+++

Hayoung found herself hurrying down the stairs after receiving the maid’s call for her. She slowly stopped down the hall when she recognized the voice that belonged to Sehun’s mother. Reaching out for the wall she halted to wonder if she should just head back upstairs. Her sixth sense told her that his mother was here to see her about the engagement.

Knowing his mother, she wouldn’t blame her for anything. Had she gotten Sehun in some kind of trouble? She hadn’t meant for it to be like that…

One of her brows sunk down in worry before deciding that she had no choice.

“Hayoung-ah!” Sehun’s mother turned when she appeared at the doorway.

The fire croaked silently in its pit by the chimney and even though the room was warm she still felt goosebumps.

Hayoung bowed in greeting, “I heard you were looking for me?”

“Of course, why else would she be here so late?” Her mother scolded. “You reckless daughter, hurry over!”

Pressing her lips together to hold herself together in patience she walked forward to sit down by Sehun’s mother.

“Hayoung-ah,” the woman took her hand within her grasp.

Hayoung thought her hands felt smooth like baby’s skin. It was perhaps done by the work of expensive lotion with the help of a dermatologist.

“I’m so sorry if my Sehun made you upset in any way, but please, please don’t give up on him,” his mother pleaded. “You’re the only perfect woman my son needs. Give him another chance, hmm?”

“Sehun didn’t do anything wrong, really” Hayoung gently spoke. “I’m not upset in any way with him. I just realized we’re not happy with each other. If we’re not happy together, how can I marry him?”

“Hayoung-ah, don’t be afraid. I’m his mother, I will correct his wrongdoings,” the woman placed a hand to her chest, above her heart. “Just tell me what you’re upset about. If Sehun said anything or did anything that hurt you, I will fix it.”

The way she said, “I will fix it,” rang a bell in Hayoung’s head, but she couldn’t quite grasp the meaning of the alarm.

Hayoung shook her head, “Sehun didn’t do anything wrong.”

“If he didn’t, then why call off the engagement? You’re reckless!” Her mother scolded.

Hayoung turned to her mother feeling partially irritated with their pressuring her.

“I’m sorry, I have to get to work early tomorrow,” Hayoung apologized getting to her feet, “I’m sorry for the trouble I caused.”

Sitting at the edge of the piano bench she stared out the window. It was a full moon that night with clear skies. Perhaps it would be warmer out there than in her home. Everything inside her home was so still that she didn’t think she’d be able to find the heart in anything.

To her expectation the door opened minutes later and her mother walked in.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” Her mother scolded. “Do you know how much value Sehun would have for you?! You two were doing so well earlier! What happened?!”

Hayoung fought train her eyes on the window without turning to her mother.

“Maybe we weren’t doing as well as we looked,” she said underneath her breath.

“What did you say!?” Her mother bellowed taking a stride toward her and forced her to turn by grabbing her shoulder. “Hayoung-ah! What is wrong with you?! No, this isn’t going to do.”

Her mother shook her head.

“I’m going to find out what’s wrong. This engagement will go on! Do you hear me! If I hear one more word of refusal out of your lips, I’m going to tie you down so that you can’t go anywhere!”

An enormous fire blew up within her; something so heavy and hot that she’d never felt before. Her brows interlocked and she stared up at her mother silently watching as she glared back, turning on her heels to walk out a second later. When the door closed frustration poured over her.

What was she going to do? What could she do?

She was angry and she hurt.

As the tears slid down she turned the lights off before crawling under her blanket to rest.

+++

A long drone continuously rang at the back of her head before she awoke. The first thing she felt was the weight of Ki Hoon’s head on her arm; next she felt a cold air skimming up her leg since her son had taken majority of the blanket.

They were sleeping in the guest room of Luhan’s house; the one room she’d used when she first lived with them. She stared blankly at the ceiling before recognizing the ringtone of her phone. Turning to the side she saw the screen flashing brightly and reached over for it. It was a call from a number she didn’t recognize.

Holding the phone up to her ear she answered, “Hello?”

There was a momentary pause and someone took a breath before she heard her name, “Namjoo?”

Her heart throbbed harshly against her chest and her breath caught itself within her very throat. She knew who it was instinctively, but she didn’t want to think his name or say it. The name was poison and her very bad luck.

“It’s me, Namjoo,” he went on, “Sehun.”

Namjoo closed her eyes and sunk in the pool of overwhelming pain. She didn’t want to speak to him as shards of his mother’s visit crawled into her mind. They ate at her like a vulture pecking upon a still alive, but dying lion. Her heart pulsated not blood, but tears.

