Lay loved soccer. He was merely five years old when he saw his first soccer match. Back then, he only watched it because he found tall people running after a ball amusing. Then when he was 10, he saw his brother play it, he called him stupid. Running around a black and white ball for hours was stupid in the eyes of a ten year old. When he was twelve, Kris made him play goalie while he practiced shots. It was then, when curiosity concerning the game sparked and he asked Kris to teach him the basics of the game. It was then when his soccer craze took off. He’d play every day with anyone who was available. While Kris’s new found love happened to be basketball, Lay thrived to become a skillful soccer player. But sometimes, no matter how much you love something, you can’t help but want a break from it. After three weeks of vigorous training, Lay desperately needed a break. Coach had called it a day (finally) after eight hours of continuous training. Lay was consumed by fatigue and too dazed by the pain in his muscles that all he did was pick up his bag and stagger back to their assigned hotel. Even with the painful training, the day had ended with good news. Due to circumstances, players of all schools were to be sent back to their homes for ten days. It would be there where they would continue to train until they returned to campus. No one knew for sure, but the reason for their untimely return was said to be an issue that involved maintenance problems with the hotel. Lay wondered why they couldn’t move them to another one but he wasn’t complaining. He was too excited about the news that he’d get to go home.

Walking back he thought about all the things he’d do. For one, he won’t tell his parents he’s coming. His dad may not be home when he got there but his mother would surely be delighted to find her son pop up at their door step. He thought about all the things he’d make her cook for him. Then he thought about how his friends would react once he breaks the news to them tomorrow. They’d probably come to receive him from the station. The thought made him chuckle. And then he thought about her. How excited she would be once she finds out. But wait; simply telling her would be no fun would it? Sliding his key back into his pocket, Lay walked in and made a decision. His mother wasn’t the only one who’d get a surprise, Hana will too. He’d get to see her shock ridden face and then break out into that wide smile of hers he deeply loved.

Yeap, he wouldn’t tell her.

He kicked the door closed but it was stopped by a hand. Lay dropped his duffel bag on the floor next to his bed and collapsed on the mattress. His roommate burst into conversation and he didn’t even listen to half of it. He didn’t even feel bad for not paying attention, his roommate didn’t care if he was or wasn’t heard, he just had to talk. Lay had been wondering since the first day of training how Jimin had the energy to spew out random sentences immediately after training when he didn’t even have the willpower to lift a finger.

“What, you’re not calling your girlfriend tonight?”

This grabbed Lay’s attention.

“Huh?”

“I asked if you’re going to call your girlfriend tonight?” Jimin waited expectantly as Lay gathered the cobs and corks of his brain, “Yeah, I am. Why?”

To this the latter shrugged, “ Just curious. You normally call her after you shower.”

“But I haven’t showered yet.”

“Exactly. Normally you’d shower instantly just to get the extra minutes before you doze off. I’d say you better hurry up or else she’ll fall asleep waiting for your call.”

Lay couldn’t help but narrow his eyes at the boy, “Why do you know all that?”

“Because I’m your roommate,” he stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “also, because you’re our vice captain and I want to observe you as much as I can before you graduate.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, you’re the best player in my eyes. I want to be able to play just like you. So I’m taking note of all your habits and routine so I could learn more about you.”

Lay blinked. He was flattered, yes, but he didn’t know how to respond without sounding conceited and full of himself. Not that his exhausted self was helping him think.

“Gee…Thanks man.”

Jimin brightened at that, “It’s a pity you’re graduating this year. I wanted to spend some time under your captaincy.”

Did Jimin just pout?

“It’s okay. I’m not saying I’m pretty sure the next vice will be better than me.”

“Well, I’m going to give it my all to take your place next year!”

“How about you try straight for the captain? I’ve seen you play, you’re good.”

“Nah, I want to be vice.”

