Kyungsoo woke up with a terrible headache. It’s as if his skull cracked. He actually didn’t want to wake up. He just wanted to sleep all day or maybe forever because waking up means his brain will start to work.

For the very first time, he didn’t want his brain to work. Not even a tiny bit. He didn’t want to get hurt. He didn’t want to remember things.

~~~

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Kim but I’m gonna have to suspend Jongin.”  No.

Kyungsoo panicked. Jongin couldn’t get suspended. It wasn’t his entire fault. Now if he could just—

“I respect your decision, Dean.”

Kyungsoo’s heart cried out in protest as he saw Jongin’s grandmother give in, looking down and letting out a deep sigh. No, this won’t do. He was about to state his appeals when Jongin stopped him and it’s as if his world shattered because when he turned to his boyfriend, his eyes reflected defeated. His Jongin had already surrendered.

They left the Dean’s room after signing the papers and other stuff. Even though he didn’t want to continue and just leave, he just stood there and watched his boyfriend’s grandmother affix her signatures in every piece of paper the old man handed to her.

As soon as they stepped out of the room, Kyungsoo immediately wrapped his arms around Jongin’s neck and buried his face on his chest. Tears threatened to flow out of his eyes and not long after, they did came out when Jongin hugged him tighter—tighter than he does.

“What were you thinking Chucky? Why did you do that? Didn’t you know the consequences? I told you to not continue right? Look! You ended up being suspended! And it is for a month! A month, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said between sobs as his hands hit the taller boy’s chest.

“I was thinking of you. I always did and always will.”

Kyungsoo stopped. Okay, that caught him off guard. He didn’t know why but he felt nervous as hell.

“Munchkin, you know I love you right? I love you more than those foods you cook. I love you more than those kisses you give. I love you so much. You know that. Now will you promise me one thing?”

He didn’t want to. Kyungsoo had a bad feeling about this. But Jongin looked at him with pleading eyes so he gave in with a sigh.

“What is it?”

“Promise me you won’t cry again. I hate to see you cry. If ever you want to, don’t let me know.” What?

“Why?”

Kyungsoo felt he was being pulled and the next thing he knew was it was now Jongin whose face was buried in his chest.

“I want you to know that I did those things for you, because I love you. That I did those because I was thinking of you. Because I can’t take to see you suffering because of me.”

Kyungsoo’s heart slammed on his chest and broke into pieces when he felt Jongin’s tears on his shirt. “Chucky, I don’t understand.”

“Let’s end this Kyungsoo. Let’s end this relationship.”

~~~

Kyungsoo groggily stood up from his bed and faced the mirror. Maybe I just couldn’t help it, he thought. Crying for four straight hours to sleep was sure tiring and as if cursed, the result was this stupid headache. He thought of sleeping again but he realized he couldn’t. He really despised waking up this time because, what for? There’s no more reason to do so.

After Jongin told him to end whatever they had, Kyungsoo’s heart broke. The pain was unbearable. Why would he? He then just felt hot liquid at the surface of his eyes, making his vision blurry. He also couldn’t think properly. Everything was a mess. Everything was just like a string tied up in knots; and they are severely tangled. All he could think of that time is to run; hoping that it would help him escape the pain.

He didn’t understand. No, make that he wouldn’t understand. He didn’t want to. Even if he knew Jongin’s reason, he probably would not want to understand. Even if he knew.

Earlier, when he was crying, he forced himself to think about the possible reasons. Was he not good enough? Did Jongin found another person whom he would love? Did he do something wrong? Kyungsoo tried to think and think but no, it only made his heartache worse and what’s worse was that he couldn’t think of anything that would make Jongin leave him. Or maybe, he just couldn’t think of anything.

Kyungsoo felt used. He felt trashed.  He felt like he was just Jongin’s past-time whenever he was bored. But when Jongin came into his mind, it came to him that the boy couldn’t do such things—the reason he still held on. Jongin could never do such a thing. He believed that Jongin really did love him too because he felt it. If it weren’t real, he shouldn’t have felt those fluttery butterflies and blood rushes.

He then absent-mindedly walked out of the room. It was strange though because he felt like he was floating; everything was turning around and his feet couldn’t feel anything. He saw Baekhyun hurry to him as soon as he shut the door behind him. His best friend looked worried. At least someone cares.

