o5

I walked through the corridor in hesitant that morning.

My right hand was sliding up and down underneath my bag’s strip while the other one went inside my sweater pocket—more likely grasping the cloth behind it.

I had to be relax.

He probably didn’t mean it.

It was just kind of impossible.

I tried to convince myself.

But as I saw him sitting next to my seat—my heart couldn’t compromise well.

“Good morning,” was the first thing he said, as soon as I got into my chair.

I looked at him, seeing his forceful smile with both eyes hesitantly moved between me and the floor.

I had to reply him.

“It’s cold,” he randomly said.

Jieun-ah, you must say something—I thought.

But then I just ended up nod my head.

“Do you take any extra courses for final test?” he asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

I shook my head, slowly.

He chuckled. “Ah—you’re always doing well.”

And I wondered how could he know it.

“I’ll take them start from today,” he told me, “it’s on everyday except Friday.”

I still looked at him, didn’t move my eyes since then.

“It’s unfortunate to have an empty head,” he joked.

I must laugh or at least smile.

But as usual, I just wordlessly stared at him instead.

I tried to compose a sentence inside of my head but I always failed. I didn’t know how to reply him, to make things easier and to make him felt comfortable around me.

If only I were those ’sunflower’.

Was it possible for me to turn into one?

“You’ll be okay,” I slowly said, after a while.

He was looking a bit surprise to finally hear my voice before a smile escaped his lips later.

A smile that ate up half of my mind, those glows around him that seemed so unreal for other people.

And I felt my heart beat real fast that time.




“Looks like you’ve been hiding something from me,” Hana guessed, with an interrogative tone.

I looked up from the ground into her, didn’t know what she was saying that time—when we were just walking out of the gate.

“Come on, don’t fool me anymore,” she groaned, impatiently. “What happens between you and Bang Yongguk?”

I cluelessly raised my eyebrows.

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

She looked at me in disbelief.

“Do you think I’ll believe you?” she narrowed her eyes, “I saw you guys talking for more than twice today.”

I bit my lip, getting nervous out of a sudden.

“We just talked,” I reasoned.

“But you’ve never talked with anyone else beside me and now that you do—it’s Bang Yongguk instead,” she insisted.

I didn’t know why either.

Why it must be Bang Yongguk that made me want to learn interacting.

“Do you like him?” Hana went straightforward.

Did I?

Was everything that I felt towards him called liking?

“I don’t know,” I shook my head.

“It must be like that,” she nodded. “I see you being different everytime we talk about Yongguk and Hyosung.”

I stared at her, quite surprised of her confident statement.

“I know there’s something strange about you whenever you look at him,” she chuckled, patting my back for several times. “This is a very quick progression.”

While she kept teasing me about her own conclusion, I just walked through my own thoughts.

With my own doubts.

How could she was so sure about it?

That I did really like Bang Yongguk,

when I didn’t even understand it myself?




It had been four days since Yongguk began to talk with me.

But I didn’t feel like I finally had the guts to casually reply him.

There’s something wrong inside of my chest whenever he looked me straight in the eyes, and something got stuck into my throat that prevent my voice to come out.

I disappointed with myself.

That day’s school finally over.

I packed all of my things in slow pace, hoping that he would talk to me for the last time but he eventually left first.

Without any words.

Did he finally get bored?

Did he get upset of my silence all this time?

Did he get mad of me?

Would it end just like that?

“Jieun-ah, come on! I want to buy those shirt that we saw yesterday. I just got my salary from part-time job—ah, finally,” Hana pulled my arm in excitement, forcing me to walk faster.

“You really like it,” I smiled. Even though I didn’t feel like it was a good shirt afterall.

“Of course! I’ll try to get all that I want,” she proudly claimed.

I tried to listen to her when she told me how she could successfully got her salary three days faster than what it should be but my mind sinked into a river of questions about Yongguk.

I knew it might be my fault.

I should have tried harder.

That’s my fault.

“...so when I said that—” Hana stopped, looking straight to the front in both widened eyes. “Hey, that’s Bang Yongguk.”

I immediately looked up from the floor, and found that guy was coming closer to where I stood with a little run.

Once he was already arrived in front of me, he took some seconds for catching breath before looked at me with his sharp, confident eyes.

“I’ll take you home.”




God, why my heart beat really fast?

We walked side-to-side in silence, where I could only hear his stable breathing, slow footsteps and the crowds around us.

I needed to talk. I couldn’t let him start the conversation for the entire times.

Think, think of something.



But before I could give a try, we had already arrived at my house.

“We’ve arrived,” he remarked, taking a quick glance at my small house behind my shoulder.

I nodded, blaming myself of how could I let another chance slipped away like that.

“It’s getting cold. You better get in,” he slowly adviced.

But I didn’t want to leave.

I just stood there, facing the ground.

Should I said “see you tomorrow”?

Or “be careful”?

Or “thank you”?

“I’ll leave now,” he said, after a moment of silence. “See you.”

I looked up, and following his figure that’s walking farther from me as I felt my eyes became blurry.

I didn’t know why did I felt so mad at my ownself.

I already knew I could never do that no matter how many chances I had.

That’s just made me hurt.

But, I saw him turning around later.

So I quickly wiped my eyes to get a better vision.

“Song Jieun!” he called from afar, with loud voice.

I could easily see his blushing cheeks, and how bad he clenched his fists the moment he began talking.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to talk but,” he paused, looking like choosing the best words to say. “Let’s go home together every Friday.”

What?

“I’m going to have extra courses from now on so I’ll go home late. But it’s okay if it’s Friday,” he explained, nervously.

He was waiting for my answer. And I had to reply him.

I must be honest.

“I’ll wait,” I replied, tightly gripping my bag’s strip to reduce the tension. “I’ll wait for you everyday.”

God, God,

please, give me another chance.