+++

Locked behind bars for the meantime Sehun could only drone on about what was really going on. He didn’t think he would ever forget how Namjoo repeatedly said she didn’t know him.

A painful smile spurted from his lips.

So they were strangers now, huh?

Tears climbed out to the bottom of his lids as he stared at the hard floor. Namjoo was really set on abandoning him.

No…

Maybe she had already abandoned him three years ago.

There was a long invisible hand squeezing his heart, twisting it up so that it was so raw he wouldn’t feel anything.

It was awful…everything was awful.

He never thought Namjoo would be able to hurt him like this. She was too cruel. She was too unfair.

His Namjoo was the worst.

But he missed her so much he still wanted to hug her and it made him so sad. They’d lost so much time those three years. There was so much they could have done together.

Why was it like this?

Pressing a hand to his face he pathetically cried.

+++

“Mommy!!” Ki Hoon screamed when Namjoo and Luhan walked in through the door.

Hayoung watched the small boy hug his mother’s legs before she bent down to observe him.

“I’m late, sorry,” she apologized running her hands over his face and pressed a hand atop his head.

“I’m glad you made it. He was getting a little sad,” Hayoung walked over.

Namjoo glanced up at her with a smile before standing up to apologize. “Sorry for the trouble. Something came up.”

Ki Hoon grabbed his mother’s hand and clutched onto Luhan’s leg as if hiding between them. Luhan placed a hand on top of his head before he turned to look up at him.  

“Han Han, up,” Ki Hoon raised his arms.

Hayoung smiled and felt herself look Namjoo over while running over in her head the fact that this was the woman Sehun was getting worked up over. What connection did they have with each other made him snap at her?

Ki Hoon whined and complained in a way Hayoung had never heard or witnessed before. It reminded her even more of the expression apparent in Sehun’s eyes last night that had never been shown to her till Namjoo’s appearance.

Yes, why did Ki Hoon look so much like Sehun?

She ran her eyes over Ki Hoon, who was now in the man’s arms. When they turned to walk away Hayoung swept her eyes over Namjoo’s back wondering the worst.

Had Ki Hoon’s mother and Sehun been lovers?

She hoped that wasn’t it even though the answer seemed so clear to her.

+++

“Ah…what’s this? You came together?” Luhan’s mother questioned and eyed them when they walked in.

Once Namjoo let go of Ki Hoon’s hand he ran toward Luhan’s father, who immediately lifted him up into the air to swing him around. Ki Hoon enjoyed thrills and Namjoo thought it wouldn’t be a good thing if he grew up to be a daredevil. Her son always enjoyed the antics Luhan’s father expressed, not that it was anything unappreciative or bad.

Luhan’s parents…she guessed, were like grandparents to her son. It was a good thing Ki Hoon was able to receive love from elsewhere. Maybe he would grow up fine after all.

After Luhan joined his father and Ki Hoon on the couch she walked into the kitchen to offer his mother help.

“What are you making? Should I help?” Namjoo wondered.

“Oh, don’t even worry about it,” his mother shook her off. “I’m just sticking something into the oven; everything else comes right out of the fridge!”

She was like the mother Namjoo missed as a grownup.

After sticking a pan into the oven the round woman turned around, took her by the arm, and led her over to a chair to sit. Taking the seat in front of her she smiled tenderly at her.

“Namjoo-ah,” she took her hand and held it between her warm hands, offering her a mother’s touch. “I can’t tell you how much it’s a relief to have you around. Even though you may feel like you’re imposing on us, I’m afraid we’re the ones bothering you. I know you’ve been through a lot, but you know we’re always here for you.”

She nodded, “I know.”

“No matter how tired you are, I want to tell you; you’re doing a good job, so don’t give up on anything,” her words were warm with comfort. “Ki Hoon’s growing up so well, he’ll be a nice young man.”

Namjoo smiled at the comment.

“Namjoo, raising a child alone is one of the bravest things any woman can do in the world. You’re a really great person for doing it,” his mother went on. “But have you thought about yourself? You will be there for Ki Hoon and he can grow up well with you, but what about you? When you’re sick, who will look after you when Ki Hoon can’t? Who’s going to help provide for you? I’m worried, Namjoo.”

Honestly, she always thought she could fare by herself as she’d done so far with the help of Luhan’s family. Yet, it was possible that one day they wouldn’t be there for her and she would be a burden on her son when he got older.

That was a worry.

Who would be there for her then?  

“Have you thought about looking for Ki Hoon’s father? Where he is, who he is? Does he know you gave birth to his son? Namjoo, have you tried looking for him?”

Sehun appeared in her mind. His attempts to get her to say his name became clear to her of his desperation. She still shook her head in reply.

