coming to realize his thoughts had been spoken out loud.

The students began to snicker as a couple of guys crowded around Suho.

"So," Chanyeol questioned, "who is this 'we' you are speaking of?"

Suho backed away carefully and gave a measely cough. "Come on guys, a couple of us are going to Seoul National University after all. You guys are!" He pointed at his five friends.

"You aren't talking about Chorong, perhaps?" Eunji smirked and greasily put her hands over Chorong's shoulders, causing the latter to scoot her chair away in disgust.

"Th-that's not it." Suho began to insist.

Sehun raised his brows. "So, you don't want to be stuck together with Chorong in college? Did you hear that Chorong?"

Suho placed a hand on Sehun's shoulders and gripped tightly, "I hope you know that I hate you right now."

"What is this word I heard, hate?" Mr. Kwak appeared, with Mrs. Lee right by his side.

"Oh congratulations guys!" Mrs. Lee went over and hugged all of the seniors with much love.

"We couldn't have done it without you both supporting us all along the way." Chorong scribbled 

The other students agreed in unison. Out of recognition, everyone stood up and bowed at the same time.

"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Kwak." 

Mr. Kwak smiled and placed his hand on the students. "Thanks guys." He leaned in and whispered silently, "We'll invite you guys to the wedding...but we need to date first."

"Wait, Mrs. Kwak?!" Mrs. Lee stared at everyone in disbelief and embarassment as the students began to laugh and clap at her flustered behavior.

"...can you guys not?" Chorong rolled her eyes. It definitely wasn't easy being the third-wheel with such difficult people, especially when they were acting lovey-dovey.

Baekhyun threw his arm across Eunji's shoulders. "A guy has to do what a guy has to do, Chorong."

"Tsk tsk tsk, you didn't even have the balls to ask her out first." Chorong rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue teasingly.

"Yah, that's because-"

"Shh, it's okay Baekhyun. You can't outwit her." Eunji laughed and pinched his cheeks.

Chorong shivered. "Ugh, I feel goosebumps guys." She began to walk slower and lazily pulled a lollipop from her pocket.

"Got another one?"

Chorong smiled at the familiar voice and turned around. "What are you doing here?"

"...You're smiling. Wow." Suho's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Hey, I have an emotion called joy too. What girl wouldn't be happy to get into her dream college?"

"Touche." 

Chorong stopped in her tracks and observed Suho.

"Someone's getting more bold." Suho leaned towards Chorong and looked directly into her eyes. "See, you're not taken aback by close proximities anymore." He pulled the lollipop from her hand, unwrapped the package, and stuck it against her lips.

Suho laughed as he watched Chorong about to eat it, but he pulled the lollipop into his own mouth instead.

Chorong made a face, but the corners of her lips were still up. She reached into her pocket, rummaged around, and out came another lollipop. "Joke's on you, loser!~"

Suho laughed in disbelief and began to match his pace with Chorong's.

"By the way, you still haven't answered my question."

He pointed to Eunji and Baekhyun, holding hands and talking oddly. "That's why."

"Ahh." Chorong nodded. "Well, you'd have to walk me everyday then." She gave a lighthearted smile. 

"That sounds nice... walking with you everyday. I wouldn't mind." 

"...I wouldn't mind either." They both turned to look at each other, but broke eye contact and stared at their feet.

Hyuna glanced over at Chorong's direction, not knowing what to do or how to approach the girl. 

Well, my life. It's now or never. 

"Hey !" Hyuna walked over to Chorong, who sat in the empty classroom reading a book.

"Hey, ya deaf too?"

...

"What, so you're going to ignore me? Be that way." Hyuna rolled her eyes and scuttled out.

Chorong pursed her lips before hearing the sounds of Hyuna's footsteps come closer once again. The latter grabbed Chorong's notepad and pen, but Chorong grabbed onto them as well, pulling back. Hyuna glared and snarled, successfully yanking the notepad out of Chorong's hands.

"Don't worry, I'll be here to give your precious voice back to you." Hyuna spoke while taking a seat at the back of the classroom, staying in the same row as Chorong. She stared at the contents of the notepad and flipped to a blank sheet.

After a few minutes, Chorong cringed when a heavy object smacked her in the head. She glared at Hyuna, having been hit by the notepad. 

"Don't glare at me like that," Hyuna pointed, "look." She threw the notepad onto Chorong's desk and took the seat next to the peeved girl. 

"So this is what it's like to not have a voice. To only write what you want to say on paper. This ing ."

"It took you this long to write just those lame words? If you're trying to be sentimental it's not working." Chorong held her notepad up. She wrinkled her forehead as Hyuna reached her arm over to take the notepad once again.

Hyuna flipped her off before writing, "Let's talk. Or write- communicate. Whatever you call it. Just like this." Hyuna passed the notepad back.

"?"

Hyuna scoffed in annoyance. "Hey, I wrote that stuff and all you give me is a question mark?"

"No one's forcing you to write. You can speak, you have a voice."

"I just...wanted to try communicating your way. And hey, I think it's effective as long as a dip can read. I especially like doing the '...' Haha. Faces too. ~_~"

"Uh huh...are you high? Drunk?" Chorong leaned over and sniffed Hyuna. "You don't smell like alcohol though..."

"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? THE OKAY NOW I HATE WRITING, WRITING BIG DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME EFFECT AS YELLING."

"You tell me."

"At least I'm trying. Cut me some slack, will you?"