“I…I couldn’t sleep,” Sehun spoke on, “so I thought of you. Did I wake you?”

He sounded nervous as if he were calling his crush for the first time, but Namjoo couldn’t empathize with him.

“You remember when we used to talk until dawn?” Sehun asked. “I suddenly thought of that.”

Those were the memories that were bearable, but she hated. She didn’t think of them anymore.

“Do you want something?” She asked.

There was another momentary pause then he said, “What we talked at the hospital…you remember, right?”

Namjoo turned to glance at her son who was deep asleep.

“Tomorrow, can I see him?”

Squeezing her eyes shut she partially wished that Sehun wouldn’t be like this.

“He’s…ok now, right?”

“I’m tired, I’m going back to sleep.”

Hanging up she set her hand down with the phone in her grasp and stared up at the ceiling. The walls around her closed in on her; the air quickly becoming stuffy and thick as if smoke were clogging her lung capacity. She was caged, locked in with no outside contact. Limited with few to trust Namjoo was given no hope of escape.

Nothing would ever change and everything that came at her would always be the same. When would she be free of these lingering shadows before she might suffocate?

“Since my mom asked you to stay, you should have just stayed,” Luhan slightly whined again when they reached the foot of her house.

Since he was carrying Ki Hoon she’d taken to carrying the bag with their clothes after a short argument with him about it.

“Han Han come home?” Ki Hoon asked when she unlocked the door.

“You’re supposed to come to my home,” Luhan corrected as he set Ki Hoon down.

Namjoo turned around ready to retort,, but her eyes first landed on her son’s questioning stare that asked her why they were back home and still not at Luhan’s.

“Why we come home?” He asked.

“What have you been telling him?” Namjoo turned to Luhan, who mischievously smiled as he stood while patting Ki Hoon’s head.  

“I don’t think what I said was wrong,” Luhan told and turned to Ki Hoon, “go on in. I gotta talk to your mommy.”

With a smile Ki Hoon turned to run inside. Once he was out of sight she turned to look at him.

“You sure you’re going to be ok?” Luhan worried.

“We stayed long enough.”

“Two nights for Ki Hoon isn’t long,” Luhan pointed out. “If you’re afraid, you don’t have to be.”

He took her hand and ran his thumb over it while his fingers clutched onto hers.

“I’ll protect you,” he promised, “Ki Hoon won’t know anything. My parents will watch over him.”

It sounded promising and Namjoo would have given in if not for the fact that Sehun was coming for Ki Hoon. The last thing she wanted was for Luhan and his family to see who Ki Hoon’s real father was.

Managing a smile and reaching a hand to clasp onto his back she hugged him.

“Dinner?” She asked.

Heaving a sigh and giving in he nodded, wrapping an arm around her. “You promised.”

“I promise,” she stepped back and smiled before kissing him.

With a last squeeze of his hand she watched him go, a part of her leaving with him. When she headed inside she looked around for Ki Hoon and found him in their bedroom, propped up on the bed.

“What are you doing?” She asked curiously.

“Mommy!” Ki Hoon waved his arm out for her to come over.

With a smile she trotted over and sat beside him. Ki Hoon leaned over to give her a peck before fishing out a hairclip from his pocket. Once her eyes landed on it she chuckled.

“You like?” He asked.

“Yes, mommy likes,” Namjoo took it from him, “is this what you and Han Han have been talking about all morning?”

Ki Hoon giggled and she reached over to tickle him. Their laughter brightened up the sad looking house and Namjoo was overfilled with short joy before there was a knock on the door. She stared out the doorway before turning to Ki Hoon.

Running a hand over his hair she told, “Stay in here until I tell you to come out.”

With his nod she walked out to answer the door.

Sehun, who had put much thought into his attire and appearance stood on the other side. He readily greeted her unable to withhold his excitement of seeing his son. Namjoo, though, was not excited. It just felt like this was something she had to do, but she dreaded it.

“Hi,” Sehun smiled.

Namjoo found Luhan’s hairclip within her grasp when she tightened her fingers around it and turned around to call for Ki Hoon. Their son bounded out of the bedroom toward her happily. At first he looked excited, but it quickly died on his face when he noted the stranger at the doorway. Uncertain, he stopped far from them and turned to look at his mother for some guidance.

“Come here,” Namjoo held her hand out to wave him over.

Ki Hoon quietly strutted toward her, clutching onto her leg, and stared up to observe Sehun. It felt awkward and Namjoo disliked each second of it.

Placing a hand at the back of her son’s head she said, “Ki Hoon, say hi.”

