He’d forgotten that he had the ability to feel this much desire. As his insides hurled his hand moved toward the back of her head in order to better clasp her in his hold. It shocked him to no end that he could kiss her like this; that Namjoo would let him do it. Everything about that particular moment was perfect to no end.

The second when her delicate hands clasped onto his chest he took a breath and inched back to look at her in curiosity. Actually, he thought she looked more breathtaking than what he wanted to read from her face. When no touch came within the next split moment her eyes began to open, but he quickly leaned forward to savor her lips again, nibbling and tasting. 

“We should,” Namjoo eased back, her hand climbing further up to hold his shoulder, “really go get Ki Hoon’s clothes.”

Reluctantly digging his fingers into her hair and giving her a last peck; said, “Ok.”

+++

Back in school days Sehun had been tutored so hard until he was eligible to enroll into Seoul University. He met Namjoo there. Unlike him, she’d worked her way in all by herself with the support of her only parent. He’d met her in his basic education math class, recognizing her from tables away in the large library when he’d been trying to study one day.

He struggled with particular basic subjects like Science, Math, and Korean. He just…wasn’t very interested in anything. There was no motivation, no drive, and he harbored no hope for anything. Sehun didn’t know what passion was, he’d never felt it. Nothing of his liking ever tempted him to go beyond his limit. He’d lived a soulless life.

Namjoo was one of the smarties who always sat at the front of class. He’d noticed her a few times from where he sat at the back, so he recognized her right away in the library. She was one of those know-it-alls who would help him if he asked, and she did. When she looked up after he set his books down she shot him that smile that later became his and only his before returning to her work.

“Ex…excuse me,” had been the first words he’d spoken to her, “do you mind helping me? We’re from the same class.”

So she invited him to sit next to her; giving him a free lesson and he was attracted right away. The way she talked and the way she wrote simple notes and examples down for him made everything much easier to understand. Namjoo was a smart girl.

During their next class meeting he took to the seat beside her at the front. When she turned to look at him she shot him another smile friendlily before turning away and he felt his heart race calmly, enjoying the presence of her. The boy who usually sat next to her stared at him surprised when he walked into class and resorted to another seat. Somewhere inside, Sehun felt a satisfaction of having driven him off.

Right after class he had followed her out calling her by the name he’d seen her write down on her homework. To his expectation Namjoo turned around at her name and he hurried to catch up. Without hesitation, Sehun offered her lunch. He didn’t know shyness, but he’d been reluctant in talking to other people and expressing himself. But Namjoo dispelled that somehow. Something about her made her feel open and made it easy to speak his mind.

Namjoo; however, rejected his offer and resumed to walking away. She didn’t appear during the next class meeting and he ended up looking at the door in her wait. When she appeared at the next class meeting he slid his notebook toward her explaining that it was the notes from the day she’d missed. Namjoo finally sat with him outside to copy the notes down after class and Sehun finally succeeded in buying her lunch that day.

She told him her father had been sick so she’d taken to taking care of him instead of coming to class. It was then that he got a taste of life outside of his comfortable home. Namjoo’s house was small with less of a kitchen and two rooms. Without knowing anything about him she let him in, checked on her sleeping father, and even cooked something for him.

It was the first time he’d sat on the ground to eat instead of at a chair by a high table of luxurious goods. For him it had been awkward and he’d tried not to express it, but Namjoo must have read his actions. When she walked him to the street for a cab she told him it must have been hard for him and apologized if the food hadn’t been to his taste. It disappointed him when she’d said she would help him with his homework if he needed it and that they shouldn’t mix outside of class.

Sehun didn’t know then that not a lot of people in their area could afford a cab, so when he’d called for one it made him different and less deserving of their presence. Namjoo didn’t really speak to him again and always sat elsewhere in class when she saw him seated by her usual spot. He realized then that he’d made her more uncomfortable than she’d made him in her home.

When exams were around the corner he could barely catch her studying in the library. Sometimes he wandered near her neighborhood with the little children staring at him, but he didn’t have the guts to knock on her door. For the first time in his life he felt an empty spot within his heart and after finals took to spinning around in the chair in his room.

Sehun really never did see her again after even when classes resumed, but he caught sight of her one day through a crowd during an event. He’d chased after her halfway through the courtyard before finally grabbing her arm.

“Hey,” he’d greeted breathlessly.

“Oh…hi,” she’d smiled.

Her hair was a bit longer, but she still looked well.

“I didn’t pass the math class. Can you help me again this year?”

“Sure. I have to get going though. I’ll see you around.”