At this Lay got up. He narrowed his eyes at the boy but Jimin was busy collecting his toiletries and before Lay could utter a word, he left for a shower. Knowing him, it’d be a long one. Lay lied down again and pulled out his phone. Every night before he went to sleep he’d always stare at his wallpapers. The lock screen was of him and his family. He and Kris standing back to back as their parents sat on the grass. He remembered that day well. They had asked a random girl to take their photo and it was his favorite. Probably because it was one of those rare photos from a family outing where his father was present as well. Being a surgeon, he almost always came home at odd timings or stayed over at the hospital. Lay missed him, but he comforted himself with the fact that his father was responsible for saving many lives, he couldn’t be selfish.

The home screen was a group photo of his friends. Kyungsoo, despite being sandwiched between Baekhyun and Chanyeol, was still smiling his wide heart shaped smile. Jongdae had his mouth open and both his arms were out in a victory sign. Kai was flashing his smirk with his hands tucked inside his jeans pockets. Sehun was standing next to him, smiling as he mimicked Kai’s pose. Then it was him and Hana in between. He had one arm around her and she was hugging his side with bright eyes and a bright smile. This was taken on their first group gathering, complete with Sehun and Chanyeol. How much he loved this picture.

Lay punched in Hana’s number and waited. Normally she’d pick up on the third ring but she didn’t. And so he waited. It was at the tenth ring when he concluded that maybe she fell asleep early today. Just as he was about to cut the call, she picked up.

“Hey.” That one word had him jolt upwards and furrow his brows.

“Hana, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s gonna happen to me?” she chuckled but he could hear her straining it. He could hear her ragged breaths, her struggle to form words.

“No, no you don’t sound fine. Hana did something happen? Is everyone alright? Luhan hyung? Sehun? Your aunt?”

“Everyone’s fine Xing, it’s just-“

“Just?”

“Forget it, it’s nothing.”

“Come on Hana, tell me. You’re driving me crazy here.” It was true. Whatever it was that was bothering her brought him on edge too.

“I…you know that…J-“

“Calm down, calm down. Relax, I’m right here.”

“I miss you,” her voice thickened, “a lot. More than a lot. I think I’m going crazy, just-“ she broke off. He didn’t know what to say. A part of him was relieved it was nothing major, and the other part of him wanted to pack his bags and get on the train back home.

“Hana…”

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed,” I’m sorry that was totally uncalled for.” He heard rustling on her side and then sound of someone gulping. She then cleared .

“I didn’t mean to-“

“Hana, I miss you too,” there was silence on the other end, “I’m sorry about not being there and I really wish this stupid training would finish soon so we could get over with the games and I can come back home.”

“I know, I know I’m sorry for saying all that-“

“No don’t be.”

“I probably worried you for nothing.”

“Nothing? Worry? Please, my girlfriend misses me that makes me happy.” He tried sounding light and Hana chuckled.

“Wow ok, good to know my misery amuses you.”

He laughed, “Come on, you know I love you.”

“Yeah…” he could imagine her blushing, “I love you too.”

-

After forty five minutes they hung up. Their conversation was fresh in her mind and after being miserable the entire day, Hana finally felt happy. It didn’t last long though. The events from earlier that day came haunting back. Hana wanted to cry again.

“I see what you’re doing Hana. I thought you’d give up on him by now.” She recalled Yuri calling her out.

“Yuri?” Hana asked confusedly but the other girl kept talking.

“Now that you had your pick between Baekhyun and Lay, you’re going after Jaekyung again?”

Wait a second, “What?”

“You heard me. I didn’t think you’d be this low Hana. I can’t believe we were friends.”

Were friends. The sentence hit Hana like a rock even now. This was probably the second or third time Hana had talked to Yuri. Unlike the last times, Hana didn’t cower into quiet. She decided it was time Yuri listened to her for once.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying Yuri.” She said in a firm tone that it surprised even her.

“You know what I’m talking about. Now that Lay’s gone and you’re going to grab Jaekyung’s attention again?”

“I’m not-“

“Yes! Yes, you are! You’re going to do to Lay EXACTLY what you did to me!”

“Yuri! Listen-“

“No I will not listen! I don’t know what web you’ve woven around their heads but Hana I swear, I will let them both know the truth about you.”

“Truth about me? YOU are going to tell LAY the truth about me? Do you even KNOW the truth Yuri?”