There was a somewhat disappointed sigh from Luhan’s mom.

“I can’t go to him now,” Namjoo explained and saw the Day Care assistant taking Sehun’s arm. “He already has someone else.”

Sympathy climbed into his mother’s face and she tightened her hands around hers. “Oh, Namjoo…”

Namjoo offered a small smile to drive away the deep emotions of sympathy.

“Maybe you can’t change what has happened, but you can let go and start anew. Nothing’s wrong with that,” his mother went on. “Namjoo, my Luhan loves you; both you and Ki Hoon. If you like him too, why not give him a chance? I’m sure Ki Hoon would love to have a father. Take some time to think about it and don’t hesitate to tell him ‘No’ as an answer. My boy needs more rejection in order to become a stronger man.”

She listened to Luhan’s mother laugh before letting a short laugh fall through her lips.

Dinner went well and she let Luhan drive them back. At the bottom of the steep street they fought over who would carry Ki Hoon up. In the end, her son chose Luhan over her and he laughed at her victoriously. Along the way to her home she listened to Luhan speak with Ki Hoon, who stuttered over words before Luhan would and shake him in his arms. Ki Hoon enjoyed the treatment like always.

Sometimes she wondered if it was her fault Ki Hoon was missing a father. She was well aware Ki Hoon would want one as he grew up. She would feel guilty if he had to miss out on what other kids had that he didn’t. She would feel so bad…

“Ok, kiddo, go on in,” Luhan let him down at the front door and watched him run in before straightening up to look at her.

Luhan would be good to her son like no one else and she would be able to trust the two of them together when she wasn’t around. The adoration he harbored for her son was so obvious in his actions that Namjoo couldn’t help, but smile as they interacted.

“What?” Luhan noticed her stare. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

When did she begin to realize Luhan was hiding his feelings for her? Namjoo couldn’t remember.

“Thank you,” she said, “Luhan.”

“What are you thanking me for?” He slightly laughed, charmed by the kindness.

“Just…thank you.”

“Sure,” he frowned with a half-smile on his confused face. “Goodnight, Namjoo. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He began to turn, but Namjoo grabbed his wrist to bring him to a stop before tip-toeing to give him a peck on the cheek as he’d done for her on many occasions.

“Goodnight.”

An uncontrollable smile appeared on his face at once and he reached a hand up to touch his cheek elated.

“What was that? You’re the one being weird tonight.”

“Take it as my thanks.” Namjoo smiled.

Their eyes met for a split second before he quickly gave her a brave peck on the lips.

“I’ll stop by in the morning,” he told beaming with a smile, stepped back, and turned to have another glance of her, then jogged off into the distance with a wave.

Once she closed the door and locked it she leaned against it to let everything sink in. Since the betrayal to Sehun she knew she couldn’t face him again. That had to seal it, that had to be their closure. Everything had come to an end today.

Sehun couldn’t be a part of her life anymore. Namjoo had to tear him out of her head.

Luhan’s mother was right. Ki Hoon needed a father and she would need someone who could help her. She needed a new start and she needed to have a secure future if Ki Hoon was to grow up well without longing for what others had. The best for them was right in front of her eyes.

Yet, she couldn’t help but feel partially sad.

“Ki Hoon,” Namjoo said sitting on a tiny stool in front of the tub, “you like Luhan a lot, don’t you?”

Too concentrated on his toys in the water her son didn’t look into her face, but still shrieked, “Han Han! I like Han Han!”

Leaning against the tub to rub his head she said, “Would you like to have a daddy?”

“Daddy?” Ki Hoon glanced at her with big eyes and smiled. “I like Han Han! Grammy…Grammy say Han Han like us. I like Han Han, mommy!”

“Your daddy,” Namjoo suddenly thought of Sehun before shoving the thought aside, “would you be happy if Luhan became your daddy? You’d like that?”

“Mommy happy, I happy.”

Part of her shriveled up inside while the other half seemingly cried for the new and the old.

“You cute thing,” Namjoo lightly pinched his cheeks before kissing him. “Mommy’s baby.”

+++

The heavy metal clinked and Sehun refused to lift his head up.

“Come out,” the officer called, “someone’s here for you.”

Lifting his eyes up from the ground Sehun felt his eyebrows drift further down his face. He hadn’t called anyone. Who was there?

When he stepped out he saw something that was obviously very out of place. There was something in the police station that shouldn’t be there. A heavy stench of perfume had caused a distraction in the working atmosphere to which several other officers at work were staring.

Sehun felt the woman stare back at him with a deep heavy set of eyes covered in bronze eye shadow and eyebrows she’d tattooed in. A heavy red jacket was adorned over her shoulders; the sleeves hanging by her sides. What she was wearing underneath was a dress that had been tailored for her from Paris.