“Kyungie, you’re up already. I’m sorry; I just started cooking and—hold on a sec.” Baekhyun looked around the living room and his eyes widened. “Giant, would you please look for Peewee? She’s not here.”

Chanyeol is here?

“Oh. Remember I told you that I invited Chanyeol to come over? Well, that’s the reason why he’s here. I assumed that you would ask so… Yeah.” Baekhyun fidgeted with the ends of his shirt as he told Kyungsoo. He didn’t really care. He was too tired to care.

“Uhm Kyungie, I know what happened and─”

“Please Baekie, not now.”

His best friend threw him a worried look as he made his way back to his room. He thought he was tired but the moment he closed the door, he found himself scrambling towards the bed, tears starting to fall.

He thought he wouldn’t cry again. Damn. He was really tired. The pain didn’t even go away. Being tired didn’t make him numb. It made him miss Jongin more. He missed how Jongin made him forget he was tired. He missed Jongin making him smile whenever he’s sad. He missed Jongin even if it had only been hours. He missed him because it already felt like eternity.

Tears were continuously rolling down his face when his hands automatically scoured the bed. When his fingers something underneath his pillow, Kyungsoo pulled it out immediately and just as what he thought, on his hands was his diary.

Baekhyun and he both have one. His best friend said that it was important to write in a diary because someday, one might forget something in the past. So, all you have to do was to look into your diary.

With an aching head and heart, Kyungsoo got a pen and wrote his diary entry.

You're making it so hard for me to breathe.

Baekhyun let out a heavy sigh as his eyes turned towards the direction of his best friend’s seat. It had been a week since Kyungsoo stopped attending his classes. Of course, he was worried because Kyungsoo already missed a lot in school, but what he was actually worried about was Kyungsoo himself.

He knew he doesn’t cook well, but what Baekhyun cooked was surely edible. Kyungsoo wasn’t eating well. When Baekhyun would leave the tray with the food he cooked in Kyungsoo’s room, after an hour or so when he would come back and get it, he would see the tray either unmoved or with a lesser than little change on what he left.

Kyungsoo also, was getting weak. Every time Baekhyun would see his best friend leave his bed, he always clings onto something which would make Baekhyun more worried. Every time he wanted to help, Baekhyun always ended up being shooed away.

Baekhyun shifted his eyes to Jongin. And predictably, as if being scripted to do so, Jongin was looking at the empty seat of Kyungsoo. He could see the worry in the boy’s eyes as he continued to stare at the seat. But Baekhyun, being the greatest observer of all, was sure that there was more than worry because from what he saw, the boy still loves Kyungsoo and it was hurting him. Baekhyun then took the chance to talk to Jongin.

“Jongin-ah.” Baekhyun said the moment he got closer to Jongin who turned to him, dazed. “B-Baekhyun…”

“I know you’re not okay. So might as well let it out, Kyungie’s Chucky.”

Jongin seemed surprised but from the looks of it, he really needs someone to talk to. “Not here… Follow me.”

It was really obvious that Jongin really needed someone to talk to, but unfortunately, he doesn’t have one. He only has Kyungsoo and now, he was gone. His Kyungsoo was gone. His shoulder-to-lean-on was gone. Jongin now only has nothing—no one to talk to. Baekhyun was still thinking about the loneliness of Jongin when they reached the rooftop of the school.

Baekhyun was surprised when Jongin just looked up above the bright blue sky, crowded with fluffy, white clouds. He saw he longing and loneliness in Jongin’s face as the boy continued to look up.

“I didn’t regret anything.” Jongin suddenly said, making Baekhyun turn his attention to him. “I didn’t regret ending whatever we had because it is for the good. I may have told him that he deserves me, but it is actually me who doesn’t deserve him.”

Baekhyun chose not to speak. In this way, he could know the reason behind all this, even thought he was confused.

“Kyungsoo was perfect. I knew it since I met him. Since I looked onto his eyes. I don’t want to be the one who would ruin such perfection. It is true. It hurts. A lot. Without anyone knowing it, I am already dying inside. It hurts leaving him. It hurts being away from him. But wouldn’t be the pain worth it when after you leave, you will see everything back to normal? He would be the squishy Kyungsoo again. There would be no more teases of those annoying “gangster’s girlfriend” to be thrown at him. He would be happy again.”

Baekhyun did understand. It was serious. But at that moment, it’s as if Kyungsoo was in him because somehow, he felt what Kyungsoo was probably feeling he said his next words while handing Jongin something he shouldn’t have.