“I may not know it entirely but I know just enough,” Yuri composed herself,” I’m not going to let history repeat itself. I will not let someone as genuine as Lay get played around by the likes of you.” Yuri’s tone was cold and her icy glare pierced through Hana’s soul. She remembered she told Baekhyun she wasn’t the same old Hana, that she was strong. But was she really? Could you ever be strong when the person whom you trusted for majority of your life slams you down like that? Hana didn’t know about others, but she couldn’t.

“You know nothing,” her voice wavered, “if you would only hear what I have to say-“

“No,” Yuri shook her head, “I gave you that chance, and your silence answered for you. Hana I’m done with you. But that doesn’t mean I will let you go around playing with people’s hearts.” Hana saw Yuri’s eyes become glassy as she shook her head.

“You disgust me.” and with that she left. Hana stood frozen where she had. The moment she realized her cheeks were wet she wiped them hastily with her sleeve.

She was joined by Sehun and others after that. Hana had put on her best smile and tried to keep suspicion off of her but every now and then she’d catch Sehun’s worried gaze or someone else’s concerned expression. She waved them all off, leaving the impression that it was just because of all the homework and winter festival practices. She didn’t say it with the intention to cancel them like Baekhyun suggested, but that’s what had happened so she let it go. She needed a break, some time alone. After spending the day trying to hide her displeasure, when she finally made it to her room, she cracked.  Tears fell and she choked down her sobs, worried that the brothers or her aunt might hear her. She didn’t want to pick Lay’s call at first. She didn’t trust herself; she wouldn’t want to make him worry if he heard her cry. But then again she couldn’t help herself. What she said was true. She did miss him, a lot more than she thought she would. If he were here, Jaekyung’s advances wouldn’t be as extreme as they were now, Yuri wouldn’t come over and talk her off like that. But despite all the trouble she went through that day, hearing his voice somehow made it better. She soon found herself laughing, talking, mood getting better. But minutes after cutting the call she felt clog. Not only did she miss him more now, but the events of earlier today were choking her.

No. This coul- not, this shouldn’t go on. She can’t crack like this every time. She told Baekhyun and Kyungsoo that she was a new and improved Hana. A strong, independent Hana. New Hana cannot snap like this. Hana curled in on her bed. The deafening silence that engulfed her was interrupted by the sound of a door opening. She closed her eyes. Maybe if they thought she was asleep they’d leave. But they didn’t. Whoever it was stayed and a person could only stay so long without sniffing. She felt fingers brush her cheek bones.

“Give it up, I know you’re awake.”

Hana’s wet lashes untangled as she took in Sehun sitting at the edge of her bed. He was leaning on his knees and his hands were folded together. By the look on his face, Hana knew he wasn’t pleased.

“Hey, why aren’t you asleep?” she tried in the most neutral tone she could.

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I was,” she grabbed her phone,” I was talking to Lay.”

Sehun nodded, “I know.”

Hana nodded as well before Sehun spoke again, “And I also know the call ended more than an hour ago.”

Her eyes flew to him expression. He looked somber, but his eyes were angry with a tinge of anxiety. Hana’s stomach churned. She didn’t know it had been that long since she cut the call.

“I uh-“

“Stop.”

“What?” she asked confusedly. Sehun shifted, his left leg was now folded on the bed and he reached out to hold Hana’s hand.

“Please, Hana, stop it.”

“Sehun, I don’t-“

“Yes! Yes you do! You know what I’m talking about! Why are you doing this to yourself?”

Hana gaped. Her brows furrowed and she shook her head, her open hair moving along. Sehun moved closer, his gaze hard on Hana.

“Why won’t you tell me? What’s stopping you, huh? I understand why you aren’t telling Lay yet or even Luhan but, Hana this is me! You can tell me at least.”

Oh.

Hana should’ve known though. Sehun was not stupid. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun picked up on her behavior, and Sehun was her cousin, he knew her better than anyone else, of course he’d notice too. But considering that he hadn’t confronted her in so long, Hana thought that maybe it hadn’t grabbed his attention after all. Guess she was wrong.

“Hun, listen-“

“NO. No, Hana YOU listen. You love me right? You trust me don’t you?”

Hana frantically nodded.

