+++

Proud.

Proud and happy.

Those were the only two words that correctly described his feelings at that moment. Ki Hoon wasn’t as heavy as he’d thought him to be. The warmth that spread from his small boy’s body to his hands told him this was no dream.

He was really holding his own son and his heart cried at the realization.

The first time. It was really the first time he’d touched his son.

A laugh of happiness strummed across his lips and he further tightened his arms around the 3 year old. Sehun loved this existence so much.

And he hoped that as Namjoo looked them on; that her heart was crying the same way his was. Sehun was sure that she’d waited for this too. He promised he wouldn’t let her do it alone anymore.

They were his. Namjoo and Ki Hoon were both his.

Minutes later they sat down at a bus stop some way down the street. A sweet solemn silence swooned over them as they stared down the quiet street. To his unexpectation, he was focusing more on Ki Hoon than he’d thought he would. He’d thought to enjoy some time with Namjoo since she would have to come along, but he actually only paid attention to the presence in his arms.

Without Namjoo he’d never have Ki Hoon. He was surprised that Ki Hoon had refused to go with him, but he was even more surprised with how he was so attached to Namjoo. To see that showed him Ki Hoon was indeed his son.

Sehun felt the same way toward Namjoo too.

“He sleeps well,” Sehun commented, daring to reach a hand up to feel his fingertips brush Ki Hoon’s hair.

Sehun felt prideful. When people walked passed and shot glances their way, he wanted to let them know this was his son. In the future he’d become a great person and do what he wanted. His son would achieve his goals at great heights and everyone would acknowledge him.

He would be the best dad his son would ever have, and he’d be the only one. Sehun wanted to be someone Ki Hoon would look up to, want to be like, and someone he wouldn’t be afraid of. He just wanted to be the best of the best for him.

“Where are we going?” Namjoo questioned.

“I wanted to take him to the playground by my place,” Sehun explained, “there are lots of kids there, but that doesn’t matter now.”

Sehun felt infatuated. He just wanted to spend time looking at who was his. Ki Hoon was so perfect in all ways.

“Is he like me?” Sehun was hesitant, but asked anyway.

Deep inside, he wanted Ki Hoon to resemble him in many ways for the recognition that he was his son. Ki Hoon should have similar habits, but still be pretty like his mother. Ki Hoon should follow in his steps so that when he grew up he’d be able to protect his mother.

“When he eats, he chews like you. He smiles and laughs like you too. He’ll probably develop other similar habits as he grows. I’m thinking he’ll grow up to look like you,” Namjoo told.

It hit him then that Namjoo memorized specifics of him. How he ate, how he slept, how he moved, smiled, and laughed. If she knew these, how often had she thought of him during the three years they spent apart? It meant…Namjoo had never really forgotten him. Sehun was confident of that.

Ki Hoon turned his head surprising him. Withdrawing his hand he glanced down to see that Ki Hoon was awake. His son’s eyelids fluttered as he grasped for where he was and why. If he cried, Sehun would try to comfort him. Sehun wasn’t afraid, he wouldn’t be afraid. He believed these were the tasks of a good father and he would definitely be one.

“Hi,” Sehun softly greeted running his fingers down Ki Hoon’s tiny back and watched Ki Hoon look up at him.

Unlike earlier, Ki Hoon stared up at him curiously as if he’d forgotten who he was. A split second later worry appeared on his face and he turned around to look for his mother.

“Mommy,” Ki Hoon called out, on the verge of tears; his tiny hands floating up into the air.

“I’m here, Ki Hoon,” Namjoo told.

Sehun watched Ki Hoon quickly turn his head before letting out a small cry, reaching his arms out for his sole protector. Latching onto his mother he continued to cry out of fear, burying his face into her shoulder. It was a precious thing to see. Sehun wanted to keep this picture in his heart forever, engrave it there, embroider it there so that no matter what happened the memory would never leave.

Namjoo eventually calmed their son down and they rode the next bus to a nearby convenience store. Too bad for him, Ki Hoon took up the rest of the seat beside Namjoo pushing him out. In the end throughout the ride he sat behind them overlooking their heads.

Honestly, at first Sehun felt sad being the only one left out. The yearning to share the bond between the two of them was so strong he could feel it at his fingertips. He wanted Ki Hoon to cry and want his arms of comfort too. He wanted Ki Hoon to hold him and lean onto him as he did his mother, but this picture was alright too. The people he loved were together.

“You let him eat sweets?” Sehun asked while watching Namjoo rummage through the cooler for a Popsicle.