“W…wait,” he fell a step forward when she turned around and grasped onto her arm again.

When she turned his heart raced with the shaking realization that her eyes were on him. Sehun stared at the ground for a long time before muttering the confession that he probably liked her, but Namjoo hadn’t heard him.

“What did you say?” Was what she asked next.

Appalled and overwhelmed by his constricting nerves and blinded by the crowd far behind him, he grabbed her face into his hands, and stepped forward again to ease a kiss into .

Like anyone else, he didn’t meet the love of his life under any special circumstances. Namjoo just happened to be in his class and on his mind. Sehun still couldn’t explain what attracted him to her. There’d just been a magnetic pull and there was always one.

And they did what every normal person did. They dated, they spent time together, they held hands, went to the movies, shopped, and went on picnics; because he wanted do have her with him everywhere.

Tears dropped within the deep folds of his heart as he went through the pictures he kept of them. Pictures of Namjoo in his arms, her hand in his, her trying to escape as he kissed her cheek, Namjoo playfully choking him, ice skating together for the first time, and so many more. He still wanted her so much.

If he knew she’d been pregnant then, he would have run with her. He always wanted her and a family.

His only chance now was if he could get into Ki Hoon’s heart and slowly work toward Namjoo, who was now reluctant with him. Thinking of how far she’d drifted from him caused a despairing ache.

Namjoo had always been so warm with him.

+++

After turning the lights off Namjoo walked into the kitchen for a glass of water. She’d had no intention to take away Sehun’s right to being Ki Hoon’s father. Sadly, she never thought about it at all.

Those days following the birth of Ki Hoon she’d thought about Sehun a lot. It was probably the last period in her life where she’d last thought of him daily.

It had hurt her that Sehun wasn’t there to hold his son. The unbearable weight in her heart couldn’t be compared to the torturing weight in Sehun’s. He always talked to her about having a happy family because where he came from didn’t have it. Upholding a happy family had been of great importance to him and when he spoke about planning one with her a smile always beamed from his face.

He hadn’t been there, though, to hold Ki Hoon and she knew he would have loved to be there. Countless times she’d perfected a picture in her head. A dreamy smile of fatherly love would plant itself on Sehun’s face as he peered down at Ki Hoon in his arms. As Ki Hoon grew older Sehun would play games and sports with him. All those things Namjoo had imagined.

Sehun would have been a great father and Ki Hoon a happier son.

But Namjoo couldn’t undo anything. No matter how many times she thought back, she couldn’t have given her father’s life up for Sehun even if her father did die; Namjoo would still have done it. So much of it was unfair, but nothing could be changed now.

Namjoo felt ashamed to admit it, but she was afraid of Sehun’s mother. When she first stood in her presence for the first time, Namjoo felt like an ant. His mother didn’t fit into the environment of the atmosphere in her adorned jewels and fur jacket. Her heavily drawn face had captivated Namjoo at once and she felt like bowing to the queen who had visited her small town when she shouldn’t have. The thick packet of money in her hands was an expression of all the power she had.

It was then that Namjoo realized how big Sehun’s family was. She’d been aware of his rich background, but she hadn’t realized they were that big.

The amount of betrayal felt during that moment had never been felt before and she would never forget. Namjoo knew she betrayed Sehun’s feelings when she took the money, but she felt betrayed, too that Sehun never told her further about his family. That day marked her betrayal to him and her father’s death; the worst day she ever had.

“What are you doing in the dark?”

Namjoo felt Luhan turn his face into the side of her head as he came up behind her.

Holding up the cup of water to him she slightly smiled.

“I didn’t see you drinking it,” he told.

To object him she held the glass to her lips and chugged the water down.

“Silly,” he tapped the top of her head with his hand before taking the cup and set it into the sink. “Ki Hoon fell back asleep.”

She glanced down at their hands when he took hers and led her down the dark hall toward the guest room. Luhan had carefully tucked Ki Hoon under the blanket after giving him a bath to keep him warm. Ki Hoon was still going on about how he wanted to sleep with Luhan instead and Namjoo couldn’t help, but feel a bit pushed out.

How her son even thought it was his fault he didn’t have a father was something Namjoo couldn’t understand. She recalled he’d asked if Luhan might become his father, but Namjoo hadn’t sensed anything in particular. Just what was her son thinking?

Luhan pulled her down onto the bench beside him and smiled. “He sleeps like you.”

“Me?” Namjoo slightly laughed.

“Of course,” he nodded, “if you didn’t have your blanket all the way around you, it’d be halfway around you.”

A laugh spilled from her lips at the way he exaggerated it.