“Yeah? Then why won’t you tell me what’s going on with you? Why haven’t you asked me to beat the out of Jaekyung? And why haven’t you said a word about you’re going through?!”

“Shh! Luhan might hear you-“

“Let him hear! He should know too! The only reason I haven’t told him anything is because I don’t know what he’ll do after that!”

He saw her frantic eyes and the hardness in his voice dropped a notch, “He’s waiting for you to tell him. He asked me what’s going on with you. What am I supposed to say to him? I’m smart enough not to tell him but Hana what do I say to him? How does he expect you to say anything to him when you won’t say a word to me?”

Hana pursed her lips. Her eyes stung again. Sehun’s face had so many creases; she wanted to wipe them all away.

 “What do you want me to tell you?” she asked in a small voice.

“What exactly has Jaekyung been doing, why is he doing it, why haven’t you told us yet, and most importantly, what do you want me to do about it.”

Hana inhaled.  A deep breathe. And then she began.

-

“So?”

“So?”

“Did she tell you anything? What’s going on with her?”

Sehun lied to his brother when he said that her plummeted mood was because of upcoming exams and missing her boyfriend. After all had been said, Hana made her plea. Not to interfere unless she told him to. He couldn’t refuse. Not when she begged him. Every fiber of his body was urging him to march up to that and punch the lights out of him. But he couldn’t. Hana asked him not to. She assured him she’ll handle him her own way. Only when she couldn’t think she could take it would she call for him and the others. And as for Yuri, Sehun did not expect that one. He was aware that they had some sort of a dispute but, this? He couldn’t believe she’d be so stupid. Sehun’s heart hurt for his sister.

Sehun fell next to his brother on the couch and exhaled. Luhan didn’t look up from the document he was typing on his laptop. Sehun stared at his brother. He noticed the bags under Luhan’s eyes, his tight jaw, and the curve of his nose that had become a lot more prominent in the past few weeks.

“I know I’m handsome but you don’t have to stare at me.”

Sehun blinked, “I was just looking.”

“Well, stop. It’s creepy.”

“How’s the case coming along?”

At this Luhan huffed and slumped. He rubbed his face with his hands and Sehun saw how much his appearance had changed since their parents’ divorce process started. The divorce was done, but there were some unfriendly claims being made by their father and Luhan had to make sure none of them were proven correct.

“I got the adoption papers.” Luhan announced ignoring Sehun’s previous question.

“Did mom sign them yet?”

“No. I just got them this morning. There’s a whole procedure after this so I think we should get mom and Hana sign this as ASAP.”

Sehun nodded, “I’ll give them to her tomorrow.”

“So she’s fine now right? She isn’t crying anymore is she?”

Sehun thought back to how tears had streaked down her face as she told him. Other than the whole episode with Yuri and Jaekyung, she also told him how much she appreciated him and Luhan. She apologized profusely about the trouble she had caused, and though Sehun told him it wasn’t her fault, she had said that it felt right to apologize. She told him how she was scared that one day him and Luhan would disappear from her life as they had before. Sehun had squeezed her had reassuringly and said they would never ever leave, not unless they could do something about it. He recalled how he stayed with her until she fell asleep, their hands intertwined.

“Yeah. She’s good. Exam stress is getting to her. This is her first exam season after all the improvement she’s shown, it’ll probably take her time to deal with stresses like these.”

“Hmm,” Luhan bit his lip,” you’re right.”

“Shouldn’t you sleep?”

“Shouldn’t you?”

“I’ll go when you go.”

“I still have a bit of work to do, you go ahead first Hun. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

Sehun left his brother and went to his room. After another hour Luhan shut his laptop and stretched. 2:30 A.M. He sighed. He had to wake up in sic hours. Dragging his feet he climbed up the stairs. The knob to his door turned but he stopped, his gaze shifting towards the dark brown door down the corridor. Slowly, he went towards the door and entered the dark room. Even with the limited light from the moon, he could see Hana’s curled figure.

She’s been through so much, he thought.

Producing minimal sound, he walked towards the bed. He pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and brushed her bangs from her face. They were growing longer. He made a mental note of asking Kris to take her to the salon with him. He bent and kissed her forehead before “sweet dreams” and left.

-