Remaining silent her son refused, but only nodded his head to which she heard Sehun smile with a kind of laugh hidden under his breath.

“Hi Ki Hoon,” Sehun greeted, slightly lowering himself.

Namjoo glanced at Sehun before turning to Ki Hoon. She felt sorry for Ki Hoon who she imagined was feeling frightened. It was her betrayal if she just let him go off with Sehun, someone he didn’t know if he could trust. Namjoo realized she was already hurting him and it stung her.

She was bad.

“Nice Man is going to take you to play for a bit, is that ok?” Namjoo asked.

Ki Hoon’s face scrunched up and he wrapped his other hand around her leg before he was seemingly hugging her.

“Do you want to go to the park?” Sehun gently questioned. “And eat ice cream?”

A whining kind of noise escaped her son before he hid behind her. “I stay with mommy. Mommy here, I here. No go, mommy. I no go.”

Namjoo gulped back her terrible emotions and recalled Luhan telling her about Ki Hoon’s thoughts. For some reason, Ki Hoon seemed to trust Luhan even more than her.

She was bad.

She hurt even her own son.

Sehun looked lost and confused before he straightened up to look at her. They stood in silence for a complete half minute debating silently about what to do.

“Then,” Sehun began, “why don’t you come out too?”

Namjoo glanced up at him; that having been the last thing on her mind. She thought maybe they could just call it off so that she’d have nothing to do with him.

“Give me a minute,” Namjoo told, stepped back, and closed the door.

She turned around flustered before looking down at her son, who looked up at her as if she should be guilty. The sadness broken all over his face told her that he didn’t trust her.  

“I want Han Han,” Ki Hoon whined. “Mommy mad.”

“No, mommy’s not mad,” Namjoo bent down to reach for him, but Ki Hoon stepped back and cried.

“Mommy make me go away,” Ki Hoon bawled, the large tears zipping down his face like a river. “I bad, so mommy no like me!”

“No,” Namjoo shook her head and grabbed his arms. “Mommy loves you, so, so much. I’m sorry. Ki Hoon-ah, mommy’s sorry.”

Quickly drying his tears and wiping his snot away with her hands she hugged him, patting his back as she did so.

“Mommy’s not mad,” she told. “I’m sorry.”

While squeezing back her own tears she listened to him cry against her. She still had no clue why he thought she was angry. She was awful for not even knowing that.

Sehun turned and seemed to fall a step back from having pressed his ear against the door when she opened it minutes later. Running his eyes over them she thought he looked like he was trying to find something to say, but didn’t.

“You’re carrying him?” He finally managed when she turned to close the door.

“He’s falling asleep, so don’t talk too loud.”

“I heard him crying.”

Namjoo bit her tongue to repress her impatience and took to patting Ki Hoon’s back so that he would feel comfortable.

“He’s not good with strangers. I think you should know how that feels,” Namjoo told as she started down the steep hill.

Sehun stopped in his steps to observe Ki Hoon in her arms before hurrying to catch up.

“Is he heavy?” Sehun wondered.

“A little.” Namjoo turned to look at the street below. “Where’s your car?”

“I…didn’t drive it.”

Namjoo twisted her head to look at him somewhat surprised. She knew little of the rich who went anywhere without their own personal transportation. Recently, she’d thought he might have become one of them.

“Are your arms tired?” Sehun wondered. “Can I…carry him?”

Namjoo slowly stopped to ponder about Ki Hoon’s reaction if he woke up in someone else’s arms. He wasn’t Luhan. Ki Hoon knew none other than Luhan and his family, but Sehun was still his father. Even so, would a child who never knew his father feel some sort of connection?

What if Ki Hoon felt some comfort in the arms of his real father?

When their eyes met she couldn’t deny the longing in Sehun’s eyes. If she’d given up Ki Hoon and met him later, she’d want to be with him too; hold him, hug him, and talk to him. It was hard to forget that she’d been the one who separated them.

At least, she thought, she could do this for him.

“Careful,” Namjoo told gently handing him Ki Hoon.

Sehun reached out for his son and once he had him in his hold, Namjoo watched Sehum place a hand at Ki Hoon’s back to situate his tiny head against his broad shoulder. To her amazement Ki Hoon didn’t wake as he would have. The only person he never woke up when taken from her was Luhan.

And her heart melted into a puddle of goo when she realized this was father and son. Ki Hoon was finally in his father’s arms…what should have been, but wasn’t. 

***/cries/ We still don't know why Ki Hoon thinks Namjoo is angry witih him ;__; He's so afraid he thought Namjoo was giving him up ;A; 

***/cries again/ cause Sehun is finally holding his son i~i