“Here,” Luhan reached out for her head and leaned her toward his shoulder. “I reserved it for you.”

She softly smiled when her head landed on his shoulder. The kindness emanating from him wrapped her heart up into a tight blanket of warmth. Without cost, she could always rely on him.

“Are you worried?” Luhan asked.

“About what?”

“Ki Hoon’s father.”

Slightly twisting her head to burrow her face into him she closed her eyes, “No.”

“Really? You looked sad earlier.”

“I was.”

“Why?” He gently leaned his head against hers.

“Because I took Ki Hoon from him,” Namjoo answered quietly and reopened her eyes to look toward her sleeping son. “Sehun…he always wanted a family, a happy one. He didn’t grow up in one, so he always wanted one.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Closing her eyes again she clutched onto his arm for safety, “I know.”

They sat in silence allowing the fact that they were together to sink in. It was nice, splendidly nice and comfortable. All the warmth he had to offer seemed to ooze out uncontrollably and Namjoo ate it up to her desire.

“I won’t lose Ki Hoon, will I, if let them spend time together.”

“No one can take him from you,” he promised, “I won’t let them.”

The solidarity of his presence helped ease her emotions into place before she slightly woke up later to realize he was carrying her to bed. Heaving a light breath she closed her eyes again until he laid her down and pulled the blanket over her, even grabbing her head to resituate her comfortably onto the pillow. When he turned to walk away Namjoo grabbed the blanket to have something to hold onto.

“Night, Luhan.”

Stopping in his tracks he twisted around to look at her and smiled surprised before backtracking toward her. Slightly leaning forward he placed both hands onto the bed on either side of her to give her a slow peck and smiled.

“Goodnight, Namjoo. Lets go on a date tomorrow.”

+++

Hayoung hadn’t been able to open as she stood there like a dummy. The tape that went around her body tended to squeeze her before she was shifted around.

“Make it a size smaller,” her mother ordered. “Hayoung, lose weight after the engagement. You need to look stunning for your wedding. Have you looked through the book for a dress yet? You have to hurry up; I told you there’s no time to waste.”

She couldn’t say no or yes. She couldn’t say she wasn’t doing the wedding or the engagement. She couldn’t say that she and Sehun couldn’t work.

Then she recalled the faces of everyone when she told them about Sehun only to find out he was the son of her mother’s best friend. A match made in heaven, everyone said. It’s fate, not coincidence.

Hayoung had believed it like that until recently.

Sehun…didn’t love her the way he loved Ki Hoon’s mother. Maybe he…didn’t love her at all.

But she loved him.

She escaped to her room after the fitting was done and stood by the desk where she found the piece of paper with Ki Hoon’s home address between some books.

“Where are you going?” Her mother asked when she started down the stairs with her bag.

“I’m going to meet Sehun.”

+++

Namjoo turned to look at Luhan who was happily humming beside her and smiled. When he reached over to hold her hand Namjoo felt her heart rush a little at the intimacy of it. Quickly turning to look at her he shot her a smile before setting his eyes back onto the road.

Ki Hoon had been left behind with his parents, still recuperating from his fever. For the first time she’d decided to let her son stay with them during the meantime. She, too, would stay with them until Ki Hoon regained his health. Obviously elated, Luhan had resorted to singing and humming various tunes all morning.

Luhan grabbed her hand when they started up the steep road swinging their arms back and forth joyously.

“Ah…today feels like a good day,” Luhan tilted his head up to the sun and slightly closed his eyes. “Because I have a date with the lovely Kim Namjoo. It’s gonna be a good day.”

She turned to look at him with a face and laughed lightly before they reached her house.

“I’m going to go drop my mom’s stuff at the post office then I’ll be back,” Luhan told. “You’re going to cook for me, right?”

“Go buy your own food.”

Making a face he gently drilled his knuckles into the side of her face.

“I’ll be back,” he said before turning away.

Namjoo grabbed his arm and tip toed up to give him a kiss, “Take your time. I’ll make something good.”

“You promised,” he smiled and added another quick peck before turning to head off.

Namjoo found herself fumbling around in the kitchen after packing some clothes for Ki Hoon and was just about to turn the stove on when there was a knock on the door. Assuming it was Luhan who’d hurried back she started toward the door with much expectation.

“I knew you’d…” she started with a smile while pulling the door open, but the smile fell when she spotted Sehun standing on the other side. He didn’t look very delighted.

Namjoo fell a step back when he stepped forth almost forcibly and shut the door behind him.

“What are you…” Namjoo started, but was cut off when he grabbed her face and forced his mouth onto hers.