Laughter resounded in the small dressing room, bouncing from wall to wall before it was kept inside nine hearts that seemingly beats as one; keeping it inside to be recalled in the future. It had always been like that for me and the girls. Every smile, every tear, every laughter; they're all kept at the bottom of our hearts. Well hidden and protected. Used as shields and armors for when we will need it the most.

I smiled to myself, remembering the times when we would all lie awake on the floor of our dorm, talking about everything and nothing all at. It was one of those innocent, care-free years that helped us grow to what we are right now. All the struggles, the late night dance practice, the rehearsal, the haters; we went through all of those side by side.

But there was one person who carried our group with much passion; our kid-leader, Kim Taeyeon. We never actually acknowledged the word 'leader' in the group, but we had always listened to what Taeyeon has to say. We always follow her rules. Taeyeon is the best leader any group could ever wish for. She was responsible. She was someone who we have always looked up to.

Taeyeon was someone I have always confided in. Of course there were seven other girls that were there for when I feel down, but Taeyeon was different. Taeyeon easily calms me down when I'm anxious. Taeyeon always knew what to say. Taeyeon knew when to talk and when to listen. Taeyeon always had the biggest heart amongst all the people I know.

"You're spacing out," I heard Sooyoung whisper in my left ear and I immediately turned to look at her with more focused eyes, letting her know that I wasn't really spacing out.

"What are you doing?"

Sooyoung showed me her iPhone. On the screen was the cropped version of Taeyeon's photo -blowing her cake, taken just minutes ago- that was sent to us by Tiffany on KakaoTalk. Sooyong chose the first frame - a grinning Taeyeon in front of her birthday cake that Adidas sent to her. I mentally took note of buying a special cake for Taeyeon later.

"What caption should I put?" Sooyoung said, extending her phone towards me.

I looked at her with accusing eyes, "How long have you been thinking of a caption?"

She laughed at me, dropping her phone in my open hands. "I can't think of anything to say," she whined. It was funny how someone so humorous could not have thought of a simple 'happy birthday Taeyeon'. I gave Sooyoung's iPhone back to her as I fixed my gaze towards Taeyeon who was laughing with Yuri as they tease Tiffany. I could never explain my affinity towards the sound of Taeyeon's laughter. It sounds like an old man's but it makes Taeyeon younger by years, and yes, it's complicated like that. It's scary how I love all the little things that keeps Taeyeon our Taeyeon.

I turned back to Sooyoung. "Happy Birthday Taengoo, I love you," I said while my cheeks warmed up a little. She looked at me with incredulous stare before she smirked at me. "That doesn't sound me at all," she said but started typing on her iPhone nonetheless. Typical Sooyoung. "This caption looks better on your weibo," she laughed and I smacked her thigh.

I turned back to watch Taeyeon and Yuri joking around, not caring if I look like a creepy stalker. Tiffany, Sunny and Yoona were gathered around the cake, ready to devour it with paper plates in their hands while Hyoyeon and Seohyun distributed drinks for the staffs.

"Gosh, I can't believe I posted it," Sooyoung said and I just smiled, rising up from my seat to take a cola from the cooler.

"No red wine today?" Taeyeon's voice from my back made me froze in my spot before she I saw her stood beside me, reaching for a bottle of water that was not inside the cooler. I subtly took in a lungful of her scent. So, so sweet.

I tried to laugh at her question but it came out sounding so awkward. "Says the one who got drunk the last time."

Taeyeon laughed at me and handed me another bottle of water. "Don't drink cold drinks, save your voice for the encore," she said and smiled at me. Oh good Lord, how to even breathe when she's this close?

"How sure are you that we're going to win?"

Taeyeon gave me a questioning brow. "Do you have no faith in the power of nine?" she said with much confidence that had always got me envious. When and how to buy that confidence? I should probably ask Taeyeon some other time.

"Well, it's our comeback stage so don't expect too much."

"And don't expect less," she said with a sweet smile that always had the crazy butterflies in my stomach on full force. God damn it, Kim Taeyeon. "And don't be too pessimistic," she added before walking back to the table where the other girls were gathered, leaving me in a semi-dazed, semi-startled state. Taeyeon doesn't talk much these days. Her schedule was killing her social life and we almost never see her besides dance practices. But despite being busy, Taeyeon never fails to drop by the group chat and ask us how we've been. Taeyeon had always been thoughtful towards us.

"Jessi, come on!" Tiffany's loud voice echoed inside the dressing room and I turned to see all the girls looking at me with questioning eyes.

"I think she's sad because there's no red wine," Taeyeon said and everybody laughed. I gripped the water bottle tighter.

"Yah!"

The laughter immediately died down and I briskly walked back to my seat beside Sooyoung, keeping a straight face which was really hard because I wanted to smile so much. Kim freaking Taeyeon is making fun of me and I don't even care because this was how we used to be, and how I always want us to be.

"Okay, guys, five more minutes then you go and change into those dresses, okay?" our manager said, pointing at the black dresses hanged inside the closet.

"I'm really looking forward for finally sleeping in bed later," Taeyeon said while tilting her head upwards. Oh goodness, that jaw line. It's very distracting. But, sleeping? No celebration? What about my special cake?

"What?" it was supposed to be a whisper but I think I said it a little too loud because Taeyeon whipped her head in my direction. Awkward. Why do I always put myself in this situation?