“Kyungie is happy with you, Jongin. Normal is him being with you.”

~~~

July 29^th

Dear Diary,

Crap. Okay. So maybe I lied to Baekie about chocolate. He was actually the one who saved my cake. By the way, I called him chocolate because he has this darker skin tone than that of mine, but he is not totally dark as the chocolate. Okay, should I call him white? Jokes. Keke

-Do Kyungsoo

July 30^th

Dear Diary,

So his name is Jongin. Kim Jongin. Everyone calls him a gangster but count me out. Those judging people -____- I think he is kind. That’s actually why I am on my way now to the Dean’s Office. Until next time, diary. I still have a debt to pay.

-Do Kyungsoo

August 24^th

Dear Diary,

I hate Chanyeol. He is the reason why Baekie is crying. Poor Baekie. T_T But I can’t tell Baekhyun to just forget about him. I know he is happy whenever he is with Chanyeol. I know he doesn’t want to forget him. Just don’t do anything nasty, Baekie. I love you <3

-Kyungie

August 26^th

Dear Diary,

Jongin… Ugh. Why is this happening to me? Do I like him?

.

.

Maybe I do.

-Kim Jongin Do Kyungsoo

August 30^th

Dear Diary,

Okay. So he called me Munchkin and he wants me to call him Chucky.

Crap. I like you. Okay?

Woot. My mind currently says “You’re mine.”

-Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin

September 3^rd

Dear Diary,

Baekie… I told you, didn’t I? I told you to not do anything nasty. Why are you so stubborn? Why did you end up in the hospital? Stupid. And Jongin is coming with me so… yeah. Ugh. I should be thinking about Baekhyun, not myself.

-Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin

September 4^th

Dear Diary,

Chucky. Chucky. Chucky. I love you. You know that. Nothing much to say. #first

-Do Kyungsoo ♥ Kim Jongin

September 12^th

Dear Diary,

Jongin-ah… Chucky... I am here at the mall, doing the groceries with Baekie. Can you read my mind? Can you feel what I am feeling? I’m nervous. Freaking nervous. Chucky, I wish you were here. Uhm, actually I wanted to take that back. Baekhyun… I think he knows… Help me Jongin.

-Do Kyungsoo ♥ Kim Jongin

September20th

Dear Diary,

Finally. Chanyeol had got the guts to follow Baekie. I thought it would take them forever running from each other. And guess what? When Chucky and I reached our classroom, we saw them. And it was really S-W-E-E-T. SWEET AS MAGIC SUGAR IN COTTON CANDIES. Beat that. But Chucky got jealous when we were trying to delay the time. It wasn’t actually part of the plan but hey, it’s cute. Maybe I would do it regularly.

-Do Kyungsoo ♥ Kim Jongin

October 4^th

Dear Diary,

I love you JONGIN. You are mine and I am yours. Cheesy, right? Of course, you already know that I love you. I just wanted to say it always.

-Munchkin

October 11^th

Dear Diary,

Don’t you know? It hurts when they call your name as if you have done every bad thing a person in this world can do. It hurts when almost everyone hates you. But remember that I am always here. I love you. So why? Why would we need to? Why would we end everything? I don’t understand Jongin. Did I do something wrong? I am crying. Gallons. And probably, maybe because I am hoping, that you are too. I can’t think of any reason, goddamit. What did I do? It’s just been one day since I told you I love you. What the hell is wrong? Make me understand, Jongin. Even though I don’t want to. Because you’re making it hard for me to breathe.

-Kyungsoo

October 16^th

Dear Diary,

I can’t get up. I can’t eat. I can’t stand. Help me, Jongin. Come back.

-Munchkin  Kim  Do Kyungsoo

October 21^st

Dear Diary,

It’s been a week. I still love you. Always and forever will. Wait, I didn’t agree on our break up yet. You’re still mine. Come back, Chucky.

I am dying here because of the pain, Jongin. Please…

-Do Kyungsoo ♥ Kim Jongin

~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n

Aww. I can feel the ending. Hihi.

Next chapter would be Kaisoo ending and the next next chapter would be Baekyeol ending.

All dramas from me about the fic would be let out at the last chap. Or even a separate chap. Keke.

Thank you guys. Seriously :’(

P.s.

Yup. Baekyeol is ending soon too. 

potatopuppy.