Love still works, if not for me, at least for them.

Jessica closed her diary with a satisfied smile. She can’t get her mind off Krystal and Minho, who had just been officially engaged, and the way their eyes danced with happiness. But her smile abruptly dropped when memories came flashing in. It was overwhelming and uncontrollable. A wound she tries to cover but keeps opening up even after all the years. And, as much as she want to, she just can’t push it past her.

Her face, her smile, the dimple on her chin, and her voice - it all struck her like lightning.

Tears ran down her face uncontrollably.

These feelings aren’t new to her, she should have gotten used to times like this. Except she hadn't, even if the loneliness and longing had been constant for years now.

She miss her everyday.

[FLASHBACK]

“Please be mine.” A recorded voice burst out from the hall’s speakers and the students, especially their friends, cheered like crazy. It was obviously very sweet and brave of her to ask her to prom, but this was on another level of bravery. Especially we're talking about the timid Kim Taeyeon.

She had colorful balloons, a bouquet of white roses, and a shy smile when Jessica saw Taeyeon  approaching their table.

“Please?” was her first question when she reached Jessica.

Jessica stood up and hugged her. Taeyeon didn’t really have to beg like that, everybody knows that the feeling was mutual.

“You don’t even have to ask,” she said. “I’m yours. Always have been.”

**

“I’m jealous,” she confessed when Jessica asked what was going on since she hasn’t spoken to her for a day.

“Don’t be, he’s just my group mate,” Jessica explained. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

“No, you shouldn’t say sorry. It’s me, I’m so childish. I’m so sorry.” Taeyeon looked so embarrassed that Jessica can’t help but giggle. But Taeyeon kept rambling, “I love you, and I’m afraid. You know he’s a lot better than me. There’s a lot of people out there who better than me. I’m afraid I can’t keep up.”

“Baby,” Jessica said, tilting Taeyeon’s head with her finger so she would look at her. “No one will ever be better than you, okay?” she said with a smile. She looked Taeyeon straight on the eyes.

Taeyeon took her hands and kissed them. “I love you so much, Sica,” she said with satisfaction. “And I’ll do anything to keep you happy.”

“As long as I’m with you,” Jessica said, “You don’t have to worry about keeping me happy.”

**

When the last bell for the day rang, Jessica waltz to the hallway. She looked for Taeyeon and saw the girl sitting in their usual bench at school. Jessica had a big smile while approaching her.

“Let’s runaway,” Taeyeon abruptly said when Jessica sat next to her, taking the latter by surprise.

She laughed. “Where to? The stars?” she said while sitting the flowers on the table, but Taeyeon stayed mum.

“I’m serious,” she said in a low voice and Jessica tried to find the humor in it, but there was none. Taeyeon was dead serious.

She composed herself. “Pardon?”

“Runaway with me. Let’s leave this place,” Taeyeon said, looking deep into Jessica’s eyes. “Just you and me, Sica. We can even get married!”

“What’s going on, Taeyeon?” Jessica asked, her arms crossed above her chest unconsciously. “If you want to go on a vacation with me then we can do that in summer,” Jessica added. “And marriage. Oh my gosh, Taeyeon. What’s the rush? We are too young for that, they don’t even marry gay couples here. But someday, when we’re capable enough, we can marry. We have all the time in the world, Taeyeon.”

Jessica loves Taeyeon so much, there is no doubt with that. But running away from their lives here, it just doesn’t make sense to Jessica.

“What if we don’t? What if..” Taeyeon trailed off, leaving her many questions.

**

“Pancreatic cancer, stage four.” The words felt like pangs in her heart and Jessica could feel her knees giving out. Like the air was suddenly scarce and something is the life out of her. “The cancer spreads so fast that they weren’t able to detect it until stage three,” Taeyeon’s mother added. “I’m sorry. She didn’t want to let you know. She wanted to go without you knowing.”

Jessica decided to come over Taeyeon’s because it has almost been two weeks since she last heard from her girlfriend and it was making her anxious, thinking that Taeyeon decided to break up with her because she didn’t want to runaway and marry her. She was just going to come and explain, but what she discovered was much more than what she could handle.

Taeyeon was lying in her bed, peacefully sleeping, when Jessica came in. Her face looked tired, she was very pale, and obviously lost some weight. She is very sick. Jessica can’t help the tears that streamed down her face, helplessly clinging onto Taeyeon’s mom for support.

She eventually realized why Taeyeon had been acting like that the last time they talked, why she suddenly wore beanies at school, why she stopped going to some of his subjects, why she distanced herself from her abruptly. Tears continued streaming down her face. She felt so betrayed by fate, by the world. The only person she loved this much, she will ever love, had only three months to live.

“Sica?” Taeyeon’s weak voice awakened something in Jessica. She wiped her tears and, with all her might, she walked towards Taeyeon with a small smile.

“Hi,” Jessica said as she takes Taeyeon’s hand. Tears were starting to flow again, but she wiped it before it could escape her eyes.

“You’re.. he.. here.” A weak smile formed in Taeyeon’s lips, obviously trying to cheer her up. Her eyes were weak but they were dancing with joy.

“I was so worried when you didn’t call or text me for weeks,” Jessica started. “I was angry, I thought you just changed your mind about me,” she said, her tears falling now. “But then I missed you, and I decided to come here to be able to talk to you. And.. this..” She trailed off as sadness filled the room.

“I’m.. sorry, Sica.. I.. didn’t want.. want to worry.. you.” Taeyeon said through weak voice, her tears rolling down her cheeks.

Jessica did not answer. Instead, she let go of Taeyeon’s hand.

Taeyeon desperately reached for her hand, which Jessica eventually gave. It wasn’t time for arguments. No, there is no time for other things except loving Taeyeon.

“I I want you to be happy. Even without me, Sica. You deserve it.” Taeyeon tried to smile again, and it was a very sweet smile. The sweetest smile Jessica have ever seen from her.

“I’m never gonna be happy without you, silly. You know that,” Jessica said. “Didn’t we promise to grow old together?”

Taeyeon just nod her head.

Jessica kissed her forehead and said, “You get well soon, please.”

“Will you stay?” Taeyeon said with pleading eyes. “I missed you so much, it was making me weaker each day.”

Jessica nods her head. “Of course, baby,” she said. “But you must rest. Don’t worry, I will be here when you wake up.”

Taeyeon tightened her grasp on Jessica’s hand. “I love you so much, Jessica. For always.”

“I love you too, Tae. For always.”

[END OF FLASHBACK]

Jessica grazed her fingers on the letters engraved on the tombstone.

Taeyeon Kim

Beneath Taeyeon’s name were the words You will always be remembered, we will always miss you.

“I miss you so much,” she closed her eyes and let her tears roll on her cheeks, clutching her heart like she was trying to cover up the emptiness in it.

Taeyeon Kim was her first and greatest love.