12

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“Ah—you must look for other extracurricular soon then. But since you’re injured this much, I will give you a week to fill the registration form.”

That was what Mr. Kim said to me.

While I just took the registration form and let it empty later.

I didn’t have any places as destination.



“I already know you will quit tennis club sooner or later,” Hana chuckled, dragging her bike out of the school. “This is not too late for you to join our dancing club.”

I looked at her, having some considerations inside of my mind.

It must be much better if I joined dancing club as well.

I didn’t have any interests nor special ability—and I couldn’t fit into the sociality either.

Perhaps, that was the best decision.

“You don’t have to be worry,” she convinced, “one learns by doing. I believe you actually can dance, even just a little.”

I just put on a small smile, quite unsure about what she told.

“Eh—I took it as yes!” she grinned.

And my smile went away, replaced by the confusion towards her statement.

She smiled to see my facial change, and quickly brought herself on the bike. “See you tomorrow in dancing club.”





God, God,

Am I walking on the right path?


I stood in front of the dancing club class, didn’t know what to do.

I couldn’t dance, didn’t really like the living of popular students and wasn’t able to focus on a single thing.

And the most important out of all,

I hated loudness.

Was it better to turn back?



“What are you doing here?”

I turned and quite surprised to find Junhong was walking closer to where I stood.

“Hey?” he called me, again.

I didn’t know what to say.

Telling him that I want to join dancing club?


“If you’re not going to do anything, then please don’t block my way,” he rolled his eyes.

Ah—I just blocked his way.

I moved back a little from the door.

And he stared at me for a while before opened the door.

And I just got it.


He was on dancing club.

Ah—that’s why he’s shining.

“Aren’t you coming in?” he asked.

I looked up and met with his pair of dark eyes.

He was still standing in the treshold, looking straight into me.


“Are you coming or not?” he asked me again.

Wait—what was he talking about?


“If you still do have voice, then talk.”

The way he said it was really straightforward—and cold.

I wondered if he got mad at me.


“I’m your tutor now so I don’t accept any silence,” he threw his bag inside of the class, still with both eyes attached on me. “Don’t make me mad.”





How long it had been?

It felt like I just stood there, in front of the mirror while music was being played behind my back.

I looked at the way Junhong stared at me from near the door.

And I couldn’t really read his face.


Until the song was suddenly stopped.


“I don’t know why Hana begs me to accept you,” he said, while walking closer to me. “I don’t care with the fact that I’m your seatmate or even if you are ’rose’. If you are bad, then I’ll say you are bad.”

What?


“Let me ask you first,” he sighed, “why do you decided to come here?”

I slowly lowered my gaze into the floor.

Still trying to figure out why did I choose to come there.

“Because Hana told you that she will help you to join our club? Because you don’t have other abilities? Because you think it will be much easier to have at least a friend beside you?” he guessed.

And I looked at him back.

How could he get all of those thoughts?


“Is that all you have?” he asked me but before I could give an answer, he quickly added, “no.”

No?


“You come here because,” he took my right hand and hold it in front of my eyes, precisely where I got some sores from doing tennis. “of this.”

I was still looking at his face.

The way he looked at me in disgust.


“Do you think I don’t know about it?” he smirked, letting go of my hand.

Know what?


“Did you get dumped?” he slightly tilted his head. “Or even the worse, he didn’t even look at you?”


What was he talking about.


“Do you think because you are a ’rose’ then you can easily got into tennis club and after you didn’t get what you want—you can go to other places?”


I didn’t understand.


“Don’t you feel mad of all things that happened? Because it wasn’t going like what you wanted?”

Stop, stop.


I didn’t like the way he accused myself.

“Talk,” he commanded.

He didn’t know me.

He just looked at me as a ’rose’.

He didn’t even try to come and listen to me.

He was wrong.



But, who did I think about?

“I’m not a ’rose’,” I muttered, tightly clenching my fists. “I failed too.”

He was just staring at me. Without saying a word.


But I found myself couldn’t stop talking.


“Right. I did mistake. I thought everything would be so easy,” I kept on muttering, “but no one told me about this.”

I hated, I hated.

I hated.


“Isn’t it because everyone thinks I’m that perfect ’rose’?”

I hated how they pictured my life to be that nice, easy and unrealistically beautiful.

No, it wasn’t like that.


“I’m not perfect. I can’t talk even if I have a lot to say, I can’t smile even if I feel happiness, I can’t laugh even if there’s something funny, I can’t greet anyone even if I want to get to know them,” I sighed.

My chest was really heavy.

I just wanted to get rid off this things.


“Even if a rose is beautiful, it’s still sunflower that owns the brightness,” I pursed my lips, looking straight into where Junhong stood. “I, will never be the light.”





It was already late, without me knowing.


And I saw the purple sky above my head as soon as I left the school.

“That’s the longest speech that I’ve ever heard from you,” Junhong chuckled, walking side-to-side with me.

I just smiled. Didn’t understand how could I get that kind of braveness either.

“Well,” he cleared his throat once, “I got mad because you didn’t answer me and that you didn’t even want to dance. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head.

Instead, I felt relief after telling him my thoughts.

“Actually, I know you got into tennis club with other intention. So I just kind of unhappy if you left the team and come to us as the last option,” he smirked.

I looked at him.

“How?” I wondered.

He raised his eyebrows, before a smile appeared on his lips.

“I never met someone that got into tennis club for a month and already injured her arm and legs like you,” he reasoned. “And I watched your playing. It’s so awful.”

Watched?


“But you always looked at the soccer field everytime you got a chance so I know it right away that you have another intentions!” he laughed.

While I just kept looking at the ground, wondering when did he watch my playing.


“Ah—the bus is here,” he muttered.

And I looked at the coming bus in the front, knowing that our talk would end soon.

But I still couldn’t ask him.

Even until I got into the bus and watched him waving to me—I still didn’t understand what just happened.


“...And I watched your playing.”


He—watched me?

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