"What, what?" she said and I could almost see the smirk playing on her lips. I mentally cussed.

"I--I mean.. what--what are we going to sing for the encore! Yeah, that's it!"

Everyone laughed, including our manager and I wondered if I was too obvious. Of course I was. "Hmm," Taeyeon hummed. "You said we shouldn't expect too much but now you're thinking about encore?"

"And Jessi, if we ever win today, it will be Mr. Mr., of course," Tiffany said, patting my thigh. Ha. Smart Jessica, of course it will be the title song. Duh.

"Okay girls, that's enough for now. It's show time," our manager said, pulling out our dresses from the closet and handling them to our stylists. It was then that I saw the anxiety in everyone's eyes.

"We can do this, you guys," Hyoyeon said as she stood up from her seat, followed by Yuri who nodded her head in agreement.

"Ah, Sica?" I turned to look at Taeyeon as soon as my name came out of . "I'm sorry about the wine joke," she said with a small smile, "I won't do it again, I promise."

I shook my head, reaching for her arm in reflex. "No, it was okay, I don't mind."

I noticed her looking at my hand for a while before she looked back at me. I immediately retracted my hand, almost forgetting that we weren't as close as before and that skinship is foreign for us now. "Sorry," I said and hung my head low, pretending to browse through my phone.

After a second of silence between me and Taeyeon, a hand blocked my phone and I tilted my head back, staring at two onyx brown orbs that looked at me with warmth and familiarity. This is my Taeyeon.

"Let's go," she sang her line in our new song, wiggling her fingers like she always does whenever she pulls me up from the floor or the couch. That was when we were still young, though. I smiled at her, wrapped my hand around her wrist as she wrapped her hand around mine, eliciting new and old feelings I was long deprived of. The spark is still there, I could never deny that. And how I let go of Taeyeon before is beyond me. Maybe it was the lack of courage to accept that I wasn't like any normal girl, that I was loving Taeyeon much more a friend does, and that I was enjoying fan-service with her much more I should. That I was utterly and helplessly falling in love with Taeyeon.

I let her pull me up from my seat. I mustered up a genuine smile as I stood face to face with the one person that had felt so close yet so far from me the past years.

"You're the only one who didn't wish me a happy birthday," she said with a cute pout. I laughed and slapped her shoulder gently with the intentions of letting her know that I never forgot her birthday. Never will I ever in a million years.

"Guys, come on, five minutes left till live show starts!"

I groaned at the interruption. It's not everyday that I get to be this close to Taeyeon and manager-oppa had to ruin the moment.

"Ah, Sica?" Taeyeon looked at me in the eyes and I realized how terrifyingly beautiful those windows to her soul was. But it shouldn't be a surprise since Taeyeon has a beautiful soul. She stared at me for a second longer that it was as if she's able to read every thought that's swimming around my head at the moment. I didn't want her to know how much I am loving this close proximity, I didn't want her to notice how I was breathing unevenly, I didn't want her to know I miss her so much, that I... miss us so much.

"Yes, Taeyeon?" I answered cooly with the best straight face I could muster. I was becoming bipolar each minute. Well, Taeyeon makes me a bipolar. She could send me to the highest heights and drown me in the deepest depths with just one word - or none at all. That's how crazy I've become for a girl named Kim Taeyeon. A girl.

"Your vocals are doing great," she smiled a kind smile, something she does when she compliments any of us; a sign that tells us that she means what she says. "Keep it up, Sica."

I nodded with a low 'thank you', my cheeks heating up as I hid it from Taeyeon. As I walked past her, she held my hand; stopping me from walking any further. "I'm happy I'm able to talk to you again," she said, her voice laced with sincerity that had always been there even after all the years. "Don't shut me off again, okay?"

"I'm sorry," was all I said. I was still feeling guilty over ditching Taeyeon a few years ago to 'sort out' my feelings, eventually leading to us falling apart. Plus, there were our schedules that never ever matched. And when I was actually ready to spill out everything to Taeyeon, she decided to move on and pretend I was invisible; which, by the way, didn't work out for her since she was never the type to ignore people. She was too nice for that. But then everything has changed and it wasn't the same Taeyeon and me anymore. We drifted apart just like that.

"Don't say that," she rubbed my hand with her thumb and it awakened the hormone-raging-teenage Jessica Jung in me again. Oh good Lord, didn't Taeyeon know she's driving me crazy just by standing so close to me? Did she really want to torture me? But I realized I didn't mind. I could still hold everything in. I hope.

"I know you've always been there, looking out for me. Don't think I didn't know you were the one who had been re-stocking my earl grey tea at the dorm."

I was so sure my cheeks were beet red by then. How in the world would she know that? I've been sneaking in and out of the dorm so Tiffany and Sunny wouldn't be able to see me.

"Girls, come on! Move faster!"

With a chuckle, Taeyeon pulled me with her. It felt like the old days when I would pull her with me wherever I go. It feels nice to be with Taeyeon again and I've long decided to work harder to bring back whatever we've lost. And if I get lucky, I might just win the love of my life back.

"Happy birthday, Taengoo~"

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So many things to celebrate today. Yay! You guys all know what I mean, right? <3 And oh, first time writing in first person point of view. Hehe.