"Trying to do what?"

"Are you really going to keep questioning me?"

"Hm, let me think. Yeah."

" you, Park Chorong."

"Well then, you too. ."

Hyuna finally screamed in frustration. "OH MY GOD WOW IT FELT LIKE MY INSIDES WERE GOING TO BURST THIS I'M OUT."

Chorong snickered as Hyuna left the room in clear frustration. 

Whatever she was trying to do, it didn't feel bad.

"Hey," Suho popped his head into the classroom, "ready to leave? Eunji and Baekhyun actually already went ahead and told me to wait for you."

Chorong packed her bags while nodding in response, and the two set off towards the usual route.

"Anything interesting today aside from the book you were reading?" Suho smiled and ruffled Chorong's hair.

"Well I was going to tell you the most exciting life even occured today, but then you implied I have no life, sooo."

"I never said that you have no life."

"But you implied it."

"Please?"

Chorong smiled before turning serious. "Read for yourself and tell me what you think." She handed him the the notepad and flipped to the latter pages.

Suho eyes widened as he went through the conversation. While reading, he couldn't help but chuckle to himself at Chorong's spunk and Hyuna's helpless voice in her writing.

"You know, I don't know if my input would necessarily be helpful. You're the one that had a history with her, you should be the one to interpret what this all means. I didn't experience the way she treated you, only you did."

Chorong bit her lip. "I don't know. What if she has an ulterior motive again? It's just weird, like she's trying to be nice all of the sudden but I can't bring myself to fully like her. She's done too much for me to overlook right now, despite the fact that I've survived."

Suho sighed and stopped Chorong in her place, placing both hands on her shoulders and lowering his head to make direct eye contact. "You don't have to be afraid. Think of it this way, it's like how I've stooped a little lower so you don't have to look up at me. I think this was what Hyuna meant by her using the notepad to write. In a sense, she was trying to put herself in your shoes, even if it was just for a short while."

He straightened his shoulders and took his hands off her, standing straight and tall so Chorong would have to look up at him instead. "Sure, it's not the same experience though. Just as how she can go back to using her voice, I can go back to utilizing my actual height."

Chorong nodded at the analogy. 

"Look, I know I said my input wouldn't be helpful, but I think she was trying to be empathetic. You don't have to force yourself to forgive her, after all, she hasn't even asked for forgiveness. You don't have to force yourself to like her either. I simply can't wrap my head around my head as to why she hates you so much. Why does she hate you?"

"I guess this is what you call the 'it's complicated' relationship?" Chorong sighed and ruffled her bangs.

"Do you hate her?" Suho directly looked into Chorong's eyes. "Tell me honestly."

"No, I don't, but I do."

Puzzled, Suho wrinkled his forehead. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Of course I hate her. I mean, she is one of the reasons why I attempted to commit suicide in the first place. Everything just built up inside me and I felt tired, I just wanted to escape from reality. Watching dramas wasn't going to cut it anymore. Yet, before she turned out to be a ing two-faced , I can't forget the fact that she was my first 'true' friend aside from Eunji. The times we spent together were just so full of raw emotions and very real, I never doubted once that she had other intentions once we actually became friends. Her friendship made me happy while it lasted. From my experience, it's not the physical attacks that hurt the most, but the emotional pain that comes with it all, and finally realizing what you thought was the truth was only a beautiful lie. To know that she was only an actress, playing her part to fulfill her own desires... Everything you know is suddenly a lie. The realization is sudden and stabs you in an instant, but the pain just lingers and stays until you really can't feel anymore. I sometimes wonder about things like what if I was never born into this filthy, deceitful world, or what if no one found me and I died? Would I have been better off? It's... really hard to swallow." 

Suho put his arm around Chorong's shoulder to comfort her. "You know what, let's focus on getting you home first."

"I never answered one of your questions." Chorong staggered as they walked along the streets, the weight from Suho's arm burdening her shoulders.

"Silly, not like you haven't before." He pushed her head with his pointer finger and laughed. "Why, you think you know why she hates you?"

"To be honest, kind of. Her mom's a about her grades, and she placed her aggression on me. That's all I know though, I'm not sure if there are other factors that account for it as well. It has to do something with her dad too."

"Well, you know, no matter what. it doesn't cover up the fact that she did do horrible things to you and deserves retribution. Her life story may be sad, but it doesn't excuse her from the mistakes she has committed."

Chorong nodded. "I know, but who's to blame anymore? We can blame ourselves, our family, society's rules, but who is really at fault for these cruel things?"

Hyuna stared at the letter in her hand, along with the polaroid that had been taped back together of her, Chorong, and Eunji.

"You're so stupid, it's just a letter. me, why didn't I just throw it at her or something." She repeatedly slapped the letter on her hand out of anxiety.

A/N: IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR I KNOW I'M SO SORRY BUT I WAS BUSY OVER THE SUMMER THEN SENIOR YEAR HAPPENED MEANING COLLEGE APPS AND UGH.

I WORKED SO HARD YET IN THE END...

i got waitlisted to my #1 school choice ;^; LOL let's hope i hear good news later on! better than being flat out rejected. meanwhile, i still have other good school options, i got into my #2 after all, and all the other schools i applied to as well.

btw, congrats to fellow seniors who will be going to college in the fall! i hope you all received great news and got accepted to your dream schools! we've worked really hard for this <3 and good luck to those who are possibly younger or even older than me, going through new, exciting, and scary life experiences.