The noise of the foliage against each other filled the silence during the break of silence between them.

“Not all the time,” Namjoo didn’t bother to look at him and finally pulled something out.

She held it down for Ki Hoon to see and watched him smile before grabbing the Popsicle and attempted to unwrap it. Struck by amazement of their identical smiles Sehun only stared.

“We have to pay for it first,” Namjoo grabbed it back; Ki Hoon’s little hands reaching up for it without comprehending the situation.

Sehun watch Ki Hoon whine in spot before he grabbed his mother’s shirt to cry for it. His hand hovered over his son’s head hesitantly before he his hair. Ki Hoon tilted his head back to look up at him somewhat shyly before moving closer to Namjoo.

Softly smiling, Sehun slightly crouched down to meet his eyes, “Mommy has to pay for it first so you can have it. It’s not respectful to eat without paying. Give and take, ok?”

Ki Hoon stared at him with his eyes as clear as a river before Namjoo unwrapped the Popsicle and handed it to her son. With eyes shying away from him he grabbed the Popsicle shyly on it.

“I can’t guarantee he understood what you just said,” Namjoo took Ki Hoon’s hand and led him out of the shop.

“But I believe he felt it,” Sehun added, walking on the other side of Ki Hoon.

A bus passed by as they walked down the empty walk with the sun baking them from above. It was this kind of calm and kept peace that Sehun always wanted. It was these kinds of days that he always had when Namjoo was around. It felt good, it was pleasant, and it was his happiness. With their son walking between them he felt like he didn’t have to ask for more.

Sehun felt blessed.

“He’s pretty,” Sehun commented. “It must’ve been hard alone.”

Namjoo didn’t reply, but continued walking along. They continued walking in silence, Sehun enjoying every quiet moment of it. Inside his heart he believed Namjoo also enjoyed it.

“Mommy,” Ki Hoon called out and held out the Popsicle stick to her, “done.”

Spotting a garbage bin nearby Namjoo walked him over to it, “You see garbage? Stick goes into garbage.”

Ki Hoon peered at her for approval and lifted his arm up to throw the stick in, but was a tad bit too short to touch the top. Namjoo reached out to carry him up, but Sehun quickly pushed her away; a desire to have this chance engulfing him.

“Can I…do it?” Sehun asked.

Namjoo quietly returned his gaze and he turned to carry little Ki Hoon up. Once he dropped the stick into the garbage Sehun felt a sense of accomplishment pat him on the back. He’d done it, he’d done something with his son!

His lips broadened in a smile with a laugh escaping from underneath his breath. Namjoo playfully screamed in accomplishment to encourage Ki Hoon and clapped her hands. She bent down to pinch his droopy cheeks and Sehun turned to see Ki Hoon happily laughing whilst imitating Namjoo with the clap of his hands.

“His lips are dirty, we should wash him up,” Sehun noted the stickiness around Ki Hoon’s lips.

“Yea,” Namjoo said before taking Ki Hoon’s hand.

Sehun waited outside a café for Namjoo to come back out with Ki Hoon, who she’d taken into the bathroom to clean up. In conclusion, he felt alive again.

As his eyes roamed over the busy intersection and the people waiting at the stop lights for the signal to cross, he smiled. His waiting for the light to give way was over. He was being given the chance to restart everything. If he did well he’d be able to enter their lives again. And Sehun…really wanted to do well. He’d give his all for Namjoo and their son, so that he could provide for them as a husband and father should.

Quietly; he’d wait until the day he could marry Namjoo inside a church, put a ring on her finger, and take her to his home.

“Lets head back,” Namjoo opened the door.

Along the ride back to her house on the bus, Sehun’s turned to stare at Namjoo and Ki Hoon, who was comfortably leaning against her. They were sitting across from him, but in his mind’s eye they were sharing a long bench. For as long as possible he wanted to keep them together that day.

He softly smiled at the picture unable to glance away.

When they walked off the bus, Namjoo lifted Ki Hoon into her arms before starting the walk up the hill.

“Why do you carry him?” Sehun asked.

“It’s too steep for him.”

Sehun peered up the walk. The road was a little steep, but he felt like Ki Hoon would be able to make the walk if he tried.

“Have you tried letting him go up?”

“He rolled back down once,” Namjoo told, “he’s not walking up until he’s older.”

Sehun glanced at Ki Hoon in her arms and remained locked into his mind until they reached the foot of her home. The thoughts suddenly gushed in.

