Hana twisted the door knob, earning a little squeak from the door as she pushed it open. The session was longer than yesterday, not to mention noisier. It was more than once that they drifted off topic and started conversing about the incident in their French class when one student had accidentally called their teacher an ‘imbecile’ or hatching another prank towards one of their team mate. The entire discussion was off topic and completely pointless but she enjoyed it. It had been long since she’d been surrounded by people other than her aunt. Her chest didn’t feel heavy like before, the memories didn’t attack her the entire time and not once had she zoned out, not even on her way back. Apart from her unexpected encounter with Yuri, it was a pretty good day for her.

“Where have you been?”

Until that happened.

Turning around towards the owner of the stern voice Hana stood rooted. She didn’t dare move as she took in the appearance of the figure in front of her. She let her eyes wander from her aunt towards the coffee table that stood a few feet away from the lady and saw papers scattered on the surface making every inch of the mahogany table invisible under the sheet of white. On top of the pile were several empty mugs- she assumed it was black coffee, staining the white papers with residue.

Her grip on her straps tightened as she set her gaze back to her aunt. Hana didn’t miss the tiny logo on top of the papers and that combined with the unusual amount of coffee consumed by her mother figure never meant a good sign. Her aunt’s blood shot eyes were staring right into hers.

“I asked, where have you been?” her aunt asked through clenched teeth, her voice firmer than before. Hana didn’t answer; instead she pulled out a pile of sheets with random scribbling and held it up for her aunt.

“At least you’re working with the boys.” Hana placed the pile back inside her bag, she hoped her aunt would let her leave and not question her for once and turned towards the stairs.

“Not so fast Hana.”

Who was she kidding? Of course she wouldn’t let it go. Sighing she turned back around.

“Can you tell me why? Why didn’t you go to the appointment? Hana, do you realize what you’re doing to yourself? You are not a kid anymore! I shouldn’t have to worry about you missing an appointment just because I’m out of town!” her voice grew louder with every word and her eyed became bigger and angrier. Hana remained silent and stared dead into her eyes. The heavy feeling that had left settled back, the thoughts that she had temporarily forgotten hit her like a train and the wall that had unconsciously been brought down a tad bit by the boys, built back.

Junmi knew she would get no reply out of her niece. It hurt her seeing the once bubbly girl do this to herself. She didn’t understand why she was doing what she was. Hana was ruining herself and she couldn’t just sit back and watch. But the girl wouldn’t co operate. Her reports were getting worse. If she didn’t take a step towards improvement and tried wholeheartedly, she’d be destroying her life. Ending it with her own hands. The dead eyes that stared back at her made the hole in her chest grow bigger and bigger and before she knew it she had tears welled up in her eyes.

Hana shook her head. Without blinking, she stepped back before having her body face the stairs. She thought the conversation was over, until she heard a soft voice behind her.

“You think they’d like to see you this way? You think this is what they wanted for you, to ruin yourself?!” Junmi screamed with streams of warm water pouring out of her eyes. Hana turned her head, emotionless as ever, and blinking twice she just gave a small shake of her head before proceeding back up the stairs.

‘Why won’t you talk to me?’ was the last thing she heard her aunt scream from the living room below before she locked her door shut. She couldn’t hear it but she knew her aunt would be sobbing into her palms. She didn’t want her aunt to suffer just because of her, but she couldn’t help it. Taking a quick shower, she changed into comfortable clothes before slipping into bed. It was 7:45 pm on a Friday and people were out and about enjoying the weekend but she couldn’t care less. She didn’t care if it was too early for bed neither did she care that the last thing she ate was a sandwich Kyungsoo got for her almost 3 hours ago. All she wanted was to stay locked up inside her room and not have anyone disturb her. Water trickled down her forehead from her still wet bangs as she recalled today’s events. 

The classes were the same. She saw Yuri after a long while yet couldn’t even hug or apologize to her best friend, that certainly didn’t make her feel any better. Then the rest of the day was filled with three certain people. Baekhyun, whom she observed had a knack for cracking jokes and an innate ability to generate witty replies, then there was Kyungsoo, who she thought was just as judgmental as the others but his recent actions made her think otherwise. And then there was Lay, the boy who she would catch looking at her longer than normal from time to time. He was cordial indeed but there was something about his gaze that made her feel slightly uncomfortable. She was convinced that the boy held a piece of information she wasn’t aware of.

Her time at the library, oddly for her to admit, was the best part of her entire day. The random jokes, out of the blue punches and the hysterical laughter as the boys schemed against their fellow mates were still fresh in her mind. But then she came back to the house and everything turned 180 degrees. The sight of her aunt’s sad eyes filled her head and her screams and sobs echoed in her thoughts. She could feel pain in her chest and the lump that was forming in . Her breathing got heavier by the second and before she knew it tears were rolling down her face.

Memories flooded her mind, recent ones along with the ones from two years ago. Everything ranging from burning cars to her aunt’s screams along with the shouts of betrayal from her friend was ringing in her head and she could feel a splitting headache. She cried her heart out. Sometimes she wondered how long it would take for her misery to end. It had already been two years. But then again, she knew she was the one to blame for her current condition. She wouldn’t make an effort to improve, to move on. She lacked motivation and every source that she could count on had either left her for good or abandoned her. She only had her aunt who too, wasn’t as stable as she seemed. Crying herself to sleep had now become a normal practice.