This was his mother.

She had used him like a bargaining tool and she’d been the reason why he’d sought a life outside of home. She was all the reasons why he needed his apartment.

Without saying anything she twisted around on her rich silver heels to walk out with them clattering every step of the way. Pressing his lips together he followed indignantly.

She chose not to speak to him until they were far in the parking lot and away from prying eyes. The noise of traffic came by like the flash of a light before disappearing into the distance. His mother spun around to shoot him daggers from her eyes.

“Where the hell do you think you are? Do you know how embarrassed I was to have to come all the way here!?”

“Why’d you even come!?”

She took two strides forward before flinging her hand against his face.

“Insolent fool!” She muttered underneath her breath. “You think I don’t know how you ended there in the first place!?”

Sehun stared at his mother with unwanted surprise.

“Have you no shame at all,” his mother ran her eyes over him twice before staring into his face. “If you can’t handle it out here; return home at once. We’re inviting Hayoung and her parents for dinner this time. I will not have you out here screwing around, do you hear me?”

They stared at each other competitively as if to see who could be the most stubborn before she swung around toward the car waiting for her.

“I’m not coming back home,” Sehun turned to watch her stop.

His mother froze where she stood before twisting around to stare at him, “Your contract with the landlord ends in less than a week. I will have Butler Kim come pick up your belongings. In the meantime, enjoy yourself out here in the lowlands.”

Her heels clicked loudly before the chauffeur stepped out of the car to open the car door for her, got back into his seat, and drove off. Sehun watched them go, his heart sinking into the deepest pits of darkness he could know.

An hour later when he made it to his apartment and grabbed a glass of water, he chugged half of it down before throwing it against the fridge. It shattered into pieces and dropped to the ground, the water rushing down the door of the fridge like blood. Sehun breathed deeply and angrily, the corners of his minds pulling and screaming.

The days just had to keep getting worse…

Tired of being awake, exhausted of his running mind he searched the cabinet for some sleeping pills and swallowed them dry before laying down in the couch. He’d been feeling tired for so long. He’d hung in there for so long already, wasn’t that enough? The pain he had to bear with was something no one would ever understand…

Sehun closed his eyes and drew an arm over his eyes to block the light out before drifting off.

He awoke in the morning when the endless ringing of his phone didn’t stop. Drugged into in a sleeping state his hand flew around before reaching into his pocket for the phone.

With eyes still glued shut he randomly pressed a button on the screen and pressed the phone to his ear, “Hello?”

“It’s me,” Namjoo spoke, which eventually woke him up at once. He knew her voice; he'd recognize it anywhere. 

Wide awake he sat up with bed hair and cleared his throat, his grip on the phone becoming tighter. His heart palpitated. 

“You wanted to talk,” Namjoo went on, “so lets talk.” After a second she added what he most wanted to hear, “Sehun.”

Clearing his throat he let her voice and his name sink in. It felt…believably good. The name echoed again in his ears and he closed his eyes, falling into a dreamlike state.

“I’ll wait for you by the river.”

His eyes opened when she hung up. With a racing heart full of expectation he jumped to his feet and ran around his apartment to prepare. First came a warm shower, then picking out nice clothes from the closet, and he spent another half hour combing and styling his hair.

Namjoo…finally agreed to meet him.

What kind of day was this?

When he arrived on site Namjoo was sitting by the stairs near the river, her back to him. He was nervous and very anxious. It’d been so long and things were finally falling into the right place. He was sure she wanted to apologize about yesterday, then they'd make up, and he would have everything back. 

Clearing his throat for confidence he started toward her. Namjoo slightly turned her head upon hearing his footsteps and he stopped when she slid something toward him. A second later he recognized it as a can of beer.

“Have it,” Namjoo said without offering him a greeting, “you want to hear a story, don’t you?” 

***Sehun's family is rich. His mother uses him for business purposes, so he's never been happy. Happiness only came to existence when he met Namjoo, thus she was his everything until she disappeared. He's stressed and very depressed. Now he's going to get more angry and depressed. 

***Hayoung's smart, it doesn't take much for her to put one and one together. She knows by now that Ki Hoon is Sehun's son, but she still wants confirmation from Sehun first. She likes him, she does; even if her mother may stand on the same platform as Sehun's mother.

***And here we have it; Namjoo never did move on. She thought about Sehun a lot, but she caused herself a lot of pain when she left him for various reasons we will find out next chapter. She's finally gathering the strength to do it slowly because Sehun's presence will become a threat to her and Ki Hoon; she knows that too well. And now, will Luhan become Ki Hoon's father?