Would he be able to come back? Would Namjoo let him try to have time with Ki Hoon, just the two of them? Would Ki Hoon accept him? Would he be successful the next time around?

“I…” Sehun about started to question, but instead stated, “I’m going to come back.”

Namjoo peered up at him and avoiding what she would say next, reached over to readjust the hairclip in her hair.

“It’s falling loose,” Sehun told, “it’s pretty.”

“Luhan got it for me,” Namjoo killed off his emotions.

Sehun silently gulped and pressed his lips sternly together to keep cool. He hated the very mention of the man who had intruded into their relationship.

“Just call next time,” Namjoo said before turning around and walked in, closing the door behind her.

Sehun stared at the door for a long moment; imagining the many things they would be doing inside if they were a family. And it hurt that it wasn’t real, but just in his head. That he couldn’t do anything, but only imagine.

He despised the way things were.

It just wasn’t right.

Heaving a soft sigh he reached up to touch the door as if he’d be able to walk through and enjoy the warmth of what it was to be home. Pressing his lips together again he held back any bitter thoughts and forced himself away.

When he arrived at his apartment a piece of paper was taped to his door. The landlord was leasing his apartment and he had less than 24 hours to find another place. His brow narrowed suspiciously before he unlocked the door and walked into an empty apartment.

A kind of silence drummed his ears from both sides put pressure against his eardrums. The soles of his shoes squeaked against the floor as he further walked in. Pushing the door open to his bedroom he glanced into his room back and forth several times, affirming that his stuff had been taken. Nothing was in the kitchen either, his dish sets were gone, which meant someone had taken his memories of Namjoo with them.

His lower lip trembled in utter anger before he turned back to stare at the door. Rushing back out and down the stairs he skidded to a fast stop, nearly tripping over his own feet upon hearing what he hated being called.

“Young Master.”

His pulse throbbed in the air and a wind whished by. The voice had come from the roadside.

Sehun turned to see Chauffeur Kim, who’d taken care of him since young standing in front of a waxed car. The old man had probably even served his mother’s mother, Sehun judged from the deep wrinkles on his face.

The power in his family descended from his mother, whose family hadn’t had a son in the past five generations. He wouldn’t be surprised if the employees had been passed down too.

Chauffeur Kim walked to the side of the car and pulled the back door open, “Your mother’s waiting for you.”

+++

Namjoo saw Sehun’s efforts. The way he glanced at Ki Hoon and the way he wanted to interact. Namjoo saw it all. She could only imagine his curiosity, his feelings, and how his mind ran at the fact that he was a father. Never, though, would she know the extent of his feelings.

Sehun wouldn’t understand the extent of her feelings either.

The difference in their lives depressed her. The knock on her door eased her for a moment. She got up expecting to see Luhan standing on the other side. Luhan would make her day better, he always did, but when she pulled the door open she recognized the woman from the Day Care.

They stared at each other for a bit; Namjoo unsure of what to say. She was more baffled that someone she wasn’t close to was visiting. A light bulb flashed over her very head when she recalled that this was Sehun’s girlfriend. It didn’t take long for her to figure everything out.

For Sehun to date her meant she was probably from a well-off family; much better than her. If she also remembered, she was the blame for the cancellation of the engagement.

Her heart quickly thudded as she drowned in anxiety. What did she want with her?

Why had she opened the door!?

“I…I’m sorry, I’m a little busy right now,” Namjoo excused and quickly started to close the door, but Hayoung was quick to stop her.

“I…I’m sorry for the suddenly coming by,” Hayoung apologized. “Just…can we talk for a minute?”

Still shrouded by fear Namjoo slowly glanced up into her face and lowered her head immediately. Who knew what these rich people would do to her if she obeyed.

“Please,” Hayoung begged, “I know we’ve never really talked before…and I’m being quite rude. If you just give me a minute…”

Namjoo turned when she heard Ki Hoon shift on his bed before clamping her eyes shut. She didn’t want Ki Hoon to wake up and see that the woman from the Day Care was here. She also didn’t want Ki Hoon to witness whatever might happen next.

“Ok,” Namjoo forced herself to raise her head, “lets talk quickly.”

***Merry Christmas!

***And for joy of the holidays, I'll give you a chapter w/mostly HunJoo + Ki Hoon <3 

***On the other hand, Sehun is still feeling left out which makes him want to be closer to them. Looks like it's not quite the right time since he's being forced back home. The engagement will go on! /screams in horror/ and Hayoung is here to see Namjoo for this certain reason, plus; she's going to help Sehun get back with Namjoo.